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Donald Trump Nicknames

This page contains the best Donald Trump nicknames that I have been able to find, and some that I came up with myself. Trump nicknames range from A to Z, from Agent Orange to the Zodiac Biller. My personal favorites include Putin's Puppet, Comrade Trumputin, The Brooklyn Bolshevik, Hair Hitler, Twitler, Tsarzan, Mr. Wiggy Piggy, Gingervitis, The Combover Kid, Bratman, Dire Abby, The Great Whore of Babble-On and Quasi-Dodo the Hunchback of Notre Shame. But perhaps no nickname captures the "real Donald Trump" better than his real name, Donald Drumpf, and the inspired variation Donald Drumpfkopf. To get nicknames for Trump's family, friends and associates, you can use CTRL-F to find their names or employ your browser's search feature. Some of my favorites include Melanoma (Melania Trump), Aide de Kampf (Jared Kushner), Wrongway Conway (Kellyanne Conway), Koch Addict (Mitch McConnell), Cruella DeVile (Betsy DeVos), Paul Ruin (Paul Ryan) and HUD Ornament (Ben Carson) ... but there are literally hundreds to choose from!

Related Pages: Famous Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames for his Cabinet, Family, Friends, Associates and Supporters

The Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames ... Oh Hell ... So MANY to Choose from ... Better Make it the Top 1,000!

(#1) Number one, with a bullet: THE ANTICHRIST — by God and the Hebrew prophets — when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)

(#2) Short-Fingered Vulgarian — by Graydon Carter (a nickname Trump hates because he thinks it implies that he is under-endowed "down there"); this one inspired a host of similar nicknames such as Twinkle Fingers Trump, Babyfingers Trump, Le Petit Prince Daisyfingers and Short-Fingered Totalitarian.

(#3) Agent Orange — by Anonymous (not sure if it was coined by the hacker group Anonymous, but this is one of my all-time favorites)

(#4) Golden Wrecking Ball — by Sarah Palin (who was not trying to be funny, but ended up being all too accurate ... so sad!)

(#5) Fuckface von Clownstick, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole (the UNAbomber?) — by Jon Stewart

(#6) The White Kanye ― by Bill Maher (or is Trump more accurately the Yellow-ish-Orange Kanye?)

(#7) Lord Voldemort, Orange Anus and Snake Oil Salesman — by Rosie O'Donnell

(#8) The Trump of Doom — by Michael R. Burch (adopted from the Bible and first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11, 2015)

(#9) Several Ties ...

Thurston Shitbag the Third — by Bill Maher
Gossamer-Skinned Bully — by Graydon Carter
The White Pride Piper
Orange-Vanilla ISIS
A$$hole
Tsarzan  — by Michael R. Burch ("Obamacare bad! Very bad! Tsarzan kill Obamacare, maybe kill Jane and Boy. But Obamacare bad!")
Condoofus  — by Michael R. Burch (Condoofus say: "In addition to big, beautiful glass ceilings for women, we need big, beautiful glass walls for darkies!")

(#10) Man-Baby — by Jon Stewart ... this one inspired a slew of jokes and similar nicknames ...

Q: What do you call it when a Man-Baby takes over the American government?
A: Coup d'Tot!

President Donald Trump signed bills in the  Roosevelt Room of the White House on Monday.

Tiny Hands Trump uses the world's smallest pen and desk to sign his latest dictatorial proclamations at his Birther Boy coming-out party. The women pictured are nannies beseeching the Boy Blunder to take a nap and stop bullying the world, but Man-Toddler Trump will have none of that! Bratman believes in ACTION, but he is no superhero. Short Attention Span Trump is the new official poster child for ADD. According to CIA Director Mike Pompeo, the mADD Man-Imp prefers his "intelligence" to be delivered with colorful pie charts, maps, pictures, videos and "killer" graphics. In other words, make military intelligence more entertaining, more exciting, more funlike a cartoon! Such is the Boychurian Candidate's latest thought bubble. Fortunately the Combover Kid's undersized hands are too tiny, weak and delicate to key in the nuclear codes, but it's not for lack of trying to blow up the world!

President Donald Trump holds up his pen after signing the Historically Black Colleges and Universities HBCU Executive Order, Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2017, in the Oval Office in the White House in Washington.

Trump's nannies applaud as Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper learns to operate a pen with his teeny-tiny fingers. The Brooklyn Brat is certainly proud of his "big boy" accomplishment. But so far no one has been able to potty-train the Boss Baby's mouth (or his Twitter account)! Here is Felonius Punk's latest brainstorm: He tweeted that it's time to "let Obamacare fail" because "I'm not going to own it." Thus the Imperial Adolescent washes his hands of the suffering and deaths of multitudes of less fortunate Americans, including babies, their mothers and grannies, and the vets who risked their lives, health and sanity to protect them. But what does Trump care? As long as the Clown Prince can piss in his gold-plated toilets, why not piss on his subjects as well? Better dodge, because here comes the next golden shower!

NEWS FLASH: Sean "Scary" Spicer will reportedly be replaced by Anthony Scaramucci, who is even scarier! 

New and Currently Rising Trump Nicknames ...

Primo Tool (Stephen Colbert)
Blamer-in-Chief
Shamer-in-Chief
Pale Derider (a pun on the Clint Eastwood movie Pale Rider)
Big Bother (a pun on Big Brother from George Orwell's prophetic novel 1984)
Tempest in a Tea Party Pot
The Goldenshower Pee-Cock
The Russian Pee-Cock
The "Whether" Vain President
The Comp-A$$
President Perk
Vulgarmort (Scissorhead B-4)
Vulgarmortis
Babe Ruthless
Babe Truthless
Tie Robb the Engorged Peach
Sham the Man Unusual
The Incredible Bulk (after Trump warned us that he would be "very angry" if TrumpedUpCare is not allowed to kill multitudes of Americans!)
The Hair-Braned President (i.e., Trump's brain is composed of fuzzy layers of his 'do)

Trump Nicknames Continued, with our High Dishonorable Mentions ...

PRESIDENT EVIL (a pun on Resident Evil)
The White House Resident (not our president)
T-Rump (as in: "What the hell can we do with this old, smelly grade D slab of t-rump? Oh yeah, let's elect it president!")
Truthophobic Trump (Elizabeth Harris Burch, who tweeted that "Trump is so divorced from the Truth, he should pay it alimony!")
The Ameri-Con President (can the con!)
SCROTUS (So-Called Ruler of the United States)
BLOTUS (Bloated Looter of the United States)
Tie-Coon
Tie-Con-Dough Boy (a pun on taekwondo and "dough boy")
Tie-Con-Derogator (a pun on Ticonderoga)
The Abominable Showman
The Banana Republican
Pander Bear
Pander Hair (Elizabeth Harris Burch)
The Gold Man Sucks President (after Trump "drained the swamp" only to stock it with his crocodilian Goldman Sachs donors)
Daddy Warbucks
Mr. Transparency (after Trump said his wall must be transparent to allow Americans to scan the skies for flying bags of drugs!)
Dire Abby (because Trump gives relationship advice like Dear Abby, but his message is invariably dire)
The Defendant
The Recusant
At 'Em Recusant (pun on Atom Ant)
The Orange Queen ("Off with their heads!")
Malice in Blunderland (Michael R. Burch)
Mad as a Ball Capper
The Backstabber (now Sessions, Spicer, et al, know what Trump really means when he says "I have your back!")
The Baltimore Bullet (Trump shoots down an entire city: "Rod Rosenstein is from Baltimore; there are very few Republicans in Baltimore, if any!")
The Thinskinned Skinflint
Foxymoron (Michael R. Burch)
The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (along with George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann)
Super Callous Fragile Racist Extra Braggadocios (one of the cleverest Trump nicknames)

White House insiders have been calling the president Don Corleone and Dumb Corleone because of his mob boss mentality. His oldest son Donald Trump Jr. is Fredo (the dumb son who keeps shooting himself in the foot), while Ivanka is Michael (the smart one). There is no doubt that Ivanka is the Godfather's favorite, since he gave her a position in his administration along with her husband Little Lord Fauntleroy. But if Junior is Fredo, wouldn't that make Senior another Fredo? Better call Puffed Up Daddy and his eldest son Dumb and Dumber! But where does this name game leave Eric Trump, a Chip Off The Old Blockhead who may be the dumbest of them all? Is Eric too dumb to be promoted to Sonny? They seem to be a trio of Fredos, so call them the All Fredos or Alfredos for short! But let's not rush to judgment: Bill Maher has compared the Trump brothers to another ill-begotten duo: Uday and Qusay Hussein. That would make their father So Damn Insane, and it certainly seems to suit him.



Trump Remakes of Classic Movies and Songs ...

To Sir Putin with Love
From Russia with Love
Blunderball 000
Boldfinger
Dr. Know-Nothing
The Spy Who Came in from the Cold War to Defeat the World's Greatest Superpower by Electing an Orange-Tufted Bozo President

Trump enables Assad. How sad! Almost as sad as when he supported Saddam.―Michael R. Burch

During his secret meeting with Mr. Putin, a cowering Comrade Trumputin received his updated instructions. He immediately ended all opposition to another of Mr. Putin's puppets, Bashar Assad. Today there is no doubt who is winning the Cold War, since Mr. Putin is firmly in control of the U.S. government.

"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets," Donald "Ponyboy" Trump Jr. told a real estate conference in 2008, "We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In 2014, when golf writer James Dodson asked Eric "the Red" Trump how his father could finance golf courses when American banks were declining to lend money against such assets, he answered: "We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims to have "no dealings" with Russia, he is obviously lying. And Trump Jr. made the purpose of his treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents crystal-clear when he informed Jared "Jarhead" Kushner and Paul "Mole" Manafort about the covert operation in an email with the subject heading: "Russia – Clinton – private and confidential." Folks, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's Watson to figure this one out!

More Trump Remakes of Classic Movies and Songs ...

Dr. Strangelove
Apocalypse Now
Believer Madness
Raging Bullshit
Gone with the Hot Air
Gone in 60 Seconds (the American Dream)
The Spastic and the Spurious



Currently Rising: Quasi-Dodo the Hunchback of Notre Shame, after Trump curtsied submissively before the Saudi king in his first official act as an American president abroad. The Big Dipper dropped a pretty little curtsey (for a Shambling Sasquatch, that is) while receiving the Gilded Collar of King Salman Abdulaziz al-Saud. This, after Two-Faced Trump had blasted President Obama for a much more dignified and reserved half-bow several years before, tweeting at the time: "Do we want a President who bows to the Saudis?" A meek little curtsey, however prettily delivered, is far less presidential than a half-bow, so let's add Hippo-CRAZY, The Hissy-Fit Hypocrite and the Hypocritic Oaf to our ever-expanding list of Trump nicknames.

Also Rising: Prima Donald, Sparkly Princess Trumpelina, Dainty Donald, The Ginger Genuflector, Orange O'Hara, Little Miss Teapot and Idiot Abroad (Samantha Bee). Trump loyalist and campaign adviser Roger Stone was livid about the curtsey, tweeting: "Candidly, it makes me want to puke #JaredsIdea." But was it a submissive bow, an obsequious curtsey, or both? One tweeter was happy to explain: "To be fair, first Trump bowed, then he curtsied like a sparkly princess!" Another tweeter adopted Trump-Speak: "Trump has all the best curtsies, nobody curtsies like Trump, everybody says so!" In a similar vein, Trump's submissive gesture was described as "one of the best and bigliest curtsies." However, there was considerable confusion: was the correct hashtag #TrumpCurtsy or #TrumpCurtsey with an "e"? Well, the "e" seems a bit more feminine to us, so we are voting for "curtsey" as befitting Her Royal Highness Princess Prima Donna.

Trump Sexual Assault Nicknames ...

A$$aulter-in-Chief
Hair Groepenfuehrer
The Great Gropesby (Michael R. Burch)
Dr. Gropenstein
Groper Cleave Hand
Donald DeGonad
Melania's Burden
Twat Twit
The Impotentate
Jack the Gripper
Octopussy Groper
Serial Feeler — see Donald Trump's War on Women

"Yay for us! We just robbed 23 million Americans of their healthcare and 53 million of protection from discrimination for preexisting conditions! We are the Winners, and who the hell cares about the losers?" (And why is Trump cheering a bill that he would later call "mean, mean, mean" in private?)

WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 04:  (L-R) U.S. President Donald Trump, Speaker of the House Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), House Majority Whip Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) and House Majority Leader Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) participate in a Rose Garden event May 4, 2017 at the White House in Washington, DC. The House has passed the American Health Care Act that will replace the Obama eraÕs Affordable Healthcare Act with a vote of 217-213.  (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Trump "Healthcare" Nicknames and Hashtags

Painman
Drainman
Babykiller Trump
Grannykiller Trump
Bling the Merciless
#WealthCare
#TrumpCare
#TrumpCareless
#TrumpedUpCare
#LyinRyanDyinCare
#MedicRaid

TrumpCare should be called TrumpedUpCare. It replaces healthcare with Wealthcare, Medicaid with MedicRaid. The most vulnerable Americans will suffer the most: babies, children, seniors, the poor, veterans, and people with disabilities. Medicaid covers 49% of births, 60% of children with disabilities, 64% of nursing home residents, 76% of poor children, and millions of vets. MedicRaid will leave less fortunate Americans to the untender mercies of Bling the Merciless and his flunkies, while they laugh and high-five each other at Washington teas and press events lie-fests. Elizabeth Warren hit the nail on the head when she said: "These cuts are blood money. Senate Republicans are paying for tax cuts for the wealthy with American lives." Trump himself, in a rare burst of candor (behind closed doors, of course), called TrumpCare "Mean! Mean! Mean!" But it seems Re-Flub-Lycans will never be happy until they start killing off people with disabilities, a dream they share with Hitler and the Nazis. Call Trump Drainman after a Republican consultant explained that TrumpCareless is "clogging the drain" for other more important legislation, apparently justifying the GOP's mad rush to kill millions of Americans as quickly as possible. According to Trump, his healthcare plan is "incredibly well-crafted" meanness. We are reminded of the old saw, "Stupid is as stupid does."

First Bob "Corkscrew" Corker opined that it "doesn't seem very intelligent" to repeal Obamacare without having a replacement ready. Then, after the CBO confirmed that repealing Obamacare would produce a disaster for 32 million citizens and uncertainty-plagued insurance companies, Corky Corker changed his mind (I use the term loosely) and said that he would vote to repeal Obamacare without a replacement! Do we need any more confirmation that D Students and Trump Enablers are in control of our government?

Mitch McConnell Nicknames ...

The Turtle (Jon Stewart)
Dick Turtle
Fuckface McTurtlebitch
Mitch McSquirtle
Mitch MuckSquirtle
Mitchellangelo (a Superannuated Mutant Ninny Turtle gone over to the Dark Tide)
Donald-Tell-All (another Superannuated Mutant Ninny Turtle gone over to the Dark Tide)
Lie-o-Nerd-o (the third of an unholy Turtle Trinity!)
Watership Drown (Mitch McConnell stars in a hare-brained scheme to launch a new Titanic against the Obamacare Niceberg)
The Untamed Shrew (apologies to Shakespeare)
The Hyperactive Death Hamster
The Lethal Chipmunk
Angry Cheek Pouches
Chip McTurtlemunk (the first chipmunk-turtle hybrid)
Chip Muck (as in muckraker)
Mitch the Snitch
Mitch the Bitch
Mitch the Snitch-Bitch
Mitch the Glitch
Mitch the Twitch
Mitch the Shitz
Mitch the Fritz
Mitch Switch Bait
Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch)
Ditch McConnell (as we all should!)
Mitch the Ditch Dweller
Pitchman Mitch
Mr. Three Strikes and You Pout (Michael R. Burch)
Mr. Bait, Switch and Kill
The Serial Biller (Michael R. Burch)
The Zodiac Biller (Michael R. Burch)
Venomous Tree Frog
The Murderous Munchkin
The Energizer Bunny from Hell
Orange Sauron's Miniature Werewolf-Turtle-Chipmunk Hybrid
Chinless Mitch
The Sallow A$$a$$in (Michael R. Burch)
Pale Man (from Pan's Labyrinth)
Poster Boy for the Revival of the Lobotomy Industry

Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops, gropes women's genitals, sentences babies and grannies to death, cheats at golf, then brags about his "accomplishments" and campaigns for reelection. 



We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jared "Jarhead" Kushner is at the ISIS front, using his real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops! Trump's Aide de Kampf will never rest until WWIII is well underway, and irreversible. There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie). Little Lord Fauntleroy will also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields, PeeWee's Big Adventure and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner then Whines about the K-Rations.

Jared Kushner Nicknames ...

Vanilla ISIS
Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump)
Cushy Kushner
Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL)
Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch)
Putin's Cush-Toy
Putin's Puppet
Putin's Poppet
Putin's Putty
Putin's Proxy
Putin's Protégé
Fratsputin
Comrade Kushner
Poor Little Rich Bitch
Little Jared (Ana Navarro)
Baby Boy (Ana Navarro)
Nerd Boy
Jarhead
Jughead
Jared "the Red" Kushner
Jarring Kushner
The Boy Blunder
The Shadow
Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos)
The Preppie Neo-Con
Nimrod
(Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon)
Son of Babylon
(the name Jared means "descent" so he is the "Son of Kush," the patriarch of Babylon)
The Crown Prince of Babble-On
Lucifer Incarnate
Channel 666 (Jared Kushner and his wife, Ivanka Trump, own the most expensive single building in the U.S. at 666 Fifth Avenue, purchased for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion)
Cuckoo Channel
Channel Kushner
Back Door Boy
Trump's Lawless Son-in-Law
The Neophyte
Jared the Unready
Complete Fucking Idiot
(Samantha Bee)
The Warlock
The Preppy Schlep

Ivanka Trump Nicknames ...

Ivanka Tramp
Ivanka Wanker (I Wanna Wank Her)
Ivanka Spanker (I Wanna Spank Her)
Proxy Wife
Nordic Goddess
The Norwegian Wood Inducer
The First Lady-Daughter
The Real First Lady
The First Shady Lady
Mrs. Kushner
Kushner's Crush
Kushner's Cush Toy
The Smart One
Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies)

Melania Trump nicknames ...

The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd)
Melania Antoinette
First Babe
Melanoma
The Ice Queen (Gloria Erin Ryan)
The Cold One
The Swamp Queen
Sinderella
Tinderella
The Man-Boy Sitter
The Trump Sitter
The Trump Swatter (after she slapped her husband's hand away on an airport runway in Isreal)
TerminEX (ditto)
The Black Widow
Pussy Bow (because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate)
Double Agent (Christen Clifford suggested that the "pussy bow" was a feminist rebuke of her husband's pussy groping)
Agent 69
The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley)
Mater Harry (pun on Mata Hari and Dirty Harry)
I Candy
KKK (her bra size?)
The Apprentice Bride
Bride of Trumpenstein
Copy & Paste (for wholesale plagiarism of Michelle Obama)

Trump Administration Nicknames ...

Moscow on the Hudson
The Kremlin Gremlins
The Bazaar
(Republican Senator Bob Corker)
The Bizarre Bazaar (Michael R. Burch)
Trolls Galore (Hillary Clinton)
Amoral Flying Monkeys (Keith Olbermann)
Rank Amateurs (emphasis on "rank")
Amateur Hour at the White House
Alternate Reality TV
Celebrity Presidential Apprentice
KKK: Kooks, Klowns and Kommissars
Den of the Re-Flub-Lycans (Michael R. Burch)
Hell on Earth
The Ninth Circle of Hell
The Fourth Reich
Despots
Trump Enablers
The Eager Overreachers
Combover to the Dark Side
Hair Hitler and the Whigs (Michael R. Burch)
Trump-Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch)
Regressive Reds
The White Supremacist House (Michael R. Burch)
The West Wing Sexual Assault Emporium (Michael R. Burch)
The Oval Ovary Assault Office
The Ovary Inspection Office (Michael R. Burch)
Crack Team of Crackpots (Michael R. Burch)
AmeriKlan Idols
Kakistocracy (Ryan Lizza) ...

The Greeks have a word for the emerging Trump Administration: kakistocracy. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as a “government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.” Webster’s is simpler: “government by the worst people.”—Ryan Lizza in a New Yorker article



Damien Trump
and his Stepford Wives meet Pope Francis, who is obviously uncomfortable in the presence of such Darkness and angles his cross slightly to keep them at bay!

Trump Family Nicknames ...

The Stepfordians
The KKKardashians
The Brooklyn Hillbullies (Michael R. Burch)
Donald Duck Dynasty
The Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse (Michael R. Burch)
The Cold Ones
The Children of the Corn
Poor Little Bitch Kids
The Bitches of Eastwick



Marco Roboto
hugs the First-Lady-Daughter, Ivanka Trump ... talk about uncomfortable!

Trump Hairdo (or Hair-don't) Nicknames ...

The Combover Kid
Mr. Wiggy Piggy
Mr. Wiggly Piggly
Hair Hitler (pun on Herr Hitler)
Hair Furor (pun on Herr Fuhrer)
Mein Hair
Hairman Mao
The Orange-Tufted Taliban
Dead Wombat Toupée

A number of Trump nicknames are related to fascism, such as "Hair Hitler" (a pun on Herr Hitler) and The New Furor (a pun on Führer). Are such accusations warranted? Well, Hair Hitler talking about Muslims does sound a lot like Herr Hitler talking about Jews. Here's what one prominent American Jew said on the subject. Abe Foxman, former National Director of the Anti-Defamation League, says that Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump urged supporters at a Florida rally to raise their arms in a Nazi salute to him. "As a Jew who survived the Holocaust, to see an audience of thousands of people raising their hands in what looks like the ‘Heil Hitler’ salute is about as offensive, obnoxious and disgusting as anything I thought I would ever witness in the United States of America," Foxman told The Times of Israel. Will Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting millions of people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler, Hair Furor, Hair Gropenfuhrer and Twittler are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?

Trump Dictator (Dick-Tater?) Nicknames ...

The New Furor
Trumpen Furor
Mein Furor
Mein Trumpf
Shitler
Twitler
Adolph Twitler
Drumpfkopf
Cinnamon Hitler
Ginger Hitler
Gingervitis (Michael R. Burch)
Der Pumpkinfurher
Pump Kin Pinochet
The Apprentice Führer (Ben Judah)
Mango Mussolini
Casino Mussolini (Samantha Bee)
Mussolini's Taint
Dear Leader
Der Leader
Fearful Leader
Fear Fool Leader
The Orange Oligarch
The Gollygarch
Baron Trump
The Tin-Pot Despot (Nicholas Kristof)
Tsar Trumpov
Tsar Ridickulous (by Michael R. Burch, a pun on Tsar Nicholas)
Tsarzan (by Michael R. Burch)
Genghis Con (Michael R. Burch)
Genghis Can't and Ganghis Cant (Michael R. Burch)
El Squid
El Presidente
Il Douche
Apricot Poll Pot (pun on Pol Pot)
Poll Potbelly Pig
The Mandarin Candidate
Mango Mugabe
Kim Jong Don
Kim Jong Dong
Kim Jong Dumb

Kremlingate/Comeygate/Russiagate/Putingate/Votergate Nicknames ...

Comrade Trumputin
The Brooklyn Bolshevik
The Russian Mole
The Siberian Candidate
Putin's Puppet
Putin's Poppet
Putin's Rasputin
Putin's Useful Idiot
Putin's C*ck-Holster (Stephen Colbert)
Putin's Putty
Putin's Proxy
Putin's Bitch
Lavrov's Dog (pun on Pavlov's Dog)
Lavrov's Lapdog
Putin's Pampered Poodle
Lenin's Gremlin
Stalin's Paladin
The Stallin' Stalin
The Rootin' Tootin' Putin Sidekick
Donny Moscow

Trump Superhero Nicknames ...

The Loan Deranger
Captain Tantastic
Bratman
Stuporman
Boldfinger (Michael R. Burch)
Optimus Grime (Michael R. Burch)
The Toxic Avenger
Sir Leakalot (Michael R. Burch)

Colorful Trump Nicknames ...

Mango Mussolini
Cinnamon Hitler
Tangerine Palpatine
Tangerine Tornado
Candied Yam
Yam Saddam
Angry Pumpkin
Angry Creamsicle
The Fanta Menace
Fanta Ranter
Orange Julius and  Orange Foolius
Gingervitis (Michael R. Burch)
Orange Mephistopheles
Orange Sauron
Orangutan
The Orange-Tufted War Troll

Cheesy Trump Nicknames ...

Cheez Whiz
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator
Cheeto Benito
Screaming Cheeto
Angry Cheeto
The Cheeto Bandito
Cheeto Voldemort
Cheeto von Tweeto
Cheeto-Faced Shit-Gibbon
Cheeto Jesus
Cheez-It-in-Chief
Frito Corleone
Frito Lay

Space Cadet Trump Nicknames ....

The Wrath of Con
Doom Emperor Trump
Darth Insidious
Darth Hideous
Darth Hater
Darth Goldplater
The Fanta Menace

Trump Movie Star Nicknames ...

Forrest Trump
Painman
Donnie Darko
Donnie Dorko

Trump Tweet Nicknames ...

Tweety
Tweetle-Dumb
Tweet-'l-Dumb
Commander-in-Tweet
Boss Tweet
Tweet Twit
The Petulant Twitter Chirper

"His petulant Twitter feed chirped with denunciations of U.S. intelligence agencies, various media outlets, actor Meryl Streep, and civil rights icon John Lewis ... Trump's rallying cry was resentment ... To hear Trump, the entire country is a wreck."―TIME

Trump Apocalypse Nicknames ...

Duke Nuke 'Em
Dr. Strangelove
The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (Michael R. Burch)
God-Whimperer Trump (Michael R. Burch)
The Beast
Little Horn
Darkness Incarnate
Damien Trump (after the Antichrist figure in the Omen movies)
The Great Whore of Babble-On — see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

Trump Lies and Cons Nicknames ...

King of the Whoppers
Liar-in-Chief
Thief-in-Chief
The Lyin' King (pun on "Lion King")
Conman-in-Chief
Don the Con
The Super Duper
The King of Fake News

Trump is right about one thing: "#FakeNews is the enemy!" But then Trump is Public Enemy #1, because he is certainly the King of Fake News.

Flabby Trump Nicknames ...

Fat Blabby (Lewis Black)
Big Baby (Lewis Black)
The Great Gutsby (Michael R. Burch)
Porky Pig and The New York Pork Dork (because Trump and his companies have taken so much "pork" from federal, state and local governments)
Humpty Trumpty
King Gorge
The Madness of King Gorge (Michael R. Burch)
Big Donald (coined by Marco Rubio) and Pig Donald (a variation coined by feminists)

Immature Trump Nicknames ...

Man-Baby (Jon Stewart)
Big Baby (Lewis Black)
Boss Baby Trump
Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper (Michael R. Burch)
The Boychurian Candidate (Michael R. Burch, a pun on Manchurian Candidate)
The Imperious Adolescent (Doug Elmets)
Bratman
The Boy Blunder
The Combover Kid
The Terrible Tyke
Felonious Punk
Little Donnie Dinglebert (Michael R. Burch)
Widdle Donnie McPiddle (Michael R. Burch)
The Brooklyn Brat
Man-Toddler Trump
Boy Dingo (pun on the movie Mandingo)
Boy O' War (pun on Man O' War, the famous racehorse)
Boys 'R Us
Jail Bait
Tad-Pole (because it's not just Trump's hands that are so tiny, in all probability!)

Small Hands Trump Nicknames ...

Short-Fingered Vulgarian (Graydon Carter)
Short-Fingered Totalitarian
Twinkle Fingers Trump
Babyfingers Trump
Le Petit Prince Daisyfingers (Michael R. Burch)
The Tiny-Handed Tyrant
Stumpy
Chubby Nubby
Tiny Hands Trump
Dainty Digits Trump
Pixie Digits Trump
McTinyHands

Trump Curtsey Nicknames ...

Primadonald
Prima Donna
Sparkly Princess Trumpelina (Michael R. Burch)
Little Miss Teapot
Quasi-Dodo the Hunchback of Notre Shame (Michael R. Burch)
The Big Dipper
The Little Dipper
The Ginger Genuflector (Michael R. Burch)

Trump Hypocrisy Nicknames ...

Hippo-CRAZY
Hippo-Crass
The Hypocritic Oaf (Michael R. Burch)

Mob Boss Trump Nicknames ...

The Gaud Father
The Gaudy Father
The Goad Farther
Al Cappuccino
Snarlin' Brando
Robert de Sneero
Dumb Corleone
Frito Corleone
Vincent von Gouge
The Unwise Guy

Trump Fashion Nicknames ...

Emperor Sans Clothes
The Tie-Coon
The Wear Wolf of Wall Bleat (Michael R. Burch)
The Natty Nut
Captain Blunderpants

Trump Inferno and Climate Nicknames ...

The Glowering Inferno
Trumpster Fire
Dumb-ster Fire (Michael R. Burch)
Bonfire of the Insanities (Michael R. Burch)
Ole King Coal (after Trump threatened to pull out of the Paris Accord on Climate Change)
Towering Inferno Trump (his motto is "Burn, baby, burn!")
The Climate Primate

The
Climate Primate will burn more and more coal until the earth is too hot for humans to live above ground. Then Trump supporters can explain to their Albino Mole Children why they voted for the King of Denial.

More Trump Nicknames ...

Dishonorable Mention: The Swamp Stocker, Whiny Little Bitch (Bill Maher), The Fomentor (Trevor Noah), Donny (SNL's Church Lady played by Dana Carvey), The Presumptuous Nominee (Hillary Clinton), Job Security (Jimmy Kimmel), Trumpenstein, Commander-in-Grief, Chicken Donald (Martin O'Malley), Fascist Carnival Barker (Martin O'Malley), Talking Yam, Stalking Yam

Nicknames for Trump and his minions have been coined by Alec Baldwin, Glenn Beck, Samantha Bee, Joe Biden, Lewis Black, Elayne Boosler, Dana Carvey, Graydon Carter, Hillary Clinton, Stephen Colbert, Garrison Keillor, Jimmy Kimmel, Bill Kristol, Bill Maher, Michael Moore, Seth Myers, Trevor Noah, Keith Olbermann, John Oliver, Rosie O'Donnell, Martin O'Malley, Sarah Palin, Dan Rather, Marco Rubio, Joe Scarborough, Nate Silver, Jon Stewart, George Takei, Fareed Zakaria, and even The Donald and his first wife, the former Ivana Trump.

Related pages: Donald Trump Puns, Donald Trump Insults, Donald Trump Limericks, The Donald Trump Bible, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Trump Trivia, Famous Nicknames

NEWS FLASH: Independence Day has been officially renamed SinDependence Day by the Antichrist, er "President Trump." Trump is modern Cain whose motto is "Am I my brother's keeper?" (Note the reversal of "I Am," since the Antichrist is the negative image of Jesus Christ.) Although the knowledge would apparently surprise many conservative Christians, in reality Jesus was a "bleeding heart liberal" who taught that it is good to help the less fortunate. When a rich young Republican of his day asked how to become his disciple, Jesus told him first to help the poor, and only then would he be qualified to become a Christian. Of course, this is the opposite of what Trump and his ilk believe, which is what one would expect of the Antichrist and his followers. So have a very happy SinDependence Day, if you voted for Trump! But the party may not last long, since the Bible says those who support the Antichrist will have hell to pay! That would be ... let's see ... four out of five evangelical Christians. Have the elect been deceived, just as the ancient prophets predicted?

In an interview with The Economist, Trump said he would cut off the cost-sharing reductions (CSRs) that reimburse insurers for helping less-well-off Americans. "There is no Obamacare, it’s dead. Plus we’re subsidizing it and we don’t have to subsidize it. You know, if I ever stop wanting to pay the subsidies, which I will," said Tyrant Trump. When? "Anytime I want." Insurance companies have said they will be forced to raise premiums or drop out of the healthcare marketplace if the payments don't continue. Democrats had hoped to include funding for the CSR payments in the year-end government spending bill, but Trump warned that the payments may not go beyond this month [June 2017]. "No, this bill only gives them one month. They don’t realize that," Trump said in the interview. So Trump holds the scepter of life and death over millions of Americans who don't realize that his plan is to kill themsooner rather than later.
Melania has repeatedly swatted away the Serial Groper's tentacles in public. In sympathy, women who recognize Melania's Burden are marching with "Free Melania" signs. There is rumor that after the divorce Trump will issue an executive order freeing him to marry the real woman of his dreams: Ivanka, the Norwegian Wood Inducer. But what will Ivanka's official title be? Will she be the First Lady, the First Daughter, or the first First-Lady-Daughter?

When will Melania keep her promise to oppose cyber bullying? Her husband is the world's most infamous social media bully, the Cyber-Bully-in-Chief. Isn't it time for Melania to tan his Orange Hyde?

/bookmark/

Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper's Spring Fling ...

Relax, foolish Americans! Everything is going according to planMr. Putin's master plan for Comrade Trumputin to destroy NATO while ruining America's reputation and global influence! Sending Donald the Menace abroad was stage one of Mr. Putin's remarkable Operation Covfefe ...

First, Little Donnie Diaperpants went to Saudi Arabia, where he curtsied meekly to the King while accepting the Gilded Collar of al-Saud.

Next, Donnie dashed off to Israel, where his Man-Baby Sitter was forced to swat away his tiny grasping fingers on an airport runway. Bad Liddle Donnie Ladydiddler!
 
Then Donnie Dealbreaker went to Europe, where he called Germans "bad, very bad" for selling cars, even though he keeps buying the most expensive ones! Does he intend to "make America great again" by buying super-expensive German cars? In any case, Germans are now calling Trump the Brat-Worst. While in Europe, Donnie Diva pushed aside the Prime Minister of Montenegro for a photo-op. Why? Because Montenegro just became the 29th member of NATO and Mr. Putin was furious. But the Terrible Tyke was just following orders! Little Donnie Daisyfingers then had his dainty digits crushed while shaking hands with French President Emmanuel Macron and German strongwoman Angela Merkel.

Upon his return home, Little Donnie was full of self-praise, crowing that his Spring Fling had been "historic" and "unprecedented." Did Dyslexic Donlad mean "historically un-presidential"? Angela Merkel gave Donnie Dunciad an F, pointing out that he had weakened the West and made it smaller. However, the man who really matters, Mr. Putin, gave the Brooklyn Bolshevik an A+ and a gold star, for reducing the once-mighty United States to a badly drawn cartoon panel.

Little Donnie Dementia then started to tweet like crazy. Like, really really crazy. For instance, the Kremlin Gremlin tweeted: "Despite the negative press covfefe ..."  Of course "covfefe" is a Russian term meaning "push on" or "persevere" (in this case, push on with Putin's master plan to destroy NATO and the West).

Next, Little Donnie Discord announced his latest, greatest idea (which he also got from Mr. Putin): To pull out of the Paris Climate Accord, joining Syria and Nicaragua as the only nations not committed to the landmark international agreement. Nicaragua took the position that the Paris Accord did not go far enough, so Trump and Assad now stand alone in denying the need to protect the world from overheating.

After the London terror attack, Little Donnie fired off a series of insensitive tweets, after which the Puttering Putz rushed off to play golf with Peyton Manning and Corky Corker. The Bare-Assed Embarrasser is a walking, talking, p*ssy-grabbing International EmbarrA$$ment
 
So far, attempts to potty train Little Donnie Diaperpants have not been successful. Even gold-plated toilets cannot persuade Mr. Trickle Down to stop pissing on his subjects. Trump's approach is an economic golden shower, with the rich showering urine on everyone else. But at least the Keeper of the Golden Commode is getting the attention he so desperately craves!

Call him The Interventionist. After Little Donnie repeatedly blasted Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for their interventions in the Middle East, our not-so-heroic Bratman has already intervened in Yemen, Syria, North Korea, Somalia and Afghanistan (where he intends to send more American troops). Nixon only had one Vietnam, but it seems the Boy Blunder will have at least a half-dozen, if not more.

Little Delinquent Don-Lad has called his own Trumpcare health plan "mean, mean, mean!" He has called the FBI "bad people" for doing their jobs. And yet Trump heaps praise on creeps like Putin, Assad, Duterte and Saddam. Trump really does seem to be an Orange Ball of Confusion.
However, Little Donnie was correct about one thing, when he tweeted: "This trip has left no one with any doubt about who America's friends are." Yes, Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper, this recent series of trip-ups has left no doubt that America has no friends anywhereonly enemies, skeptics and scoffersthanks to you, and your good friend and controller, Puppetmaster Putin!

More Man-Baby Musings

There's a new reality show about the Trump presidency: The Boss Baby. Now showing at a theater near you!
Trump tweeted that Obama put a "tapp" on his phones. I think the Testy Toddler needs a ppat on the back and a good burpp, then a nice long napp.―Michael R. Burch
The Constitution does not allow 13-year-olds to become president and now we can see why. Trump supporters voted for change, and boy, are they going to get it! — Garrison Keillor, who calls Trump the "boy president"
When Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper was asked about the firing of James Comey, he sucked his pacifier, adjusted his nappy, then burbled, "Easy comey, easy goey!"―Michael R. Burch
Yes, there is a YUGE problem with White House leaks ... because Toddler Trump hasn't been potty trained and he keeps pissing on everything in sight!
Trump bemoans "deeply troubling" leaks, but the Big Leaker has loose lips that could literally sink ships as he divulges the  location of American naval vessels and nuclear subs to our enemies.
Q: What's the difference between Trump's ultra-luxurious Mercedes S600 and a porcupine? A: The porcupine only has pricks on the outside.
General Jefferson Beauregard "Stonewall" Sessions should be demoted, since like Sgt. Schultz his only defense is "I know nuthink!" (What Sessions apparently does know is nut-think.) Sessions claims to hear no evil, but he still manages to obey Trump's evil commands. Sessions is like a little person gone over to the Dark Side, so call him Darth Yoda.

Michael Moore announced that he will make a movie about Trump, whom he once called a "wretched, ignorant, dangerous part-time clown and full-time sociopath." We think such characterizations are terribly unfair to clowns and sociopaths, whatever their working hours!

Currently rising: THE LOOSE-LIPPED SHIP SINKER after Trumputinski blabbed away top-secret information to his Russian controllers, threatening not only to sink the American ship of state, but also endangering our allies who will now be far less willing to share critical intelligence with us. And who can blame them? With the Orange-Tufted Russian Mole running the show, the acronym CIA now stands for Central Ignorance Agency. The Boston Globe announced that the ally betrayed was Israel. Perhaps the ancient prophets knew whereof they spoke, when they predicted that a "little horn" would pretend to bring peace, only to betray Israel in the end. A trump is a "little horn." Is the Trump of Doom summoning the Apocalypse? Have the very elect been deceived, since 80% of evangelical Christian voters supported Triple-Six Trump, according to exit polls? Israeli intelligence officials are said to be "boiling mad" and to consider this to be their "worst fears confirmed" about Comrade Trumputin. Trump is obsessed with leaks, but he is the Big Leak. So far his administration's only defense has been to claim that Tyrant Trump is too oblivious to be accused of obstructing justice! He simply doesn't know what justice is, or how government works! But he can still be trusted with the nuclear codes!

The Kremlin's top-secret plan for Putin to control Trump is code-named Operation Taming of the Orange Shrew.

Emma Lazarus called Lady Liberty the "Mother of Exiles." Terminator Trump has turned her into the "Smotherer of Exiles." — Michael R. Burch
Why did Al Franken call Trump Comedy Gold? Because he knows a political joke when he hears one. — Michael R. Burch
How did a Candied Yam become president? Like Popeye, Trump says, "I yam what I yam!" But unlike Trump, Popeye didn't have a God complex.
"We don't rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia." — Eric "the Red" Trump, explaining a $100 million line of credit to golf writer James Dodson

"What is it about Mike Pence that no one ever tells him anything?" — David Axelrod

Is Mike Pence the Trump administration's "Out of the Loop Dupe" (as USA Today so succinctly put it)? Or is this a case of "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil"? Is Dense Pence really that ignorant of the facts, or is Senseless Pence willfully deaf, blind and dumb? In either case, Tuppence None the Retcher has no business becoming president if Trump is impeached.

The Best Images/Descriptions of Donald Trump: Regurgitated Carrot Cake, Decomposing Pumpkin Pie, Maggoty Orange Offal, Festering Ass Effluence, Soylent Orange, Unrecycled Sewage, Orange Batshit, Human Tapeworm, Henna Hyena, Reanimated Roadkill, The Ugly AmeriKlan, Space KKKadet, "America’s wealthiest hemorrhoid." (John Oliver), "A brain-damaged baboon." (Samantha Bee), "A bewildered, golden-helmeted astronaut who's just landed on this planet from a distant galaxy." (Anna Merlan)

The Best Donald Trump Metaphors and Similes: The Trump administration "leaks like a rusty colander" (Ryan Cooper), Trump is like "an autoimmune disease" (Lucia Graves), "The press is Clarice, and he's Hannibal Lecter ... he's definitely gonna kill someone, but maybe not me" (Seth Myers), Trump is like "a random impulse generator" (Michael Chabon), Trump "sounds like a WWF wrestler plugging his next big match" (Ron Howard), "Like a brisk fall breeze through Amarillo's trees, President Donald Trump's first few weeks have brought forth all the country's loose and flaky elements" (a poetic letter in the Amarillo Gobe-News)

First Babe Melania Trump is not the Acting First Lady, because that is obviously the role of Ivanka, the Norwegian Wood Inducer. Melania's actual role is Trump's Man-Baby Sitter. She says that she wants to tackle cyber bullying, but she is married to the world's biggest, loudest and most obnoxious Serial Cyber Abuser. Will Melania take away her Clubby Hubby's iPhone and Twitter account? Will she spank and redden his Enormous Orange Ass? Will she stand up to the Hyper Cyber Bully, yugely and bigly? One can only hope!

Cowardly Lyin' Trump showed his true colors (piss yellow-orange) when he tweeted: "James Comey better hope that there are no 'tapes' of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!" Like an Enormous Orange Tape Worm, Trump squirms into unwary voters' hearts, then starts sucking the nation's life out. Deceitful Donald is only afraid of one thing: the TRUTH. And President Pants-on-Fire is obviously scared sh*tless that Comey will tell Americans the truth. Boss Hogg Trump thinks like a Mafia Don, and what he tweeted is clearly an act of witness intimidation and coercion.

Currently rising: The Grin Reaper (because Trump grinned repeatedly while robbing millions of Americans of healthcare), A$$hole, AmeriKLAN Idol, The Conswervative, The DREAM Crusher, President Pussy-Grabber (Keith Olbermann), Treasonous Trump, Trumpasaurus Rex, Tyrantosaurus Wrecks (Michael R. Burch), The Neo-Con Puppet (coined by the Alt-Right, after Trump rained cruise missiles on Syria despite having repeatedly blasted Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for their "stupid" and "short-sighted" interventionism in the Middle East), The Neo-Con-Man, The Warmonger, The War Troll, Deep State Donald, The False Flag Flyer, Deep Hoax, The Boychurian Candidate (Michael R. Burch), Bubble Boy, The Boinkin' Boy-King, Donald Darko, The American Caligula, Trumpenstein, Trumpzilla, Carnage Incarnate, Dubious Caesar, President Snowflake (emphasis on "flake"), Darth Trump, Inglorious Leader, Der Leader (pun on "Dear Leader" with a Nazi twist), Il Doofus, Swampy, The Swamp Stocker, Creature from the Orange Lagoon, Tricky Don Trump (after Tricky Dick Nixon), Nixon's Redemption (because what Nixon did pales in comparison to Trump's acts of treason), The Orange Oligarch, Terminator Trump, The Cover-Up Artist, The Brazen Moron, Dinglebert Donald, the Con-Troll-er, Mr. Moneybags, the Rude Crude Orange-Hued Space Dude, Prince Uncharming, Prince Alarming, The Beast, The Orange Hobgoblin, The Oompa Loompa of Doom (Chris Riddell), The Class(less) Clown, Bizarro Bozo, Lusty Krusty, Marvell's Ultimate Villain, Creep Throat (Seth Myers), Unkempt Troll Doll (Anna Merlan), Arrogant Asshole (Cher), Two-Bit Used Hate Salesman (Samantha Bee), Walking Cliché (Ian Flitoff), Gasbag (Tom Hanks), Walking Birth Control Ad (SNL), The Human Lowlight Reel (apologies to Dominque Wilkins!), Orange Vogon, Othello the Less, tRUMP, The Infantalist (David Brooks), The Mardy Baby-Man

Currently rising: The American Terrorist (George Takei), Putin's American Distributor (Keith Olbermann), The Feckless Denizen of the White House (Greg Dworkin), The Orange DREAM Sickle (Michael R. Burch), The Orange Ogre, The Orange-Tufted Swamp Ogre, Donald Dupe, The Super Duper, Donnybrook, Orange Sauron, The Orange Menace, The Great Orange Oaf, Orange Offal, Partially Sentient Spray Tan, Trumple-Doodle-Doo, The Orange-Crested Pooh Spewer, The Spin-Meister, Reverse Midas ...

Donald Trump is the Reverse Midas because everything he touches immediately turns to s**t ... Trump Casinos, Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, the Trump Shuttle, Trump the Game, affordable healthcare, women's rights, minority rights, our right to vote without interference from Russia, the environment, our children's educations, Syria, North Korea ...

Dr. Jane Goodall pointed out that Trump acts like a Chimp in Heat: "In many ways the performances of Donald Trump remind me of male chimpanzees and their dominance rituals. In order to impress rivals, males seeking to rise in the dominance hierarchy perform spectacular displays: stamping, slapping the ground, dragging branches, throwing rocks. The more vigorous and imaginative the display, the faster the individual is likely to rise in the hierarchy, and the longer he is likely to maintain that position."

Scientists recently discovered a strange new insect: the Orange-Tufted Twitter Flitterbug. It's a nasty little parasitical midge, but it dreams that it's a Monarch!

He's focused on the size of his crowds, the size of his ratings, the size of his hands, the size of, well, everything. — Jimmy Kimmel describing Mr. Measure

What color is Donald Trump's hairor whatever that is attached to his scalpand where on earth (or hell) did it originate? We took a scientific poll and here are the results, in order of ascending probability: (10) Trump's chameleon-like hair is the result of a freak mutation and has no permanent color; (9) a mouse underbelly dyed light orange in a lab experiment gone awry has been stitched to Trump's scalp by some modern Dr. Frankenstein; (8) Trump is wearing a yellow-ish-orange sewer rat carcass as a wig, (7) it is not hair, but accumulated orange vulture vomit as they circle above Trump's head waiting for his next kill, (6) bloody buzzard feathers have landed on Trump's head and are taking on odd hues as they putrefy; (5) Trump's alleged "hair" is actually a decaying possum pelt worn Davy-Crockett-style; (4) or it is Fess Parker's recycled raccoon cap dyed piss yellow; (3) Hitler's moustache has been dyed blonde in a botched job and turned into a wig; (2) Trump's hair is the Mark of Cain; (1) and/or it is a hastily-constructed screen designed to obscure the 666 birthmark on Trump's forehead.

George W. Bush was "The Decider." Donald Trump is "The Reverser." He lies to get votes, then reverses course. For instance, on the campaign trail Trump called China a "currency manipulator" and blasted President Obama as "weak" for letting them get away with it. But after being elected, Trump told the Wall Street Journal that China is not a currency manipulator, and that the real problem is the strength of the American dollar! How, then, was President Obama "weak"? It seems Trump is either weak-minded, an Orange Ball of Confusion, or a liar.

Currently rising: Loser (Dan Rather), The Rookie (Nancy Pelosi), Mr. So-Called-President, The White House Resident, The Unprecedented President, Cheeto-in-Chief (Frank Vyan Walton), The Snapper (Garrison Keillor), The Tapp Dancer, Tap-Drunk Trump, Donald Dunderhead, The Twitter Flitterbug, The Bullshit Artist (Fareed Zakaria), The Bullshitter (Fareed Zakaria), Donald Dork, Donald Darko, The Smug Mug Thug, Cultural Punch Line (Tom Scharpling), Child Emperor (Tom Scharpling), Big Agenda (David Horowitz), Truthophobic Trump (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Tweet-aholic Trump, The Scattershot Autocrat, The PseudoMonarch, Ronald McDonald Trump Bozo (Michael R. Burch), Twitter Troll Trump (Marlow Stern), The Rabble Rouser, Boss Baby Trump ...

There is a new reality show about the Trump presidency: The Boss Baby. Now showing at a theater near you!

Also rising: Trumpochka, Babycakes Trump, The Truculent Toddler, Petulant Man-Child Trump (Jen Hayden), Terroristic Man-Toddler (Charles M. Blow), The Boy President (Garrison Keillor) ...

The Constitution does not allow 13-year-olds to become president and now we can see why. — Garrison Keillor

If Trump and his inner circle were a band, what would they be called? How about Donald and the Dunderheads, Donald and the Deplorables, Donald and the Disasters, Donald and the Incompetents, Trump and the Trumpeters, Lead Balloon (pun on Led Zeppelin)

Also rising: The Firestarter, The Pyromaniac, The Pyro President and The Flaming Hun ...

The house is on fire, Trump is running around with a box of matches, and the GOP demands to know who called the fire department.—Garry Kasparov 

Also rising: Reverse Robin Hood ...

Trump has a "Big Agenda." It's absolutely YUGE! Amerika's Reverse Robin Hood will rob the poor and give liberally to the super-rich. That, apparently, makes him a "conservative." Trump wants to start by robbing poor and middle-class Americans of their healthcare. The CBO estimates that by 2026 around 52 million American citizens will be uninsured. Obama really did care, but Trump obviously doesn't. ObamaCare would become NoMamaCare if Trump had his way. Trump's "Big Agenda" also includes stocking the swamp with his crocodilian donors and political piranha. They are already well on their way to eliminating Meals on Wheels, the Environmental Protection Agency, the Department of Education, and other programs that help ordinary Janes and Joes, not to mention millions of children. Meanwhile, taxpayers will shell out YUGE sums of money so that Trump can cheat at golf while Melania Antoinette and her Son King live in Trump Tower rather than the White House. At least Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake!" Melania and The Donald cry, "Let them eat nothing at all!" by slashing essential programs to the bone. It is obvious that a round of golf is more important to the Trumps than the lives of the less fortunate. If they really cared they would cut their personal expenditures and use the millions saved to fund important programs like Meals on Wheels.

Also rising: The Great Polluter, The Extinctor ...

"Historians in the near future will mark today, March 28, 2017, as the day the extinction of human life on earth began," Michael Moore tweeted, adding that the Environmental Protection Agency has been "prohibited henceforth from focusing on climate change."

Will Tweety and the Twits be shown the door soon? Will it be the door of a federal prison, for the high crime of treason?

Trump acronyms: POTUS (Putin-Puppet of the United States), SCROTUS (So-Called Ruler of the United States, by Elayne Boosler), BLOTUS (Biggest Loser of the United States), DONALD (Dangerously Outrageous Nincompoop and Lady Diddler), TRUMP (Traitorous Russian Undercover Marionette Puppet/The Real Undercover Manchurian President/Tyrannical Racist Unifying Mob Politics), S.O.S. (Son of Satan), D.U.M.B. (Deplorable Useless Man-Baby) and D.U.D. for DANGEROUSLY UNHINGED DONALD ...

This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged. And, for all the things people have said about me over the years, I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.―Glenn Beck

Yes, when Glenn "Emotional Fescue" Beck calls you "unhinged," you have been identified by someone who knows whereof he speaks! And perhaps we can expand D.U.D. to DUDLEY DO-WRONG.

I am not going to stoop to Trump's level by calling women bimbos. But we really do need a term to describe women dim-witted enough to vote for MR. WIGGY PIGGY, so I am going to call them DIMBOS. But what can we call men who voted for Trump? Obviously, DUMBOS.

Quick, before it's too late, impeach Stephen "Acting President" Bannon!

And because President Bannon, a self-avowed anarchist and Leninist, is obviously in charge of Amerika's Bolshevik Revolution, we should call our sham president The Figurehead.

It's time to tell Smelly Anne Con-Job and the rest of Trump's Reeking Wrecking Crew "you're fired!" It's time to pull the plug on The Celebrity Apprentice President

Friends, please don't act so surprised. This is was what happens when we elect an Orange-Tufted Shit Gibbon president. Now the ludicrous monkey dances to Organ Grinder Bannon's dark, evil tunes.

Kellyanne Conway, aka Miss Misinformation, never dredged up a lie that she couldn't peddle like fool's gold to amateur prospectors.

If PRIMA DONALD  is correct that fake news is the enemy of the people, then quite obviously he is PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE, because no one has ever spewed more fake news than PRESIDENT PANTS-ON-FIRE.

Currently rising: THE POST-WEST PRESIDENT. Mr. Putin's master plan seems all too clear, and Russian foreign minister Sergey Lavrov even explained itin no uncertain termswhen he called publicly for a new "post-west" world order. Now the unthinkable has happened and PUTIN'S PUPPET is ensconced in the White House, running the U.S. government and in control of the American military and nuclear codes. Meanwhile, the vodka glasses are tinkling merrily in the Kremlin, as the POST-AMERICAN PRESIDENT bows meekly to Mr. Putin, awaiting his next Armageddon-inducing command. But to be more accurate, we should call him PUTIN'S POPPET because The Donald is so immature and emotionally fragile. In any case, the irony is palpable because conservative Christians who warned everyone about the NEW WORLD ORDER and the ANTICHRIST were the ones who ushered in both, with their ill-advised votes for COMRADE TRUMPUTIN. The ancient prophets warned us that in the last days even the very elect would be deceived. Exit polls revealed that four out of five evangelical Christians voted for Trump, the POST-CHRISTIAN PRESIDENT who boasts that he never asks God for forgiveness and speaks dismissively of Holy Communion and the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ as his "little cracker" and "little wine." Somewhere in the bowels of hell, the Devil must be laughing his ass off, knowing that Christians who fail to oppose the Beast will soon be his chattels! Meanwhile the THE SIX MILLION RUBLE MAN-BABY is playing golf every day, practicing to be Mr. Putin's caddy and water boy. TREASONOUS TRUMP should be made to walk the gangplank, like any mutineer.

There is no need to be concerned about what will happen to President Comrade Trumputin's bumbling Russian Mafia after they are exposed and fired, because they will soon be Putin' on the Ritz in some swanky chalet on the Russian Riviera! And please don't be shocked if Comrade Trumputin receives the coveted Hero of the Russian Federation medal, for services rendered. This is all part of Mr. Putin's master plan to recreate the Russian empire at its zenith, while discrediting the United States and making it appear weak and foolish in the world's eyes. Needless to say, Putin's plan is working to the T in Trumputin. The Donald is the perfect moron to make it happen! As I write this, a Russian spy ship―the Viktor Leonov―is lurking a mere 30 miles from Long Island, a stone's throw from Trump's famous tower. The name of the spy ship is no mistake: "Viktor" means "victory," or "conquest," while "Leon" means "lion," the king of the jungle. Mr. Putin is letting us know that he is now the King, the conqueror of America. Comrade Trumputin is his lackey, his stooge, his jester.

Mr. Putin will soon be directing a new "reality" version of Red Dawn, starring Red Don (aka Donald Trump aka Comrade Trumputin). Trump will also have starring roles in reality versions of Apocalypse Now, Doomsday and President Evil

Joe Scarborough accused Kellyanne Conway of being a "free agent." But he left out a word: Wrongway Conway is a Fact-Free Agent.

It's hard not to make fun of Trump's alleged "hair": Mr. Wiggy Piggy, Human-Toupee Hybrid, Hair Hitler, Toupée Fiasco, Squirrelwig McRacistPants

And what about those teeny-tiny hands: Short-Fingered Vulgarian (Graydon Carter), Delicate Donnie Dainty Digits, Tiny Hands Trump, Babyfingers Trump, Pixie Fingers Trump (Michael R. Burch), Babyhands McCheetodick, Coral Babyhands

Trump fairytale nicknames: Trumplethinskin, The Wizard of Ahs, Jaundiced Pinocchio, "Mr. President," The So-Called President (are we sure that it's even human?)

Trump cabinet nicknames: Monster's Ball (David Axelrod), The Amerikan Kremlin, KremlinGate, The Recusants, The Fourth Reich, The Russian Mafia, The Clandestine Klan, The Swamp Cabinet, The Swamp Stockers, Ku Klux Kabinet, KKK-Mart Kabinet, Killer Klown Kar Kabinet, The Roundhead Table, Dr. Strangelove & The Mad Bombers, Ding-a-Ling Brothers Three-Ring Circus, Amateur Hour at the White House, West Wingnuts, Batshit Crazy Bozos, Russian Roulette, Vlad and the Impalers, Sauron and the Numenoreans, Loki and the Frost Giants, Dr. Evil and the Mini-Me's, Caiaphas and the Sanhedrin, Judas and the Iscariots, Hostile Takeover of the White House, Team Trump, Diva Donald and the Trumps of Doom, Trump and the Grand Teutons

Donald Trump clown nicknames: Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo, Krusty the Killer Klown, Orange Skelton, Putin's Puppet, Punch-Drunk and Rudy, the Fiddler (pun on the Riddler and Nero fiddling while Rome burned to the ground), the Joker-Groper, Bizarro Bozo, the Crime Mime

Colorful Trump nicknames: PEEOTUS, Cheeto Benito, Cheetolini, The Cheeto Prophet (Murfster35), Marmalade Mussolini, Persimmon Hitler, Butternut Soufflé of Seeping Death, The Persimmon Satyr, The Orange Menace, Orange Julius, Orange Foolius, Angry Creamsicle, Orange Mephistopheles, Habañero Hitler, Sunkist Stalin, Tangerine Voldemort, Cheeto Satan, Fanta Fascist, Dreamsicle Demon, Orange Menace, El Hombre de Tang, Orange Anusmouth, Mandarin Orange Mugabe, The Orange Peel, Tangerine Nutsack, The Orange Shitweasel, President Tang, Persimmon Toddler, Kim Jong Orange, Pantone Beelzebub, Minute Maid Mao, Papaya Batista, Sweet Potato Saddam, Doorknob Trundlefuck, Tropicana Mussolini, Mangled Apricot Hellbeast, Pumpkin Pinochet, Cheeze Wiz, Lemonhead Elect, Peach Nehi President, Trump Brulée, Pumpkin Spice Satan, Tang Tyrant, Mandarin Manchurian Candidate, Sunburned Stalin, Cheeto-in-Chief, Salmon Voldemort, Candy Corn Kremlin, The Nacho Nazi, The Yellow Death, Yellow Fever, Orange-Tufted Twitter Flitterer

Donald Trump super-villain and superhero nicknames: Captain Chaos, Captain Un-America, Captain AmeriKKKa, Captain Underpants, Fatman, Duperman, Deadfool, Loki, The Incredible Shrinking President, The Lone Deranger, Herr Fantastic, Doktor Strange, Doktor Doom, Doomsday, Deathstroke, HairDevil, Kingpin, Liceman, The Orange Hulk, The Orange Thing, Orange Spawn, Gambit, Venom, Hellboy, Hellmanbaby, Ironic Man, The Inhuman Torch, Blightcrawler, Two-Face, Orange Skull, Apocalypse, Bizarro Bozo, Mr. Sinister, Bane, Zoom, Shredder, Mongul, Abomination, Hobgoblin, Parasite, Lizard, The Codfather

It's no secret that Trump's favorite nightcap is a White Russian. As Mark Sumner pointed out: "When Donald Trump slithered down that escalator in 2015 to announce he was running for president, he brought with him two decades of connections to Russia. By the time the primaries were winding down, he’d acquired a collection of staff and advisers who were not just Russophiles, but fans of autocrat Vladimir Putin. Chief among them were Paul Manafort, Carter Page, and Michael Flynn." Now Mr. Putin is apparently running the show through his semi-American surrogates, who will hereafter be known as Putin's Puppets, or perhaps more accurately, Putin's Poppets. It is rumored that Mr. Putin will soon award Putin's Proxies the "Red Badge of Courage," after which the cringers will be allowed to kiss the tip of his whip.

The Swamp Restocker has been a busy little beaver, erecting dams and flooding the boggy bottomland on behalf of his crocodilian donors and political piranha. Now the Swampland Salesman will earn YUGE personal profits, while enjoying the spectacle of his former supporters being devoured alive! Will Trump cry crocodile tears for them? No, but he will raise the membership fees at Mar-a-Lago, which will resemble a Roman amphitheater full of rich drunk a$$holes crying out for another slave to be fed to the lions (or, in this case, to the cold-blooded reptiles).

We all know how The Donald loves gold: hell, he even gold-plates his toilets! But did you know that Trump is in the process of "gold-plating" the White House, by turning it over to Goldman Sachs? After promising to "drain the swamp," Trump has instead aided and abetted the Goldman Sachs Takeover of the U.S. government. To "sack" a city is to besiege, destroy and plunder it. Trump's avaricious Gold Sackers are now in the process of sacking Washington D.C., and the nation along with it. Trump's cabinet and key advisers include Gold Diggers like Stephen Bannon, Gary Cohn, Steve Mnuchin, Dina Powell, Anthony Scaramucci and Jay Clayton. "I know the guys at Goldman Sachs. They have total, total control over him," Trump said of Ted Cruz. "Just like they have total control over Hillary Clinton." What Trump didn't bother to tell anyone is that he bows down to and worships the Golden Idols. The market value of Goldman Sachs soared by $4 billion in a single day as Mammon-Worshiper Trump signed an order to begin the process of dismantling Dodd-Frank, with former Goldman president Gary Cohn standing behind him, like the Emperor directing Darth Vader to destroy entire planets and their inhabitants in the quest for wealth and power. Goldman Sachs has watched its stock soar 33% in the short period of time that Trump has been president. Investors understand what the Sach-ing of America means. It means the rich get richer, while everyone else is forced to submit to the Trump Death Star, or perish.

A few more for good measure (or bad): The Fake War Criminal, Code Red, Code Orange, Chemical Donnie (pun on Chemical Ali), The Flip-Flopper, The Manipulator, The Strike-Out King, The American Erdogan

Nicknames of Trump's Family, Friends, Cabinet and Associates

Trump Immediate Family and Most Intimate Friends

Trump family nicknames: The Brooklyn Hillbullies, Donald Duck Dynasty, Beavis and the Buttheads, Bereave US and the Buttheads, Children of the Corn, The Stepfordians, The KKKardashians, Poor Little Bitch Kids, The Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse, The Cold Ones

Trump supporter nicknames: Trump Nation, AlieNation, Tramps, Trump's Chumps, Chumpanzees, Putin's Puppets, Putin's Poppets, Re-flub-Lycans, Dumb and Dumber, The Deplorables, The Untouchables, Trumpites, Trumpettes, Trumpeters, Trumpeteers, Trumpniks, Trumpists, Trumpies, Trumpanzees, Trumpkins, Trumpaholics, Trumptards, Trumpster Divers, Trump's Schlumps, Troglodytes, Trump Junkies, The Walking Brain Dead, Groper Groupies, Sheeple, The Lost

G.O.P.
now stands for Government of Putin and it is clearly of Putin, by Putin and for Putin.

Donald Trump nicknames: The Donald, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poodle, The Brooklyn Bolshevik, Comrade Trumputin, The Russian Mole, Russian's Unwitting Agent, Moscow's Useful Fool, Agent Orange, The Trump of Doom, The ANTICHRIST

Ivanka Trump nicknames: Ivanka Tramp, Ivanka Wanker, I Wanna Wank Her, Ivanka Spanker, Proxy Wife, Nordic Goddess, Norwegian Wood Inducer, The First Lady-Daughter, The Real First Lady, Mrs. Kushner, Kushner's Crush, Kushner's Cush Toy, The Smart One, Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies)

Jared Kushner nicknames: Little Jared (Ana Navarro), Baby Boy (Ana Navarro), Cushy Kushner, Trump's Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL), Jarhead, Jared "the Red" Kushner, Jarring Kushner, The Boy Blunder, Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos), The Preppie Neo-Con, Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump), Jivanka, Jervanka, Ivanka's Krush, Nimrod (Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon), The Crown Prince of Babble-On, The Neophyte, Jared the Unready, Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch), The Warlock, The Preppy Schlep

Tiffany Trump nicknames: Tiff, Wild Card, Miss Invisible, The Other Daughter, Any Tiff, Tiff Fanny, Fit Fanny, The Unknown Trump

Barron Trump nicknames: Mini-Donald, Little Donald, Poor Little Rich Boy, Barron von Trump

Melania Trump nicknames: The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd), Melania Antoinette, First Babe, Melanoma, The Ice Queen (Gloria Erin Ryan), The Cold One, The Swamp Queen, Tinderella, The Man-Boy Sitter, The Trump Sitter, The Trump Swatter (after she slapped her husband's hand away on an airport runway in Isreal), TerminEX, (ditto), The Black Widow, Pussy Bow (because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate), Double Agent (Christen Clifford suggested that the "pussy bow" was a feminist rebuke of her husband's pussy groping), Agent 69, The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley), Mater Harry (pun on Mata Hari and Dirty Harry), Eye Candy, KKK (her bra size),  The Apprentice Bride, Bride of Trumpenstein

Eric Trump nicknames: Eric the Red, Eric the Brain Dead, Eric of Orange, Eric Idle, Mr. Alt-Right, Mr. Roboto, Draco Malfoy, Sonny Corleone, Sonny-Boy, Butthead Trump, Eric the Hysteric, Eric the Cleric, Chip Off the Old Blockhead II

Donald Trump Jr. nicknames: Junior, Dunce Jr., Son of Drumpf, Donald Drumpkopf the Lesser, Ponyboy, Bozo Boy, Booby, Baby Boy, Chip Off the Old Blockhead, Skittles, Grade B T-Rump, Daddy's Human Shield, Beavis Trump, Uday Trump, Fredo Corleone, Fraido, Frayed Dough, The Bedwetter and Diaper Don (because in college he would get drunk, pass out and wet the bed)

"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets," Donald Trump Jr. told a real estate conference in 2008, "We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In 2014, when golf writer James Dodson asked Eric Trump how his father could finance golf courses when American banks were declining to lend money against such assets, he answered: "We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims to have "no dealings" with Russia, he is obviously lying. And Trump Jr. made the purpose of his treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents crystal-clear when he informed Jared Kushner and Paul Manafort about the covert operation in an email with the subject heading: "Russia – Clinton – private and confidential." Folks, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's Watson to figure this one out!

Vladimir Putin nicknames: Vova, Abaddon (the Angel of Death), Vlad the Impaler, Vladula, Pale Moth (his KGB code name), Darth Vladimir, The Kremlin's Grey Cardinal, Blonde Bond, The Puppet Master, Trump's Controller, The BEAST

Sergey Kislyak nicknames: The Recruiter, The Mole Man, Russia's Top Spy, Trump's Handler, The Impresario

Natalia Veselnitskaya nicknames: Natashe Fatale, Natalia Romanova, Zora the Geek, Octohussy, Hussy Galore, Dishonor Blackman, Shill Masters Son, So Long Dimwit Adios, Bonita Booby Trap, Rink-a-Dink Fink, Blog Cabin Girl, High Jinx, Vesper Sinned, Triple X, Trip Lex, Strawberry Yields, Severance, Domino Downfall, Fredo's Downfall, The Knock-Off, Yet Another Loose End, Blunderball 007, Miss Russian Collusion Fusion, Trump Tower's Favored Immigrant (she is on parole with American Immigration), The Prosecutor's Bride (her nickname in Russia during her marriage to Alexander Mitusov)

Rinat Akhmetshin nicknames: Boris Badenov, Mr. Con-Fusion, The GRUsome Spook, The Mole, Mr. Counter Intelligence, The Propagandist, Putin's Shadow Lobbyist, The Man in the Shadows, The Shadowist, Trump's Controller, AK-47, The Mercenary, Russia's Gun-for-Hire, The Hacker, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold War, The Double-Speak Agent, The Lobbyist, Rinat of the Oligarchs

Aras Agalarov nicknames: The Mogul, The Oligarch, The Donald Trump of Russia, Azerbijani Aras

Emin Agalarov nicknames: Mogul Lite, Little Mogul, The Azerbijani Eminem

Yury Yakovlevich Chaika nicknames: The Crown Prosecutor, Trump's Elector

Rob Goldstone nicknames: The Gold Digger, The Name Dropper, The Pawn Broker, The Bet-Hedger (he posted a selfie of himself in a pro-Russia shirt hours after Trump was elected president), Nebbish Nero, Chubby Caligula, The Oligarch's Intimate, The Weak Link, Cold Stone Robber

Irakly Kaveladze nicknames: Ike, Eighth Wheel, The Invisible Man, Comrade Croak US, Hocus Crocus, The Wallflower, The Analyst, The Pawn Broker, Putin's Mike

Denis Katsyv nicknames: The Launderer, Mr. Moneybags

Anatoli Samochornov nicknames: The Interpreter, The Deep State Contractor

Boris Epshteyn nicknames: Bore Us (his high school nickname), Boris Badenov, Putin's Proxy, The Russian Surrogate, The Rat, The Mole, Moscow's Investment Guru, Frankenstein Epshteyn

Alan S. Futerfas nicknames: Flutter-Fast, Scumsaver, The Mob's Legal Beagle, Mr. Mob, Mr. Mafia, Russian Red Futerfas, The Pork Avenue Trombonist

Rhona Graff nicknames: The Gatekeeper, Keeper of the Graft, Graff Spree

Jamie Gorelick nicknames: The Dropout, The Licked Lawyer

Abbe Lowell nicknames: Prayer Time, Kushner's Last Line of Defense, The Heavyweight

Peter W. Smith nicknames: The Go-Between, Putin's Procurer, The Hacker Backer

Michael Caputo nicknames: Capo Caputo, Kaputo, Kaput, Kaputz, Mafioso Mike

Marc E. Kasowitz nicknames: Marc the Narc, Case o' Wits, Witzless

Ty Cobb nicknames: Maize, The Corn Cobbler, Cobbled Defense, The Hit King

Trump Attorney Jay Sekulow nicknames: Jaybird, Jaywalker, Jay "Seek the Low Road" Sekulow, Seek and Destroy Sekulow

The "Big Six" or "Deep State Six"

Paul Ryan nicknames: Lyin' Ryan, Cryin' Ryan, Paul Pot, Pious Paul, Paul Ruin, Small-Ball Ryan, Beaver Cleaver, Eddie Munster, Alfalfa, Mr. 1%, A-ryan, Brown Nose (he was voted "Biggest Brown-Noser" by his graduating class in 1988), Nana Killer, The Granny Killer, Rathole, Trump's Cheerleader (Dan Rather), Ryan's Hopeless, Gilligan (allegedly this is what Mitt Romney's campaign staff called Paul Ryan behind his back), Blue-Eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabee

Mitch McConnell nicknames: Fuckface McTurtlebitch, The Turtle (Jon Stewart), Dick Turtle, Mitch the Snitch, Mitch the Bitch, Mitch the Snitch-Bitch, Mitch the Glitch, Mitch the Twitch, Mitch the Shitz, Mitch Switch Bait, Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch), Ditch McConnell, The Ditch Dweller, The Serial Biller (Michael R. Burch), The Zodiac Biller (Michael R. Burch), The Lethal Chipmunk

Orrin Hatch nicknames: Orrin Goering, Orrin Moron, Orrin Boring, Borin' Orrin, Boring Snatch, The Hatchling, Half-Hatched Orrin, Down the Hatch Orrin, The Albino Weasel, Mucoso

Steve Mnuchin nicknames: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Foreclosure King, The Forecloser, The Double-Downer, The Granny Terminator, Dune Messiah

Gary Cohn nicknames: Sachs-man, Cohn's Disease, A$$hole, Con Tiki, Globalist Gary, The Government Sacker, The Risk Taker, The TARP King, Bailout Boy

Kevin Brady nicknames: Colonel Klink, Death Warmed Over, Mean Ways Brady, Mr. Secret Payoff, The SalesTaxMan, The Sales Tax Shaman

The Rest of Trump's Inner Circle

Stephen K. Bannon nicknames: Acting President Bannon, Stephen KKK Bannon, Loose Cannon Bannon, Darkness Incarnate, AmeriKlan Idol, Deceivin' Stephen, Darth Vader, Darth Bannon, Sauron, Sour-Hun, The Great Manipulator (TIME), The Great Baby-Man-ipulator, The Great Totipulator, The Amerikan Goebbels, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (David Letterman), Steve "Fan Hate" Bannon, Rupert Murder-Doc, Mr. Destructo, Stephen "Sith Lord" Bannon, Supremacist Steve, The Dark Master of Disaster, Stephen Stipulator, Little Stevie Blunder, The Svengali

Kellyanne Conway nicknames: Wrongway Conway (Michael R. Burch), The Spin-Mistress (Bess Levin), Miss Misinformation (Michael R. Burch), The Trump Whisperer (Frank Bruni), Motor Mouth (David Horsey), Smelly Anne Con-Job, Con-Way Twitter ("Can we con our way to the presidency, using Twitter?"), Con-Way Twit, "Nutter Consigliere (Jim Newell), The Mercenary (Jim Newell), Vichy (Stephen Romanenghi), Free Agent (Joe Scarborough), Fact-Free Agent (Michael R. Burch), Fatal Attraction (SNL), Mistress of Propaganda, Bride of Dracula, Spawn of the Undead, The Crypt Keeper, The Cryptomaniac, The Spinstress (Michael R. Burch), Orwellian Anne, Bullshit Barbie, Sadly Aging and Sagging Barbie, Kenless Barbie (pun on "knowledge-less")

Paul Manafort nicknames: The Count, The Uber-Lobbyist (David Catanese), Putin's Revenge, Yanukovych's Yankee Yanker, Russian Lobbyist-in-Chief, American Mole, The Ultimate Insider, Knuckles, Steamroller, The Six Million Ruble Man

Roger Stone nicknames: Roger Rabid (Michael R. Burch), Dirty Trickster (Elizabeth Burke), Roger the Artless Dodger, Professional Lord of Mischief, State of the Art Sleazeball, Boastful Black Prince of Sleaze, Roger "Glands of Stone," Ratf*cker, The Most Dangerous Person in America Today (The Village Voice)

Chief of Staff Reince Priebus nicknames: Rinse Penis, Rinse Priapus, Prince Penis, Prince Precipice, Prince Rhesus, Prince Rebus, Princess Reba, RNC PR BS (by removing all vowels), E Priebus Loonum, "Rinse Twice and Spit" Priebus, Prince Precipitous, Rancid Rinse, Rancid Penis, Rinse Repeat, The Mincing Prince, Rimjob Precipuss

Trump foreign policy adviser Carter Page nicknames: Stranichkin (Russian for "little page"), The Window Dresser, Putin's Page Boy, Putin's Pimp, Putin's Apologist, Moscow's Brazen Apologist (Michael Isikoff), Trump's Moscow Mystery Man (Julia Ioffe), The Russian Mole, The Gazprom Greaser, Who? (Corey Lewandowski, Politico, Bill Browder and other Real Experts on Russia)

Sarah Palin Nicknames: Sarah Barracuda (her high school nickname), Sarahcudda, Caribou Barbie, Half-Baked Alaskan, Mooselini, Moose-o-lini, Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sarah Palin (Michael R. Burch), The Wasilla Gorilla or Gurlilla or Gurlzilla, The Roughed Rogue, The Original Material Girl (because she provides Stephen Colbert so much comedy materiel), Klondike Kardashian, Klondike Dike, Blunder Woman, Sarah Stoopid, Bible Spice, The Ungreat Whore of Babble-On, The Great Boor of Babble-On, The Wasilla Hillbilly, The Wasillabilly, The Tundra Twit, Sarah Failin', Failin' Palin, Bailin' Palin, Half-Governor, The Moosiah Pit Bull in Lipstick (according to herself), Ramboner, Rambette, Trumpette, Saint Sarah of Wasilla, Sarah Pipeline, Sarah Punchline, Vampy, The Killa from Wasilla, The Quitter from Wasilla, Money Boo-Boo, Sarah Shakes-Spear (because she is so warlike and compared herself to Shakespeare when she coined a new word, "refudiate"), Sarah Crosshairs, Sarah Triggerfinger, Mama Grizzly, Palin-Drone, Chick Cheney, Sarah Stalin, Snark Shark, Moose MILF, The Alaska Disasta, Snowjob Squareglasses, Post Turtle, McCain's Bane, FrankenPalin, Northern Overexposure, Nightmayor, Miss Iquitarod, Irate Ingrate, Miss Wonker Bonker, Sarah Scareya, Lady Gagya, Sarah Sarin, Tri-Sarah-Tops, Sarah Snowgrifter, Sarah Snowjob, The Boreal Narcissus

Bristol Palin nicknames: Brisket® (the ® because she registered her name as a trademark!), Brisquet, Bras Tool, Barstool, Bristhole, Brissie, Bristie, Brissypants, Bitchol, Pigstool Grifter Jr.

Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch nicknames: Darth Evader, Goldman Sachs' Rubber Stamp, A$$hole, The Unjust Justice, The Grinder (for grinding ordinary Janes and Joes under the crushing wheels of corporations), The Greek Geek, Fratboy, FIJI-boy and the Fraternizer (for defending his college frat against charges of date rape)

Bill O'Reilly nicknames: Shill O'Reilly, Bull O'Really, Bill O'Goods, The Spin Zone Doctor, The Spin Doktor, The Spin DoKKKtor, Papa Bear (Stephen Colbert), Mr. Sexual HarA$$ment, Sex Beast, Sexual Predator, The Permanent Vacationer, Big O (George W. Bush), Podzilla (since his new medium will be podcasts)

Corey Lewandowski nicknames: Gory Corey, Mr. Assault and Battery, The Lobbyist, Never-Elected (he received a whopping 7 votes in his first election campaign and never won an election), The Wand of Death

Trump's Cabinet

Trump cabinet nicknames and Trump administration nicknames: Monster's Ball (David Axelrod), The White Supremacist House, The Sicko-phants (Michael R. Burch), Trumplandia, The Swamp Cabinet, Ku Klux Kabinet, KKK-Mart, Three-Ring Circus, Killer Klown Kar, The Roundhead Table, The West Wingers, The West Wingnuts, Moscow on the Hudson (Michael R. Burch), The AmeriKKKan Kremlin, The Kremlin Connection, Putin's Puppets, Putin's Proxies, Dr. Strangelove & Co., Dawn of the Brain Dead, The Underlings, The A$$lickers, The Re-Cuss-Ants, The Cowering Inferno, The Undivine Comedy, The Kings of Unintentional Comedy, The Tenth Circle of Hell, Trump's Inner Circle = Trump Sinner Circle

Vice President Mike Pence nicknames: Hoosier, Cuddles, Trumpence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch), Silver Faux Fox, The Mad Monk, Dense Pence, Out of the Loop Dupe (USA Today), Mike Pensive, The Foxhole Huddler, The Fence Sitter, THE VICEROY, The Vice Antichrist

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson nicknames: T-Rex, Rexosaurus, T-Wrecks, Rex Drillerson, Rex Shillerson, Rex Killerson, Rex Billerson, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Rasputin (Michael R. Burch), Rexputin, The Invisible Man, Secretary of Wait (Michael R. Burch), Secretary in State (Michael R. Burch), Deep State Secretary

Secretary of Energy Rick Perry nicknames: Crotch (because he wore tight jeans and "adjusted" himself often), Dumbass, Secretary of the Department of Oops! ("Whazzat? Duh, I forget!"), Rick Fairy, Rick Moronic, Rick Moreanus, Texas Toast

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos nicknames: Cruella DeVos, Cruella DeVile, Diva DeVos, DeVile DeVos, DeVoid DeVos, Devolution DeVos, Wetsy Betsy, Betsy Dross, The Education Terminator, Madame DeVoucher, The Segregationist (Randi Weingarten pointed out that private school vouchers are "only slightly more polite cousins of segregation"), The Semi-Polite Slighter (Michael R. Burch), The Chalk Closet Racist

Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin nicknames: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Foreclosure King, The Forecloser, The Double-Downer, The Granny Terminator, Dune Messiah

Secretary of Defense James Mattis nicknames: Mad Dog, Warrior Monk, Mad Monk, Chaos (his very appropriate call-sign)

Former Secretary of Defense Mike Flynn nicknames: Dr. Strangelove, In Like Flynnt, Red Flynnstone (Michael R. Burch), "Flynn Facts," Putin's Pawn, Amerika's Angriest General, Flynnskint, Red Flynn, The Canary (because he's about to sing like one)

Secretary of Agriculture George Ervin Perdue III nicknames: Sonny, Ophie Junior (his mother's name was Ophie), The Rainman (he once "prayed up a storm" pleading for rain)

Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke: Rinky-Dink Zinke, The SOFA Commando (Special Operations Fraud & Anarchy), The Bozeman Bozo, The Knife Collector, On-the-Blink Zinke

Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross nicknames: Ross Rothschild (he worked for N. M. Rothschild & Sons), The Bankruptcy King, Wilbur Wrong Force, Heavens to Betsy Ross

Secretary of Labor Andrew Puzder nicknames: Putz Puzder, Colonel Klink, CKE-n Little, The Wage Terrorist, The Wage Deflator, The Lowballer, The Burger-Bikini Baron, Randy Andy

Secretary of Labor Alexander Acosta nicknames: Alex, Dean, Trump's Token Hispanic, The Exile (his parents are Cuban refugees)

Secretary of Health & Human Services Tom Price nicknames: The Amerikan Mengele, Tom Sellout, One Man Death Panel, The Six Million Death Man, Tom Thumb, Tom "Profit More" Price, Tom "the Price is Your Life"

Secretary of HUD Ben Carson nicknames: Psychopath (Donald Trump), HUD Ornament (Michael R. Burch), Crazy Ben Carson, Dummy (his childhood nickname), Eli (his Secret Service code name), One Nation (his choice)

Secretary of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin nicknames: Skulkin' Shulkin (Michael R. Burch), The Designated Survivor

Secretary of Homeland Security John F. Kelly nicknames: Hobo, The Hitcher (he hopped freighters in his youth), Moonshine ("My first time overseas was taking 10,000 tons of beer to Vietnam!")

Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao nicknames: Mrs. Mitch McConnell, Tiger Wife (Stuart Bloch), Madame Secretary, Fireworks, Short Fuse

Deputy Attorney General Dana J. Boente nicknames: Deputy Dawg, Trump's Lapdog, Barney Fife, Goober, The Decoy

Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein nicknames: Rosey Red, Russian Red, Red Rod, Rowdy Roddy Fib-Piper

Attorney General Jeff Sessions nicknames: The Hobbit (Trevor Noah), Nervous Tick (Conan O'Brien), Kangaroo Court Sessions, Hessian Sessions, Secessionist Sessions, Russian Red Sessions, Rushin' Sessions, Stressin' Sessions (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Stonewall Sessions, Jefferson "No Regard" Sessions (his full name is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions), Disjointed Sessions, Nervous Nellie, Detour-ney General, Round-a-Bout Bubba, The Mal-Lingerer, Sgt. Schultz ("I know nutthink!"), General Beau-Beau (rhymes with "Do-Do" like the bird)

Trump's Allies, Supporters, Henchmen, Associates and Lapdogs

White House Pres Secretary Sean Spicer nicknames: Scary Spicer (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Vanilla Spice, Vanilla Spicer, The Spice of Death, Sean Sphincter (College Voice), Hedgehog and Hedge-Dodger (after Spicer hid behind a hedge to avoid reporters), Spittler, Shitler, Twitler, The Holocaust Apologist, The Mouthpiece (David Horsey), Spicy, Motor Mouthpiece, Sean "the Truth Icer" Spicer, Sean "Dawn of the Dead" Spicer, Spokestoady, Spokestwit, Spokestot, Spokesboy, Spokestoddler, Spokestool, Spokesmoron, Spokesliar, Spokeswhiner, Press Reagent, Full Court Press, The Tass A$$, Tass Light, The Tass-manian Devil, Amerikan Goebbels, Wormtongue, Sinister Spice, Little Tattletale Teller, Sauerkraut Spicer, Five Alarm Spicer, The S**t Spicer, Tokyo Rose, Spastic Spicer, Trump's Human Twitter Feed, The Baghdad Bobblehead, Spiced Whiner, Spiced Lice, The Slime Spreader, Skippy, Old Spice, The Depressing Press Secretary, Former Press Secretary, The High Wire Liar, Dumb Spice, The Angry Inch Worm (he's really angry and short)

Chair of the House Oversight Committee Jason Chaffetz nicknames: Chaff, Chaffy, Chaff-Lips, Chipmunk, Chipmunk Cheeks, Cheeky, No-Tell Hotel Chaffetz, Grandstanding Charlatan (Heather Digby Parton), Jason "Putin on the Ritz" Chaffetz, (Michael R. Burch), Jason and the Ego-Nuts (Michael R. Burch), Half-Assed Chaffetz

House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes nicknames: Known-Nothing Nunes, Numbnuts Nunes, Devin Devil, Nanu Nanu Nunes, See-no-Evil-Hear-no-Evil-but-sure-as-hell-embrace-Evil Nunes

Erik Prince nicknames: The Prince of Darkness, Creature from the Blackwater Lagoon, The Mercenary, Soldier of Misfortune, The Envoy, Trump's Unofficial Russian Envoy

Congressman Dana Rohrabacher: Putin's Favorite Congressman, Putin's Apologist, Putin's Proxy, Assad's AmeriKlan Ally, Dana the Red, Red Dana, Dirty Dana 
SEC Chairman Walter J. Clayton nicknames: Jay, Jaybird, The Bailout King, The Wall Street Jaywalker, Goldman Sacks Washington, Hatin' Clayton

Trump donor Robert Mercer nicknames: Hedge Hog, PACman, Dark Money, The Megadonor, Merciless Mercer, Ming the Merciless, The Cluster Fucker, The Quant King, The Money Man, The Cat Talker, Bob

Trump donor Rebekah Mercer nicknames: Bekah, Bekah Bilker, Bannon's Backer, The Whiny Hellcat

Director of the National Economic Council Gary Cohn nicknames: Sachs-man, Cohn's Disease, A$$hole, Con Tiki, Globalist Gary, The Government Sacker, The Risk Taker, The TARP King, Bailout Boy

Legislative Affairs Assistant to the President Marc Short nicknames: Short of the Marc, Shortstop, Shortcut, Koch Addict, Koch Lite, The A$$-istant, Dark Money Marc, Junior Asshole, Short Attention Span Marc, The Dark Money Operative

Comptroller of the Currency nominee Joseph Otting nicknames: Outed Otting (after he claimed to have a degree from Dartmouth that Dartmouth doesn't even offer), "Leave it to Otter" Joe

Felix Sater nicknames: The Margarita Assassin, Felix Satyr, Red Felix, The Hudson on Moscow (Sater worked on plans to build a Trump Tower in Moscow), The Red Turk

Willard Mitt Romney nicknames: Bishop Romney, The RomneyBot, Plastic Man, Bain in the Ass (David Letterman's #1), King of Bain (Newt Gingrich), Mitt the Twit (The Sun of London, Rupert Murdoch), Mitt the Unfit, Mr. Magical Undies, The Stench (allegedly what Paul Ryan calls Romney behind his back), Willard, The Willard Mechanism, His Willardness

Rick Santorum nicknames: Pope Sanctimonious I, Rick Satan, Prick Sanatorium, Insanatorium  Rooster, Rooster Fogburn, Frothy

Mike Huckabee nicknames: Judas, Huckster Huckabee, Huckleberry Spin, Huckmaster General, Huck Fuckabee, Huck Upchuck, Brother Smother, Tax Hike Mike, Triple Wide, Duck Hunter, Uncle Sugar (he once said that the only reason women voted for Democrats was because Uncle Sugar promised to pay for their birth control), Gomer Pile On

Deputy Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders nicknames: Miss Huckster, Basic Atrocity, Women's Fibber, Sister Smother, Slimy Sellout, Train Wreck, Miss Derailment, Faux News Vixen, Lil' Spice, Less Seasoned Spice, The Gomerette, Elmira Gantry, Possum Queen

Chris Christie nicknames: Christie Kreme, The Illsbury Dough-Boy, The Cookie Monster, Big Boy (George W. Bush), Pork Chop, Pork Dork, Porky Pine, Porko Vallarta, Don Qui-Hefty, Enormes Pantalones, Pufferfish, Trueheart (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Trump's Cream Puff, "Beached" Whale, Beach Boy, The New Jersey Sunblocker, Cripsy Christie, Corpus Christie, Sammiches, Governor Sammiches, Crispy Creme, Boca Rotundo, Dios Meatball, Cinco De Mayonnaise, Lap-Bandito, Chiportly, Gringo Con Carne, Dos Neckis, The Love Gov.

Ann Coulter nicknames: AnnThrax, Ann the Man, Coultergeist, Beltway Barbie, Cuckoo Coulter, Tranny Annie, Goebbels with tits, Rush Limbette, Mann Coulter, Chairman Ann, Ann Coltrear, Ann Cunter, That Conservative Female Douche, Jew Perfecter, Man-Hands, Banshee, Wicked Witch of the West, Ann Hitler, Uber Bitchette, I-don't-care-about-the-Jews Barbie, Psycho-bitch, Just plain stupid, Colt 34D (allegedly her bra size, but a man would have to drink a helluva lot of Colts to want to be sure)

Joe Arpaio nicknames: Wyatt Twerp, Boss Hogg, Big Pig, The Maricopa Madman, Captain James Tiberius Jerk, Colonel Klink, Officer Loco, Wiley E. Peyote, Lawrence of Insania, Tonto, Prickzilla Queen of the Desert

Jeb Bush nicknames: Tortoise (George W. Bush), Low Energy (Donald Trump), Eveready (Jeb's retort to Trump when asked to pick his Secret Service code name), Veto Corleone, The Bushmaster, Bush League, Gator

Carly Fiorina nicknames: Chainsaw Carly (for all the jobs she cut at HP and Compaq), Golden Parachutress, The Anti-Hillary, Secretariat (her choice for a Secret Service code name)

John Kasich nicknames: Pope (he wanted to be the pope as a boy), Unit One (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Unit Two (his wife's alternate suggestion!)

Rand Paul nicknames: Mr. Nerdy Perm, Mr. Poodle-'Do, The Aquah Budha, Schrödinger's Cat-a-Tonic Candidate (he's "a man on all sides of all issues all at once"), Mr. Death Spiral, Mr. Just-Kill-Them-All!, Truly Weird Rand Paul (Donald Trump), Justice Never Sleeps (his choice for a Secret Service code name; he later called it "one of those nicknames you try to make happen and miserably fail")

Ron Paul nicknames: Uncle Goldbug (because of his stance on hard money), Rue Paul (because we rue the day he appeared on the American political scene), Dr. No (he is a medical doctor and the only word he seems to understand is "no"), Rumple

Scott Walker nicknames: The Desperado (in his high school yearbook), Niedermeyer (after an overly aggressive ROTC leader in the movie Animal House), Scott Balker, Harley (his choice for a Secret Service code name)

Rupert Murdoch nicknames: Rupert Murder-Doc, Papa Doc, Ru Paul (Stephen Colbert), The Last Press Baron (CNN), the Dirty Digger (Ian Hislop), the Mudslinger, the Faux Fox, Murdoch of the Mammaries

Roger Ailes nicknames: Roger the Unartful Dodger, The Sex Cadger Codger, Roger Flogger, Roger the Sex Rabbit, The Predator, The Human Toad (SemDem on Daily Kos)

Sean Hannity nicknames: Sean O'Scammity (Michael R. Burch), Sean of the Dead, Lumpy (Jon Stewart), Handy Hannity, Shammity, Sean Vanity, Sean Insanity, Loverboy, Flubberboy

Trump lawyer Sheri A. Dillon nicknames: Gunsmoke (pun on Matt Dillon), The Smoking Gun, The Hired Gun, Ms. Trust (pun on "mistrust"), Trump's Legal Beagle

Michael Steele nicknames: The Sesame Street Guy (Jon Stewart, who compared him to Grover), The Man of Steal (pun on stealing elections and human rights, two GOP objectives)

Rob Portman nicknames: Beltway Rob, PAC-Man, The Lobbyist, The Insider, The Outsourcer, The Job Robber, Washington's First Porter, Any Port in a Shit Storm, Portmanteau

Rod Blum nicknames: Bloomin' Idiot, The Screener, The Stalker, The Quitter (after Blum stalked out of an interview in which he was asked why he screens attendees of his "public" meetings)

Trump senior political adviser Stephen Miller nicknames: Young Gargamel (Stephen Colbert), Sméagol (Trevor Noah), Basic Henchman  (Trevor Noah), Master of Mendacity (Frank Vyan Walton), Neo-Jackboot (Frank Vyan Walton), The Love-Wall-Builder, "Mad Men" Miller, The Sh*tstreamer, The True Believer & Deceiver

Rudy Giuliani nicknames: Trudy, Julianne, Rudy the Red-Nosed Panderer, Amerika's Scariest Mayor, Rude Rudy, Trump's Scamp-aign Manager, Batshit Crazy Rudy

Others

Trump donor Sylvain Mirochnikoff nicknames: The Trader, The Director, The Exotic Equity Derivatives Trader
Trump spokesperson and attorney Michael D. Cohen nicknames: Kremlin Charlie, Lavrov's Dog (pun on Pavlov's Dog)
Deputy National Security Adviser K. T. McFarland nicknames: Far-Out McFarland, The Ditz, McFibber, The Airhead
Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategy Dina Habib Powell nicknames: Sachs-girl, Sachs Diva
Deputy Chief of Staff Rick Dearborn nicknames: Deputy Lap Dawg, Greenhorn Dearborn, Stillborn Dearborn, Red Rick, Russian Rick
Deputy Communications Director Jessica Ditto nicknames: Ditto, "Ditto That," Miss Redundant, Bevin's Bane, Trump's Blonde Brander  
Personal Aide John McEntee nicknames: Aide de Camp, Aide de Kampf, Teed-Off McEntee
Deputy Chief of Staff Joe Hagin nicknames: Ragin' Hagin
Executive Assistant Madeline Westerhout nicknames: Trump's Toady, Wicked Witch of the Westerhout
Director of Oval Office Operations Keith Schiller nicknames: The Shill
Newt Gingrich nicknames: Tadpole, Angry Tadpole, Angry Muffin (Peggy Noonan), The Bloated Bullfrog, The One Stop Lobby Shop, Newticles, Noot
Mike Pompeo nicknames: Pompous Asshole, Putin's Pompous Pimp
Peter Navarro nicknames: The EEKonomist, Bullshitter in the China Shop
Deputy Chief of Staff Katie Walsh nicknames: Welshing Walsh, Katie Bar the Door
Director of Strategic Communications Hope Hicks nicknames: Hopeless Hicks, Tricky Hicky
Antonin Scalia nicknames: Antonin "Scaly" Scalia, Nino (Spanish for "infant"), El Nino, El Ninny
Anthony Scaramucci nicknames: Anthony "Scary" Scaramucci, Scarface, Scarecrow, Scary Spice II, Ditto
David Melech Friedman nickames: Moloch, Fried Brain Man, Mr. Apartheid, Israel's Goebbels
Sebastian Gorka nicknames: Gorky Park, Dorky Park, Borat, The Irregular, The Mad Hungarian, The Hun, The Incredible Shrinking "Expert" Witness
Carl Icahn nicknames: Mr. Delorean, Mr. Bailout, Mr. Too Big Not to Fail, The Grey Grifter, Back to the Suture, The Artful Dodger
Daniel Coates nicknames: Dan, Offshore Dan, Coates of Many Colors
White House Counsel Don F. McGahn nicknames: The Enabler, Cover Artist, Undercover Artist (he does cover songs), Guitar Dan
Michael Dubke nicknames: Mike, Karl Rove Jr., Mystery Man, Happy Warrior
Peter Navarro nicknames: Novice, Nutjob, Ninny
Ajit Pai nicknames: Dark Yoda, The Agitator, The Net Neutrality Negator, The Broadband Baron, Big Brother, Trump's Sinister Swami
Glenn Beck nicknames: Voldemort, Emotional Fescue (Michael R. Burch), American Rhodes, Glen "Weepin'-'n'-Wailin'" Beck
Kevin McCarthy nicknames: Kevin “Loose Lips Sink Ships” McCarthy
Dave Brat nicknames: Bratman, Terrible Tyke, Dark Night of the Soul
Raul Labrador nicknames: Raul "Lapdog" Labrador, Black Lab, Trump's Retriever, Labrador Guppy
George W. Bush nicknames: Dubya, Shrub, Junior, Bush League, Bush Baby, Bushman, Uncurious George, The Decider, Chimpy McStagger
Dick Cheney nicknames: The Penguin, Mr. Vice, Big Time (George W. Bush), Duke Nukem, Blam-Blam (after he shot another hunter in the face), Dickhead, Tricky Dick II
Donald Rumsfeld nicknames: Rummy (George W. Bush), Rheumy, Rheumatoid
Karl Rove nicknames: Turd Blossom (George W. Bush), Turd Polisher (George H. W. Bush), Rover, Red Rover, Red Raver
John Boehner nicknames: Boner (George W. Bush), Orange Man, Trump's Tan Companion, Weepy, Weepy McDrunky, Sir Drunkalot
John McCain nicknames: Hogan (George W. Bush), The Maverick (Sarah Palin), Crusty McCain (Donald Trump), Grandpa Walnuts
Meghan McCain nicknames: Soylent Blonde, SoyBlo, Meghan McBane
Maureen Dowd nicknames: The Cobra (George W. Bush), Howdy Dowdy, Dowdy Do-Wrong, Fraulein Dowdy
Kayleigh McEnany nicknames: Kellyanne Lite, Inane McEnany, McLiar, Blond Bombshell Exploding into Alternative Facts
Dan Scavino nicknames: Scarface, The Scavenger, Social Media Czar, Trump's Twitter Babysitter (Michael R. Burch)
David Bossie nicknames: Bossy, the Boss, Bessie
Secretary of the Army Mark Green nicknames: Greenhorn, Greensleeves, Emergency!, The Medic, Critical Care, The Homophobe
National Security Adviser General Herbert Raymond McMaster nicknames: Master of Disaster, McMonster, H.R., Bannon's Banisher
Ezra Cohen-Watnick nicknames: The Tapp Dancer, Deep Bloat, The Informant, The Whistleblower (Paul Ryan), Flynn's Flunked Flunkey
Michael Ellis nicknames: Eely Ellis, The Eel, Ellis Islander, Deep Bloat II
John Eisenberg nicknames: The Illegal Eagle, Deep Bloat III, Iceberg
Billy Bush nicknames: Bush League, The Bush Beater
Richard LeFrak nicknames: The Mogul, The Overseer
Harrison LeFrak nicknames: The Brain, Dirty Harry
Chris Ruddy nicknames: Ruddy Buddy, Trump's Spokespal, Newsminion, The Smokescreen, Russian Red Ruddy, Chris Phish, Bad Fungus
Jeff Flake nicknames: The Flake, Snow Flake, Corn Flake, Flake the Snake, Fake Spews
Senator Dean Heller nicknames: Heller High Water, Hell's Bells, The Hellion, The Dean of Healthcare Hell, Hell on Greased Wheels
Tom Cotton nicknames: Cottonmouth, Cotton Candypants, White Fluff, The White Cotton King, Uncle Tom, Tehran Tom
John Cornyn nicknames: Corndog (George W. Bush), Cornpone, Corn Prone, Corncob, Corny, KKK Cornyn
Lamar Alexander nicknames: Hedy, Alexander the Ungreat, The Candyman
John Barrasso nicknames: Bare Ass, The Ass, The A$$hole, Wyoming's Doktor, John-Boy
Mike Lee nicknames: Mikey, The General, The Ungreat Dane, Alito Jr.
Cory Gardner nicknames: The Unconstant Gardner, Tory Cory, The GOP Bad Idea Man, C-Money, The Young Gun, Scattershot
Pat Toomey nicknames: Sock It Toomey, Senator Elevator (because he dodged Trump by hiding in an elevator), Stand Pat Toomey
Mike Enzi nicknames: Hate Frenzy Enzi, The Wyoming Homophobe, The Hate Crime Defender
John Thune nicknames: Out-of-Tune Thune, The Giant Killer
AshLee Strong nicknames: Eddie Munster's Press Secretary, The SpinMistress, The Black Widow
James Comey nicknames: Homey Comey, Show Me Comey, The Election Rigger, Trump's Red-Headed Stepchild
Sam Nunberg nicknames: The Nun, Nanoo Nunberg, Sam the None
Barry Bennett nicknames: Bennet Dick Arnold, Bare Net Bennet
 
Budget Director Mick Mulvaney nicknames: Mick the Prick, Mick the Vain, Whether Vane Mick, Insane Mulvaney
Nick Ayers nicknames: Airhead Ayers, Hot Air Ayers
Josh Holmes nicknames: Sherlock Holmes's Dumber Brother, Josh "the Dudd" Holmes
Seema Verma nicknames: The Verminator
Johnny DeStefano nicknames: Stephanie, The Sob Boss, The Headhunter, The Rushin' Recruiter, Mr. Flip Flop
Margaret Peterlin nicknames: The Gatekeeper
Brian Hook nicknames: Hook'n'Crook, The Hooker, Mr. Memo
Corey Stewart nicknames: The Apprentice, Trump's Firee, The Cuckservative, Prince William Unsound, Mr. AR-15
Eric Cantor nicknames: Iago, Eric Ranter, Eric Cant, The Wimpy Whip
Rush Limbaugh nicknames: The Human Hindenburg, Rush Dim-Bulb, Lush Dim Blah, Junkie Limbaugh, Limbaugh Cheese, The Rushian, Rushbo, Rush Limbawful, Douche Rimjob

Nicholas O'Shaughnesy calls Trump the "Ambassador of the Post-Truth Society." A simpler way to put that may be Liar-in-Chief.

It's embarrassing enough that Trump couldn't get top American stars to perform at his "Deploraball," but he was also turned down by Celine Dion, Andrea Boccelli, Elton John ... even Paul Anka!
Paul Anka and Celine Dion? Canadian. Elton John? English. Andrea Boccelli? Italian. 3 Doors Down? The Rockettes? Ted Nugent? Benji barking Sieg Heil? Keep an eye on the Keystone Klown Kar!
FINALLY
, TAH-DA!, Trump "lands an A-list celebrity" to appear at his inauguration: "notorious pharma bro Martin Shkreli ... the most hated man in America!"―Dartagnan in Daily Kos
Actually, Trump is not short of A-listers, if by "A" we mean major ASSHOLES; hell, he's stocking his cabinet with them as we speak!

Currently rising: Trumpelstiltskin (Joy Behar), Trumpelthinskin, Tweetybird Trump and The Man in the Gilded Tower ... er, make that The Man-Baby in the Gilded Tower because Trump is having temper tantrums and whining and soiling his diaper in public on a daily basis! Also rising: the Organ Grinder because Trump likes to grope genitals and because he prefers trained monkeys to people with independent minds.

Also rising: Captain Outrageous (pun on Captain Courageous), Captain Chaos, Captain Diaperpants, the King of Chaos, the Orange Fire Monkey, the Orange Fire Chicken

Trump's name in Chinese translates as Te Lang Pu (Pooh!), which means "unusual, loud and common." Are the gods trying to tell us something, one wonders?
Rex Tillerson's name in Chinese translates as Di (Die!) Le Sen, which means "stem (kill), coerce, dark." It seems to suit him, as far as I can tell.
Kellyanne Conway's name in Chinese translates as Kang Wei, which means "healthy leather hide." Once again, right on the mark!
Ryan Zinke's name in Chinese translates as Jin Ke, which means "ferry crossing saliva digest." That makes me think of crossing over to Hades on Charon's ferry, on a river of spittle, and being forced to drink it!

Also rising: THE SWAMP STOCKER and THE SWAMPLAND SALESMAN

During his presidential campaign, Trump promised to "drain the swamp." Newt Gingrich recently nixed the idea, saying it was just a "cute" Tweet. Now Trump is restocking the swamp with his crocodilian donors and political piranha: three Goldman Sachs bigwigs, a founder of the WWE pro "wrestling" circus (who just happened to give Trump millions), Dr. Strangelove generals, and Bozos who want to handcuff or get rid of the EPA, the Department of Energy, and god-only-knows what else. Trump and his cronies have really big—nay, YUGE—ideas: Return to the gold standard! Deregulate the banks so that American taxpayers can bail them out yet again! Get rid of Obamacare and replace it with inexpensive band-aids. If the band-aids don't work and Americans start dying, too bad, they should have been rich like Trump! Everyone will win, win win ... except that the only winners will be Trump and his billionaire bandit buddies.

Currently rising: Donald Drumfkopf, The Gay Grifter, Con Hair (pun on the movie "Con Air" after Trump's comments about Boeing and Air Force One), Hair Force One, Crony Capitalist (Sarah Palin), The American Duterte (Duterte has been called "The Trump of the East"), The Tweet Twit, The Twitter Flitterbug, The Conspiracy Errorist, Puerile Thin-Skinned Crude 70-Year-Old Bombastic Huckster (Joe Klein), Capricious Authoritarian Monarch (Dan Rather), Super Callous Fragile Ego Extra Braggadocious

Also rising: Dudley Do-Wrong, Boss Hogg Trump, KKK-Mart Caesar, Trumpty Dumpty, Prince of Humbug (P. T. Barnum), Gleeful Provocateur (David Von Drehle), The Rust Belt's Revenge (David Von Drehle), The Bait-and-Switch Orange Tufted Snitch, Little Donnie Diaperpants, Donald Sissypants, Sir Sissypants, Sir Pissypanties (Michael R. Burch)

Also rising: The Kingpin:

Schmoozers line up to kiss the ring
of the clownish Kingpin ...
Christie, Romney, Megyn Kelly ...
they bow down and quake like their insides are jelly.
—Michael R. Burch

Also rising: The fraud-U-lent President:

Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo
has agreed to pay $25 million to settle charges of fraud against his so-called Trump "University." Even the name was a sham and a scam―not to mention illegal due to false advertising. Thus Trump has, for all intents and purposes, admitted that he bilked thousands of students out of their hard-earned money. Many of them charged their credit cards and had to pay extremely high interest rates on top of the fraudulent "tuition" charges. But that is how Trump-Bozo operates, as he unloads his Kooky Klown Kar at the three-ring circus show formerly known as the American presidency. We will undoubtedly see more shams and scams under a Trump administration. Taxpayers had better plan on shelling out to have padded walls installed at the White House, now that the inmates are running the asylum. It sounds like the plot of a Batman movie: the Joker has been elected president and is gleefully playing with the nuclear codes ...

Currently rising: Herr President Trump, Hair Furor Trump, President Trumpenstein, President Twitter-Tweet-Twit, Resident Rump, Resident A$$hole, The Democracy Trumper, The Trumpster, Donald the Insufferable, The Wizard of Ahs, Ignoramus (Paul Krugman), Polezni Durak (Russian for "Useful Fool"), Putin's Useful Fool (ex-CIA director Michael Hayden), Yalta II: the End of NATO (General Wesley Clark), Unwitting Russian Agent (ex-CIA director Michael Morrell), Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poppet, Putin's BBF, Putin's Gambit, Comrade Trumputin, The Kremlin's Klown, Comey's Homie, The Boychurian Candidate, The ISIS Candidate, Vanilla ISIS, Duke Nuke 'Em, Der Groepenfuehrer, Baron Von Muchengropen, Boldfinger, Space Cadet Trump, Tweet Bait (Hillary Rodham Clinton), Twitter Twit, Unstable Cable Mogul, Low-Bar Limbo King, Human Vermin, Butternut Turd (Drew Magary), Largemouth Ass (Samantha Bee), Failed QVC Steak Salesman (Samantha Bee), Thrice-Married Foul-Mouthed Tit Judge (Samantha Bee), Screaming Carrot Demon (Samantha Bee), Melting Hunk of Uninformed Apricot Jello (Samantha Bee), America’s Burst Appendix (Samantha Bee), Crotch-Fondling Slab of Rancid Meatloaf (Samantha Bee), Sixteen-Month Hindenburg Explosion (Samantha Bee), Cassino Mussolini (Samantha Bee), Orange Supremacist (Samantha Bee), Dauphin of Breitbartistan (Samantha Bee), Regurgitated Orange Rind Oozing PussLong Dong Trump, The Trumpinator, Donald Chickenheart

Donald Trump compared himself to Medal of Honor winners, telling them: "I'm brave―financially brave!" No, Donald Chickenheart, welshing on your taxes and bills is not "brave." Trump avoided the Vietnam War by claiming to have "bone spurs," the rich boy's convenient excuse for sending someone poorer to fight and die in his stead. Trump then famously (or infamously) said that John McCain was only a hero because he was captured, while The Donald haughtily prefers heroes who were not captured. Thus, he insulted all American POWs. Trump then insulted a Gold Star family's loss of their son, by saying that he had made a similar "sacrifice" erecting buildings. Since when is a building worth a soldier's life? And of course Trump was making a lot of money from his buildings. Now it turns out that Trump hasn't paid federal taxes in decades, which he bragged makes him "smart." But those taxes pay for the food, clothing, safety and medical care of American soldiers who, unlike Trump, are willing to fight for their country. Is it "smart" or "brave" to let other people fight and die, while a rich, arrogant playboy gropes women's genitals, defrauds students and investors, and refuses to pay vendors and contractors? No, Donald Chickenheart is neither "smart" nor "brave." He is, however, very good at insulting his betters: particularly American soldiers, vets and their families.

Nicknames for the Trumps: The Stepfordians, Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out, Donald and the Douchebags, Hitler's Revenge on the United States  

Titles of upcoming movies and TV shows about the Trumps: Presidential Apprentice, The Brooklyn Hillbullies, Donald Duck Dynasty, Porky and the Pigs, Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous, The Stepford Wives Deliver the Children of the Corn, Family Feudal, What's My Con Line?, West Wingnuts, Shill Street Blues, Con Hair, Emergency!

New and Rising Trump Nicknames

News flash: The fossil of the strangest dinosaur yet have been discovered, and the bizarre creature has been named after you-know-who. Trumpasoreass Rex was an orange-hued alpha predator with a highly unusual modus operandi. Because its hands were tiny, dainty and of no use in battle, Soreass Rex would whine and whine until its victims slit their own throats! The ghastly beast would then gorge on their carcasses. Now its namesake is doing the same thing to American voters!

Just in time for Halloween, what could be scarier than a man with these nicknames: Trumpenstein, Trumpula, Trumpzilla, The Great Trumpkin, Pumpkin Hitler, Trump Troll, Uncle Fester, Uncle Grope-Fester (Josh Marshall), The Hulking Duke of Darkness (Garrison Keillor), Poor Little Rich Boy (The New Yorker), Human Molotov Cocktail (Michael Moore), Human Hand Grenade (Michael Moore), Grotesquely Decomposing Pumpkin Pulp, Jack-A$$-O-Lantern, Ugly Billionaire Nitwit (Garrison Keillor), The Dangler (Dan Rather), Damien Trump, The Creature from the Black Lampoon (Michael R. Burch), Count Hackula, Count Dreckula, The Posh Wear Wolf, The Dainty-Fingered Dandy, The Grim Groper, The Grimy Reaper, Orange-Tufted Imbecile Intent on Armageddon, The Mountebank (J. Robert Smith), Bizarro Bozo, Cracked Pot, The Orange Blob, King Dong, King Leer, The Shambling Sasquatch (Michael R. Burch), Lurch, Spittle-Mouthed Snarler (Gina Barreca), Orange Amoeba (Ana Navarro), Sith Lord Trump, Super Predator (Van Jones), Orange Click-Gibbon

Here are two new Trump nicknames that may warrant an explanation: Donald Droit du Seigneur and Droit du Donald. In medieval times, droit du seigneur was the "right of a lord" to have sex with a subordinate female. The lord didn't need to obtain the female's consent, nor could her husband or family defend her honor. Now we have learned from his own mouth that Baron Trump fancies that this ancient privilege is his, because he's a "star."

Third presidential debate nicknames: Sweet Little Baby Trump (Alec Baldwin), Libel Bully (American Bar Association), The Big Lummox (Garrison Keillor), Rigger Mortis (Michael R. Burch), Donald de Rigueur (Michael R. Burch), The Bid Rigger, Fat A$$ (Stephen Colbert), Brexit-Plus (Donald Trump), The Swamp Drainer (Kellyanne Conway), The Supreme Sexist (Barbara Res), Poster Boy for Narcissism (Dr. César Chelala), Unhinged Self-Adoring Demagogue (New York Daily News), Wall Choke Artist (Hillary Clinton), Sweaty Upper Lip Sniffer (Ron Fournier), Master of Disaster (CNN), Dangerously Paranoid Child Brain (Chauncey Devaga), Trump the Usurper (J. Robert Smith), Controversy-Addicted Wingnut Trump (John Earls), Loss Leader (Michael R. Burch), The Nasty Woman(izer), Hamster Hairpiece, The Fearful Earful, The Mad Hombre, The Prophet of Mosul, Crackpot (Bernie Shine), Deplorable Donald, Hillary's Punching Bag, Humpty Trumpty

Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Humpty Trumpty had a great fall.
Then all the Grand Wizards and Faux PR men
couldn't put Trumpty together again.
—Michael R. Burch

You may not realize it, but Trump is quite the stand-up comedian, either a Master of Irony or The King of Unintentional Comedy:

Trump said “I want to debate Hillary very badly.” And he certainly did, as he struck out three times in a row!
Trump said John McCain was a war hero only because he got caught. Trump, on the other hand, is a brilliant military strategist who cleverly avoided getting caught—by not serving!
A vet gave Trump his Purple Heart, something Trump said he had always wanted and never thought he would get—a functional heart!
Trump's family name was “Drumpf.” Sounds like one of the Seven Dwarfs—and that would explain his teeny-tiny hands and corresponding appendage!
Trump feels entitled to ridicule the handicapped. After all, he has his own physical challenges—he constantly has his foot in his mouth and his head up his ass!
Trump was absolutely correct to have a crying baby removed from one of his rallies—like any good businessman, he needed to eliminate the competition.
Trump has been called ignorant, tasteless, tactless, thin-skinned, fat-headed, immature, narcissistic, racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, vindictive, cowardly, petty, pampered, disingenuous, deceitful, disgusting and dangerous, as well as a bully, a braggart, a bigot, and a bore. That’s so unfair—he’s a boor, but certainly not a bore!

The jokes above were taken from a Bernie Shine collection on Huffington Post.

Oldies but Goodies: Financially Embattled Thousandaire (Gail Collins), Angry Creamsicle, Orange Julius, Captain Chaos, Fearmonger-in-Chief (Rolling Stone)

Other new and rising nicknames: Racist Clementine, Under-Endowed Dick Tater, Double Downer, Rabble Rouser, Republican Rapture Inducer, Thin-Skinned Crybaby, The Predictable Endpoint of Rabid Republicanism, Toxic Fungi (Charles M. Blow)

Republicans sowed intolerance and in its shadow, Trump sprang up like toxic fungi.―Charles M. Blow

Rising after the second debate and Trump's "groping pussy" revelation: Bushman, Bushmaster, Bush Baby Fingers, Boldfinger, Creep Throat, Inside Scoop, Octopussy, Snatch Snatcher, Snatch Snitch, Frisky Frisker, Full Frontal Assault, Pussy Posse, Der Groepenfuehrer, Jack the Gripper, Great White Grope Dope, Serial Feeler, Twat Twit, Alpha Molester, Demander-in-Chief, A$$aulter-in-Chief, Sexual-Predator-in-Chief and Groper-in-Chief

Also rising: Tic-Tac-Dough, Tic-Tac Attack, Rikki Tikki Tacky and Ticky-Tacky Trump ...

Take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy is the closest thing to a "plan" Donald Trump has described this entire election!―Samantha Bee

Also rising after the second presidential debate: The Surreal Donald Trump, Sniffles, Whiny Wheezer, Hillary's Shadow, Fruit of the Loom, King Leer, Lurch, Trumpenstein, The Shambling Sasquatch,  Yellow Yeti, Spongedon Squarenuts, The Mad Shambler, Donnie Darko, Trumpageddon, Trumpocalypse, Orange Prometheus Unchained, Barbarian at the Debate, Paul Ryan's Worst Nightmare Come to Zombie-like Life

All Donald Trump Nicknames A-Z in Roughly Alphabetical Order, with Our Favorites in Bold

70-Year-Old Toddler — Charles M. Blow and Samantha Bee
The Abominable Showman
Agent Orange — Anonymous
Agent of Deranged Change
Alpha Codger
Alpha Groper
Alpha Ignoramus
Alpha Molester
Alpha Moron
America's Black Mole — John Oliver
America's Burst Appendix — Samantha Bee
Amnesty Don — Joe Scarborough (after Trump said that he was "softening" his stance on illegal immigrants)
The Angry Cheeto
Angry Creamsicle — Stephen Colbert
Antichrist — (see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Art Deal and Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book, which he considers second only to the Bible)
A$$aulter-in-Chief — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
A$$hole
Baby Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch
Mr. Backdoor
Bag of Toxic Sludge
Baldfaced Crier
Barbecued Brutus
Barbarian at the Debate — Charles M. Blow
John Baron and John Barron — Donald Trump (pseudonyms he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Baron Trump
Barrel-Shouting Meatball Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Belladonald — Belladonna is known as "deadly nightshade" and the "Devil's berry"
Big Baby — Lewis Black
The Big Cheeto
Big Donald — Marco Rubio (revised to Pig Donald by feminists)
The Bigoted Billionaire
The Bilious Billionaire
Birther Maniac
Bizarro Bozo — Michael R. Burch
Bling the Merciless — Michael R. Burch
Blitzkrieg Bozo — Michael R. Burch
Blowhard
John Boehner's Tanning Partner in Crime — Michael R. Burch
Boiled Ham in a Wig — Jon Stewart
Boldfinger — Michael R. Burch
Boors 'R Us — Michael R. Burch
Boss Tweet
The Bouffant Buffoon — Michael R. Burch
The Boychurian Candidate  — Michael R. Burch (a pun on "The Manchurian Candidate")
Boy Dingo — Michael R. Burch (a pun on the movie Mandingo)
Boy O' War — Michael R. Burch (a pun on Man O' War, the famous racehorse)
Boys 'R Us — Michael R. Burch
Bozo
Bratman
Brat-Worst — Michael R. Burch (after Trump called Germans "very, very bad" for selling cars in the United States)
Bribe of Chucky
The Brooklyn Bolshevik ― Michael R. Burch
Bully Boy — Mike Rubio
Bumbledore
Bush Baby and Bush Baby Fingers — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Bush Basher
The Bush Beater
Bushman — Michael R. Burch, after Trump bragged about groping bush to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood
The Bushmaster
Butternut Soufflé of Death — Michael R. Burch
Butternut Squash — Trevor Noah
Cancer in a Wig — Trevor Noah
Captain Bluster
Captain Chaos — NBC News
Cap'n Crunch the Cereal Killer — A cartoon character gone over to the Dark Side
Captain Outrageous — Michael R. Burch (a pun on Captain Courageous)
Captain Tantastic
The Chaos Candidate — Jeb Bush
Cheddar Boy
Cheez Doodle — Maureen Dowd
Cheez Whiz — John Oliver
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator — jezebel.com
Cheeto-in-Chief — Frank Vyan Walton
Cheeto Jesus — Rick Wilson
Chicken Donald — Martin O'Malley
Child Emperor — Tom Scharpling
Chimp-PAN-Zee
Cinnamon Hitler — Trevor Noah
Chickenhawk — Because Trump evaded serving in the Vietnam War, but portrays himself as a war hawk ("the most militaristic person on the planet")
The Climate Primate — Michael R. Burch
Clown Prince of Politics
Comedy Entrapment — Jon Stewart
Commander-in-Grief
Comrade Cheetolino
Comrade Trumputin
Condoofus — by Michael R. Burch (first used on Facebook and in a Tweet on July 16, 2017)
Conspiracy Commander-in-Chief
Con-Dike Gold Rush
Corn Husk Doll Cursed by a Witch Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
The Cowardly Lyin'
Crybaby Prima Donald
Crybaby Trump — Jeff Kanew
Creep Throat — Seth Meyers
Cultural Punch Line — Tom Scharpling
Daddy Warbucks
The Daft Draft Dodger
Dainty Donald
Damien Trump
Damn Turd Pol — anagram
Dangerous Donald — Hillary Clinton
Darkness Incarnate
Dorkness Incarnate
Darth eVader and Darth TaxeVader
Darth Goldplater — Michael R. Burch
Darth Hater
DDT
Deadbeat Donald — Dan Rather
The Debate Hater
Decomposing Jack O'Lantern — Jon Stewart
Deeply Disturbed Fuzzy Orange Goofball
The Definer — because according to The Donald, he defines other candidates, after which they quickly become political trivia questions
Dehydrated Orange Peel — Libby Inman
Delicate Donald Diddles-his-pants — Michael R. Burch
Delicate Donald Sissypants — Michael R. Burch
Demander-in-Chief — Michael R. Burch
Der Groepenfuehrer
Der Trumpkopf
Diaper Donald — Kevin Cavanaugh
Dickhead
Dickhead Dongle
Dingbat Donald
Dire Abby — Michael R. Burch (a pun on "Dear Abby" because Trump frequently tweets relationship advice to other people, but it's usually dire)
Dishonest Don
The Disruptor
The Dick Tater
DJT
Dodgy Donald — CrumblingSlowly
The Don
Don the Con
Don Dementia
The Donald — Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Donald deGonad
Donald the Deadbeat — Dan Rather
Donald Dingbat
Donald Dipshit
Donald Dodo — as in the famously stupid dodo bird
The Donaldmeister
Donald Doom
The Donimator
Donald Douchebag
Donald Drumpf — John Oliver
Donald Duck
Donald Duck Doo-Doo
Donald Ducknuke
Donald Dump
Donald Gonad
Donald the Menace
Donald Tax-Duck — John Joseph Ribovich
Don Goner
Donnie Bratso
Donnie Darko
Donnie Tic Tac
Donny — SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey); also his boyhood nickname
Donnybaby
Donnyboy
Donnybrook
Don of Orange
Douchbag von Fuckface — by Bill Maher
Draft Dodger — Don C. Reed
Draft Dodger Don
Drainman — after a Republican consultant explained that healthcare legislation is "clogging the drain" and needs to be expedited by Trump & Co.
Dr. Strangelove
D.U.D. ― Michael R. Burch (for "Dangerously Unhinged" Donald, based on a quote by Glenn "Emotional Fescue" Beck)
D.U.D.LEY DO-WRONG ― Michael R. Burch (an extrapolation of D.U.D.)
Duke Nuke 'Em
Dumbelldore
Dumbo — Grace Taylor
The Dumpster — Pun on Trumpster and the "Dump Trump" slogan)
Dump Tump — Grace Taylor
Ego Maniac
The Emperor with no Balls — Graffiti found on naked statues of Trump
The Emperor with no Clothes
Evil — Gloria Reed
Itty Bitty Ball Trump
Failed Mail-Order Meat Salesman — Ashley Feinberg, sticking a satiric fork in Trump Steaks
The Fanta Fascist
Fascist Carnival Barker — Martin O'Malley
Fat Blabby — Lewis Black
Fatso Bratso ― Michael R. Burch
Felonious Punk ― Michael R. Burch
Feral Shouting Meatball Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Field Marshall Trump
Fifth Avenue Fraud
Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out (for trying to deny disabled vets the right to street vend on Fifth Avenue)
Financially Embattled Thousandaire — Gail Collins
Flat Top — Trump's boyhood nickname
Flipper
Flip Flopper
The Fomentor — Trevor Noah
The Fomentalist
Forrest Trump
The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (after George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann)
Foxymoron ― Michael R. Burch
Fragile Soul — Ted Cruz
Frisker-in-Chief
Frisky Frisker — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Frontrunner
Fruit of the Loom — for oddly looming over Hillary Clinton at the second presidential debate
Fuckface von Clownstick — Jon Stewart
The Germinator (Trump hates to shake hands, fearing germs)
Genghis Cant — Michael R. Burch (because unlike Genghis Khan, the Donald can't rule the world, making his promises mere cant)
Genghis Con — Michael R. Burch
Gentle Donald — Ted Cruz
The Ginger Genuflector — Michael R. Burch
The Greatest Charlatan (of them all) — Brent Bozell
Golden Calf of Doom
God — Jay Leno
God-Emperor Trump
God-Whimperer Trump — Michael R. Burch
Godzilla, with Less Foreign Policy Experience — Stephen Colbert
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin
The Gollygarch — Michael R. Burch (pun on "oligarch" and Trump's wild exaggerations)
The GOP's Unhinged Front-Runner — Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Government Expander — Glen Beck
Gossamer-Skinned Bully — Graydon Carter
Grandpa Fucko — Kyle Bunch
The Grand Wizard of Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory — Murfster35 on DailyKos
The Great Gropesby — Michael R. Burch
The Great Gutsby — Michael R. Burch
Great Orange Hairball of Fear
The Great White Dope
The Great White Dope on a Self-Hanging Rope
Groper Cleave Hand — Michael R. Burch
Grope Dope
Groper-in-Chief — Nicholas Kristof (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Halfwit Tweet Twit
Hair Apparent — pun on Heir Apparent
Hair Furor — pun on Herr Führer
Hair Hitler — pun on Herr Hitler
Head Twit
Herr Führer Trump
Herr Lugenpresse Dan Rather
Herr Trump
Hissy-Fit Hitler Elizabeth Harris Burch aka Ladydragyn
The Hissy-Fit Hypocrite
The Human Amplifier
The Human Combover
The Human Corncob — Erin L. Cody
The Human Bullhorn — Jim Newell, in Slate
Human-Toupee Hybrid — Stephen Colbert
Humble — Donald Trump's ironic choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename
Humble Trump — a nickname given to Donald Trump by his son Eric Trump aka "Eric the Red"
Humble Cow Pie — because he's full of shit about being "humble"
The Hunchback of Notre Shame — Michael R. Burch
Hurricane Donald ― Jeff Singer
Hypocritic Oaf — Michael R. Burch
The im-POTUS
The Inane Interjector
Immigrant-Bashing Carnival Barker — TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
In-Vet-Irate Liar (for claiming to "support" vets while trying to sweep them off the streets)
The ISIS Candidate
Jack the Gripper — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Job Security (for Comedians) ― Jimmy Kimmel
Keeper of the Golden Commode ― Michael R. Burch
Kelly's Zero (pun on [Megyn] Kelly's Heroes)
Killer Klown from Outer Space (the title of a "b" movie)
King of Debt
King Leer
King of the Oompa Loompas ― Justin Baragona
King of Sleaze
King of Spin
King of the WhoppersUSA Today, Christmas Day, 2015
King Trump
King Tut — Because his insults make billions of people go "Tut, tut, tut!"
King Twit
K-Mart Caesar
Lady Fingers Trump — Don C. Reed (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Sir Leakalot ― Michael R. Burch
Lenin's Gremlin — Michael R. Burch
Le Petit Prince Daintyfingers — Michael R. Burch
Liberals' Best Friend (since the Trump administration will undoubtedly convert some conservatives into liberals)
Liberal Lip
Liberal Wannabe Strongman — David McIntosh
Little Donnie Diaperpants ― Michael R. Burch
Little Donnie Dinglebert — Michael R. Burch
Little Donnie Sissypants ― Michael R. Burch
Little Donnie Tic Tac
Little Dutch Boy
Long Dong Trump
Loosin' Donald — Ted Cruz
Lord Dampnut — anagram
Lord Voldemort — Rosie O'Donnell
Lurch
Machado Meltdown — Hillary Clinton
The Madness of King Gorge ― Michael R. Burch
The Mad Shambler
Maladroit Savage Spiraling Out of Control — Charles M. Blow
Man-Baby — Jon Stewart
Mango Mussolini
Master Debater
Meathead — John Joseph Ribovich
MEGA-low-maniac
Mein Furor — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Melania's Burden — Vanity Fair
The Michelangelo of Ballyhoo — TIME by David Von Drehle in his cover article on Trump
John Miller — Donald Trump (a pseudonym he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Mogul — his Secret Service code name
Moneydiaper McStupid — Nick Musgrave
Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book)
Mr. Brexit — Donald Trump (perhaps because his political currency is about to be devalued?)
Mr. Chickenhawk — Because he's a coward who portrays himself as a war hawk
Mr. Firepants
Mr. Inappropriate
Mr. Boinker Oinker
Mr. Macho — Bernie Sanders (who perhaps gave the lily-livered draft dodger too much credit)
Mr. Trickle Down ― Michael R. Burch
The Man of Steal (made in China) — after Hillary Clinton pointed out that Trump hotels have been built with illegally-imported Chinese steel
Mr. Meticulous — Trump's military academy nickname, given because he folded his underwear into neat squares
Mr. Wiggy Piggy — Michael R. Burch (because he's such a male chauvinist pig, and that hair!)
Mussolini's Taint — Kyle Bunch
Narcissistic Human Airhorn — Chris Hardwick
The New Furor — Pun on Führer)
New York Dork
New York Pork Dork — Michael R. Burch (because Trump's companies have feasted on government subsidies and tax breaks)
No More Donald — Elizabeth Warren, in a tweet
Octopussy Groper
Ole King Coal — Michael R. Burch
The Only Plausible GOP Nominee — Bustle
Optimus Grime — Michael R. Burch
Orange Anus — Rosie O'Donnell
The Orange Baron
Orangeback Gorilla — After trying to physically intimidate Hillary Clinton in the second presidential debate
Orange Bozo
Orange Caligula — Victoria
Orange Clown
Orange Crush
Orange Crusher
Orange-Hued Self-Immolator
Orange Julius — A pun on the fruit drink chain (emphasis on fruit) and Julius Caesar
Orange Man
Orange Manatee — Stephen Colbert
The Orange Messiah
Orange Moron
The Orange Oligarch
Orange Omen of Doom
Orange Slug — Rosie O'Donnell
Orange Toilet Bowl Crud Brought to Life as a Genital-Grabbing Golem
The Orange-Tufted A$$hole
The Orange-Tufted Imbecile Intent on Armageddon
The Orange-Tufted War Troll — Michael R. Burch
OranguTAN
Orange-Vanilla ISIS — Michael R. Burch (someone else came up with Vanilla ISIS first)
The Orange Vomit Zombie (it eats vomit rather than brains)
Panda Hair — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Pander Bear
Pander Hair — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Party Pooper
Peripatetic Political Showman — The Fiscal Times
Persimmon Satan — Michael R. Burch
Persimmon Satyr — Michael R. Burch
Persimmon Simon — Michael R. Burch (Persimmon Simon / said to the lie-man / defending the KKK: / I love your sheets / and your racist feats! / We're peas in a pod! Ole!)
Pile of Old Garbage Covered in Vodka Sauce — Trevor Noah
Pixie Digits Trump — Michael R. Burch
The Puerile Sophomoric Sniveler — Charles M. Blow
Pig Donald — a variation of Big Donald, coined by Marco Rubio then adapted by feminists
Political Gutterball — Michael R. Burch
Poor Donald — Hillary Clinton
Poster Child of American Decline — Robert Spencer
POTUS WRECKS — Michael R. Burch
The Predictable Endpoint of Republicanism — Charles M. Blow
President Blabbermouth
President Gold Man Sucks
Prima Donald
Primadonald
Prima Donna
Primate Donald
Pudgy McTrumpcake
Puffed Up Daddy
Pussy Posse — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Putin's Bitch
Putin's C*ck-Holster — Stephen Colbert
Putin's Gambit — Michael R. Burch
Putin's Lapdog
Putin's Pet
Putin's Puppet
Putin's Poppet ― Michael R. Burch
Putin's Rasputin
Putin's Useful Idiot
Quasi-Dodo ― Michael R. Burch
Queens' Reich — Trump hails from Queens NY, and sounds like the second coming of the Third Reich
Queer Orangutan
Rabble-Rousing Demagogue — John Cassidy in The New Yorker
Republican Rapture Inducer
Riptide of Regression Dan Rather
Rome Burning in Man Form — John Oliver
Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo — Michael R. Burch
The Russian Mole
Ryan's Nope
Sack of Gilded Lunchmeat — Kyle Bunch
The Scattershot Autocrat
Screaming Carrot Demon — Samantha Bee
Scrooge Grinch McGrump — Michael R. Burch (first used Christmas Eve, 2015)
Scrooge McTrump
SCROTUS  — So-Called Ruler of the United States, by Elayne Boosler
Semi-Sentient Bag of Farts
The Serial Feeler — pun on "serial killer" (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Serial Liar
Sexual-Predator-in-Chief
The Shambling Sasquatch — (after Trump shambled and lurched around the stage in the second presidential debate, as lampooned by SNL)
Shitler
Silver Spoon Donald — Don C. Reed
The Silver Spoon Scion — Charles M. Blow
Sir Pissalot ― Michael R. Burch
Sir Pissypanties ― Michael R. Burch
Sir Sissypants
Snake Oil Salesman — Rosie O'Donnell
Sniffles — After the Donald sniffled like a cocaine addict during the second presidential debate
Sociopathic 70-Year-Old Toddler — Samantha Bee
The Sophomoric Sniveler — Charles M. Blow
Sparkly Princess Trumpelina — Michael R. Burch
The Spin King

The Spinster and The Sinister Spinster — Michael R. Burch
Stalin's Paladin
Stubby Baby Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch
Stuporman — Michael R. Burch (since Trump's superpower is putting people to sleep and making them dream that he has magical superpowers
The Suicide Bummer
Super Callous Fragile Racist Extra Braggadocios — on protest boards
The Swamp Draining Lizard-Man-Toddler
The Talking Yam
Tan Dump Lord — anagram
The Tanning Bed Warning Label
Tangello Fruit Roll-Up Stretched Over Cat Litter Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Tangerine Jesus
Tangerine-Tinted Trash-Can Fire — Samantha Bee
Tangerine Tornado — SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey)
The Teflon Don — Michael R. Burch
Tepid Trumpeter
TelePrompTer Trump — Mark Sumner
Terroristic Man-Toddler — Charles M. Blow
Thief-in-Chief
Thin Skinned Orange Peel
The Thinskinned Skinflint ― Michael R. Burch
Tic-Tac-Dough — Michael R. Burch
The Tic-Tac President
Tic-Tacky Trump
Tie-Coon (because his menswear line includes ties)
Timid Trumpster
The Tin-Pot Despot — Nicholas Kristof
The Tiny Fisted Emperor — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Tiny Hands Trump ― Michael R. Burch
Tricky Trump
Tricky Don Trump — After Tricky Dick Nixon
Trotsky's Triumph
T-Rump
Trumpalump
Trumpamaniac
Trumparius — Nate Silver, from "The Age of Trumparius"
Trump Card
The Trumpet — Trump's boyhood nickname
Trump of Doom — Michael R. Burch (first used in a Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
Trumpdozer — TIME Magazine
Trumpelthinskin — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumplestiltskin
Trumpenstein — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumpinator — Soopermexican
Trumple-Doodle-Doo-Doo
Trumpledore
Trumpletoes
Trumpling Dildo
Trumpmeister
Trumpocalypse — Markos Moulitsas on Daily Kos
Trumpster
Trumptastrophe — Chris McKay
Trumpthechumps
Trump the Grump
Trustless Trump
Truthophobic Trump — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Tsar Ridickulous — by Michael R. Burch (a pun on Tsar Nicholas)
Tsarzan — by Michael R. Burch (first used on Facebook and in a Tweet on July 16, 2017)
The Tufted Taliban
Twat Twit — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Tweet Twit
Twatty
Tweety

Tweety Blurred — Michael R. Burch
Twinkiefingers Trump
Twinklefingers Trump
Twitter-Drunk Donald — a Bush aide
The Twitter Flitterbug
The Twitter Flitterer
Twitter Spitter
The Twitter Terror — Michael R. Burch
Twittler
Two-Bit Caesar — Bill Kristol
Two Pump Trump — Troy Ramos
UNA (Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole) — Jon Stewart
The UNA Bomber
"The uniquely underqualified and overblown king of bragging and whining" — The New York Times
Unreality King
Vanilla ISIS — Pun on Vanilla Ice
Venom-Drenched Regurgitated Slimy Orange Hairball
Vet Evictor —  For staging a benefit for veterans after trying to sweep disabled vets from New York City streets for more than a decade
Voldemort ― Rosie O'Donnell
Walking Punchline
Walking Talking Human Combover — Michael R. Burch
Weak Donald — Trevor Noah
The Wear Wolf of Wall Bleat — Michael R. Burch
The Wedgie from West Palm — Kyle Bunch
The West Wing-Nut — Michael R. Burch
Whiny Don
Whiny Donald
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher
Widdle Donnie Diaperpants ― Michael R. Burch
The Winning Whiner — Donald J. Trump explained how he "wins" by whining in an interview
World's Greatest Troll — FiveThirtyEight Politics
The Wrath of Con — Michael R. Burch
Xenophobic Sweet Potato Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
The Yacking Yam
YUGE Asshole
YUGE Liar
The Great Zamboner
The Zen Master of Hate
The Zookeeper ― That's quite a menagerie Trump's keeping in the White House!
The Zodiac Biller ― Michael R. Burch (because Trump and his father overbilled tenants and the U.S. Government)

The Best Descriptions of Donald Trump (or at Least the Most Colorful)


Fuckface von Clownstick. — Jon Stewart
The world's greatest troll. — FiveThirtyEight Politics
Peripatetic political showman. — The Fiscal Times
Cheeto-dusted bloviator. — jezebel.com
I am the most fabulous whiner. I do whine, because I want to win. — Donald Trump describing himself on CNN's "New Day" to host Chris Cuomo
John Boehner's tanning partner.
Trump is "the GOP's unhinged front-runner." — Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Trump "has moved from rabble-rousing to demagoguery, or something even uglier." — U.S. News & World Report, quoting a John Cassidy article in The New Yorker
Trump is an "immigrant-bashing carnival barker." — TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
Venom-drenched regurgitated slimy orange hairball.
The Great Orange Hairball of Death and Destruction.
Donald Trump is a walking, talking Human Combover sent to earth to seek revenge by Hitler's Moustache. — Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is the Cowardly Lion's enormous Orange Hairball of Fear brought to life by the Wicked Witch of the West. — Michael R. Burch

Top Ten Presidential Nicknames

Honest Abe, The Great Emancipator, The Rail-Splitter (Abraham Lincoln)
Tricky Dick (Richard Nixon)
Martin Van Ruin (Martin Van Buren)
Old Rough and Ready (Zachary Taylor)
The Rough Rider (Teddy Roosevelt)
Old Hickory (Andrew Jackson)
The Gipper, The Great Communicator, Dutch, Saint Ronnie (Ronald Reagan)
The Beast of Buffalo (Grover Cleveland, who allegedly fathered an illegitimate child when he was mayor of Buffalo)
Slick Willy, Bubba (Bill Clinton)
Dubya (George W. Bush)

Honorable Mention: Silent Cal (Calvin Coolidge), Father of His Country (George Washington), American Cincinnatus (George Washington), The Sage of Monticello (Thomas Jefferson), Unconditional Surrender Grant (U. S. Grant), Give 'Em Hell Harry (Harry S. Truman), King of Camelot (John F. Kennedy), No Drama Obama (Barack Obama)

Donald Trump Follower Nicknames

Hemorrhoidal Has-Beens — Samantha Bee
The Branch Trumpidians
The StormTrumpers
Trumpites
Trumpkins
Trumpettes
Trumpnecks
sTrumpettes
Trumpeters
Trumpeteers
Trump Chumps
Trumpkins
Re-flub-lycans
Sheeple
The KKK
The Motley Crew
The Chosen Eew!

Donald Trump Debate Nicknames (continued)

Here are the top ten new nicknames for Donald Trump after he ran home sobbing from the first Republican debate, afraid to answer tough questions by Megyn Kelly:

Prima Donald
The Vet Evictor (for staging a benefit for veterans after trying to sweep disabled vets from New York City streets for more than a decade)
Timid Trumpster and The Dainty Donald
Crybaby Prima Donald
Kelly's Zero (pun on Kelly's Heroes)
Donald deGonad
Master Debater
The Debate Hater
Little Donnie Sissypants
Vanilla Isis and The Orange-Tufted Taliban

Dishonorable Mention: Baldfaced Crier, Tepid Trumpeter, Trumpling Dildo

Ted Cruz Nicknames

Teddy Bare (see the picture immediately above)
Ted Scruz (after allegations that the "devout Christian family man" had affairs with five women, including a prostitute)
Felito (his full name is Rafael Edward Cruz and Felito means "little Rafael")
Fidelo (Cruz's father supported Fidel Castro and the communists who took over Cuba)
Little Fidelo (ditto)
Castro's Revenge (ditto)
The Cruz Controller and Mr. Cruz Control
Mr. Cruz Missile (because he promised to carpet bomb the Middle East with nukes to see if the sands will "glow" at night)
Duke Nukem (ditto)
Dr. Strangelove (ditto)
The Mad Carpet Bomber (ditto)
The Dune-a-Bomber (ditto)
The Fireman (after he told little Julie Trant, a three-year-old, that her world was "on fire")
Mr. Pants-on-Fire (ditto)
Mr. Firepants (ditto)
The Human Torch (ditto)
Calgary Flamepants (after the Calgary Flames hockey team; Cruz was born in Calgary, Canada)
Stinky (due to reports of body odor issues)
Pepé le Pew (pun on body order and a church pew)
Booger
Cudchewer Cruz
Chewbacca
Carnival Cruz and the Creep Cruzettes
Calgary Cruz
Wacko Bird (John McCain)
Proud Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz)
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Pall Bearer (due to his uncanny resemblance to Paul Bearer, the funeral parlor manager of pro wrestling's Undertaker)
The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (after George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann)
Revenge of the Nerd
El Presidente
Dirty Syrup Gulper (Jon Stewart)
McCarthy Jr. (he even looks like Joe McCarthy)
Cohiba (a brand of Cuban cigars was Cruz's choice for his Secret Service code name)
Holy Cruzader
Tricky Ted Cruz (after Tricky Dick Nixon)
The Cruzinator
Ted "Smug Mug" Cruz
Lyin' Ted (Donald Trump)
Tailgunner Ted Cruz
Boozin' Ted
The Cuban Mistress Crisis (after allegations that he had affairs with at least five women, including a hooker)
Boozin' 'n' Oozin' Cruz
LustTED (a pun on TrustTED)
Oinker Boinker
Randy Ted
Casanova Cruz
Cosa Nostra Cruz
Pervy Ted Cruz
Cootie Cruz
Rato
Obstructer-in-Chief

Marco Rubio Nicknames

Marco Starko (there are pictures of him in the buff, not that anyone would want to see them!)
Marco "Dough Boy" Rubio (because he's now a bit chubby and rakes in tons of Republican establishment dough)
No-Show Rubio
AWOL
Absent and Unaccounted For
The Absentee Ban-Lord
Rube
Young Rube
Cuban Rube
Qubics Rube
Rolly-Polly Rube
Water Boy
Big Gulp
Lightweight Choker  (Donald Trump)
Little Marco (Donald Trump)
Captain Thirsty and Captain Thirstypants
Rubio the Unready
Marco Poll-Low
Gator (his choice for a Secret Service code name; oddly this is what George W. Bush called Jeb Bush; how unoriginal!)
Marco Mussolini
Marco "Weak as a Baby" Rubio (Donald Trump)
Narko
Snarko
Sharko
Marco Sharknado
Easy Mark (Donald Trump)
Marco "Come On In" Rubio (Donald Trump)
The Chameleon (because he changes political colors so often)
The ConSWERVEative (ditto)
Mr. Foamy (because he allegedly attended foam parties at gay bars)
Stud Muffin (because he was once studly but put on weight)
Mr. Sound Bite
Mr. Talking Point
Broken Record Rubio
Robot Rubio
Mr. Roboto
Marco Android
The Fox (because he's shifty like a fox, and Fox News obviously favors him as does the Republican establishment and its money)
Rupert's Rube (ditto)
Party Boy (ditto)
Play Dough Boy (ditto)

Assorted Nicknames

Trump’s Razor: Ascertain the stupidest possible scenario that can be reconciled with the available facts and that answer is likely correct. An homage to William of Occam.

Admiral Weiner = George Will
Balok = Mary Matalin, due to her Botox-induced resemblance to the rubber monster on Star Trek’s closing credits
Black Walnut = Herman Cain. He gave himself this nickname, btw.
Boss Hogg = Former MS Governor Haley Barbour; married to Madame Hogg
Captain Dildo = James O’Keefe, the gotcha filmmaker who famously tried to seduce (on film no less) a real reporter by bringing her to a sex-toy filled boat.
Dancin’ Dave = David Gregory, so named because famously, he got on stage and danced while Turdblossom rapped. The horror, the horror!
D’vorce D’Spousa – Dinesh D’Souza, another hypocritical Xristian Xrazie caught with a mistress in a hotel room.
Doughy Pantload = Jonah Goldberg; not mine, but by universal acclaim
E-Squared = Erick Erickson, who once called a sitting Supreme Court Justice a goat-fucking child molester
Fat Termite = Mike Pence, the amazingly wooden man with a head full of sawdust come to life, barely
The Frosted Tips Twins = the bigoted Benham Brothers
Hot Ham = Scott Walker
Larry Klansman = Larry Klayman, the man who is raising a class-action suit on behalf of white people against the Kenyan Usurper for endangering them.
Malkkkin = Michele Malkkkin
Mistress Condi = Condoleeza Rice, whom we suspect of being a secret dominatrix. Her slave is The Worm Hadley.
Our Lady of the Immaculate Cheesecake = Katherine Jean Lopez
Peggington Noonington = Peggy Noonan
Petunia (and Pals) = Gretchen Carlson and the Fox and Friends cast of buffoons and circus freaks
Squint = Joe Scarbourough
Traitor Joe = Joe Lieberman
Turdblossom = Karl Rove, not ours: Chimpy McStagger nicknamed him this.
The Worm Hadley = Chimpy’s former national security advisor Stephan Hadley, whom we suspect was the submissive to Mistress Condi’s dominatrix.
Y’all Qaeda = conservative politicians who would rather have a theocracy than a democracy. Usually self-professed Xristians.

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