Donald Trump Nicknames
This page contains the best Donald Trump nicknames that I have been able to find, and a few that I came up with myself. Trump nicknames range from A to Z, from Agent Orange to the Zen Master of Hate. My personal favorite comes from the Bible, the ominous TRUMP OF DOOM. When God and the Hebrew prophets spoke of the "Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Nicknames for Trump have been coined by Glenn Beck, Samantha Bee, Joe Biden, Charles M. Blow, Elayne Boosler, Dana Carvey, Graydon Carter, Hillary Clinton, Stephen Colbert, Garrison Keillor, Jimmy Kimmel, Bill Kristol, Bill Maher, Michael Moore, NBC, Trevor Noah, John Oliver, Rosie O'Donnell, Martin O'Malley, Sarah Palin, Dan Rather, Marco Rubio, Nate Silver, Jon Stewart, USA Today ... and even The Donald Himself and his first wife, the former Ivana Trump!
Cannonball! Donald "Trump of Doom" enters the American political waters, causing a mass Exodus ... but can he really walk on water as his fervent and fervid disciples believe?
Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Quotes, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Trump Trivia, Donald Trump in his Own Words: Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas, Donald Trump Inauguration Poetry, Donald Trump Nicknames for his Cabinet, Family, Friends, Associates and Supporters
Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames
The Donald — Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Lord Voldemort — Rosie O'Donnell
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin (who was NOT trying to be funny!)
The Most Fabulous Whiner — after Donald Trump described himself to CNN's Chris Cuomo as the "most fabulous whiner" who keeps "winning by whining"
Fuckface von Clownstick, Man-Baby, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole — Jon Stewart
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher (or perhaps the Yellow-ish-Orange Kanye)
Short-Fingered Vulgarian — Graydon Carter (a nickname Trump hates because he seems to think it implies that he is under-endowed "down there")
Tiny Hands Trump, Babyfingers Trump and Pixie Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch (nicknames based on Graydon Carter's nickname above)
Agent Orange — Anonymous
The Trump of Doom — Michael R. Burch (first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
Number one, with a bullet: THE ANTICHRIST — by God and the Hebrew prophets — when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Running a close second: PRESIDENT EVIL (a pun on Resident Evil), The Smug Mug Thug, Big Agenda (David Horowitz), Truthophobic Trump (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Tweety, Orange-Tufted Twitter Flitterer, The Scattershot Autocrat, Mr. So-Called-President, The PseudoMonarch, The Orange Menace,
Trump acronyms: POTUS (Putin-Puppet of the United States), SCROTUS (So-Called Ruler of the United States, by Elayne Boosler), DONALD (Dangerously Outrageous Nincompoop and Lady Diddler), TRUMP (Traitorous Russian Undercover Marionette Puppet/The Real Undercover Manchurian President/Tyrannical Racist Unifying Mob Politics), S.O.S. (Son of Satan), D.U.M.B. (Deplorable Useless Man-Baby) and D.U.D. for DANGEROUSLY UNHINGED DONALD
This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged. And, for all the things people have said about me over the years, I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.―Glenn Beck
Yes, when Glenn "Emotional Fescue" Beck calls you "unhinged," you have been identified by someone who knows whereof he speaks! And perhaps we can expand D.U.D. to DUDLEY DO-WRONG.
Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway and Sean "Scary" Spicer insist that the press should be nice to Little Donnie Diaperpants. But Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper did not play nice with the other candidates! Turnabout is fair play, and now Devious Donald Diddlemaker is getting a taste of his own medicine! But Delicate Donald Dainty-Digits is handicapped by those tiny, pixie-like fingers! The more he grasps at straws like "fake news," the more the presidency slips through his teeny-tiny, slimy fingers. The world is decidedly not in good hands with Tear-and-Booger-Lubed Crybaby Trump in charge.
I am not going to stoop to Trump's level by calling women bimbos. But we really do need a term to describe women dim-witted enough to vote for MR. WIGGY PIGGY, so I am going to call them DIMBOS. But what can we call men who voted for Trump? Obviously, DUMBOS.
Quick, before it's too late, impeach Stephen "Acting President" Bannon!
And because President Bannon, a self-avowed anarchist and Leninist, is obviously in charge of Amerika's Bolshevik Revolution, we should call our sham president The Figurehead.
It's time to tell Smelly Anne Con-Job and the rest of Trump's Reeking Wrecking Crew "you're fired!" It's time to pull the plug on The Celebrity Apprentice President. We need American women to emulate Milla Jovovich by defeating President Evil and cleaning out the Hive! Smelly-Anne is the Reeking Red Queen who infected the Hive (the White House) with the T-Virus (Trump-Virus). Now the hatred-infected zombies will destroy everything in sight unless we evict them from the halls of power.
Friends, please don't act so surprised. This is was what happens when we elect an Orange-Tufted Shit Gibbon president. Now the ludicrous monkey dances to Organ Grinder Bannon's dark, evil tunes.
Kellyanne Conway, aka Miss Misinformation, never dredged up a lie that she couldn't peddle like fool's gold to amateur prospectors.
Will Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting millions of people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler, Hair Furor, Hair Gropenfuhrer and Twittler are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?
If PRIMA DONALD is correct that fake news is the enemy of the people, then quite obviously he is PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE, because no one has ever spewed more fake news than PRESIDENT PANTS-ON-FIRE.
Currently rising: THE POST-WEST PRESIDENT. Mr. Putin's master plan seems all too clear, and Russian foreign minister Sergey Lavrov even explained it―in no uncertain terms―when he called publicly for a new "post-west" world order. Now the unthinkable has happened and PUTIN'S PUPPET is ensconced in the White House, running the U.S. government and in control of the American military and nuclear codes. Meanwhile, the vodka glasses are tinkling merrily in the Kremlin, as the POST-AMERICAN PRESIDENT bows meekly to Mr. Putin, awaiting his next Armageddon-inducing command. But to be more accurate, we should call him PUTIN'S POPPET because The Donald is so immature and emotionally fragile. In any case, the irony is palpable because conservative Christians who warned everyone about the NEW WORLD ORDER and the ANTICHRIST were the ones who ushered in both, with their ill-advised votes for COMRADE TRUMPUTIN. The ancient prophets warned us that in the last days even the very elect would be deceived. Exit polls revealed that four out of five evangelical Christians voted for Trump, the POST-CHRISTIAN PRESIDENT who boasts that he never asks God for forgiveness and speaks dismissively of Holy Communion and the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ as his "little cracker" and "little wine." Somewhere in the bowels of hell, the Devil must be laughing his ass off, knowing that Christians who fail to oppose the Beast will soon be his chattels! Meanwhile the THE SIX MILLION RUBLE MAN-BABY is playing golf every day, practicing to be Mr. Putin's caddy and water boy.
There is no need to be concerned about what will happen to President Comrade Trumputin's bumbling Russian Mafia after they are exposed and fired, because they will soon be Putin' on the Ritz in some swanky chalet on the Russian Riviera! And please don't be shocked if Comrade Trumputin receives the coveted Hero of the Russian Federation medal, for services rendered. This is all part of Mr. Putin's master plan to recreate the Russian empire at its zenith, while discrediting the United States and making it appear weak and foolish in the world's eyes. Needless to say, Putin's plan is working to the T in Trumputin. The Donald is the perfect moron to make it happen! As I write this, a Russian spy ship―the Viktor Leonov―is lurking a mere 30 miles from Long Island, a stone's throw from Trump's famous tower. The name of the spy ship is no mistake: "Viktor" means "victory," or "conquest," while "Leon" means "lion," the king of the jungle. Mr. Putin is letting us know that he is now the King, the conqueror of America. Comrade Trumputin is his lackey, his stooge, his jester.
Mr. Putin will soon be directing a new "reality" version of Red Dawn, starring Red Don (aka Donald Trump aka Comrade Trumputin). Trump will also have starring roles in reality versions of Apocalypse Now, Doomsday and President Evil.
Joe Scarborough accused Kellyanne Conway of being a "free agent." But he left out a word: Wrongway Conway is a Fact-Free Agent.
It's hard not to make fun of Trump's alleged "hair": Mr. Wiggy Piggy, Human-Toupee Hybrid, Hair Hitler, Toupée Fiasco, Squirrelwig McRacistPants
And what about those teeny-tiny hands: Short-Fingered Vulgarian (Graydon Carter), Delicate Donnie Dainty Digits, Tiny Hands Trump, Babyfingers Trump, Pixie Fingers Trump (Michael R. Burch), Babyhands McCheetodick, Coral Babyhands
Trump fairytale nicknames: Trumplethinskin, The Wizard of Ahs, Jaundiced Pinocchio, "Mr. President," The So-Called President (are we sure that it's even human?)
What the Heck: Make It the Top Twenty-Five Donald Trump Nicknames
Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book, which he considers to be second only to the Bible)
John Baron and John Barron — pseudonyms created by Donald Trump, apparently so that he could pose as his own publicist and brag about his sexual exploits to reporters
Humble — Donald Trump's ironic choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename; one of his sons later coined "Humble Trump"
Tangerine Tornado — SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey)
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator, the Angry Cheeto, Cheeto Jesus and Cheez Whiz
New York Pork Dork — because Trump and his companies have taken so much "pork" from federal, state and local governments
Dire Abby — Michael R. Burch (because Trump gives relationship advice like Dear Abby, but his message is invariably dire)
Hair Hitler and Hair Furor — puns on Herr Hitler and Herr Fuhrer
Gossamer-Skinned Bully — Graydon Carter
Orange Anus — Rosie O'Donnell
Chicken Donald and Fascist Carnival Barker — Martin O'Malley
Damien Trump — after the Antichrist figure in the Omen movies
The Beast, Little Horn, and The Great Whore of Babble-On — God and the Hebrew prophets (see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Honorable Mention: Donald Drumpf (his German family name), King of the Whoppers, Vanilla ISIS, Mr. Wiggy Piggy, The New Furor (pun on Führer), Whiny Little Bitch (Bill Maher), Donny (SNL's Church Lady, played by Dana Carvey), The Fomentor (Trevor Noah), Humpty Trumpty, Big Donald (coined by Marco Rubio), Pig Donald (a variation coined by feminists), Snake Oil Salesman (Rosie O'Donnell), Mein Trumpf, Orange Julius, The Combover Kid, Short-Fingered Totalitarian, The Presumptuous Nominee (Hillary Clinton), Semi-Sentient Bag of Farts
Jimmy Kimmel called Trump "Job Security" because he is making the careers of late-night comedians by providing them a never-ending source of rich comedic material. Trump has given new life to SNL, for instance.
A number of Trump nicknames are related to fascism, such as "Hair Hitler" (a pun on Herr Hitler) and The New Furor (a pun on Führer). Are such accusations warranted? Well, Hair Hitler talking about Muslims does sound a lot like Herr Hitler talking about Jews. Here's what one prominent American Jew has said on the subject. Abe Foxman, former National Director of the Anti-Defamation League, says that Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump urged supporters at a Florida rally Saturday to raise their arms in a Nazi salute to him. "As a Jew who survived the Holocaust, to see an audience of thousands of people raising their hands in what looks like the ‘Heil Hitler’ salute is about as offensive, obnoxious and disgusting as anything I thought I would ever witness in the United States of America," Foxman told The Times of Israel.
Trump cabinet nicknames: Monster's Ball (David Axelrod), The Fourth Reich, The Russian Mafia, The Clandestine Klan, The Swamp Cabinet, The Swamp Stockers, Ku Klux Kabinet, KKK-Mart Kabinet, Killer Klown Kar Kabinet, The Roundhead Table, Dr. Strangelove & The Mad Bombers, Ding-a-Ling Brothers Three-Ring Circus, Amateur Hour at the White House, West Wingnuts, Batshit Crazy Bozos, Russian Roulette, Vlad and the Impalers, Sauron and the Numenoreans, Loki and the Frost Giants, Dr. Evil and the Mini-Me's, Caiaphas and the Sanhedrin, Judas and the Iscariots, Hostile Takeover of the White House, Team Trump, Diva Donald and the Trumps of Doom, Trump and the Grand Teutons
Betsy "Cruella" DeVos has been confirmed as the Secretary of Education, which is like Cruella De Vil being put in charge of human shelters. DeVile DeVos has opposed gay marriage while claiming to "advance God's kingdom." Diva DeVos once served on the board of the Acton Institute, a conservative organization that promotes dominion theology. Devoid DeVos not only has no experience in education, she has never attended a public school herself! DeVolution DeVos appears to favor "critical thinking" as a way to avoid teaching evolution to students, or misleading them into considering it an "unproven" theory. Wetsy Betsy seeks to water down and weaken teachers' unions. Betsy Dross loves to pose for photo-ops next to the American flag, but what will she do to American children? The Voucher Zealot aka Madame Voucher seems more than willing to sell American children down the river in return for taxpayer dollars being diverted to private religious schools. The Education Terminator is the sister of Erik Prince, the founder of Blackwater, the private security contractor accused of overbilling and human rights abuses during the Iraq War. Erik Prince of Darkness now advises Trump on intelligence and defense, according to the Intercept.
TIME magazine put Stephen K. Bannon on its cover with the caption The Great Manipulator. But that gives Bannon far too much credit, because the "man" he keeps man-nip-ulating is really a Man-Baby, as Jon Stewart so accurately pointed out. Those teeny-tiny fingers grasping at straws are a dead giveaway! Therefore we think TIME should consider these much more accurate captions: The Great Baby-Man-ipulator, The Great Totipulator, The Great Tiny-Fingered-Tot-Tantrum-Inducer, Stephen KKK Bannon, Loose Cannon Bannon, The Amerikan Goebbels, Darkness Incarnate, AmeriKlan Idol, Darth Vader, Sauron, Sour-Hun, Steve "Fan Hate" Bannon
Donald Trump clown nicknames: Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo, Krusty the Killer Klown, Orange Skelton, Putin's Puppet, Punch-Drunk and Rudy, the Fiddler (pun on the Riddler and Nero fiddling while Rome burned to the ground), the Joker-Groper, Bizarro Bozo, the Crime Mime
Trump supporter nicknames: Trump Nation, AlieNation, Tramps, Trump's Chumps, Chumpanzees, Putin's Puppets, Putin's Poppets, Re-flub-Lycans, Dumb and Dumber, Donald Duck Dynasty, Children of the Corn, The Stepfordians, The KKKardashians, The Deplorables, The Untouchables, Trumpites, Trumpettes, Trumpeters, Trumpeteers, Trumpists, Trumpies, Trumpanzees, Trumpaholics, Trumpster Divers, Trump's Schlumps, Troglodytes, Trump Junkies, The Walking Brain Dead, Groper Groupies, Sheeple, The Lost
Colorful Trump nicknames: PEEOTUS, Cheeto Benito, Cheetolini, The Cheeto Prophet (Murfster35), Marmalade Mussolini, Persimmon Hitler, Butternut Soufflé of Seeping Death, The Persimmon Satyr, Orange Julius, Orange Foolius, Angry Creamsicle, Orange Mephistopheles, Habañero Hitler, Sunkist Stalin, Tangerine Voldemort, Cheeto Satan, Fanta Fascist, Dreamsicle Demon, Orange Menace, El Hombre de Tang, Orange Anusmouth, Mandarin Orange Mugabe, The Orange Peel, Tangerine Nutsack, The Orange Shitweasel, President Tang, Persimmon Toddler, Kim Jong Orange, Pantone Beelzebub, Minute Maid Mao, Papaya Batista, Sweet Potato Saddam, Doorknob Trundlefuck, Tropicana Mussolini, Mangled Apricot Hellbeast, Pumpkin Pinochet, Cheeze Wiz, Lemonhead Elect, Peach Nehi President, Trump Brulée, Pumpkin Spice Satan, Tang Tyrant, Mandarin Manchurian Candidate, Sunburned Stalin, Cheeto-in-Chief, Salmon Voldemort, Candy Corn Kremlin, The Nacho Nazi, The Yellow Death, Yellow Fever
Donald Trump super-villain and superhero nicknames: Captain Chaos, Captain Un-America, Captain AmeriKKKa, Captain Underpants, Fatman, Duperman, Deadfool, Loki, The Incredible Shrinking President, The Lone Deranger, Herr Fantastic, Doktor Strange, Doktor Doom, Doomsday, Deathstroke, HairDevil, Kingpin, Liceman, The Orange Hulk, The Orange Thing, Orange Spawn, Gambit, Venom, Hellboy, Hellmanbaby, Ironic Man, The Inhuman Torch, Blightcrawler, Two-Face, Orange Skull, Apocalypse, Bizarro Bozo, Mr. Sinister, Bane, Zoom, Shredder, Mongul, Abomination, Hobgoblin, Parasite, Lizard, The Codfather
Tom "the Amerikan Mengele" Price seems determined to replace ObamaCare with TrumpedUpCare. Tom "the Price is Right" has been accused of trading health care stocks on the political version of insider information. Should Sir Pricealot be Trump's health czar, in charge of national health care policy? Should Tom Sellout be confirmed? Is the One Man Death Panel trying to save us, or just to profit from our misfortunes? Apparently, there are no decent Republican senators or congressmen willing to stand up to Trump and his dreadful nominees, so Tom Thumb will probably be confirmed and continue to thumb his nose at us, and at regulators, while replacing Obamacare with NoMamaCare. Trusting Trump and his goons with your family's health care is like a lamb seeking care and comfort from cold-blooded, venom-spitting cobras. Personally, I'd take my chances with the cobras. At least they stop attacking when their bellies are full.
Jason "Cheeky" Chaffetz has been called the Grandstanding Charlatan by Heather Digby Parton. That is too mild an epithet for our taste, but we do sympathize with the intense displeasure created by Chaff-Lips Chaffetz's reprehensible antics. Is the only security risk in the Wild Wild West a Hillary Clinton email? Do Jason and the Ego-Nuts have no sense of justice, no sense of fair play, no concern for national security? Are they "Christians" or just Chaff for an eternal bonfire? If I commit an act of treason, can I join the GOP and retreat to No-Tell Hotel Chaffetz? Can I later join Jason "Putin on the Ritz" Chaffetz on some Russian Riviera? Will he store snacks in those cute Chipmunk Cheeks of his, then pop them out like party favors when a bare-chested Putin shows up to draw diagrams of Armageddon in the sand? Will we both be "in like Flynn-t" with Mr. Putin, not to mention Michael Flynn himself?
But please don't be unkind to Michael "Red Flynnstone" Flynn! Yes, it's obviously true that Donald Trump dresses him, and that they both use super-long ties to hide their glaring deficiencies "down there." The tiny hands grasping at straws are dead giveaways that they are both extremely under-endowed! But that is not a crime! Nor is it a crime that Skinflynnt and Mr. Moneybags share a real passion for the Bomb! After all, we paid perfectly good money for lots of Nukes, so we damn sure ought to be able to use lots of Nukes on someone! The only question remaining is: who, or is it whom? Now Flynn can ride off into the sunset to retire at Mr. Putin's expense, while Agent Orange picks an appropriate target to initiate the Apocalypse ... eenie, meenie, mienie, mo ... Iran? North Korea? China? ... go!
It's no secret that Trump's favorite nightcap is a White Russian. As Mark Sumner pointed out: "When Donald Trump slithered down that escalator in 2015 to announce he was running for president, he brought with him two decades of connections to Russia. By the time the primaries were winding down, he’d acquired a collection of staff and advisers who were not just Russophiles, but fans of autocrat Vladimir Putin. Chief among them were Paul Manafort, Carter Page, and Michael Flynn." Now Mr. Putin is apparently running the show through his semi-American surrogates, who will hereafter be known as Putin's Puppets, or perhaps more accurately, Putin's Poppets. It is rumored that Mr. Putin will soon award Putin's Proxies the "Red Badge of Courage," after which the cringers will be allowed to kiss the tip of his whip.
The Swamp Restocker has been a busy little beaver, erecting dams and flooding the boggy bottomland on behalf of his crocodilian donors and political piranha. Now the Swampland Salesman will earn YUGE personal profits, while enjoying the spectacle of his former supporters being devoured alive! Will Trump cry crocodile tears for them? No, but he will raise the membership fees at Mar-a-Lago, which will resemble a Roman amphitheater full of rich drunk a$$holes crying out for another slave to be fed to the lions (or, in this case, to the cold-blooded reptiles).
We all know how The Donald loves gold: hell, he even gold-plates his toilets! But did you know that Trump is in the process of "gold-plating" the White House, by turning it over to Goldman Sachs? After promising to "drain the swamp," Trump has instead aided and abetted the Goldman Sachs Takeover of the U.S. government. To "sack" a city is to besiege, destroy and plunder it. Trump's avaricious Gold Sackers are now in the process of sacking Washington D.C., and the nation along with it. Trump's cabinet and key advisers include Gold Diggers like Stephen Bannon, Gary Cohn, Steve Mnuchin, Dina Powell, Anthony Scaramucci and Jay Clayton. "I know the guys at Goldman Sachs. They have total, total control over him," Trump said of Ted Cruz. "Just like they have total control over Hillary Clinton." What Trump didn't bother to tell anyone is that he bows down to and worships the Golden Idols. The market value of Goldman Sachs soared by $4 billion in a single day as Mammon-Worshiper Trump signed an order to begin the process of dismantling Dodd-Frank, with former Goldman president Gary Cohn standing behind him, like the Emperor directing Darth Vader to destroy entire planets and their inhabitants in the quest for wealth and power. Goldman Sachs has watched its stock soar 33% in the short period of time that Trump has been president. Investors understand what the Sach-ing of America means. It means the rich get richer, while everyone else is forced to submit to the Trump Death Star, or perish.
Nicknames of Trump's Family, Friends, Cabinet and Associates
Trump family nicknames: The Brooklyn Hillbullies, Donald Duck Dynasty, Children of the Corn, The Stepfordians, The KKKardashians, Poor Little Bitch Kids, Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse
Melania Trump nicknames: The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd), Pussy Bow (because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate), Double Agent (Christen Clifford, who suggested that the "pussy bow" was a feminist rebuke of her husband's pussy groping), The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley)
Ivanka Trump nicknames: Ivanka Wanker, Ivanka Spanker, Proxy Wife, Nordic Goddess, Norwegian Wood Inducer
Jared Kushner nicknames: Poor Little Rich Bitch, Little Jared (Ana Navarro), Baby Boy (Ana Navarro), Cushy Kushner, Lucifer Incarnate, Jared "Jarhead" Kushner, Jared "the Red" Kushner
Donald Trump Jr. nicknames: Junior, Dunce Jr., Ponyboy, Chip Off the Old Blockhead
Tiffany Trump nicknames: Tiff, Wild Card, The Other Daughter, Any Tiff, Fit Fanny
Barron Trump nicknames: Mini-Donald, Little Donald, Poor Little Rich Boy
Eric Trump nicknames: Eric the Red, Eric the Brain Dead, Eric of Orange, Eric Idle, Mr. Alt-Right, Mr. Roboto
Nickname given to Donald Trump by Eric Trump: Humble Trump
Trump cabinet nicknames: Monster's Ball (David Axelrod), The Swamp Cabinet, Ku Klux Kabinet, KKK-Mart, Three-Ring Circus, Killer Klown Kar, The Roundhead Table, Dr. Strangelove & Co.
Kellyanne Conway nicknames: Wrongway Conway (Michael R. Burch), Smelly Anne Con-Job, The Trump Whisperer (Frank Bruni), Con-Way Twitter ("Can we con our way to the presidency, using Twitter?"), Con-Way Twit, "Nutter Consigliere (Jim Newell), The Mercenary (Jim Newell), Vichy (Stephen Romanenghi), Free Agent (Joe Scarborough), Fact-Free Agent (Michael R. Burch), Fatal Attraction (SNL), Miss Misinformation (Michael R. Burch)
Mike Pence nicknames: Hoosier, Cuddles, Trumpence None the Retcher, Silver Faux Fox
Andrew Puzder nicknames: Putz Puzder, Colonel Klink, CKE-n Little, The Wage Terrorist, The Wage Deflator, The Lowballer, The Burger-Bikini Baron, Randy Andy
Betsy DeVos nicknames: Cruella DeVos, Diva DeVos, DeVile DeVos, Betsy "Devoid" DeVos, Devolution, Wetsy Betsy, Betsy Dross, The Education Terminator, The Voucher Zealot, Madame Voucher
Mike Flynn nicknames: Dr. Strangelove, In Like Flynnt, Red Flynnstone, "Flynn Facts," Putin's Pawn, Amerika's Angriest General, Flynnskint, Red Flynn,
Stephen K. Bannon nicknames: Acting President, Stephen KKK Bannon, Loose Cannon Bannon, Darkness Incarnate, AmeriKlan Idol, Deceivin' Stephen, Darth Vader, Sauron, Sour-Hun, The Great Manipulator (TIME), The Great Baby-Man-ipulator, The Great Totipulator, The Amerikan Goebbels, Steve "Fan Hate" Bannon, Rupert Murder-Doc, Mr. Destructo, Stephen "Sith Lord" Bannon, Supremacist Steve, The Dark Master of Disaster, Stephen Stipulator, Little Stevie Blunder
Tom Price nicknames: The Amerikan Mengele, Tom Sellout, One Man Death Panel, Tom Thumb, Tom Thumbprint of Doom, Tom "Profit More" Price, Tom "the Price is Right"
Rudy Giuliani nicknames: Trudy, Julianne, Rudy the Red-Nosed Panderer, Amerika's Scariest Mayor, Rude Rudy
Rick Perry nicknames: Crotch (because he wore tight jeans and adjusted himself often), Secretary of the Department of Oops! (Whazzat? Duh, I forget!)
Newt Gingrich nicknames: Tadpole, Angry Tadpole, Angry Muffin (Peggy Noonan), Bloated Bullfrog, The One Stop Lobby Shop
Mitt Romney nicknames: Bishop Romney, The RomneyBot, The Unfantastic Plastic Man, Bain in the Ass (David Letterman's #1), King of Bain (Newt Gingrich), Mitt the Twit (The Sun of London, Rupert Murdoch)
Mike Pompeo nicknames: Pompous Asshole, Putin's Pompous Pimp
Reince Priebus nicknames: Rinse Penis, Rinse Priapus, Prince Penis, Prince Rhesus, RNC PR BS, Princess Reba, E Priebus Loonum, "Be Sure to Rinse" Priebus
James Mattis nicknames: Mad Dog, Warrior Monk, Mad Monk, Chaos (call-sign)
Jeff Sessions nicknames: Hessian Sessions, Secessionist Sessions
Rex Tillerson nicknames: T-Rex, Rexosaurus, T-Wrecks, Rex Drillerson, Rex Killerson, Putin's Poppet, Putin's Rasputin, Rexputin
Steve Mnuchin nicknames: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Forclosure King, The Forecloser, The Double-Down Forecloser, The Granny Terminator, Dune Messiah
Peter Navarro nicknames: The EEKonomist, Bullshitter in the China Shop
Mike Huckabee nicknames: Judas, Huckster Huckabee, Huckleberry Spin, Huckmaster General, Huck Upchuck, Brother Smother, Tax Hike Mike, Triple Wide, Duck Hunter (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Chris Christie nicknames: Christie Kreme, The Illsbury Dough-Boy, Cookie Monster, Big Boy (George W. Bush), Pork Chop, Enormes Pantalones, Pufferfish, Trueheart (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Ben Carson nicknames: Psychopath (Donald Trump), Crazy Ben Carson, Dummy (his nickname as a child), Eli (his Secret Service code name), One Nation (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Sean Spicer nicknames: Scary Spicer (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Sean "the Truth De-Icer" Spicer, Sean "Dawn of the Dead" Spicer, Spokestoady, Spokestwit, Spokestot, Spokesboy, Spokestoddler, Spokesmoron, Press Reagent, Full Court Press, Tass Light, Amerikan Goebbels, Vanilla Spice, Wormtongue, Sinister Spice, Little Tattletale Teller, Sauerkraut Spicer, Five Alarm Spicer
Hope Hicks nicknames: Hopeless Hicks, Tricky Hicky, Hope for Hicks to Rule the World!
Ann Coulter nicknames: AnnThrax, Coultergeist, Beltway Barbie, Cuckoo Coulter, Chairman Ann, Ann Coltrear, Colt 34D (allegedly her bra size, but a man would have to drink a helluva lot of Colts to be sure!)
Sarah Palin nicknames: Sarah Barracuda, Sarahcudda, Caribou Barbie, Half-Baked Alaskan, Moose-o-lini, The Wasilla Gurlilla or Gurlzilla, Whore of Babble-On, The Wasilla Hillbilly, Mama Grizzly, Palin-Drone, McCain's Bane, Weepin'-'n'-Wailin' Sarah Palin (Michael R. Burch)
Joe Arpaio nicknames: Wyatt Twerp, Boss Hogg, Big Pig, The Maricopa Madman, Captain James Tiberius Jerk, Colonel Klink, Officer Loco, Wiley E. Peyote, Lawrence of Insania, Tonto, Prickzilla Queen of the Desert
Jeb Bush nicknames: Tortoise (George W. Bush), Low Energy (Donald Trump), Eveready (Jeb's retort to Trump when asked to pick his Secret Service code name), Veto Corleone, The Bushmaster, Bush League, Gator
Carly Fiorina nicknames: Chainsaw Carly (for all the jobs she cut at HP and Compaq), Golden Parachutress, The Anti-Hillary, Secretariat (her choice for a Secret Service code name)
John Kasich nicknames: Pope (he wanted to be the pope as a boy), Unit One (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Unit Two (his wife's alternate suggestion!)
Mitch McConnell nicknames: Fuckface McTurtlebitch, The Turtle, Dick Turtle, Mitch the Snitch, Mitch the Bitch, Mitch the Snitch-Bitch, Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch)
Rand Paul nicknames: Mr. Nerdy Perm, Mr. Poodle-'Do, Justice Never Sleeps (his choice for a Secret Service code name; he later called it "one of those nicknames you try to make happen and miserably fail")
Paul Ryan nicknames: Lyin' Ryan, Lyin' Paul Ryan, Small-Ball Ryan, Beaver Cleaver, Eddie Munster
Scott Walker nicknames: The Desperado (in his high school yearbook), Niedermeyer (after an overly aggressive ROTC leader in the movie Animal House), Scott Balker, Harley (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Rupert Murdoch nicknames: Rupert Murder-Doc, Papa Doc, Ru Paul (Stephen Colbert), The Last Press Baron (CNN), the Dirty Digger (Ian Hislop), the Mudslinger, the Faux Fox, Murdoch of the Mammaries
Antonin Scalia nicknames: Antonin "Scaly" Scalia, Nino (Spanish for "infant"), El Nino, El Ninny
Anthony Scaramucci nicknames: Anthony "Scary" Scaramucci, Scarface
Jason Chaffetz nicknames: Chaff, Chaffy, Chaff-Lips, Chipmunk, Chipmunk Cheeks, Cheeky, No-Tell Hotel Chaffetz, Grandstanding Charlatan (Heather Digby Parton), Jason "Putin on the Ritz" Chaffetz, (Michael R. Burch), Jason and the Ego-Nuts (Michael R. Burch), Half-Assed Chaffetz
Paul Manafort nicknames: The Count, The Uber-Lobbyist (David Catanese), Putin's Revenge, Yanukovych's Yankee Yanker, Russian Lobbyist-in-Chief, American Mole, The Ultimate Insider, Knuckles, Steamroller, The Six Million Ruble Man
Roger Stone nicknames: Roger Rabid (Michael R. Burch), Dirty Trickster (Elizabeth Burke), Roger the Artless Dodger, Professional Lord of Mischief, State of the Art Sleazeball, Boastful Black Prince of Sleaze, Roger "Glands of Stone," Ratf*cker, The Most Dangerous Person in America Today (The Village Voice)
Manafort & Stone company nicknames: Black Manafort Stone & Kelly, Black Death, Torturers' Lobby
Carter Page nicknames: Putin's Apologist, Moscow's Brazen Apologist (Michael Isikoff), Trump's Moscow Mystery Man (Julia Ioffe)
Stephen Miller nicknames: Young Gargamel (Stephen Colbert), Sméagol (Trevor Noah), Basic Henchman (Trevor Noah), Master of Mendacity (Frank Vyan Walton), Neo-Jackboot (Frank Vyan Walton), The Love-Wall-Builder, "Mad Men" Miller, The Sh*tstreamer, The True Believer & Deceiver
Anthony Alexander nicknames: Tony, Dean, Trump's Token Hispanic
Ryan Zinke: Rinky-Dinky Zinke, The SOFA Commando (Special Operations Fraud & Anarchy), The Bozeman Bozo, The Knife Collector
David Melech Friedman nickames: Moloch, Fried Brain Man, Mr. Apartheid, Israel's Goebbels
Sebastian Gorka nicknames: Gorky Park, Dorky Park, The Irregular, The Mad Hungarian, The Hungarian Hun, The Incredible Shrinking "Expert" Witness
Carl Icahn nicknames: Mr. Delorean, Mr. Bailout, Mr. Too Big Not to Fail, The Grey Grifter, Back to the Suture, The Artful Dodger
Daniel Coates nicknames: Dan, Offshore Dan, Coates of Many Colors
Peter Navarro nicknames: Novice, Nutjob, Ninny
Donald F. McGhan nicknames: Don, Donald Jr., Junior Don
Ajit Pai nicknames: Dark Yoda, The Agitator, The Net Neutrality Negator, The Broadband Baron, Big Brother, Trump's Sinister Swami
George Ervin Perdue III nicknames: Sonny, Ophie Junior (his mother's name was Ophie), The Rainman (after he "prayed up a storm" pleading for rain)
Glenn Beck nicknames: Voldemort, Emotional Fescue (Michael R. Burch), American Rhodes, Glen "Weepin'-'n'-Wailin'" Beck
Kevin McCarthy nicknames: Kevin “Loose Lips Sink Ships” McCarthy
Dave Brat nicknames: Bratman, Terrible Tyke, Dark Night of the Soul
Nicknames for Trump's "Movement"
Twilight Zone — Dan Rather
Trump's Troll Army — Bryan Menegus
Donald Duck Dynasty
The Den of the Re-flub-Lycans
The Trump of Doom Preaching to His Demented Choir
Fifty Shades of Orange
Fifty Shades of Orange Lipstick on a Pig
The Mad Groper and His Goons
Trump Dump (#2)
Thurston Howell Bowel Movement
Hair Hitler and the Aryan Stupormen
Donald Trump Campaign Slogans and Parodies
Heil Hair Hitler!
Win one for the Groper!
GOP now means "Grab Our Pussies!" — Bill Maher parody
Trump 2016: Somebody's doing the raping! — Jon Stewart parody
Trump 2016: Somebody's doing the raping! OMG, it's The Donald! — Jon Stewart parody update
Make America great again, for every pawn! — Michael R. Burch parody
Make America grope again!
Make America grate again, so that minorities will migrate again! — Michael R. Burch parody
Make America gyrate again: grope pussy!
Make America gripe again!
Make America WHITE again!
Stand by your con man! — Michael R. Burch parody
Speak loudly and carry a big shtick! — Michael R. Burch parody
We have nothing to fear but Mexicans, Muslims, Mormons, women's body fluids, facts, science, gay couples, transgenders, and anyone who is not a lily-white male Christian heterosexual!
Get a grip: grope!
Clean up America: DUMP TRUMP!
A horrifying and destabilizing betrayal of the norms of American politics. — Dan Rather
We have just begun to grope!
Wait and see what happens! (Or flee to Canada if you have any sense!)
Fun for all, and all for fun: grope pussy!
Trump Chumps: Because thinking is hard!
Comb over to our side!
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin (not a parody)
Top Ten Donald Trump Campaign Songs
"Oops, I Kidded Again (Forget about the Wall, Jobs and Locking up Hillary)" sung to the tune of "Oops, I Did it Again" by Britney Spears
"We're an AmeriKKKan KKKlan" sung to the tune of "We're an American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad
"We Shall Overcomb" sung to the tune of "We Shall Overcome"
"Lockin' Up the Free World" sung to the tune of "Rockin' the Free World" by Neil Young
"Trump Can Always Grope What He Wants" sung to the tune of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones
"Rolling in Deep Bulls**t" sung to the tune of "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele
"Trump Will End the World as We Know It (And Feel Fine P*ssy)" sung to the tune of “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by R.E.M.
"Blowin' Hot Air" sung to the tune of "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan
"AmeriKKKa the Shootiful" sung to the tune of "America the Beautiful" (financed by the NRA and your friendly neighborhood assault weapon dealers)
"Sympathy for the Antichrist" sung to the tune of "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones
"Here Comes the Hun" sung to the tune of "Here Comes the Sun" by George Harrison
"Grime is on my Side" sung to the tune of "Time is on my Side" by the Rolling Stones
"Pick Pocket Man" sung to the tune of "Rocket Man" by Elton John (all royalties will benefit victims of Trump U.)
"Short-Fingered People" sung to the tune of "Short People" by Randy Newman
"Tiny Cancer" sung to the tune of "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John
"A Chain is Gonna Come" sung to the tune of "A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke
"Don't Stop Believin' My Bulls**t" sung to the tune of "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
"We're Not Gonna Take Your Freakin' Equality!" sung to the tune of "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister
Nicholas O'Shaughnesy calls Trump the "Ambassador of the Post-Truth Society." A simpler way to put that may be Liar-in-Chief.
It's embarrassing enough that Trump couldn't get top American stars to perform at his "Deploraball," but he was also turned down by Celine Dion, Andrea Boccelli, Elton John ... even Paul Anka!
Paul Anka and Celine Dion? Canadian. Elton John? English. Andrea Boccelli? Italian. 3 Doors Down? The Rockettes? Ted Nugent? Benji barking Sieg Heil? Keep an eye on the Keystone Klown Kar!
FINALLY, TAH-DA!, Trump "lands an A-list celebrity" to appear at his inauguration: "notorious pharma bro Martin Shkreli ... the most hated man in America!"―Dartagnan in Daily Kos
Actually, Trump is not short of A-listers, if by "A" we mean major ASSHOLES; hell, he's stocking his cabinet with them as we speak!
Currently rising: Trumpelstiltskin (Joy Behar), Trumpelthinskin, Tweetybird Trump and The Man in the Gilded Tower ... er, make that The Man-Baby in the Gilded Tower because Trump is having temper tantrums and whining and soiling his diaper in public on a daily basis! Also rising: the Organ Grinder because Trump likes to grope genitals and because he prefers trained monkeys to people with independent minds.
Also rising: Captain Outrageous (pun on Captain Courageous), Captain Chaos, Captain Diaperpants, the King of Chaos, the Orange Fire Monkey, the Orange Fire Chicken
George Orwell's novel 1984 is climbing in the bestseller rankings. Orwell got everything right except the year: 2016 (the Chinese year of the Yang, or Red Fire Monkey). Yang is, of course, the active male principle, associated with fire and heat. Trump was elected by the "red" states. And he seems remarkably unevolved, in terms of equality, compassion and a sense of justice ... Hey, is there something to Chinese astrology? ... As millions of women march against Trump, we see Ying opposing Yang, with Trump acting like an orangutan. An article about 2016 being the year of the Fire Monkey predicts: "Monkey business! Hold on to your hats, folks, the circus is about to begin! Monkey sees and Monkey does what is best for Monkey!" The rare Year of the Fire Monkey is associated with chaos, and Trump is the King of Chaos. The last year of the Fire Monkey was 1956, the year of the Cuban Missile Crisis and Suez Canal Crisis. The latter was a pivotal event that marked the demise of British imperial power. (Will Trump's monkeyshines do the same for American power?) A Chinese astrology chart says Trump's "Elements are extremely out of balance ... too much Fire and Earth, with almost no Water or Metal." (Sounds like he'll set the world aflame with no way to put it out!) According to Chinese astrology, Trump was born "in the Male Wooden Horse month of the Male Fire Dog year at Female Earth Snake hour." (A Trojan horse setting fire to the world with hateful venom, perhaps?) Trump was born on a blood moon, as in the biblical moon "turning to blood" before "the great and terrible Day of the LORD." (Armageddon awaits, heralded by the long-prophesied Trump of Doom!) Thierry Chow warns of shocking events because "when fire is atop monkeys they will be swinging around, they will be difficult to predict. A lot of things will be unexpected." ("Shock the Monkey," or will it shock us?) "There are going to be a lot of ups and downs. The monkey is a creature who is tricky and cunning," Cherry Ma said, predicting an economic rollercoaster in the Year of the Fire Monkey. But 2017 will be the year of the Fire Chicken; will Americans fire the Fire Chicken, by impeaching him? (One can only hope!)
Trump's name in Chinese translates as Te Lang Pu (Pooh!), which means "unusual, loud and common." Are the gods trying to tell us something, one wonders?
Rex Tillerson's name in Chinese translates as Di (Die!) Le Sen, which means "stem (kill), coerce, dark." It seems to suit him, as far as I can tell.
Kellyanne Conway's name in Chinese translates as Kang Wei, which means "healthy leather hide." Once again, right on the mark!
Ryan Zinke's name in Chinese translates as Jin Ke, which means "ferry crossing saliva digest." That makes me think of crossing over to Hades on Charon's ferry, on a river of spittle, and being forced to drink it!
Also rising: THE SWAMP STOCKER and THE SWAMPLAND SALESMAN
During his presidential campaign, Trump promised to "drain the swamp." Newt Gingrich recently nixed the idea, saying it was just a "cute" Tweet. Now Trump is restocking the swamp with his crocodilian donors and political piranha: three Goldman Sachs bigwigs, a founder of the WWE pro "wrestling" circus (who just happened to give Trump millions), Dr. Strangelove generals, and Bozos who want to handcuff or get rid of the EPA, the Department of Energy, and god-only-knows what else. Trump and his cronies have really big—nay, YUGE—ideas: Return to the gold standard! Deregulate the banks so that American taxpayers can bail them out yet again! Get rid of Obamacare and replace it with inexpensive band-aids. If the band-aids don't work and Americans start dying, too bad, they should have been rich like Trump! Everyone will win, win win ... except that the only winners will be Trump and his billionaire bandit buddies.
Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway, the Trump Whisperer, knows how to communicate with Short Attention Span Donald: ""Never command. That could insult him. Always make suggestions, backed with information in 10-second soundbites." Yes, and don't use confusing multi-syllable words like "equality," "justice" and "compassion" either! Troglodyte Trump would just shrug and reply: "Me no understand. Why not Tarzan do what he want? Tarzan heap big President, beat up runts, grope pussy!" And of course the ghost-pale Trump Whisperer would figure out how to make Trump's "plan" sound acceptable to his bamboozled supporters.
Why did Trump appoint the Passionate Psychopath to his cabinet? Trump has described Ben Carson as "passionate" and "pathological," comparing him to a child molester who cannot be trusted or cured. But suddenly the bromance of the former old flames has been reignited. Did Trump lie about Carson's character in order to become president? Or did he tell the truth, meaning that he is stocking his cabinet with the political equivalents of child molesters? In either case, Trump is unfit to be president. But it appears that the Gamester is like the Riddler in one of the old kitschy Batman TV shows: "Riddle me this, riddle me that. Is Ben Carson crazy, or am I the weird cat?" Evidently, Trump will say and do anything to "win," with no regard for the truth.
The Trump Whisperer―the ever-addled-and-flustered Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway―has done her best to "explain" Trump's cabinet picks, but they defy rational explanation. Will he pick Bishop Romney because he looks like a Secretary of State, or will he choose Rudy the Red Hosed Giuliani to co-star in his new reality TV show The Celebrity Presidential Apprentice: Armageddon Awaits?
Currently rising: Donald Drumfkopf, The Gay Grifter, Con Hair (pun on the movie "Con Air" after Trump's comments about Boeing and Air Force One), Hair Force One, Crony Capitalist (Sarah Palin), The American Duterte (Duterte has been called "The Trump of the East"), The Tweet Twit, The Twitter Flitterbug, The Conspiracy Errorist, Puerile Thin-Skinned Crude 70-Year-Old Bombastic Huckster (Joe Klein), Capricious Authoritarian Monarch (Dan Rather), Super Callous Fragile Ego Extra Braggadocious
Also rising: Dudley Do-Wrong, Boss Hogg Trump, KKK-Mart Caesar, Trumpty Dumpty, Prince of Humbug (P. T. Barnum), Gleeful Provocateur (David Von Drehle), The Rust Belt's Revenge (David Von Drehle), The Bait-and-Switch Orange Tufted Snitch, Little Donnie Diaperpants, Donald Sissypants
Also rising: The Kingpin:
Schmoozers line up to kiss the ring
of the clownish Kingpin ...
Christie, Romney, Megyn Kelly ...
they bow down and quake like their insides are jelly.
—Michael R. Burch
Also rising: The fraud-U-lent President:
Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo has agreed to pay $25 million to settle charges of fraud against his so-called Trump "University." Even the name was a sham and a scam―not to mention illegal due to false advertising. Thus Trump has, for all intents and purposes, admitted that he bilked thousands of students out of their hard-earned money. Many of them charged their credit cards and had to pay extremely high interest rates on top of the fraudulent "tuition" charges. But that is how Trump-Bozo operates, as he unloads his Kooky Klown Kar at the three-ring circus show formerly known as the American presidency. We will undoubtedly see more shams and scams under a Trump administration. Taxpayers had better plan on shelling out to have padded walls installed at the White House, now that the inmates are running the asylum. It sounds like the plot of a Batman movie: the Joker has been elected president and is gleefully playing with the nuclear codes ...
Nicknames for the Trump administration: Alternate Reality TV, Celebrity Presidential Apprentice, KKK: Kooks, Klowns and Kommissars, Den of the Re-flub-Lycans, Hell on Earth, The Fourth Reich, Hair Force One, Combover to the Dark Side, Hair Hitler and the Whigs, Trump-Pence None the Wiser, Regressive Reds, The White Supremacist House, The West Wing Sexual Assault Emporium, The Oval Ovary Assault Office, The Ovary Inspection Office, Crack Team of Crackpots, Kakistocracy (Ryan Lizza)
The Greeks have a word for the emerging Trump Administration: kakistocracy. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as a “government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.” Webster’s is simpler: “government by the worst people.”—Ryan Lizza in a New Yorker article
Movies soon to be made about the rise of Trump and the Trumpites: Presidential Apprentice, Trumpocalypse Now, Day of the Orange Jackal, Dumb and Dumber, Dawn of the Brain Dead, Revenge of the Turds, The Stepford Wives Deliver the Children of the Corn
Currently rising: Herr President Trump, Hair Furor Trump, President Trumpenstein, President Twitter-Tweet-Twit, Resident Rump, Resident A$$hole, The Democracy Trumper, The Trumpster, Donald the Insufferable, The Wizard of Ahs, Ignoramus (Paul Krugman), Polezni Durak (Russian for "Useful Fool"), Putin's Useful Fool (ex-CIA director Michael Hayden), Yalta II: the End of NATO (General Wesley Clark), Unwitting Russian Agent (ex-CIA director Michael Morrell), Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poppet, Putin's BBF, Putin's Gambit, Comrade Trumputin, The Kremlin's Klown, Comey's Homie, The Boychurian Candidate, The ISIS Candidate, Vanilla ISIS, Duke Nuke 'Em, Der Groepenfuehrer, Baron Von Muchengropen, Boldfinger, Space Cadet Trump, Tweet Bait (Hillary Rodham Clinton), Twitter Twit, Unstable Cable Mogul, Low-Bar Limbo King, Human Vermin, Butternut Turd (Drew Magary), Largemouth Ass (Samantha Bee), Failed QVC Steak Salesman (Samantha Bee), Thrice-Married Foul-Mouthed Tit Judge (Samantha Bee), Screaming Carrot Demon (Samantha Bee), Melting Hunk of Uninformed Apricot Jello (Samantha Bee), America’s Burst Appendix (Samantha Bee), Crotch-Fondling Slab of Rancid Meatloaf (Samantha Bee), Sixteen-Month Hindenburg Explosion (Samantha Bee), Cassino Mussolini (Samantha Bee), Orange Supremacist (Samantha Bee), Regurgitated Orange Rind Oozing Puss, Long Dong Trump, The Trumpinator, Donald Chickenheart
Donald Trump compared himself to Medal of Honor winners, telling them: "I'm brave―financially brave!" No, Donald Chickenheart, welshing on your taxes and bills is not "brave." Trump avoided the Vietnam War by claiming to have "bone spurs," the rich boy's convenient excuse for sending someone poorer to fight and die in his stead. Trump then famously (or infamously) said that John McCain was only a hero because he was captured, while The Donald haughtily prefers heroes who were not captured. Thus, he insulted all American POWs. Trump then insulted a Gold Star family's loss of their son, by saying that he had made a similar "sacrifice" erecting buildings. Since when is a building worth a soldier's life? And of course Trump was making a lot of money from his buildings. Now it turns out that Trump hasn't paid federal taxes in decades, which he bragged makes him "smart." But those taxes pay for the food, clothing, safety and medical care of American soldiers who, unlike Trump, are willing to fight for their country. Is it "smart" or "brave" to let other people fight and die, while a rich, arrogant playboy gropes women's genitals, defrauds students and investors, and refuses to pay vendors and contractors? No, Donald Chickenheart is neither "smart" nor "brave." He is, however, very good at insulting his betters: particularly American soldiers, vets and their families.
Nicknames for the Trumps: The Stepfordians, Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out, Donald and the Douchebags, Hitler's Revenge on the United States
Titles of upcoming movies and TV shows about the Trumps: Presidential Apprentice, The Brooklyn Hillbullies, Donald Duck Dynasty, Porky and the Pigs, Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous, The Stepford Wives Deliver the Children of the Corn, Family Feudal, What's My Con Line?, West Wingnuts, Shill Street Blues, Con Hair, Emergency!
New and Rising Trump Nicknames
News flash: The fossil of the strangest dinosaur yet have been discovered, and the bizarre creature has been named after you-know-who. Trumpasoreass Rex was an orange-hued alpha predator with a highly unusual modus operandi. Because its hands were tiny, dainty and of no use in battle, Soreass Rex would whine and whine until its victims slit their own throats! The ghastly beast would then gorge on their carcasses. Now its namesake is doing the same thing to American voters!
Just in time for Halloween, what could be scarier than a man with these nicknames: Trumpenstein, Trumpula, Trumpzilla, The Great Trumpkin, Pumpkin Hitler, Trump Troll, Uncle Fester, Uncle Grope-Fester (Josh Marshall), The Hulking Duke of Darkness (Garrison Keillor), Poor Little Rich Boy (The New Yorker), Human Molotov Cocktail (Michael Moore), Human Hand Grenade (Michael Moore), Grotesquely Decomposing Pumpkin Pulp, Jack-A$$-O-Lantern, Ugly Billionaire Nitwit (Garrison Keillor), The Dangler (Dan Rather), Damien Trump, The Creature from the Black Lampoon (Michael R. Burch), Count Hackula, Count Dreckula, The Posh Wear Wolf, The Dainty-Fingered Dandy, The Grim Groper, The Grimy Reaper, Orange-Tufted Imbecile Intent on Armageddon, The Mountebank (J. Robert Smith), Bizarro Bozo, Cracked Pot, The Orange Blob, King Dong, King Leer, The Shambling Sasquatch (Michael R. Burch), Lurch, Spittle-Mouthed Snarler (Gina Barreca), Orange Amoeba (Ana Navarro), Sith Lord Trump, Super Predator (Van Jones), Orange Click-Gibbon
Here are two new Trump nicknames that may warrant an explanation: Donald Droit du Seigneur and Droit du Donald. In medieval times, droit du seigneur was the "right of a lord" to have sex with a subordinate female. The lord didn't need to obtain the female's consent, nor could her husband or family defend her honor. Now we have learned from his own mouth that Baron Trump fancies that this ancient privilege is his, because he's a "star."
Third presidential debate nicknames: Sweet Little Baby Trump (Alec Baldwin), Libel Bully (American Bar Association), The Big Lummox (Garrison Keillor), Rigger Mortis (Michael R. Burch), Donald de Rigueur (Michael R. Burch), The Bid Rigger, Fat A$$ (Stephen Colbert), Brexit-Plus (Donald Trump), The Swamp Drainer (Kellyanne Conway), The Supreme Sexist (Barbara Res), Poster Boy for Narcissism (Dr. César Chelala), Unhinged Self-Adoring Demagogue (New York Daily News), Wall Choke Artist (Hillary Clinton), Sweaty Upper Lip Sniffer (Ron Fournier), Master of Disaster (CNN), Dangerously Paranoid Child Brain (Chauncey Devaga), Trump the Usurper (J. Robert Smith), Controversy-Addicted Wingnut Trump (John Earls), Loss Leader (Michael R. Burch), The Nasty Woman(izer), Hamster Hairpiece, The Fearful Earful, The Mad Hombre, The Prophet of Mosul, Crackpot (Bernie Shine), Deplorable Donald, Hillary's Punching Bag, Humpty Trumpty
Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Humpty Trumpty had a great fall.
Then all the Grand Wizards and Faux PR men
couldn't put Trumpty together again.
—Michael R. Burch
You may not realize it, but Trump is quite the stand-up comedian, either a Master of Irony or The King of Unintentional Comedy:
Trump said “I want to debate Hillary very badly.” And he certainly did, as he struck out three times in a row!
Trump said John McCain was a war hero only because he got caught. Trump, on the other hand, is a brilliant military strategist who cleverly avoided getting caught—by not serving!
A vet gave Trump his Purple Heart, something Trump said he had always wanted and never thought he would get—a functional heart!
Trump's family name was “Drumpf.” Sounds like one of the Seven Dwarfs—and that would explain his teeny-tiny hands and corresponding appendage!
Trump feels entitled to ridicule the handicapped. After all, he has his own physical challenges—he constantly has his foot in his mouth and his head up his ass!
Trump was absolutely correct to have a crying baby removed from one of his rallies—like any good businessman, he needed to eliminate the competition.
Trump has been called ignorant, tasteless, tactless, thin-skinned, fat-headed, immature, narcissistic, racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, vindictive, cowardly, petty, pampered, disingenuous, deceitful, disgusting and dangerous, as well as a bully, a braggart, a bigot, and a bore. That’s so unfair—he’s a boor, but certainly not a bore!
The jokes above were taken from a Bernie Shine collection on Huffington Post.
Oldies but Goodies: Financially Embattled Thousandaire (Gail Collins), Angry Creamsicle, Orange Julius, Captain Chaos, Fearmonger-in-Chief (Rolling Stone)
Other new and rising nicknames: Racist Clementine, Under-Endowed Dick Tater, Double Downer, Rabble Rouser, Republican Rapture Inducer, Thin-Skinned Crybaby, The Predictable Endpoint of Rabid Republicanism, Toxic Fungi (Charles M. Blow)
Republicans sowed intolerance and in its shadow, Trump sprang up like toxic fungi.―Charles M. Blow
Rising after the second debate and Trump's "groping pussy" revelation: Bushman, Bushmaster, Bush Baby Fingers, Boldfinger, Creep Throat, Inside Scoop, Octopussy, Snatch Snatcher, Snatch Snitch, Frisky Frisker, Full Frontal Assault, Pussy Posse, Der Groepenfuehrer, Jack the Gripper, Great White Grope Dope, Serial Feeler, Twat Twit, Alpha Molester, Demander-in-Chief, A$$aulter-in-Chief, Sexual-Predator-in-Chief and Groper-in-Chief
Also rising: Tic-Tac-Dough, Tic-Tac Attack, Rikki Tikki Tacky and Ticky-Tacky Trump ...
Take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy is the closest thing to a "plan" Donald Trump has described this entire election!―Samantha Bee
BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: “So you treat women with respect?” Trump answered honestly: “No, I can’t say that either.” And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."
Also rising after the second presidential debate: The Surreal Donald Trump, Sniffles, Whiny Wheezer, Hillary's Shadow, Fruit of the Loom, King Leer, Lurch, Trumpenstein, The Shambling Sasquatch, The Abominable Showman, Yellow Yeti, Spongedon Squarenuts, The Mad Shambler, Donnie Darko, Trumpageddon, Trumpocalypse, Orange Prometheus Unchained, Barbarian at the Debate, Paul Ryan's Worst Nightmare Come to Zombie-like Life
Nicknames Given by Donald Trump to Other People
Donald Trump claims that he has an "instinct" for nicknames, but the list below shows a decided lack of wit, intelligence and originality. Trump may be a master of the low-brow insult, but anyone can find a cheap insult and fling it around. Trump's nicknames are as bankrupt as his casinos and his many other failed businesses like Trump University, Trump Vodka, Trump Ice, Trump Steaks, Trump Airlines, Trump Magazine, Trump Mortgage, Trump Network, Trumped!, Trump New Media, Trump on the Ocean, Tour de Trump, the New Jersey Generals and Trump: The Game.
"Gold Diggers" (women in general; on the day of Trump's wedding to Marla Maples, he told Howard Stern that "vagina is expensive" and they laughed about it later on Stern's radio show)
"Real Killers" (smart women in general; according to Trump the smart ones put on an act, pretending to be "feminine and needy," but are in reality "real killers")
"Beautiful Pieces of Ass" (Trump's dates and presumably his wives)
"Nice Tits, No Brains" (Marla Maples, Trump's second wife)
"Grotesque" (Bette Midler)
"Bimbo" and "Crazy Megyn" (Megyn Kelly)
"Cunt" and "Shit for Brains" (Jennifer Lin)
"Slob," "Big Fat Pig," "Disgusting Animal," "The Beast," "Disgusting both Inside and Out," "Real Loser," "Dumb," and "My Nice Fat Little Rosie "(Rosie O'Donnell)
"Disgusting" (Elizabeth Beck, after she requested a time-out to pump breast milk for her baby)
"Disgusting" (Hillary Clinton, for taking a "potty break" during a debate)
"Schlonged" (Hillary Clinton, for losing the Democratic presidential election nomination to Barack Obama)
"Dog" and "Unattractive Inside and Out" (Arianna Huffington)
"Face of a Dog" (Gail Collins)
"That Face" (Carly Fiorina, whom Trump said could not be considered for the presidency because of her looks; but what about his, then?)
"Miss Piggy" and "Miss Eating Machine" (Alicia Machado, for gaining weight after winning the Miss Universe contest in 1996; she was a teenager at the time and Trump body-shamed her)
"Miss Housecleaning" (Alicia Machado, presumably because she is Latina and housecleaning is what Latinas are good for, according to The Donald)
Trump's comments about women are disturbing and confirm a long-term pattern of bullying, body-shaming, fat-shaming, face-shaming and verbal abuse. Here's an excerpt from a Slate article:
Before entering politics, Trump criticized Bill Clinton not for mistreating women, but for failing to find hotter mistresses. He once called [Paula] Jones a “loser” and said of the [Monica] Lewinsky scandal that “people would have been more forgiving” if Clinton had slept with “a really beautiful woman of sophistication.” Trump’s message in bringing up Bill’s adultery now is the same as the right-wing slogan he retweeted last year: “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?” His belief that Bill Clinton’s affairs reflect badly on Hillary demonstrates something key to his psyche: For Trump, the only salient distinction when judging a women’s worth is whether she is fuckable or unfuckable. The fuckable/unfuckable schema is so deeply rooted in Trump that he can’t fully grasp that not everyone shares it. Consider how, the morning after Monday’s debate, he defended himself from Clinton’s accusation that he’d bullied former Miss Universe Alicia Machado for her weight. Speaking to Fox and Friends by phone, he said, “[S]he gained a massive amount of weight, and it was a real problem.” On Wednesday night, speaking to Bill O’Reilly, he continued to paint himself as the victim of Machado’s sudden-onset unfuckability, suggesting that he deserves thanks for trying to save her job. “I did that with a number of young ladies,” he said. “Look what I get out of it. I get nothing.”
If this concerns you, there is more information at Donald Trump's War on Women.
Also rising: Misogynist-in-Chief and Chauvinist-in-Chief, due to Trump's statements such as these made on the Howard Stern show ...
Trump told Howard Stern that it was okay to call his daughter Ivanka a "piece of ass." They discussed the size of her breasts and her "voluptuous" body.
In a 2002 appearance, Trump called 30 the "perfect age" for a woman. "Until she's 35," a co-host interjected. Trump agreed, calling 35 "check-out time" for wives and girlfriends.
In a 2006 interview, Stern asked Trump if he would "bang" 24-year-olds. "Oh, absolutely," Trump replied, "I'd have no problem."
Stern then asked Trump if he had an age limit. "No, I have no age—I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds."
Trump was later accused in a lawsuit of raping a 13-year-old girl while she begged him to stop.
Trump told co-host Artie Lang that he had had sex with a threesome of women, estimating their collective weight at 375 pounds.
When asked about threesomes, Trump replied: "Haven't we all? Are we babies?" So according to Trump, only "babies" don't participate in orgies.
In a 1993 appearance, Stern said the difference between Trump and other wealthy men is that he satisfies the women he sleeps with. "And I couldn't care less," Trump replied.
In a 2005 episode, Artie Lang asked: "Give us the first letter of the country [in the Miss Universe contest] you had sex with." "How many letters are there?" Trump asked in return.
Co-host Robin Quivers asked if sleeping with contestants was a conflict of interest. Trump agreed: "But, you know ... you tend to think about the conflict a little bit later on."
Trump then bragged about "inspecting" the beauty contestants in their dressing rooms, where men were not allowed. This was presumably his "privilege" as the contest owner.
Stern complained that some of the contestants were more educated than "hot." Trump replied: "They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors, and I wasn't interested."
Stern approved of Trump's approach, saying: "I'd rather have a retarded hot woman than a slob who's a doctor."
How did Donald Trump come to be such a prick (if you'll pardon the pun)? According to Barbara Res, one of his highest-ranking female employees: “He got too famous. He started believing his own shit. He got way too famous and, you know, people were telling him he was great and he was buying that. He started thinking that he walked on water, he really did ... “Now, I don’t think he respects anybody. I don’t think there’s a person alive that he respects, because he thinks he’s God.” We can see this when the know-nothing Trump claims to know more about ISIS than American generals, and when he says that he likes soldiers who weren't captured, when he himself avoided the Vietnam War with a series of deferments, including the ultimate rich boy ploy: "bone spurs." Trump thinks his shit doesn't stink, but in reality he is a Smelly A$$.
Nicknames Given by Donald Trump to Other People (Continued)
Rapists (Mexican immigrants)
Low Energy Jeb (Jeb Bush)
Lyin' Ted (Ted Cruz)
Little Marco (Marco Rubio) ... later clarified by Trump as "Liddle Marco"
Lightweight Choker and Choke Artist (Marco Rubio)
Psychopath (Ben Carson)
1 for 38 Kasich (John Kasich won 1 of 38 states in the Republican presidential primaries)
Crooked Hillary, Lyin' Hillary and Rotten Hillary (Hillary Clinton)
Crazy Bernie (Bernie Sanders)
Goofy, Goofus and Pocahontas (Elizabeth Warren)
Corrupt Kaine (Tim Kaine)
Neurotic Dope, Wacky and Crazy (Maureen Dowd)
Highly Neurotic (Debbie Wasserman Schultz)
Mentally Abused (John Kerry)
Baby (Barack Obama)
Mr. Tough Guy (Joe Biden, after Trump said that he would "love" to fight the 74-year-old vice president)
#DumpTrump #NeverTrump #PantsOnFire #DirtyDonald #KingOfCorruption
All Donald Trump Nicknames A-Z in Roughly Alphabetical Order, with Our Favorites in Bold
70-Year-Old Toddler — Charles M. Blow and Samantha Bee
Agent Orange — Anonymous
Agent of Deranged Change
America's Black Mole — John Oliver
America's Burst Appendix — Samantha Bee
Amnesty Don — Joe Scarborough (after Trump said that he was "softening" his stance on illegal immigrants)
The Angry Cheeto
Angry Creamsicle — Stephen Colbert
Antichrist — (see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Art Deal and Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book, which he considers second only to the Bible)
A$$aulter-in-Chief — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Baby Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch
Bag of Toxic Sludge
Barbarian at the Debate — Charles M. Blow
John Baron — Donald Trump (a pseudonym he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Barrel-Shouting Meatball Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
The Big Cheeto
Big Donald — Marco Rubio (revised to Pig Donald by feminists)
The Bigoted Billionaire
The Bilious Billionaire
Bizarro Bozo — Michael R. Burch
Blitzkrieg Bozo — Michael R. Burch
Boiled Ham in a Wig — Jon Stewart
Boldfinger — Michael R. Burch
The Bouffant Buffoon — Michael R. Burch
The Boychurian Candidate — Michael R. Burch (a pun on "The Manchurian Candidate")
Bribe of Chucky
The Brooklyn Bolshevik ― Michael R. Burch
Bully Boy — Mike Rubio
Bush Baby and Bush Baby Fingers — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Bush Basher
The Bush Beater
Bushman — Michael R. Burch, after Trump bragged about groping bush to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood
Butternut Soufflé of Death — Michael R. Burch
Butternut Squash — Trevor Noah
Cancer in a Wig — Trevor Noah
Captain Chaos — NBC News
Captain Outrageous — Michael R. Burch (a pun on Captain Courageous)
The Chaos Candidate — Jeb Bush
Cheez Doodle — Maureen Dowd
Cheez Whiz — John Oliver
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator — jezebel.com
Cheeto Jesus — Rick Wilson
Chicken Donald — Martin O'Malley
Cinnamon Hitler — Trevor Noah
Chickenhawk — Because Trump evaded serving in the Vietnam War, but portrays himself as a war hawk ("the most militaristic person on the planet")
Clown Prince of Politics
Comedy Entrapment — Jon Stewart
Con-Dike Gold Rush
Corn Husk Doll Cursed by a Witch Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
The Cowardly Lyin'
Crybaby Prima Donald
Crybaby Trump — Jeff Kanew
Creep Throat — Seth Meyers
The Daft Draft Dodger
Damn Turd Pol — anagram
Dangerous Donald — Hillary Clinton
The Debate Hater
Decomposing Jack O'Lantern — Jon Stewart
Deeply Disturbed Fuzzy Orange Goofball
The Definer — because according to The Donald, he defines other candidates, after which they quickly become political trivia questions
Dehydrated Orange Peel — Libby Inman
Delicate Donald Diddles-his-pants — Michael R. Burch
Delicate Donald Sissypants — Michael R. Burch
Demander-in-Chief — Michael R. Burch
Diaper Donald — Kevin Cavanaugh
Dire Abby — Michael R. Burch (a pun on "Dear Abby" because Trump frequently tweets relationship advice to other people, but it's usually dire)
The Dick Tater
Dodgy Donald — CrumblingSlowly
Don the Con
The Donald — Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Donald the Deadbeat — Dan Rather
Donald Dodo — as in the famously stupid dodo bird
Donald Douche and the Bags
Donald Drumpf — John Oliver
Donald Duck Doo-Doo
Donald the Menace
Donald Tax-Duck — John Joseph Ribovich
Donny — SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey); also his boyhood nickname
Don of Orange
Draft Dodger — Don C. Reed
D.U.D. ― Michael R. Burch (for "Dangerously Unhinged" Donald, based on a quote by Glenn "Emotional Fescue" Beck)
D.U.D.LEY DO-WRONG ― Michael R. Burch (an extrapolation of D.U.D.)
Duke Nuke 'Em
Dumbo — Grace Taylor
The Dumpster — Pun on Trumpster and the "Dump Trump" slogan)
Dump Tump — Grace Taylor
The Emperor with no Balls — Graffiti found on naked statues of Trump
The Emperor with no Clothes
Evil — Gloria Reed
Itty Bitty Ball Trump
Failed Mail-Order Meat Salesman — Ashley Feinberg, sticking a satiric fork in Trump Steaks
Fascist Carnival Barker — Martin O'Malley
Feral Shouting Meatball Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Field Marshall Trump
Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out (for trying to deny disabled vets the right to street vend on Fifth Avenue)
Financially Embattled Thousandaire — Gail Collins
Flat Top — Trump's boyhood nickname
The Fomentor — Trevor Noah
Fragile Soul — Ted Cruz
Frisky Frisker — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Fruit of the Loom — for oddly looming over Hillary Clinton at the second presidential debate
Fuckface von Clownstick — Jon Stewart
The Germinator (Trump hates to shake hands, fearing germs)
Genghis Cant — Michael R. Burch (because unlike Genghis Khan, the Donald can't rule the world, making his promises mere cant)
Gentle Donald — Ted Cruz
The Greatest Charlatan (of them all) — Brent Bozell
Golden Calf of Doom
God — Jay Leno
Godzilla, with Less Foreign Policy Experience — Stephen Colbert
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin
The GOP's Unhinged Front-Runner — Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Government Expander — Glen Beck
Gossamer-Skinned Bully — Graydon Carter
Grandpa Fucko — Kyle Bunch
The Grand Wizard of Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Great Orange Hairball of Fear
The Great White Dope
The Great White Dope on a Self-Hanging Rope
Groper-in-Chief — Nicholas Kristof (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Halfwit Tweet Twit
Hair Apparent — pun on Heir Apparent
Hair Furor — pun on Herr Führer
Hair Hitler — pun on Herr Hitler
Herr Führer Trump
Herr Lugenpresse ― Dan Rather
Hissy-Fit Hitler ― Elizabeth Harris Burch aka Ladydragyn
The Human Amplifier
The Human Combover
The Human Corncob — Erin L. Cody
The Human Bullhorn — Jim Newell, in Slate
Human-Toupee Hybrid — Stephen Colbert
Humble — Donald Trump's ironic choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename
Humble Trump — a nickname given to Donald Trump by his son Eric Trump aka "Eric the Red"
Humble Cow Pie — because he's full of shit about being "humble"
Hurricane Donald ― Jeff Singer
The Inane Interjector
Immigrant-Bashing Carnival Barker — TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
In-Vet-Irate Liar (for claiming to "support" vets while trying to sweep them off the streets)
The ISIS Candidate
Jack the Gripper — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
John Baron and John Barron — Donald Trump pseudonyms
John Boehner's Tanning Partner in Crime — Michael R. Burch
John Miller — Donald Trump (a pseudonym he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Job Security (for Comedians) ― Jimmy Kimmel
Kelly's Zero (pun on [Megyn] Kelly's Heroes)
Killer Klown from Outer Space (the title of a "b" movie)
King of Debt
King of the Oompa Loompas ― Justin Baragona
King of Sleaze
King of Spin
King of the Whoppers — USA Today, Christmas Day, 2015
King Tut — Because his insults make billions of people go "Tut, tut, tut!"
Lady Fingers Trump — Don C. Reed (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Liberals' Best Friend (since the Trump administration will undoubtedly convert some conservatives into liberals)
Liberal Wannabe Strongman — David McIntosh
Little Donnie Sissypants ― Michael R. Burch
Little Dutch Boy
Long Dong Trump
Loosin' Donald — Ted Cruz
Lord Dampnut — anagram
Lord Voldemort — Rosie O'Donnell
Machado Meltdown — Hillary Clinton
The Mad Shambler
Maladroit Savage Spiraling Out of Control — Charles M. Blow
Man-Baby — Jon Stewart
Meathead — John Joseph Ribovich
Mein Furor — Murfster35 on DailyKos
The Michelangelo of Ballyhoo — TIME by David Von Drehle in his cover article on Trump
Mogul — his Secret Service code name
Moneydiaper McStupid — Nick Musgrave
Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book)
Mr. Brexit — Donald Trump (perhaps because his political currency is about to be devalued?)
Mr. Chickenhawk — Because he's a coward who portrays himself as a war hawk
Mr. Boinker Oinker
Mr. Macho — Bernie Sanders (who perhaps gave the lily-livered draft dodger too much credit)
The Man of Steal (made in China) — after Hillary Clinton pointed out that Trump hotels have been built with illegally-imported Chinese steel
Mr. Meticulous — Trump's military academy nickname, given because he folded his underwear into neat squares
Mr. Wiggy Piggy — Michael R. Burch (because he's such a male chauvinist pig, and that hair!)
Mussolini's Taint — Kyle Bunch
Narcissistic Human Airhorn — Chris Hardwick
The New Furor — Pun on Führer)
New York Dork
New York Pork Dork — Michael R. Burch (because Trump's companies have feasted on government subsidies and tax breaks)
No More Donald — Elizabeth Warren, in a tweet
The Only Plausible GOP Nominee — Bustle
Orange Anus — Rosie O'Donnell
Orangeback Gorilla — After trying to physically intimidate Hillary Clinton in the second presidential debate
Orange Caligula — Victoria
Orange Julius — A pun on the fruit drink chain (emphasis on fruit) and Julius Caesar
Orange Manatee — Stephen Colbert
The Orange Messiah
Orange Omen of Doom
Orange Slug — Rosie O'Donnell
Orange Toilet Bowl Crud Brought to Life as a Genital-Grabbing Golem
Orange-Tufted Imbecile Intent on Armageddon
The Orange Vomit Zombie (it eats vomit rather than brains)
Panda Hair — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Pander Hair — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Peripatetic Political Showman — The Fiscal Times
Persimmon Satan — Michael R. Burch
Persimmon Satyr — Michael R. Burch
Persimmon Simon — Michael R. Burch (Persimmon Simon / said to the lie-man / defending the KKK: / I love your sheets / and your racist feats! / We're peas in a pod! Ole!)
Pile of Old Garbage Covered in Vodka Sauce — Trevor Noah
The Puerile Sophomoric Sniveler — Charles M. Blow
Pig Donald — a variation of Big Donald, coined by Marco Rubio then adapted by feminists
Political Gutterball — Michael R. Burch
Poor Donald — Hillary Clinton
Poster Child of American Decline — Robert Spencer
POTUS WRECKS — Michael R. Burch
The Predictable Endpoint of Republicanism — Charles M. Blow
Puffed Up Daddy
Pussy Posse — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Putin's Gambit — Michael R. Burch
Putin's Poppet ― Michael R. Burch
Queens' Reich — Trump hails from Queens NY, and sounds like the second coming of the Third Reich
Rabble-Rousing Demagogue — John Cassidy in The New Yorker
Republican Rapture Inducer
Riptide of Regression ― Dan Rather
Rome Burning in Man Form — John Oliver
Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo — Michael R. Burch
Sack of Gilded Lunchmeat — Kyle Bunch
The Scattershot Autocrat
Screaming Carrot Demon — Samantha Bee
Scrooge Grinch McGrump — Michael R. Burch (first used Christmas Eve, 2015)
SCROTUS — So-Called Ruler of the United States, by Elayne Boosler
Serial Feeler — pun on "serial killer" (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Shambling Sasquatch — (after Trump shambled and lurched around the stage in the second presidential debate, as lampooned by SNL)
Silver Spoon Donald — Don C. Reed
The Silver Spoon Scion — Charles M. Blow
Snake Oil Salesman — Rosie O'Donnell
Sniffles — After the Donald sniffled like a cocaine addict during the second presidential debate
Sociopathic 70-Year-Old Toddler — Samantha Bee
The Sophomoric Sniveler — Charles M. Blow
The Spin King
The Spinster and The Sinister Spinster — Michael R. Burch
Stubby Baby Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch
Stuporman — Michael R. Burch (since Trump's superpower is putting people to sleep and making them dream that he has magical superpowers
The Suicide Bummer
The Swamp Draining Lizard-Man-Toddler
The Talking Yam
Tan Dump Lord — anagram
The Tanning Bed Warning Label
Tangello Fruit Roll-Up Stretched Over Cat Litter Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Tangerine-Tinted Trash-Can Fire — Samantha Bee
Tangerine Tornado — SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey)
The Teflon Don — Michael R. Burch
TelePrompTer Trump — Mark Sumner
Thin Skinned Orange Peel
Terroristic Man-Toddler — Charles M. Blow
Tic-Tac-Dough — Michael R. Burch
Tie-Coon (because his menswear line includes ties)
The Tiny Fisted Emperor — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Tiny Hands Trump ― Michael R. Burch
Tricky Don Trump — After Tricky Dick Nixon
Trumparius — Nate Silver, from "The Age of Trumparius"
The Trumpet — Trump's boyhood nickname
Trump of Doom — Michael R. Burch (first used in a Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
Trumpdozer — TIME Magazine
Trumpelthinskin — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumpenstein — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumpinator — Soopermexican
Trumpocalypse — Markos Moulitsas on Daily Kos
Trumptastrophe — Chris McKay
Trump the Grump
Truthophobic Trump — Elizabeth Harris Burch
The Tufted Taliban
Twat Twit — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Twitter-Drunk Donald — a Bush aide
The Twitter Terror — Michael R. Burch
Two-Bit Caesar — Bill Kristol
Two Pump Trump — Troy Ramos
UNA (Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole) — Jon Stewart
The UNA Bomber
"The uniquely underqualified and overblown king of bragging and whining" — The New York Times
Vanilla Isis — Pun on Vanilla Ice
Venom-Drenched Regurgitated Slimy Orange Hairball
Vet Evictor — For staging a benefit for veterans after trying to sweep disabled vets from New York City streets for more than a decade
Voldemort ― Rosie O'Donnell
Walking Talking Human Combover — Michael R. Burch
Weak Donald — Trevor Noah
The Wedgie from West Palm — Kyle Bunch
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher
Widdle Donnie Diaperpants ― Michael R. Burch
The Winning Whiner — Donald J. Trump explained how he "wins" by whining in an interview
World's Greatest Troll — FiveThirtyEight Politics
Xenophobic Sweet Potato Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
The Yacking Yam
Zen Master of Hate
The Best Descriptions of Donald Trump (or at Least the Most Colorful)
Fuckface von Clownstick. — Jon Stewart
The world's greatest troll. — FiveThirtyEight Politics
Peripatetic political showman. — The Fiscal Times
Cheeto-dusted bloviator. — jezebel.com
I am the most fabulous whiner. I do whine, because I want to win. — Donald Trump describing himself on CNN's "New Day" to host Chris Cuomo
John Boehner's tanning partner.
Trump is "the GOP's unhinged front-runner." — Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Trump "has moved from rabble-rousing to demagoguery, or something even uglier." — U.S. News & World Report, quoting a John Cassidy article in The New Yorker
Trump is an "immigrant-bashing carnival barker." — TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
Venom-drenched regurgitated slimy orange hairball.
The Great Orange Hairball of Death and Destruction.
Donald Trump is a walking, talking Human Combover sent to earth to seek revenge by Hitler's Moustache. — Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is the Cowardly Lion's enormous Orange Hairball of Fear brought to life by the Wicked Witch of the West. — Michael R. Burch
Ted Cruz Nicknames
Teddy Bare (see the picture immediately above)
Ted Scruz (after allegations that the "devout Christian family man" had affairs with five women, including a prostitute)
Felito (his full name is Rafael Edward Cruz and Felito means "little Rafael")
Fidelo (Cruz's father supported Fidel Castro and the communists who took over Cuba)
Little Fidelo (ditto)
Castro's Revenge (ditto)
The Cruz Controller and Mr. Cruz Control
Mr. Cruz Missile (because he promised to carpet bomb the Middle East with nukes to see if the sands will "glow" at night)
Duke Nukem (ditto), Dr. Strangelove (ditto), The Mad Carpet Bomber (ditto) and The Dune-a-Bomber (ditto)
The Fireman (after he told little Julie Trant, a three-year-old, that her world was "on fire")
Mr. Pants-on-Fire (ditto), Mr. Firepants (ditto), The Human Torch (ditto), Calgary Flamepants (after the Calgary Flames hockey team; Cruz was born in Calgary, Canada),
Honorable Mention: Stinky (due to reports of body odor issues), Pepé le Pew (pun on body order and a church pew), Booger, Cudchewer Cruz, Chewbacca, Ted Carnival Cruz and the Creep Cruzettes, Calgary Cruz, Wacko Bird (John McCain), Proud Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz), Creature from the Black Lagoon, Pall Bearer (due to his uncanny resemblance to Paul Bearer, the funeral parlor manager of pro wrestling's Undertaker), The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (after George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann), Revenge of the Nerd, El Presidente, Dirty Syrup Gulper (Jon Stewart), McCarthy Jr. (he even looks like Joe McCarthy), Cohiba (a brand of Cuban cigars was Cruz's choice for his Secret Service code name), Holy Cruzader, Tricky Ted Cruz (after Tricky Dick Nixon), The Cruzinator, Ted "Smug Mug" Cruz, Lyin' Ted (Donald Trump), Tailgunner Ted Cruz, Boozin' Ted, The Cuban Mistress Crisis (after allegations that he had affairs with at least five women, including a hooker), Boozin' 'n' Oozin' Cruz, LustTED (a pun on TrustTED), Oinker Boinker, Randy Ted, Casanova Cruz, Pervy Ted Cruz, Cootie Cruz, Rato, Obstructer in Chief
Marco Rubio Nicknames
Top Ten Marco Rubio Nicknames
Marco Starko (see the picture immediately above)
Marco "Dough Boy" Rubio (because he's now a bit chubby and rakes in tons of Republican establishment dough)
No-Show Rubio (*)
AWOL (ditto) and Absent and Unaccounted For (ditto)
The Absentee Ban-Lord (ditto)
Rube and Young Rube
Lightweight Choker and Little Marco (Donald Trump)
Captain Thirsty and Captain Thirstypants
Rubio the Unready
Honorable Mention: Marco Poll-Low, Gator (his choice for a Secret Service code name; oddly this is what George W. Bush called Jeb Bush; how unoriginal!), Marco Mussolini, The Cuban Cherub, The Chubby Cherub, Marco "Weak as a Baby" Rubio (Donald Trump), Narko, Snarko, Sharko, Marco Sharknado, Easy Mark (Donald Trump), Marco "Come On In" Rubio (Donald Trump), The Michael Jordan of Republican Politics (I dunno, this seems like a streeeeetch to me!), Cuban Rube, Young Rube, Qubics Rube, Rolly-Polly Rube, The Chameleon (because he changes political colors so often), The ConSWERVEative (ditto), Mr. Foamy (because he allegedly attended foam parties at gay bars), Stud Muffin (because he was studly but put on weight), Mr. Sound Bite, Mr. Talking Point, Broken Record Rubio, Robot Rubio, Mr. Roboto, Marco Android, The Fox (because he's shifty like a fox, and Fox News obviously favors him as does the Republican establishment and its money), Rupert's Rube (ditto), Party Boy (ditto), Play Dough Boy (ditto)
(*) On an appearance on the NBC’s Today Show, the ever-earnest "No-Show" Marco Rubio said: “No, in fact the majority of the job of being a senator is not walking on to the Senate floor and lifting your finger on a noncontroversial issue and seeing which way you’re going to vote…the majority of the work of a senator is the constituent service to committee work, that continues forward unabated.” But as The Huffington Post pointed out: “Rubio’s point about committee work is a bit odd given his absence from the Senate Foreign Relations full committee and subcommittee on which he serves. According to a Politico review of his record from 2011 to 2014, Rubio missed 52 of 106 hearings on both panels.”
Marco Rubio is not the most conventional conservative alpha male dresser, perhaps. I don't claim to have "gaydar," but really! Do conservative alpha males dress like Marco Rubio? To me the entire metrosexual ensemble screams "gay," from the high-heeled boots to the preppy blue blazer. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, or being gay and running for president, or even being a snazzy if somewhat effete dresser, but doing "all the above" on an anti-gay platform seems positively weird! Keep the gay wardrobe, Marco Rubio, if it suits you, but please drop the anti-gay agenda! You're not fooling anyone, not even us straight arrows, with that outfit!
Marco Rubio was arrested in a Miami park know for gay activity, with a roommate who produced gay porn! On Wednesday, May 23, 1990—five days before Rubio's 19th birthday—a police officer was dispatched to Alice C. Wainwright Park, according to a Miami police report. The park was known for prostitution (gay and straight), drugs and drinking. A full account of what led to Rubio's arrest is not available because the court file has been destroyed, according to Miami-Dade County court clerk's records. According to the police report, Rubio and two other teenagers were arrested. One of them, Angel Barrios, owns several coin-operated laundries in the Miami area. The City of Miami later filed to enjoin Angel Barrios from using his residential property to distribute gay porn. In the case of the City of Miami v. Angela Barrios, Regla Barrios and Barrios Investment Group, "Angel Barrios, et al" were instructed to "cease operations" of a business that "produced pornography for distribution over the internet." The case was abated as a result of a federal lawsuit filed by the owner, Barrios, and his tenant, Flava Works. The City prevailed. Angel Barrios has a LinkedIn profile which lists his coin-operated laundries and the Barrios Investment Group enjoined from distributing porn. Flavaworks.com is still operational online and is quite clearly a gay porn website. Rubio dedicated an intimate senior yearbook quote to Mr. Barrios and the two shared a townhouse together after graduating from high school. So, in 1990, Marco Rubio was arrested by the police in a parked car, in a dark and secluded park with a reputation as a gay cruising spot, with a young man whom he lived with after high school, and who went on to be involved with a gay pornography studio. What does it add up to? Perhaps nothing provable. But it certainly raises interesting questions.
Top Ten Presidential Nicknames
Honest Abe, The Great Emancipator, The Rail-Splitter (Abraham Lincoln)
Tricky Dick (Richard Nixon)
Martin Van Ruin (Martin Van Buren)
Old Rough and Ready (Zachary Taylor)
The Rough Rider (Teddy Roosevelt)
Old Hickory (Andrew Jackson)
The Gipper, The Great Communicator, Dutch (Ronald Reagan)
The Beast of Buffalo (Grover Cleveland, who allegedly fathered an illegitimate child when he was mayor of Buffalo)
Slick Willy, Bubba (Bill Clinton)
Dubya (George W. Bush)
Honorable Mention: Silent Cal (Calvin Coolidge), Father of His Country (George Washington), American Cincinnatus (George Washington), The Sage of Monticello (Thomas Jefferson), Unconditional Surrender Grant (U. S. Grant), Give 'Em Hell Harry (Harry S. Truman), King of Camelot (John F. Kennedy), No Drama Obama (Barack Obama)
More Political Nicknames
Mike Huckabee nicknames: Huckster Huckabee, Huckleberry Spin, Huckmaster General, Huck Upchuck, Huck Fuckabee, Brother Smother, Tax Hike Mike, Triple Wide, Duck Hunter (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Chris Christie nicknames: Christie Kreme, The Illsbury Dough-Boy, Cookie Monster, Big Boy (George W. Bush), Pork Chop, Pork Dork, Porky Pine, Porko Vallarta, Don Qui-Hefty, Enormes Pantalones, Boca Rotundo, Dios Meatball, Cinco De Mayonnaise, Lap-Bandito, Chiportly, Gringo Con Carne, Dos Neckis, The Love Gov., Pufferfish, Trueheart (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Ann Coulter nicknames: AnnThrax, Ann the Man, Coultergeist, Beltway Barbie, Cuckoo Coulter, Tranny Annie, Goebbels with tits, Rush Limbette, Mann Coulter, Chairman Ann, Ann Coltrear, Ann Cunter, That Conservative Female Douche, Jew Perfecter, Man-Hands, Banshee, Wicked Witch of the West, Ann Hitler, Uber Bitchette, I-don't-care-about-the-Jews Barbie, Psycho-bitch, Just plain stupid, Colt 34D (allegedly her bra size, but a man would have to drink a helluva lot of Colts to want to be sure)
Sarah Palin Nicknames: Sarah Barracuda (her high school nickname), Sarahcudda, Caribou Barbie, Half-Baked Alaskan, Moose-o-lini, Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sarah Palin, The Wasilla Gorilla or Gurlilla or Gurlzilla, The Roughed Rogue, The Original Material Girl (because she provides Stephen Colbert so much comedy materiel), Klondike Kardashian, Klondike Dike, Blunder Woman, Sarah Stoopid, Bible Spice, Whore of Babble-On, Boor of Babble-On, The Wasilla Hillbilly, The Wasillabilly, The Tundra Twit, Sarah Failin', Failin' Palin, Bailin' Palin, Half-Governor, The Moosiah Pit Bull in Lipstick (according to herself), Ramboner, Rambette, Trumpette, Saint Sarah of Wasilla, Sarah Pipeline, Sarah Punchline, Vampy, The Killa from Wasilla, The Quitter from Wasilla, Money Boo-Boo, Sarah Shakes-Spear (because she is so warlike and compared herself to Shakespeare when she coined a new word, "refudiate"), Sarah Crosshairs, Sarah Triggerfinger, Mama Grizzly, Palin-Drone, Chick Cheney, Sarah Stalin, Snark Shark, Moose MILF, The Alaska Disasta, Snowjob Squareglasses, Post Turtle, McCain's Bane, FrankenPalin, Northern Overexposure, Nightmayor, Miss Iquitarod, Irate Ingrate, Miss Wonker Bonker, Sarah Scareya, Lady Gagya, Sarah Sarin, Tri-Sarah-Tops, Sarah Snowgrifter, Sarah Snowjob
Donald Trump Follower Nicknames
Hemorrhoidal Has-Beens — Samantha Bee
The Branch Trumpidians
The Motley Crew
The Chosen Eew!
Donald Trump Debate Nicknames (continued)
Here are the top ten new nicknames for Donald Trump after he ran home sobbing from the first Republican debate, afraid to answer tough questions by Megyn Kelly:
The Vet Evictor (for staging a benefit for veterans after trying to sweep disabled vets from New York City streets for more than a decade)
Timid Trumpster and The Dainty Donald
Crybaby Prima Donald
Kelly's Zero (pun on Kelly's Heroes)
The Debate Hater
Little Donnie Sissypants
Vanilla Isis and The Orange-Tufted Taliban
Dishonorable Mention: Baldfaced Crier, Tepid Trumpeter, Trumpling Dildo
Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate: Winners, Losers and Impressions, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible or The Gospel According to Trump, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Quotes, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Donald Trump in his Own Words: Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Nicknames for his Cabinet, Family, Friends, Associates and Supporters