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Donald Trump Nicknames
Trump Family/Friends/Associates/Lapdog Nicknames

Welcome to Trump Nickname Central, the largest online collection of Trump-related nicknames, puns and jokes—all completely free and without annoying ads (we too loathe pop-ups). Now you can astound your friends and confound your political foes with the perfect nicknames, puns and jokes for every occasion! This page contains the best Donald Trump nicknames that I have been able to find, plus some that I came up with myself. Trump nicknames range from A to Z, from Agent Orange to the Zodiac Biller. My personal favorites include Putin's Puppet, Comrade Trumputin, The Brooklyn Bolshevik, Hair Hitler, Hair Fuhrer, Hair Gropenfuhrer, The New Furor, Adolph Twitler, Tweety, Tweetle-Dumb, Tsarzan, Mr. Wiggy Piggy, The Great Gutsby, King Gorge, Conigula, Gingervitis, The Combover Kid, Dire Abby, The Great Whore of Babble-On and Quasi-Dodo the Hunchback of Notre Shame. Then there are amusing and bemusing "superhero" nicknames like Bratman, Stuporman, The Super Duper, Captain Shamerica and Captain Tantastic. But perhaps no nickname captures the "real Donald Trump" better than his real name, Donald Drumpf, and the inspired variation Donald Drumpfkopf. You can employ your browser's search feature or use CTRL-F to find nicknames for Trump's family, friends and associates/lapdogs. My favorites include Melanoma (Melania Trump), Proxy Wife (Ivanka Trump), Aide de Kampf (Jared Kushner), Wrongway Conway (Kellyanne Conway), Koch Addict (Mitch McConnell), Cruella DeVile (Betsy DeVos), Paul Ruin (Paul Ryan), Detourney General (Jeff Sessions), Deputy Dip-Pity-'Do (Anthony Scaramucci) and HUD Ornament (Ben Carson). We also have Trump family nicknames like The Brooklyn Hillbullies and Trump administration nicknames like Moscow on the Hudson and The White Supremacist House, so please prepare to be entertained for as long as your time permits or your attention span allows!

The Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames ... Oh Hell ... So MANY to choose from ... Better make it the Top 25, 50, 100 or 10,000!

(#1) THE ANTICHRIST — when the prophets spoke of the "Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
(#2) Short-Fingered Vulgarian — by Graydon Carter (a nickname Trump hates because he thinks it implies that he is under-endowed "down there")
(#3) Agent Orange — by Anonymous (a lethal product of deMonsanto and DonSatan)
(#4) Golden Wrecking Ball — by Sarah Palin (who was not trying to be funny, but ended up being all too accurate ... so sad!)
(#5) Fuckface von Clownstick, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole (the UNAbomber?) — by Jon Stewart
(#6) The White Kanye ― by Bill Maher (or is Trump more accurately the Yellow-ish-Orange Kanye?)
(#7) Lord Voldemort, Orange Anus and Snake Oil Salesman — by Rosie O'Donnell
(#8) The Trump of Doom — by Michael R. Burch (adopted from the Bible and first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
(#9) The White Pride Piper — Trump is the poster boy for the "Make AmeriKKKa Grate Again" movement of white supremacists, neo-nazis and skinheads
(#10) Man-Baby — by Jon Stewart (this one inspired an avalanche of jokes and similar nicknames)

It was a very touching scene when Donald Trump—gasping for breath on his political deathbed—begged Roy Moore to "Win one for the GROPER!"

Ah, so romantic! It was clearly a case of "love at first bite" when two political pod people—each a Preying Mantis—finally connected by entangling antennae while fully engaging masticating mandibles. It was as if the creatures from Predator and Alien embraced, shared a slobbery wet kiss, vowed to "true" to each other, then started looking for more warm-blooded humans to kill!

Trump says we don't need another liberal in the Senate. What we really need is another alpha male sexual predator with octopus-like tentacles, like Trump! Someone who's a Gliberal and Fiberal, like Trump!

Donald Trump is Beyond Stupid for his endorsement of Playboy Roy, according to Michael Steele, the former head of the Republican National Committee.

Ask not what you can do for your country, ask how your daughters can service Moore Trump & Co.

Ivanka Trump said there's a special place in hell for people who prey on children like Roy Moore. Then her father told Alabamans to vote for Roy "Score" Moore. Does that make our president the Devil, or just his Beast?

Jeff Flake says that he would wouldn't vote for the Incredible Sincredible Roy Moore.

CURRENTLY RISING: Hotter than a kryptonite bullet and threatening to "shoot" straight to the top of our list — THE MORON — which makes Rex Tillerson the Secretary of Stating the Obvious! The irate Rexit called his boss an EFFIN' MORON after Big Rocket Man called for a "nearly tenfold" increase in the US nuclear arsenal. According to Popular Mechanics, that would cost $15 trillion dollars for 50,000 nukes that can never be used! At nearly four times the entire federal budget, "it would be the most expensive chest-thumping exercise ever." Yep, sounds effin' moronic to us! Trump claimed that he didn't call for the increase, but on December 22, 2016 he tweeted: "The United States must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability!" Now the twitterverse is exploding with hashtags like #moron #morongate and our favorite, the poetic #MoronDon.

According to Senator Bob Corker, three Man-Babysitters are diligently trying to keep the nation from chaos: Rex Tillerson, John Kelly and James Mattis. Corker's failure to mention Trump as one of the protectors was no accident, because the constant turmoil is obviously being created by King Chaos himself. Donald the Menace predictably started twittering insults and lies at Corker, whose sardonic reply was priceless: "It's a shame the White House has become an Adult Day Care Center. Someone obviously missed their shift this morning." In other words, the Man-Babysitters lost track of their brattish charge! Corker is not the only insider with that opinion, since Trump attorney Ty Cobb recently opined that he and General Kelly are "the only adults in the room" at the White House. That makes Trump a Juvenile Delinquent according to one of his senior advisers. Corker later accused Donald DeGonad of publicly castrating Tillerson. That is one mean Man-Baby!

Q: What do you call it when a Man-Baby takes over the American government?
A: Coup d'Tot!

President Donald Trump signed bills in the  Roosevelt Room of the White House on Monday.

The Incredible Shrinking President uses the world's smallest pen and desk to sign his latest dick-tatorial proclamations. The women pictured are nannies beseeching the Boy Blunder to take a nap and stop bullying the world, but the Terroristic Man-Toddler will have none of that! Bratman believes in ACTION! According to CIA Director Mike Pompeo, the mADD Man-Imp prefers his "intelligence" to be delivered with colorful pie charts, maps, pictures, videos and "killer" graphics. In other words, make military intelligence more entertaining, more exciting, more funlike a CARTOON! Such is the Boychurian Candidate's latest thought bubble! Fortunately the Combover Kid's undersized hands are too tiny, weak and delicate to key in the nuclear codes, but it's not for his lack of trying to destroy the world!

President Donald Trump holds up his pen after signing the Historically Black Colleges and Universities HBCU Executive Order, Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2017, in the Oval Office in the White House in Washington.

Trump's nannies applaud as Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper learns to operate a safety pen with his teeny-tiny fingers. The Brooklyn Brat is certainly proud of his "big boy" accomplishment. But so far no one has been able to potty-train the Boss Baby's mouth (much less his Twitter account)! Liddle Donnie Diaperpants was very excited by his unexpected victory in the 2016 presidential election: "And after I had won, everybody was calling me from all over the world! I never knew we had so many countries!" Yes, and now Superbrat can do his three favorite things at the same time: cheat at golf, lie about how good he is at golf, and destroy the world in between putts!



Man-Toddler Trump holds his bottle tightly, with two undersized infant hands, to avoid spills! The septuagenarian Water Boy―no, make that Water Baby―one belittled bullied Marco Rubio for needing water while on stage. But even Rubio the Unready was able to drink water one-handed!

The Constitution does not allow 13-year-olds to become president and now we can see why. Trump supporters voted for change, and boy, are they going to get it! — Garrison Keillor, who calls Trump the "Boy President"

During his trip to Japan, Liddle Donnie Ladydiddler once again demonstrated his staggering grasp of global economics when he burbled helpfully that Japanese automakers should "try building cars in the United States!" Yes, and Americans should "try" building military bases in Japan and "try" landing on the moon!

To see how Trump fulfills Biblical prophecies, just click the hyperlink.

Call him Mish Mash Mush because Trump turns into a soft, slimy, sticky mess in the presence of strong men like Vladimir Putin. Moreover, he bears an uncanny resemblance to another slimy mess: Sludge Roy Moore. According to First Lady-Daughter Ivanka Trump, there is a "special place in hell" for men who prey on children. But then surely her father, The Great Gropesby, also belongs in that "special place" because he too is a serial abuser of underage girls (which he admitted on the Howard Stern show when he bragged about barging into the dressing rooms of teenage beauty queens to ogle them in the nude). Ivanka says she has "no reason" to doubt the word of Moore's victims, but then why should she doubt the many sincere claims of the girls and women her father violated?

“Judge Roy Moore was deplorable before it was cool to be deplorable!”Sara Palin 

Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sara Palin has proven herself a prophet! Her hero, Mr. Ten Commandments, aka Judge Roy Moore, will hereafter be known as The "Hanging" Judge after nine women accused him of "letting it all hang out" by plying them with alcohol when he was in his thirties and they were underage teenagers, or of otherwise acting inappropriately. And call him Mr. Tightie Whities because one girl, age 14 at the time, said that Moore gave her drinks, left the room, then returned wearing only "tight white" underwear and proceeded to undress and fondle her! What part of "Thou shalt not commit adultery" did The Wrath of Con fail to understand — the word "not"? Or like so many "conservative Christians" these days, does Sludge Roy Moore think such commandments only apply to women, homosexuals and people with darker skin? My favorite Roy Moore nickname is Fruit Salad, which was given to him by his college professor Clint McGee, who called Moore "the most mixed-up" student he'd ever met in thirty years of teaching! Also call him Fruit Loops, for his circular "thinking."

Nicknames for Trump and his minions have been coined by Alec Baldwin, Steve Bannon, Glenn Beck, Samantha Bee, Joy Behar, Joe Biden, Lewis Black, Elayne Boosler, Graydon Carter, Dana Carvey, Michael Che, Cher, Hillary Clinton, Stephen Colbert, Bob Corker, Ted Cruz, Eminem, Tina Fey, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Kathy Griffin, LeBron James, John Kasich, Garrison Keillor, Jimmy Kimmel, Bill Kristol, David Letterman, Bill Maher, John McCain, Michael Moore, Seth Myers, Trevor Noah, Rosie O'Donnell, Keith Olbermann, John Oliver, Martin O'Malley, Robert Mugabe, Sarah Palin, Randy Rainbow, Dan Rather, Mitt Romney, Marco Rubio, Bernie Sanders, Joe Scarborough, Bernie Shine, Nate Silver, Jon Stewart, George Takei, Kim Jong Un, George Will, Fareed Zakaria, and even Trump and his first wife, the former Ivana Trump (who coined The Donald).

The Brooklyn Bolshevik continues to defend Vladimir Putin's honesty, honor and integrity. Should we believe Vlad the Impaler, or 17 different U.S. intelligence agencies which have all confirmed that Russia actively sought to influence the 2016 presidential election? Why is Comrade Trumputin so fiercely loyal to Mr. Putin? And why did The Puppet Master work so diligently to put the Mandarin Candidate in the White House to begin with? Is it because the KGB's Pale Moth loves Americans and wants them to succeed, or because he knows Dolt 45 will help him discredit and greatly weaken American-style democracy? Well, then, the mystery is solved and it seems Darth Vladimir correctly identified the best anti-American candidate to collude with! After all, Uncle Scam just called former directors of three American intelligence agencies "hacks" and insisted that Vlad the Terrible must be believed but the CIA, FBI and NSA can't! Comrade Trumputin claims that he cannot argue with Vladula and always shows him the utmost respect, and yet he can argue incessantly with everyone else and insult them till the cows come home. Why? An educated guess is that The Kremlin's Grey Cardinal has snapshots of the many skeletons rattling around in Don the Con's financial closets.

No collusion, really? How about 60 wire transfers by the Russians with memo lines "to finance election campaign of 2016"? As Deep Throat once advised, "Follow the money." It's Mueller Time!!! 

I'm no Trump fan, but I must object! It is obviously fake news that Tweety Twump has no real accomplishments! In reality, Tweetle-Dumb has already accomplished the impossible twice. After all, he made George W. Bush seem wise and Richard M. Nixon virtuous!

Call him the Sham-Man. Trump knows there's a sucker born every minute. "He is P. T. Barnum," Donald Trump's sister, Maryanne Trump Barry, a federal judge, told his biographer Timothy O’Brien in 2005. 

Call it Funny Money because the Republicans and their rich patrons will soon be laughing to the bank with your hard-earned money. How do they plan to shift trillions of dollars to the richest one percenters? By getting rid of estate taxes and lowering other taxes the rich already pay at lower effective rates than their secretaries (as Warren Buffet pointed out, admitting that it was very wrong). Why did the last two Republican candidates for president refuse to release their tax returns? Because two of America's richest men have probably paid next to nothing in taxes for a decade, or longer. Everyone knows it's a rigged system, and now Republicans want to rig it even more against the hardworking American middle class. It's a Shamerican Tax Plan, headed by Uncle Scam himself, the greatest scammer of all time. How will Trump & Co. fund their Reverse Robin Hood Scheme? By robbing you of your tax deductions for medical expenses and insurance, state income tax, sales tax, etc. Voting for Re-Flub-Lycans is like slitting one's own throat and the throats of one's children and grandchildren, who will be paying for these "tax cuts" with their blood, sweat and tears for the rest of their lives. So sad, but Trump needs more rich people to pay sky-high membership fees to join his ritzy golf clubs! Hell, the Trumpster's probably playing golf right now, using the presidency as free advertising while taxpayers pay millions of dollars per round for his security entourage.

Trump's racism can clearly be seen in his responses to acts of terrorism. When the attackers have darker skin, the White Pride Piper immediately springs into action — spitting, snarling and calling for the death penalty before all the facts are known. But when the attackers are white, it is always "too soon" to comment. When the attackers are acceptably pale, Triple-K Trump's only "solution" is a return to the shootout at the OK Corral. Lily-White Rambos should pop out of the woodwork and gun down the bad guys after "only" a few dozen people have been murdered in cold blood. Then all will be well! But what was the gunfight at the OK Corral fought over? Ironically, gun control. Wyatt Earp, the marshal of Tombstone, knew better than to let would-be Rambos pack heat in public places. When the Clanton gang refused to turn in their weapons, the Earps and Doc Holliday chose to enforce the Tombstone gun control policy. In other words, Trump is not "smart" as he claims to be, but is clearly on the wrong side of history. Call him the Pre-Earp Twerp.

According to Ann Coulter, Trump is not The Wall Builder, but The Wall Shiller. Coulter claims that unless Trump keeps his racist vows, he's Political Toast. Here's hoping he doesn't and she's correct!

What a difference an election makes, in Trumplandia! During his presidential campaign, Chicken Little Trump announced that the sky was falling because big, bad China was raping and pillaging the United States: "We can't continue to allow China to rape our country, and that's what they're doing! It's the greatest theft in the history of the world!" Only Trump — according to Trump — had the courage and moxie to declare China a currency manipulator and hit the rapists and pillagers with YUGE retaliatory tariffs! But of course the Chicken-Heart-in-Chief did nothing of the kind. Rather than getting tough with the head Chinese gangsters, Trump had his granddaughter Arabella Kushner serenade them, calling them "Grandpa Xi" and "Grandma Peng." Trump then praised the rapists and pillagers for having their way with the American people, asking rhetorically, "Who can blame a country for being able to take advantage of another country for the benefit of its citizens? I give China great credit!" Trump also announced that he is changing the title of his best-known book to "The Art of the Steal," with a new chapter on how he stole the American presidency by lying at every turn.

CURRENTLY RISING

Polezni Durak (Russian for "Useful Idiot" after Trump ignored the testimony of 17 U.S. intelligence agencies to side with Mr. Putin)
The Great Gasbag (Joy Behar)
Zombie Trump (Green Day)
The Blowhard (President George H. W. Bush)
The Know-Nothing (President George W. Bush — Ouch! That must REALLY sting, considering the source!)
Absolute Pedantic Fool (Keith Olbermann)
Incoherent Always-Pissed Indignant Lying Sexist Misogynist (Randy Rainbow, lyrics to "Desperate Cheeto")
Uncle Scam
The Abominable Showman
The Mandarin Candidate
The Banana Republican
The Surreal Donald Trump
The Vulture Crapitalist
The Human Vanity Mirror
The Pustule POTUS
tRump (USDA grade F-, as in: "What the hell can we do with this old, smelly grade D slab of t-rump? Oh yeah, let's elect it president!")
Simple-Minded War Maniac (Ri Yong Hui, being Korean, is well-acquainted with war-obsessed madmen)
Foolish Maniac with No Common Sense to be Beaten with a Stick (Ri Won Gil)
Garbage Snout (Rodong Sinmun)
Lunatic Old Man (Korean Central News Agency)
Abyss of Doom (Korean Central News Agency)
Mentally Deranged Dotard (Kim Jong Un)
Golf Links Gangster (Kim Jong Un)
Giant Gold Goliath (Robert Mugabe)
The Lord of the Blings
The Scum Lord
King Drumpf (Fred Trump said that he raised his son to be a "king")
King Leer
The Lyin' King (it's amusing to hear Trump complaining about "fake news" when he is the greatest offender, by far)
King Trump the Grate
King Con (pun on King Kong)
Ol' King Coal
King Tut (because Trump makes people who prize decency go "Tut, tut, tut!")
The King of Debt (Trump wants to add $1.5 trillion to the national debt, in order to give himself and his rich cronies more tax breaks)
The Bankrupt King (Trump's companies have filed for bankruptcies that left all his investors in the lurch)
Le Petit Prince Daisyfingers (unfortunately The Donald's dainty digits are more like a jester's than a king's)
Conigula (Michael R. Burch, emphasis on "con")
Julius Seize Her (Michael R. Burch)
The Grate Divider (Michael R. Burch)

Also call him The Lame Nicknamer because the nicknames Donald Trump has come up with himself are weak, repetitive and distinctly unimaginative: Crooked Hillary, Lyin' Hillary, Lyin' Ted, Crazy Bernie, Crazy Megyn, Cryin' Chuck, Wacky Glenn, Low Energy Jeb, Little Marco, Dumb-as-a-Rock Mika, Psycho Joe, Pocahontas, Rocket Man and Liddle' Bob Corker (Trump seems to not understand the purpose of the apostrophe: where is the missing letter?).

Oh joy! The Lord of the Blings finally has a "win," but it comes at our expense. And everything the Anti-Midas touches quickly turns to sh*t. The new Re-Flub-Lycan budget resolution recommends cutting Medicare by $473 billion and Medicaid by $1 trillion in order to give $1.5 trillion in tax cuts to the wealthy. Oh, and it also adds $1.5 trillion to the deficit. The bill passed 51-49, with Rand Paul the only Republic Canner voting against. Now the Keeper of the Golden Commode can crow about "winning," but we know who the real winners are, and it ain't us. More money for the rich and the military means less money for the poor, the sick, children and the elderly. What is it that our military is protecting, one wonders?

The Late Knight Commodian allegedly "joked" that no one should mention gay rights around his vice president, motioning at Sick Pence None The Retcher and saying: "Don't ask that guy—he wants to hang them all!"

Trump really knows how to pick 'em, doesn't he? But he has an excuse because the Devil inside makes him do it! Sarah "Suckmypee" Sanders is the only Spokestoady who could make us yearn for the return of Sean "Scary" Spicer. And you know you're going through the Great Tribulation when you hear her father, Mike "Huckster" Huckabee, praising and fawning over THE ANTICHRIST!

Now we know why Trump doesn't rush to comfort the grieving families of fallen American soldiers. Rep. Frederica Wilson was with Myeshia Johnson in a car headed to meet the flag-draped coffin of her late husband, Sgt. La David T. Johnson, a Green Beret who died in the Niger ambush, when Trump finally found enough time between rounds of golf and camera-preening to call. Frederica heard the conversation on Myeshia's speakerphone and was shocked to hear Trump say: "Well, I guess he knew what he signed up for, but I guess it still hurt." Trump didn't even know La David's name, repeatedly referring to him as "your guy," which made Myeshia, six months pregnant, burst into tears. La David Johnson's mother later confirmed Frederica's account, saying that Trump had indeed disrespected her son. It should come as no surprise that Trump was unable to summon (or even decently feign) sympathy for a grieving widow's loss. Trump once bragged to Howard Stern the he felt nothing but disgust when an elderly man fell from a stage at Mar-a-Lago and started to bleed profusely right in front of him. What did Trump do? He turned away from a man he thought was dying and became upset because his blood was discoloring Trump's pure white marble floor! Trump told Stern that he was yelling: "Get that blood cleaned up! It's disgusting!" The elderly man did survive, but Trump could have cared less: "The next day, I forgot to call [the man] to see [if] he's OK," adding of the blood, "It's just not my thing." Trump sounded oddly proud of himself, and completely tone deaf to his shocking callousness. I'm reminded of the proverb Jesus told about a man who lay bleeding and possibly dying. All the Pharisees stepped around the man to avoid getting blood on their fine white robes. Only the Good Samaritan (a compassionate Palestinian) showed the wounded man compassion. Trump would ban the Good Samaritan, let the wounded man bleed to death, then brag about his cobra-like coldbloodedness.

Later, John Kelly tried to mansplain away Trump's graceless phone call, only to land him in even hotter water. General Alert Kelly reminisced that when he was young, "Women were sacred and looked upon with great honor. That’s obviously not the case anymore, as we see from recent cases." Well, yes, the recent cases of women coming forward to accuse Hair Gropenfuhrer of grabbing their genitals without their consent are very disturbing! President Weinstein, er Trump, is being sued for sexual assault. President P*ssygrabber was caught on Hollywood Access video bragging to the ironically named Billy Bush that he can grab a woman's genitals and get away with it because he's a celebrity. Apparently The Great Gropesby ain't just whistlin' Dixie, because right-wingnut voters apparently don't give a flyin' f**k what Con-igula does to women without their consent. Hell, Julius Seize Her even bragged to Howard Stern about walking into the dressing rooms of teenage girls to ogle them in the nude! Call him Creep Throat. Trump's war on women and their rights continues unabated. The Trumpster is aptly named. Should a rich white man’s religious beliefs “trump” a working woman’s? Allowing a woman’s boss to decide whether she can obtain free contraceptives is not “religious liberty,” but religious tyranny. So call him Tie-Rant Trump. And it turns out that Trump isn't just racist and sexist — he also hates short people. Trump, who lies about his own height in a desperate attempt to be perceived as "tall," admitted that he discriminated against Liddle Bob Corker because he's five-foot-seven!

OMG, the Twittering Tweet Twit just accused the FBI of paying for "fake news" by funding the dossier that revealed Russia's involvement in Trump's campaign (which of course turned out to be true). It's bad enough to accuse real news outlets of "fake news," but to falsely accuse the FBI is beyond the pale!

The Total-I-tarian recently claimed total responsibility for all American military victories: "I totally changed rules of engagement! I totally changed our military! I totally changed the attitudes of the military!" Trump tells us that we are defeating ISIS solely "because of Trump." Meanwhile, the director of Great Britain's MI5 intelligence agency, Andrew Parker, say the threat of terrorism is increasing. Whose "intelligence" should you trust? It's a rhetorical question considering the Brain Drain Child's insistence on bragging about things he didn't do that are not yet complete.

Puerto Rico was hit by three category 5 storms in succession: first by Hurricane Irma, then by Hurricane Maria, and finally by Hurricane Donald. We are adding Hedge Hog to the nickname list since Trump reminded hurricane-battered Puerto Ricans that his Wall Street friends (i.e., donors) must be repaid. It's so nice to know that Mr. Moneybags has his priorities in order! Tweety twittered: "Much of the island was destroyed, with billions of dollars owed to Wall Street and the banks, which, sadly, must be dealt with." Yes, never mind the deaths, the orphans, the destruction, the homeless. What really matters is that bankers and hedge fund managers get nice, fat paychecks! And of course Trump has given himself ultra-high personal marks on Puerto Rico: "tremendous," "amazing," "great," an "A-plus," a  perfect "10. "

Elaine Duke should be called the Duke of Hurl and Duke Pukem after she opined that hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico was "really a good news story" for the Trump administration. Carmen Yulín Cruz, the major of San Juan, contradicted Duke, pointing out that it was a "people are dying" story. Trump, who greatly dislikes being contradicted by women, then attacked Mayor Cruz in a series of juvenile tweets, drawing this reaction from Russel L. Honoré, the retired general who oversaw the federal response to Hurricane Katrina in 2005:

"I have no reaction. The mayor's living on a cot, and I hope the President has a good day of golf." (We think this one is worth copying and pasting, sharing and tweeting.)

Trump interrupted his very busy day―i.e., golfing at his swanky Bedminster course―to demonstrate his profound understanding of the problem ("an island surrounded by water! big water! ocean water!"). Trump lavishly praised himself and his administration ("an incredible job!"), then attacked Puerto Ricans for being shiftless and lazy, like all people with darker skin ("they want everything to be done for them!"). Meanwhile, the shiftless and lazy Mayor Cruz was photographed wading waist-deep in floodwater, trying to help her townspeople, as Trump practiced taking mulligans. "This isn't about me," she said, "this is about lives that are being lost." But according to Tweety Blurred, everything is always about him. The only possible purpose of Cruz begging for lives to be saved was to be "nasty to Trump." Or so President Putz tweeted between putts. Later, to prove that he has his priorities in order, Trump attended the President's Cup golf tournament before bothering to visit Puerto Rico. But all is well, because Mr. Mulligan dedicated the golf trophy to hurricane victims. Let them eat cake!

Aftermath

Carmen Yulín Cruz is a hero.
Trump is a zero.
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There is more wonderfully good news for the Trump administration! The Donald has been named the Patron Saint of Patronizers, after tossing paper towels to Puerto Rican hurricane victims. Despite the shrink-wrappings, these were not ordinary paper towels but miraculous: "beautiful, soft towels, very good towels!" Less miraculous was the way the White Pride Piper continued to chide darker-skinned people for being so much trouble, pointing out that the islanders had thrown the federal budget "out of whack," presumably by suffering and dying too extravagantly. The Xenophobic Ritz Cracker also noted that federal relief efforts were "dangerous" and "expensive." Of course white Texans and Floridians were not subjected to such lectures. The White House Supremacist then went on to lecture onlookers on math and terminology. Because "only" sixteen deaths were "certified," according to the Wrathematician, what Puerto Ricans experienced was not a "real catastrophe like Katrina." But will the Great White Snark logically conclude that the Las Vegas massacre was also not a "real catastrophe" because fewer people died there than during Katrina? Of course not, because lighter-skinned people died in Las Vegas! Three Trump tweets demonstrate his remarkable difference in attitude:

TEXAS: We are with you today, we are with you tomorrow, and we will be with you EVERY SINGLE DAY AFTER, to restore, recover, and REBUILD.
FLORIDA: Just like TX, WE are w/you today, we are w/you tomorrow, & we will be w/you EVERY SINGLE DAY AFTER, to RESTORE, RECOVER, & REBUILD.
We cannot keep FEMA, the Military & the First Responders, who have been amazing (under the most difficult circumstances) in P.R. forever!

The Lyin' King was at it again, when he claimed that his predecessors often failed to call the families of American soldiers killed in action. "Most of them didn't make calls," claimed Truthless Trump. But Pete Souza tweeted that he photographed President Obama meeting personally with "hundreds of wounded soldiers, and family members of those killed in action." Others recalled Obama's frequent meetings with Gold Star families, his trips to Walter Reed and other military hospitals, and his solemn pilgrimages to Dover AFB to pay his respects to the returning flag-draped caskets. George W. Bush made it a point to communicate with the family of every lost soldier, even at the height of the wars. It turns out that the president who failed to reach out was actually Diva Donald, who had played five rounds of golf and still hadn't found time to call or send a letter.

Currently rising nicknames ...

Hotter than a firecracker set off in white supremacist hell — AMNESTY DON — by Steve Bannon/Breitbart. Also, we have added DUKE NUKEM, the FLIPLOMAT and THE WRATH OF CON since Trump went "full madman" by threatening to "totally destroy" a nation of 25 million people. Trump tweeted that American jets are ready to "fight tonight," so he apparently has a very itchy trigger finger and can't wait to get started. And because Trump invoked Elton John by calling Kim Jong-Un "Rocket Man," we will counter by calling him Loose Sprocket Man, Ninny and the Jets, Leave-Don and Tiny Hand Sir. Oh, and we hear that Robert Mueller has a cute pet name for Trump: Docket Man. Later, Trump claimed to be Big Rocket Man, compared to Jong-Un's "Little Rocket Man."

Other popular Donald Trump nicknames include Prima Donald, tRump (USDA Grade F), The Human Combover, Vanilla ISIS, The Great White Dope, Humpty Trumpty Dumpty, Trumplethinskin, Darth Hater, Tie-Coon, Genghis Can't (Michael R. Burch), The Donald (Ivana Trump), Humble (the Secret Service codename Trump proposed for himself), Mogul (his actual Secret Service codename),  The Lyin' King, Commander-in-Grief, The Bouffant Buffoon (Michael R. Burch), President Snowflake, The Ritz Cracker, Melania's Burden, Puffed Up Daddy

Trump Nicknames Continued, with our High Dishonorable Mentions ...

PRESIDENT EVIL (a pun on Resident Evil)
The White House Resident (not our president)
THE MORON (Secretary of State Rex "Rexit" Tillerson after a Pentagon meeting on July 20, 2017 with national security experts and Trump cabinet members in attendance)
The Boy Spouter (Rex "Rexit" Tillerson, who once headed the Boy Scouts)
BEDROCK (Rex Tillerson admits that he is Blarney to his bumbling caveman boss, President Flintstone, when he says they share "bedrock values")
MR. MENSA (Trump challenged Tillerson to an IQ test, claiming there was no doubt who would win! We agree: Tillerson wins in a landslide.)
Dolt 45
Mr. Multi-Mulligan (Garrison Keillor)
Golfin' Donnie (the nickname Trump would give himself, according to a poll taken by comedian Ken Tremendous)
Waddle' (Will Arnett)
Troubled Trump (Paul Scheer)
Moron Don (Andy Daly)
Draft Dodgin' Donnie (Rami Boraie)
Don the Con (Marc Bauer)
Donny Moscow (Rob Hoadley)
The Dark Ages Agendist (Michael R. Burch)
A walking, talking, tweet-enabled Giant Turd sporting a Dead Wombat Toupée
Orange Soufflé of Death, Destruction and Dementia
Complete Disaster (former Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner)
The Degrader (Republican Senator Jeff Flake said Trump is "degrading" the presidency)
The Debaser (Republican Senator Bob Corker accused Trump of "debasing" the nation)
The Neanderthal (Bob Corker said Trump is "devolving" before our eyes)
Trainwreck (Bob Corker said the White House staff called him multiple times when Trump was "really off the tracks")
The Utterly Untruthful President (Bob Corker)
Truant Trump (Bob Corker tweeted #AlertTheDaycareStaff)
The Bubble of Privilege Boy (Ursulafaw on Daily Kos)
Cra$$ A$$
President Moonbeam (The New York Times says Trump "promises the moon" but now comes "the day of reckoning")
The Wrathematician (Michael R. Burch, after Trump said that only 16 deaths were "certified," and thus Puerto Rico had not experienced a "real catastrophe" like Katrina!)
Xenophobic Ritz Cracker
E Pluribus Loon 'em (out of many, one loon to rule 'em and make 'em even loonier)
Creep Throat ("Donald Trump is his own Deep Throat. He's Creep Throat."Seth Meyers)
The Hot Air Buffoon (Michael R. Burch)
Enfant Terrible (the French certainly know how to describe Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper!)
The Genie-US (pun on "genius" and Trump's magic man act)
The Late Knight Commodian (after Trump joked that Mike Pence wants to hang all gays)
Unraveling Ball of Yellowing Piss-Drenched Yarn (A Vanity Fair article described Trump as "unraveling")
The Unraveler (Gabriel Sherman in Vanity Fair)
The Bigotry Emboldener (George W. Bush)
Deranged Animal (Alyssa Mastromonaco, after Trump lied about other presidents not calling bereaved military families)
Soulless Coward (Gregg Popovich)
Pathological Liar (Gregg Popovich)
Twisted Mister
THE DOTARD (Kim Jong Un)
Kid Loudmouth (MAD Magazine)
The Tottering Tot
The Doddering Demagogue
The Supercilious Septuagenarian (pun on "super silly US")
El Charlatán ("The Charlaton" by Papo Christian, a Puerto Rico community organizer)
Racist Classist Slave Trader (Papo Christian)
Half-Baked Banana Pudding (Michael R. Burch)
Arsonist-in-Chief
SHITHEAD ("This was actually a really easy one," explained White House Communications Deputy Director Sam Copeland)
If you want to shoot that SHITHEAD, you're gonna have to shoot me first! (Secret Service Agent John Hammersmith)
Trump may be a SHITHEAD but he's our SHITHEAD and we SHITS have to hang together or we'll all hang separately! (KKK Grand Wizard David Duke)
Little Trump (Newt Gingrich: "The little Trump is frankly pathetic.")
Hater-in-Chief (Carmen Yulín Cruz, the major of San Juan)
Orange Sauron
Donald the Bitch (from Eminem's rap cypher "The Storm")
Racist Grandpa (from Eminem's rap cypher "The Storm")
The Kamikaze "that'll probably cause a nuclear holocaust" (from Eminem's rap cypher "The Storm")
Nutless "like an empty asylum" (from Eminem's rap cypher "The Storm")
Anathema (Eminem concludes: "We love our military, and we love our country / but we fucking HATE Trump!")
Over-Inflated Anal Gasbag Full of Putrefying Diarrhea Fumes (Michael R. Burch)
President Chirp (Sarah Huckabee Sanders)
Saddam Le Pompadour (Michael R. Burch)
The Serial Shiller
The Shillsbury Doughboy
The DREAMcrusher
Archie Bunker (Steve Bannon)
Amnesty Don (Steve Bannon/Breitbart)
The Moron (Steve Bannon called Trump's firing of James Comey the worst mistake in "modern political history")
Il Stupido (Pope Francis called climate change deniers like Trump "stupid," "stubborn" and "unseeing")
The Turncoat (Sean Hannity, in a series of tweets that accused Trump of failing to keep his election promises)
The Rollover (Ann Coulter: "What's the only thing easier to roll than Donald J. Trump? An Easter egg!")
Bloviating Ignoramus (George Will)
Pathological Liar (Ted Cruz)
Utterly Amoral Narcissist (Ted Cruz continued: "Morality does not exist for him.")
Cancer on Conservatism (Rick Perry)
Delusional Narcissist (Rand Paul)
Butternut Turd (Drew Magary)
Largemouth Ass (Samantha Bee)
Failed QVC Steak Salesman (Samantha Bee)
Thrice-Married Foul-Mouthed Tit Judge (Samantha Bee)
Screaming Carrot Demon (Samantha Bee)
Melting Hunk of Uninformed Apricot Jello (Samantha Bee)
America’s Burst Appendix (Samantha Bee)
Crotch-Fondling Slab of Rancid Meatloaf (Samantha Bee)
Sixteen-Month Hindenburg Explosion (Samantha Bee)
Cassino Mussolini (Samantha Bee)
Orange Supremacist (Samantha Bee)
Dauphin of Breitbartistan (Samantha Bee)
Pathetic (John Kasich)
Deeply Disturbing (John McCain)
Con Man, Fake and Fraud (Mitt Romney)
Con Artist (Marco Rubio)
Fraud (Bernie Sanders)
Faker Trump (Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg)
Ignoramus (Paul Krugman, a Nobel prize-winning economist)
Putin's Useful Fool (ex-CIA director Michael Hayden)
Unfit (Douglas Brinkley)
Hot Mess (Matt Drudge)
Jackass (Lindsey Graham)
The Cosmic Laughingstock (Michael R. Burch)
Bullshit Artist (Fareed Zakaria)
Unstable (Republican Senator Bob Corker)
Incompetent (Republican Senator Bob Corker)
Repugnant (David Letterman)
Revolting Slug (Jerry Buckingham, an Australian MP)
Crackpot (Bernie Shine)
Sweet Little Baby Trump (Alec Baldwin)
Libel Bully (American Bar Association)
The Big Lummox (Garrison Keillor)
Rigger Mortis (Michael R. Burch)
Donald de Rigueur (Michael R. Burch)
The Bid Rigger
Fat A$$ (Stephen Colbert)
Mr. Brexit-Plus (Donald Trump)
The Supreme Sexist (Barbara Res)
Poster Boy for Narcissism (Dr. César Chelala)
Unhinged Self-Adoring Demagogue (New York Daily News)
Wall Choke Artist (Hillary Clinton)
Sweaty Upper Lip Sniffer (Ron Fournier)
Master of Disaster (CNN)
Dangerously Paranoid Child Brain (Chauncey Devaga)
Trump the Usurper (J. Robert Smith)
Controversy-Addicted Wingnut Trump (John Earls)
President Tons of Fun (Michael Che, SNL's Weekend Update)
Loss Leader (Michael R. Burch)
Flimflam Man
Hurricane Donald (the perfect storm of arrogance, ignorance and intolerance)
The Alt-Right Uniter (Nazis are "fine people." Really? And if it's wrong to oppose Nazis, why did we fight WWII?)
The Blight Inciter
The Alt-White Delighter
The Snazzy Sympathizer (Michael R. Burch)
The Tin Pot Despot (after Trump tried to order Mexican president Peña Nieto to stop talking about not paying for the wall!)
The Transgender Rearender (Trump claims it is a "great favor" to rob transgenders of equal rights)
The Big Shtick ("Unlike Teddy Roosevelt, Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick!"―Michael R. Burch)
The Great White Snark
The Albino RINO (Michael R. Burch)
Uncle Ream US (Michael R. Burch)
The Lamé Duck President (after a friend of General John F. Kelly said that he wouldn't suffer "idiots and fools" in the White House)
Gossamer-Skinned Bully (Graydon Carter)
Orange-Vanilla ISIS
Tsarzan ("Obamacare bad! Very bad! Tsarzan kill Obamacare, maybe kill Jane and Boy. But Obamacare bad!")
Condoofus (Condoofus say: "In addition to big, beautiful glass ceilings for women, we need big, beautiful glass walls for Hispanics!")
The Great Gutsby
Truthophobic Trump (Elizabeth Harris Burch, who tweeted that "Trump is so divorced from the Truth, he should pay it alimony!")
The Hypocritic Oaf
SCROTUS (So-Called Ruler of the United States)
BLOTUS (Bloated Looter of the United States)
Bratman
Stuporman
The Super Duper
Captain Tantastic
Captain Shamerica (Michael R. Burch)
Boldfinger (because Trump groped women without asking their permission first)
Dire Abby (because Trump gives relationship advice like Dear Abby, but his message is invariably dire)
The Thinskinned Skinflint
Foxymoron (Michael R. Burch)
The Golden Plate Warrior (after the NBA champs were denied a White House invitation)
U Bum (LeBron James)
The Self-Made Sham
The Selfish Made Man
The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (along with George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann)
Super Callous Fragile Racist Extra Braggadocios (one of the cleverest Trump nicknames)
Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist Nazi POTUS (ditto)

White House insiders have been calling the president Don Corleone and Dumb Corleone because of his mob boss mentality. His oldest son Donald Trump Jr. is Fredo (the dumb son who keeps shooting himself in the foot), while Ivanka is Michael (the smart one). There is no doubt that Ivanka is the Gaud Father's favorite, since he gave her a position in his administration along with her husband Little Lord Fauntleroy. But if Junior is Fredo, wouldn't that make Senior another Fredo? Better call Puffed Up Daddy and his eldest son Dumb and Dumber! But where does this name game leave Eric Trump, another Chip Off The Old Blockhead who may be the dumbest of them all? Is Eric too dumb to be promoted to Sonny? They seem to be a trio of Fredos, so call them the All Fredos or Alfredos for short! But let's not rush to judgment: Bill Maher has compared the Trump brothers to another ill-begotten duo: Uday and Qusay Hussein. That would make their father So Damn Insane, and it certainly seems to suit him.



The Top Ten Donald Trump Jr. nicknames ...

Junior and Donald Dunce Jr.
Son of Drumpf
Donald Drumpfkopf the Lesser
The Good Boy (Donald Trump Sr.)
Ponyboy
The Boy Blunder and Booby
Chip Off the Old Blockhead
Take your pick: Putin's Puppet / Puppy / Proxy / Protégé / Poodle / Lapdog
Fredo Corleone and Frito Corleone and Fraido (because like Fredo he's afraid of his father)
The Bedwetter and Diaper Don (because in college he would get drunk, pass out and wet the bed)

Dishonorable Mention: Little Donnie Diaperpants, Little Donnie Diaperwetter, Public Drunk, The Cheapest Gazillionaire Heirhead (People Magazine, after Junior proposed to Vanessa Haydon with a free ring), The Airhead,
The Bedhead, Mr. Brylcream, Unbonny Donnie and Nondescript Donnie (because Ivanka got all the attention), Groper Jr. and Junior Abuser (he came on to women so strong at frat parties "everyone was warned to stay away from Donnie Trump"), The Great White Hunter (he even posed for a picture holding a severed elephant's tail!), The Gushin' Russian

Please click here for all Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames

Trump Remakes of Classic Movies, Books, Songs and Prophecies ...

To Sir Putin with Love
From Russia with Love
Blunderball 000
Boldfinger
Dr. Know-Nothing
The Spy Who Came in from the Cold War
Springtime for Twitler
The Sound of Muzak
Hail to the Thief
Con Hair
Con-igula
Saving Ryan's Privates (from Trump's genital groping)
Death Wish IV (U)
Nightmare on Helm Tweet
Shalloween
Friday the 13th episode 666
The Trump of Doom

The Best Donald Trump Russia Jokes

During his secret meeting with Mr. Putin, a cowering Comrade Trumputin received his updated instructions. He immediately ended all opposition to another of Mr. Putin's puppets, Bashar Assad. Today there is no doubt who is winning the Cold War, since Mr. Putin is firmly in control of the U.S. government.

Trump enables Assad. How sad! Almost as sad as when he supported Saddam.―Michael R. Burch

"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets," Donald "Ponyboy" Trump Jr. told a real estate conference in 2008, "We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In 2014, when golf writer James Dodson asked Eric "the Red" Trump how his father could finance golf courses when American banks were declining to lend money against such assets, he answered: "We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims to have "no dealings" with Russia, he is obviously lying. And of course Trump Jr. made the purpose of his treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents perfectly clear when he informed Jared "Jarhead" Kushner and Paul "Mole" Manafort about the covert operation in an email with the subject heading: "Russia – Clinton – private and confidential." Folks, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's Watson to figure this one out!

Trump fired James Comey for being too hard on Hillary Clinton. Now he wants to fire Jeff Sessions for not being hard enough on her! Something stinks to high heaven: Trump's breath when he lies. And you can bet your bottom dollar that when his lips move, he's lying. Trump has the amazing ability to make Richard Nixon seem like a virtuous angel.


More Trump Remakes of Classic Movies, TV Shows, Songs, etc. ...

Dr. Strangelove and How Trump Always Loved the Bomb
Apocalypse Now, and How!
Believer Madness
Raging Bullshit
Gone with the Hot Air
Gone in 60 Seconds (the American Dream)
The Spastic and the Spurious
Presidential Celebrity Apprentice
Porky and the Pigs
Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous
Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out (after Donald Trump "froze out" disabled vets by trying to keep them from selling flags and other patriotic items on ritzy Fifth Avenue)
Family Feudal
What's My Con Line?
The West Wingnuts
Shill Street Blues
Con Hair
Emergency!

More "state of the fart" nicknames for the Cra$$ A$$ ...

White House lawyer Ty Cobb claimed that "it would be truly shocking" if Paul Manafort had "tried to monetize his relationship with the president." But why would that be so shocking, when Trump himself has blatantly monetized the presidency? Better call Trump the Monetizer, Mr. Moneybags, Daddy Warbucks, the Golddigger, Darth Goldplater, the Keeper of the Golden Commode, Thurston Shitbag the Third (Bill Maher), A$$hole, King Gorge, The Gaud Father, and Bling Midas (Michael R. Burch)

Tom Price nicknames: Sky-High Price, Sir Pricey Flights, The Charter Supercharger, The Leer Jetter, The Gulf Reamer, The Jet Set Medico, Optics-Con, Knight of the Royal Charter, Sir Pricealot, Mighty Flighty Tom, Peerless Prince Priceless, Tom Priced-Out, Tom Sellout, Flyboy Tom, The Flyabout, Tom Thumb, Tom "Profit More" Price, The Amerikan Mengele, One Man Death Panel, The Six Million Dolor Man, Pricey Tom, Tom "Wait until you see the whites of their ayes" Price, Tom "the Price is Your Life"

Just in time for Halloween, what could be scarier than a man with nicknames like Trumpenstein, Trumpula, Trumpzilla, The Great Trumpkin, Damien Trump, The Creature from the Black Lampoon (Michael R. Burch), Count Hackula, Count Dreckula, Count Crockula, Pumpkin Hitler, Trump Troll, Uncle Grope-Fester (Josh Marshall), The Hulking Duke of Darkness (Garrison Keillor), Human Molotov Cocktail (Michael Moore), Human Hand Grenade (Michael Moore), Grotesquely Decomposing Pumpkin Pulp, Jack-A$$-o-Lantern, Ugly Billionaire Nitwit (Garrison Keillor), The Dangler (Dan Rather), The Posh Wear Wolf, The Grim Groper, The Grimy Reaper, The Mountebank (J. Robert Smith), Cracked Pot, The Orange Blob, Shambling Sasquatch (Michael R. Burch), Lurch, Spittle-Mouthed Snarler (Gina Barreca), Orange Amoeba (Ana Navarro), Sith Lord Trump, Super Predator (Van Jones), Orange Click-Gibbon

Donald Trump Halloween Ideas

New and Currently Rising Trump Nicknames ...

Primo Tool (Stephen Colbert)
The Orange Queen ("Off with their heads!")
Malice in Blunderland (Michael R. Burch)
The Gender Defender (Donald Trump says transgenders cannot serve in the military)
The Gender Blender (Trump's saggy man-boobs and delicate ladyfingers suggest that the pot is calling the kettle black)
The Transgender Rearender (Trump claims it is a "great favor" to rob transgenders of equal rights)
Transender Trump (Trump transcends decency by making himself the ender of equality for transgenders)
Big Bother (a pun on Big Brother from George Orwell's prophetic novel 1984)



Currently Rising: Quasi-Dodo the Hunchback of Notre Shame, after Trump curtsied submissively before the Saudi king in his first official act as an American president abroad. The Big Dipper dropped a pretty little curtsey (for a Shambling Sasquatch, that is) while receiving the Gilded Collar of King Salman Abdulaziz al-Saud. This, after Two-Faced Trump had blasted President Obama for a much more dignified and reserved half-bow several years before, tweeting at the time: "Do we want a President who bows to the Saudis?" A meek little curtsey, however prettily delivered, is far less presidential than a half-bow, so let's add Hippo-CRAZY, The Hissy-Fit Hypocrite and the Hypocritic Oaf to our ever-expanding list of Trump nicknames.

Also Rising: Prima Donald, Sparkly Princess Trumpelina, Dainty Donald, The Ginger Genuflector, Orange O'Hara, Little Miss Teapot and Idiot Abroad (Samantha Bee). Trump loyalist and campaign adviser Roger Stone was livid about the curtsey, tweeting: "Candidly, it makes me want to puke #JaredsIdea." But was it a submissive bow, an obsequious curtsey, or both? One tweeter was happy to explain: "To be fair, first Trump bowed, then he curtsied like a sparkly princess!" Another tweeter adopted Trump-Speak: "Trump has all the best curtsies, nobody curtsies like Trump, everybody says so!" In a similar vein, Trump's submissive gesture was described as "one of the best and bigliest curtsies." However, there was considerable confusion: was the correct hashtag #TrumpCurtsy or #TrumpCurtsey with an "e"? Well, the "e" seems a bit more feminine to us, so we are voting for "curtsey" as befitting Her Royal Highness Princess Prima Donna.

Trump Sexual Assault Nicknames ...

The Serial Feeler — see Donald Trump's War on Women
President Weinstein
President Pussygrabber
The Fresh Prince of Times Square (Michael R. Burch)
Boldfinger
The Great Gropesby (Michael R. Burch)
Donald DeGonad (Bob Corker accused Trump of publicly castrating Rex Tillerson!)
Hair Groepenfuehrer
Der Fuhrer Feltersnatch
Feel Marshall Trump (Michael R. Burch)
Julius Seize Her (Michael R. Burch)
Seize Her Disgustus (Michael R. Burch)
Mark Anatomy (Michael R. Burch)
The Roamin' Seizer (Michael R. Burch)
Edward Seizerhands (Michael R. Burch)
Hands of Feel (pun on "Hands of Steel")
Donald Trumpboner
Donald Weinerstein
Melania's Burden
Creep Throat ("Donald Trump is his own Deep Throat. He's Creep Throat."Seth Meyers)
Deep Creep
Deep Crotch
Crotch Rot
Demander-in-Chief
Sexual-Predator-in-Chief
Groper-in-Chief
A$$aulter-in-Chief (Michael R. Burch)
Dr. Gropenstein
Donald Douchebag
The Twat Twit
The Impotentate
The Crude Man "Missile" Crisis (Michael R. Burch)
Jack the Grip Her
Jack the Strip Her
The Bushman
The Bushmaster
The Bush Baby
Bush Baby Fingers
The Viagra Dough Boy
The Snatch Snatcher
The Snatch Snitch
The Great White Grope Dope
The Alpha Molester
Chest Her Molester
The Space Invader
The Louche Douche
Tic-Tac-Dough
Tic-Tac Attack
Ticky-Tacky Trump ...

Take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy is the closest thing to a "plan" Donald Trump has described this entire election!―Samantha Bee

"Yay for us! We just robbed 23 million Americans of their healthcare and 53 million of protection from discrimination for preexisting conditions! We are the Winners, and who the hell cares about the losers?" (And why is Trump cheering a bill that he would later call "mean, mean, mean" in private?)

WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 04:  (L-R) U.S. President Donald Trump, Speaker of the House Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), House Majority Whip Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) and House Majority Leader Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) participate in a Rose Garden event May 4, 2017 at the White House in Washington, DC. The House has passed the American Health Care Act that will replace the Obama eraÕs Affordable Healthcare Act with a vote of 217-213.  (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

John Kasich explained why Republicans were unable to pass a healthcare bill, after seven years of damning Obamacare, in an interview with Jake Tapper: "When we looked at everything here, we didn't have anything that really made sense." 

Trump "Healthcare" Nicknames and Hashtags

Painman
Drainman
Babykiller Trump
Grannykiller Trump
Bling the Merciless
#WealthCare
#TrumpCare
#TrumpCareless
#TrumpedUpCare
#LyinRyanDyinCare
#MedicRaid

TrumpCare should be called TrumpedUpCare. It replaces healthcare with Wealthcare, Medicaid with MedicRaid. The most vulnerable Americans will suffer the most: babies, children, seniors, the poor, veterans, and people with disabilities. Medicaid covers 49% of births, 60% of children with disabilities, 64% of nursing home residents, 76% of poor children, and millions of vets. MedicRaid will leave less fortunate Americans to the untender mercies of Bling the Merciless and his flunkies, while they laugh and high-five each other at Washington teas and press events lie-fests. Elizabeth Warren hit the nail on the head when she said: "These cuts are blood money. Senate Republicans are paying for tax cuts for the wealthy with American lives." Trump himself, in a rare burst of candor (behind closed doors, of course), called TrumpCare "Mean! Mean! Mean!" But it seems Re-Flub-Lycans will never be happy until they start killing off people with disabilities, a dream they share with Hitler and the Nazis. Call Trump Drainman after a Republican consultant explained that TrumpCareless is "clogging the drain" for other more important legislation, apparently justifying the GOP's mad rush to kill millions of Americans as quickly as possible. According to Trump, his healthcare plan is "incredibly well-crafted" meanness. We are reminded of the old saw, "Stupid is as stupid does."

Mitch McConnell, the Hyperactive Death Hamster, keeps vigorously pedaling the TrumpCare wheel of doom. Mitch the Snitch wants to snatch healthcare away from millions of Americans as quickly as possible. "This is just the beginning!" he squeaked happily at the thought of so much suffering and death, "Look, we can't let this moment slip by!" Why? Because "with a surprise election comes great opportunities to do things we never thought were possible!"

IMG_2976.JPG

This is a disappointment, a disappointment indeed! I regret that our efforts [to rob 30 million Americans of decent healthcare] were simply not enough this time!―Mitch McConHell

The Top Ten Mitch McConnell Nicknames ...

The Turtle (Jon Stewart) and The Napping Turtle (Michael R. Burch)
Fuckface McTurtlebitch
Mitch MuckSquirtle
Shirknado and Shirknerdough (Michael R. Burch)
The Hyperactive Death Hamster
The Lethal Chipmunk
Angry Cheek Pouches
Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch)
Mitch McConHell (Michael R. Burch)
Mitch the Snitch / Mitch the Bitch / Mitch the Snitch-Bitch / Mitch the Glitch / Mitch the Twitch / Mitch the Shitz / Mitch the Fritz / Mitch Switch Bait / Pitchman Mitch / Ditch McConnell (as we all should!)

Please click here for all Mitch McConnell Nicknames

Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops, gropes women's genitals, sentences babies and grannies to death, cheats at golf, then brags about his "accomplishments" and campaigns for reelection. 



We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jared "Jarhead" Kushner is at the ISIS front, using his real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops! Trump's Aide de Kampf will never rest until WWIII is well underway, and irreversible. There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie). Little Lord Fauntleroy will also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields, PeeWee's Big Adventure and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner then Whines about the K-Rations.

The Top Ten Jared Kushner Nicknames ...

Vanilla ISIS
Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump)
Cushy Kushner and Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL)
Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch)
Putin's Puppet and Putin's Protégé
Fratsputin
The Easebroker
Complete Fucking Idiot (Samantha Bee)
Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos)
Channel 666 (Jared Kushner and his wife, Ivanka Trump, own the most expensive single building in the U.S. at 666 Fifth Avenue, purchased for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion)

Please click here for all Jared Kushner Nicknames

The Top Ten Ivanka Trump Nicknames ...

Ivanka Tramp
Proxy Wife
Trophy Daughter and The First Lady-Daughter
Ivanka Wanker (I Wanna Wank Her)
Ivanka Spanker (I Wanna Spank Her)
Nordic Goddess and The Norwegian Wood Inducer
Kushner's Crush and Kushner's Cush Toy
The Favorite and The Hot One
The Smart One and Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies)
I Candy

Please click here for all Ivanka Trump Nicknames

The Top Ten Melania Trump nicknames ...

The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd)
First Babe
Third Lady (after Ivana Trump and Marla Maples)
Melanoma
Melania Antoinette
The Ice Queen (Gloria Erin Ryan)
The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley)
The Man-Baby Sitter and The Trump Sitter
The Trump Swatter (after she slapped her husband's hand away on an airport runway in Israel)
The Apprentice Bride and Bride of Trumpenstein

Dishonorable Mention:  The Swamp Queen, Sinderella, Tinderella, The Stupor Model, The Catalogue Model (Bill Maher, as in "for purchase"), That Poor Poor Woman (her Secret Service code name, according to Bill Maher)

Please click here for all Melania Trump Nicknames

First Babe Melania Trump is not the Acting First Lady, because that is obviously the role of Ivanka, the Norwegian Wood Inducer. Melania's actual role is Trump's Man-Baby Sitter. She says that she wants to tackle cyber bullying, but she is married to the world's biggest, loudest and most obnoxious Serial Cyber Abuser. Will Melania take away her Chubby Hubby's iPhone and Twitter account? Will she spank and redden his Enormous Orange Ass? Will she stand up to the Hyper Cyber Bully yugely and bigly? One can only hope!

Trump Administration, Cabinet, Supporter, Follower and Lapdog Nicknames ...

Moscow on the Hudson
The Romper Room (after Trump attorney Ty Cobb said that he and General Kelly are "the only adults in the room" at the White House)
The Tindergarden threatens to become the Cindergarden as Big Rocket Man feuds with Little Rocket Man
The Adult Day Care Center (after Senator Bob Corker used those words, pointing out that Trump requires adult supervision!)
Grassroots Hobbits (Steve Bannon)
The Island of Misfit Toys (Steve Bannon, describing the Trump campaign)
Sinking Ship of State (Steve Bannon)
President Beavis and the Buttheads
The Bazaar (Republican Senator Bob Corker)
The Bizarre Bazaar (Michael R. Burch)
The Grifters (Valerie Plame)
Trolls Galore (Hillary Clinton)
Amoral Flying Monkeys (Keith Olbermann)
Steve Bannon’s Alt-Right Swamp (Vogue)
Tweety and the Twits
The Kremlin Gremlins
The Far Slide
The Lords of Misrule
Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne)
The Alt-Right Hate Machine (Al Green)
The ALT-CONTROL-DELETE CLUB
The Hapless Incompetents (Ryan Cooper)
Reign of Error
The Swamp Minions
The Swamp Suckers
The Trump Freak Show (Vogue)
The Dick-Tater-Ship
The Hinternationalists (Michael R. Burch)
The Highglanders (Michael R. Burch)
Rank Amateurs (emphasis on "rank")
Amateur Hour at the White House
Celebrity Presidential Apprentice
Den of the Re-Flub-Lycans (Michael R. Burch)
The Fourth Reich
The Turd Reich
Hair Hitler and the Whigs (Michael R. Burch)
Blingtime for Hitler (Michael R. Burch)
Trump-Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch)
The White Supremacist House (Michael R. Burch)
The West Wing Sexual Assault Emporium (Michael R. Burch)
The Ovary Assault Office
The Ovary Inspection Office (Michael R. Burch)
The Cucksmen (Michael R. Burch)
Crack Team of Crackpots (Michael R. Burch)
The Sadly Failing Ameri-can't Government
AmeriKlan Idols
Kakistocracy (Ryan Lizza) ...

The Greeks have a word for the emerging Trump Administration: kakistocracy. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as a “government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.” Webster’s is simpler: “government by the worst people.”—Ryan Lizza in a New Yorker article

Please click here for all Trump cabinet and administration nicknames: Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames



Damien Trump
and his Stepford Wives meet Pope Francis, who is obviously uncomfortable in the presence of such Darkness and angles his cross slightly to keep them at bay!

Trump Family Nicknames ...

The Stepfordians
Scamalot (pun on Camelot and the Kennedy family)
The KKKardashians
The Brooklyn Hillbullies (Michael R. Burch)
Donald Duck Dynasty
The Cluster Schmucks (Michael R. Burch)
The Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse (Michael R. Burch)
The Cold Ones
The Children of the Corn
Donald and the Douchebags
Hitler's Revenge on the United States
 
Poor Little Bitch Kids
The Bitches of Eastwick



Marco Roboto
hugs the First-Lady-Daughter, Ivanka Trump ... talk about uncomfortable!

Immature Trump Nicknames ...

The Alpha Male Crybaby (George F. Will)
Big Baby (Lewis Black)
Birther Boy
Boss Baby Trump
Little Trump (Newt Gingrich: "The little Trump is frankly pathetic.")
The Boy Blunder
The Boychurian Candidate (Michael R. Burch, a pun on Manchurian Candidate)
Bratman
Bratworst (pun on "bratwurst")
The Brooklyn Brat
The Combover Kid
Donald the Menace
Dyslexic Donlad
Ego Buoy (Michael R. Burch)
El Kid (pun on El Cid)
Felonious Punk
The Golden Man-Child
The Kindergarten Fop (Michael R. Burch)
Snark Twain
Huckleberry Din
The Imperious Adolescent (Doug Elmets)
An Inconvenient Youth (Michael R. Burch)
The Infantalist (David Brooks)
Jail Bait 'n Switch
L'Enfant Terrible
Liddle Donnie Ladydiddler (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Daisyfingers (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Dealbreaker (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Diaperpants (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Diarrhea Mouth (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Dingleberry (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Discord (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Diva (Michael R. Burch)
Little Richie Rich Bitch (Michael R. Burch)
Man-Baby (Jon Stewart)
Man-Toddler Trump
President Manchild McSpoiledBrat
Shark Dressed Man-Boy (Michael R. Burch)
Sir Pissypanties (Michael R. Burch)
Sir Sissypants (Michael R. Burch)
The Terrible Tyke
Terroristic Man-Toddler (Charles M. Blow)
Widdle Donnie McPiddle (Michael R. Burch)
Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper (Michael R. Burch)

Here is Felonius Punk's latest brainstorm: he twittered that it's time to "let Obamacare fail" because "I'm not going to own it." Thus the Imperial Adolescent washes his hands of the suffering and deaths of multitudes of less fortunate Americans, including babies, their mothers and the vets who risked their lives, health and sanity to protect them. But what does L'Enfant Terrible care? As long as the Clown Prince can piss in his gold-plated toilets, why not piss on his subjects as well? Time to dodge, because here comes the next golden shower!

Bratman believes in ACTION, but he is no superhero. Short Attention Span Trump is the new official poster child for ADD. According to CIA Director Mike Pompeo, the mADD Man-Imp prefers his "intelligence" to be delivered with colorful pie charts, maps, pictures, videos and "killer" graphics. In other words, make military intelligence more entertaining, more exciting, more funlike a cartoon! Such is the Boychurian Candidate's latest thought bubble. Fortunately the Combover Kid's undersized hands are too tiny, weak and delicate to key in the nuclear codes, but it's not for his lack of trying to destroy the world!

Dishonorable Mention: Babycakes Trump, Bar Vista Boy, Boy Dingo (pun on the movie Mandingo), The Boy President (Garrison Keillor), Boy O' War (pun on Man O' War, the famous racehorse), Boys 'R Us, Child Emperor (Tom Scharpling), Child-King Trump (Chauncey Devega), The Poster Man-Boy for the White Supremacist Movement (Michael R. Burch), Tad-Pole (because it's not just Trump's hands that are so tiny, in all probability!), The Truculent Toddler, Petulant Man-Child Trump (Jen Hayden), The Mardy Baby-Man, Puerile Thin-Skinned Crude 70-Year-Old Bombastic Huckster (Joe Klein), Little Donald Sissypants, Little Donnie Dunciad, Thin-Skinned Crybaby,  Little Donnie Dementia, Little Delinquent Don-Lad

Small Hands Trump Nicknames ...

Short-Fingered Vulgarian (Graydon Carter)
Short-Fingered Totalitarian
Twinkle Fingers Trump
Babyfingers Trump
Le Petit Prince Daisyfingers (Michael R. Burch)
Little Donnie Diddlefingers (Michael R. Burch)
The Tiny-Handed Tyrant
Stumpy
Chubby Nubby
Tiny Hands Trump
Dainty Digits Trump
Pixie Digits Trump
McTinyHands

Trump Boy Scout Nicknames ...

The Boy Scouter
The Boy Shouter
The Boy Pouter
The Honorless Boy Scouter (after Trump used a Boy Scout jamboree to preen and push his political agenda)
The Boy Lout
The Boy Flouter
The Boy Spouter
The Boy Spout
The Buoy Scout (Michael R. Burch)
Scout's Dishonor
The Den Master
The Zen Master
The Beagle Scout

Flabby Trump Nicknames ...

Fat Blabby (Lewis Black)
Big Baby (Lewis Black)
The Great Gutsby (Michael R. Burch)
Porky Pig and The New York Pork Dork (because Trump and his companies have taken so much "pork" from federal, state and local governments)
Humpty Trumpty
King Gorge
The Madness of King Gorge (Michael R. Burch)
Big Donald (coined by Marco Rubio) and Pig Donald (a variation coined by feminists)

Trump Apocalypse Nicknames ...

Duke Nuke 'Em
Dr. Strangelove
mADD Max
The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (Michael R. Burch)
God Emperor Trump
God-Whimperer Trump (Michael R. Burch)
Terminator Trump
The Beast
Little Horn (the prophets of the Bible)
The Trump of Doom (the prophets of the Bible)
Darkness Incarnate
Damien Trump (after the Antichrist figure in the Omen movies)
The Tenfold Terminator
Doomsday Donnie
The Dark Lord of the Trump Tower of Babble
The Great Whore of Babble-On — see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

Trump Hairdo (and Hair-don't) Nicknames ...

The Combover Kid
Mr. Wiggy Piggy
Mr. Wiggly Piggly
Hair Hitler (pun on Herr Hitler)
Hair Furor (pun on Herr Fuhrer)
Mein Hair (pun on Mein Herr)
Hairman Mao
The Orange-Tufted Taliban
Dead Wombat Toupée
The Mad Hatter and The Mad Hater
The Hair Trigger A$$a$$in
The Golden I-Con ("I con 'do it! "I con 'do it! I know I con!")
Human-Toupée Hybrid
Toupée Fiasco
Squirrelwig McRacistPants
Con Hair (pun on the movie "Con Air")
Hair Force One

Trump Fowl & Foul Nicknames ...

Chicken Donald (Martin O'Malley)
Chicken Don
Chicken Little
Chicken Spittle
Chicken Sh*ttle
Chicken Whittle (for instance, he will gladly whittle away healthcare from babies, grannies and vets)
The Cuck of the Walk (Michael R. Burch)
Donald Cluck
Donald Clusterf*ck
Chickensh*t
Donald Chickenheart
Booster Hogburn
The Orange-Tufted Ostrich
Fluffy, the Golden Emu

Trump Gold and Money Nicknames ...

The Gold Flake (Michael R. Burch)
The Gold Bug
The Gold Digger
The Gold Rigger
Rigger Mortis
The Shillsbury Doughboy
The Con Dike Gold Rush
Darth Goldplater
Golden Wrecking Ball (Sarah Palin, who was not trying to be funny, but ended up being all too accurate ... so sad!)
The Golden Man-Child (Michael R. Burch)
Gold Faithful (Trump worships gold and erupts with anger on a regular basis)
Fool's Gold
Mr. Golden Shower
The Gold Star Insulter (after Trump insulted a Gold Star family who lost a son who was defending his country)
Mr. Moneybags
Mammon's Lam-Man
The Golden Calf of Doom
The Keeper of the Golden Commode

Trump Swamp Nicknames ...

Swampy
The Swamp Stocker
Creature from the Orange Lagoon
The Orange-Tufted Swamp Ogre
The Gold Man Sucks President (after Trump "drained the swamp" only to stock it with his crocodilian Goldman Sachs donors)
The Swamp Drainer (Kellyanne Conway)
THE SWAMPLAND SALESMAN
Big Agenda Trump
The Vulture Crapitalist

During his campaign, Trump promised to "drain the swamp." Newt Gingrich laughed at the notion, saying it was just a "cute" Trumpian tweet. Since being elected, Trump has been restocking the swamp with his crocodilian donors and political piranha: three Goldman Sachs bigwigs, a founder of the WWE pro "wrestling" circus (who just happened to give Trump millions), Dr. Strangelove generals, and Bozos who want to handcuff or get rid of the EPA, the Department of Energy, and god-only-knows what else. Trump and his cronies have really big—nay, YUGE—ideas: Return to the gold standard! Deregulate the banks so that American taxpayers can bail them out yet again! Get rid of Obamacare and replace it with inexpensive band-aids. If the band-aids don't work and Americans start dying, too bad, they should have been rich like Trump! Everyone will win, win win ... except the only winners will be Trump and his billionaire bandit buddies. Yes, the Swamp Restocker has been a busy little beaver. Now the Swampland Salesman will earn YUGE personal profits, while enjoying the spectacle of his supporters being devoured alive! Will Trump cry crocodile tears for them? Probably not, but he will definitely laugh all the way to the Russian bank where he cashes in his rubles!

Trump Leak Nicknames ...

The Perpetual Fountain of Lies (Charles M. Blow)
Old Unfaithful ("When Trump's lips are moving, lies are spouting regular as clockwork."―Michael R. Burch)
The Blowhard
The Spigot
The Leak Sneak

Trump Golf Nicknames ....

The Caddy Hack
The Caddy Hacker
The Fast & The Furious Vacationer (the Trumpster interrupted his 17-day golf vacation to start WWIII, then quickly resumed hacking)
Mr. Mulligan
The Dorf Golfer (Dorf was a Tim Conway character in a famous skit "Dorf on Golf")


Trump Dictator (Dick-Tater?) and Fascist Nicknames ...

The New Furor
Trumpen Furor
Mein Furor
Mein Trumpf
Shitler
Twitler
Adolph Twitler
Adolph Trumpler
Drumpfkopf
The Apprentice Führer (Ben Judah)
Casino Mussolini (Samantha Bee)
Mussolini's Taint
Benito Trumpolini
Dear Leader
Der Leader
Fearful Leader
Fear Fool Leader
Baron Trump
The Tin-Pot Despot (Nicholas Kristof)
Tsar Trumpov
Tsar Ridickulous (by Michael R. Burch, a pun on Tsar Nicholas)
Tsarzan (by Michael R. Burch)
The Son King (it was Trump's father who made him a millionaire; pun on "Sun King")
The Shun King
The Stun King
The American Dauphin (Michael R. Burch)
Genghis Con (Michael R. Burch)
Genghis Can't and Ganghis Cant (Michael R. Burch)
El Squid
El Presidente
Il Douche and Ill Douche
Poll Potbelly Pig (pun on Pol Pot)
The Mandarin Candidate
Kim Jong Don
Kim Jong Dong
Kim Jong Dumb
Idiot Amin
The American Saddam
The American Assad
The American Duterte
Daddy Warbucks
The Defendant

A number of Trump nicknames are related to fascism, such as "Hair Hitler" (a pun on Herr Hitler) and The New Furor (a pun on Führer). Are such accusations warranted? Well, Hair Hitler talking about Muslims does sound a lot like Herr Hitler talking about Jews. Here's what one prominent American Jew said on the subject. Abe Foxman, former National Director of the Anti-Defamation League, says that Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump urged supporters at a Florida rally to raise their arms in a Nazi salute to him. "As a Jew who survived the Holocaust, to see an audience of thousands of people raising their hands in what looks like the ‘Heil Hitler’ salute is about as offensive, obnoxious and disgusting as anything I thought I would ever witness in the United States of America," Foxman told The Times of Israel. Will Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting millions of people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler, Hair Furor, Hair Gropenfuhrer and Twittler are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?

Kremlingate/Comeygate/Russiagate/Putingate/Votergate Nicknames ...

Comrade Trumputin
The Brooklyn Bolshevik
The Russian Mole
Agent 747 (i.e., the jumbo agent)
The Siberian Candidate
Putin's Puppet
Putin's Poppet
Putin's Rasputin
Putin's Useful Idiot
Putin's C*ck-Holster (Stephen Colbert)
Putin's Putty
Putin's Proxy
Putin's Bitch
Lavrov's Dog (pun on Pavlov's Dog)
Lavrov's Lapdog
Putin's Pampered Poodle
Lenin's Gremlin
Stalin's Paladin
The Stallin' Stalin
The Rootin' Tootin' Putin Sidekick
Russia's Revenge for the Cuban Missile Crisis
Donny Moscow
Deep Bloat
Deep Moat
Deep Creep
The Loose-Lipped Ship Sinker

Call him THE LOOSE-LIPPED SHIP SINKER after Trumputinski blabbed away top-secret information to his Russian controllers, threatening not only to sink the American ship of state, but also endangering our allies who will now be far less willing to share critical intelligence with us. And who can blame them? With the Orange-Tufted Russian Mole running the show, the acronym CIA now stands for Central Ignorance Agency. The Boston Globe announced that the ally betrayed was Israel. Perhaps the ancient prophets knew whereof they spoke, when they predicted that a "little horn" would pretend to bring peace, only to betray Israel in the end. A trump is, of course, a "little horn." Is the Trump of Doom now summoning the Apocalypse? Have the very elect been deceived, since 80% of evangelical Christian voters supported Triple-Six Trump, according to exit polls? Israeli intelligence officials are said to be "boiling mad" and to consider this to be their "worst fears confirmed" about Comrade Trumputin. Trump is obsessed with leaks, but he is the Big Leaker. So far his administration's only defense has been to claim that Tyrant Trump is too oblivious to be accused of obstructing justice! He simply doesn't know what justice is, or how government works! But he can still be trusted with the nuclear codes!

Colorful Trump Nicknames ...

Mango Mussolini
Mango Mugabe
Marmalade Mugabe
Shady Marmalade and Fraidy Marmalade (puns on the Patti LaBelle song)
Candied Yamamoto (Michael R. Burch)
Cinnamon Hitler
Persimmon Hitler
Ginger Hitler
Gingervitis (Michael R. Burch)
Sunkist Stalin
Tangerine Palpatine
Tangerine Voldemort
Tangerine Tornado (SNL's Church Lady, played by Dana Carvey)
Angry Pumpkin
Angry Creamsicle
The Fanta Menace
The Fanta Ranter
Orange Julius and Orange Foolius
Orange Mephistopheles
Orange Sauron
Orangutan and OranguTang
Orange-Tufted Shitgibbon
Der Pumpkinfurher
Pumpkin Pinochet
Apricot Poll Pot
Carrot Khomeini
Cheddar Ceausescu
Dorito Duterte
Gouda Gaddafi
Ham Hussein
Yam Saddam
Peach Perón
Velveeta Vladimir
Salmon Voldemort

More Colorful Trump Nicknames: PEEOTUS, Marmalade Mussolini, Habañero Hitler, Habanero Hussein, Sunburned Stalin, Fanta Fascist, Dreamsicle Demon, Candied Yam, El Hombre de Tang, Orange Anusmouth, Mandarin Orange Mugabe, Melba Mao, The Orange Peel, Tangerine Nutsack, The Orange Shitweasel, Animated Pumpkin, President Tang, Kim Jong Orange, Pantone Beelzebub, Minute Maid Mao, Papaya Batista, Sweet Potato Saddam, Tropicana Mussolini, Nectarine Noriega, Orange Ortega, Mangled Apricot Hellbeast, Lemonhead, Peach Nehi President, Trump Brulée, Pumpkin Spice Satan, Tang Tyrant, Mandarin Manchurian Candidate, Candy Corn Kremlin, The Nacho Nazi, The Yellow Death, Yellow Fever, Orange-Tufted Twitter Flitterer, The Orange Oligarch, The Gollygarch, Grossly Protuberant Peach Topped with Yucky Orange Lint-Fuzz, The Orange-Tufted War Troll, Butternut Soufflé of Seeping Death, The Persimmon Satyr, The Orange Menace, Mango Mophead, Cantaloupe Caligula

Cheesy Trump Nicknames ...

Cheez Whiz
Cheez Doodle (Maureen Dowd)
Cheez-It-in-Chief
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator
Cheeto Benito
Benito Cheetolini
Cheetolini
Cheeto-in-Chief (also Cheato-in-Chief)
Screaming Cheeto
Angry Cheeto
The Big Cheeto
The Cheeto Bandito
Cheeto Voldemort
Cheeto von Tweeto
Cheeto-Faced Shit-Gibbon
Cheeto Guevera
Zaphod Cheetobrox
Cheeto Jesus
Cheeto Satan
Desperate Cheeto (Randy Rainbow)
Grabby Braggadocios Creep-o (Randy Rainbow)
Crabby Unproductive Creep-o (Randy Rainbow)
Frito Corleone
Frito Lay

Space Cadet Trump Nicknames ....

The Wrath of Con
Doom Emperor Trump
Darth Insidious
Darth Hideous
Darth Hater
Darth Goldplater
The Fanta Menace

Trump Movie Star Nicknames ...

Forrest Trump
Painman
Donnie Darko
Donnie Dorko

Trump Superhero Nicknames ...

The Loan Deranger
Bratman
Fatman
Stuporman
Duperman
Super Duper
Super Man-Boy
Supertot
The Incredible Bulk
Captain Tantastic
Captain Underpants
Captain Blunderpants
Captain Thunderpants
Captain Diaperpants
Captain James T. Smirk
Captain Outrageous (pun on Captain Courageous)
Captain Chaos
Captain Shamerica
Captain Un-America
Captain AmeriKKKa
Boldfinger (Michael R. Burch)
Optimus Grime (Michael R. Burch)
The Toxic Avenger
Sir Leakalot (Michael R. Burch)
A Dumb Ant
Glower Ranger
The Wear Wolf
The Wear Wolverine
The Superhuman (Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin praised Trump's "superhuman health")

Trump Tweet Nicknames ...

Tweety
Tweety Blurred
Tweetle-Dumb
Tweet-'l-Dumb
Commander-in-Tweet
Boss Tweet
Tweet Twit
The Petulant Twitter Chirper

"His petulant Twitter feed chirped with denunciations of U.S. intelligence agencies, various media outlets, actor Meryl Streep, and civil rights icon John Lewis ... Trump's rallying cry was resentment ... To hear Trump, the entire country is a wreck."TIME

Trump Ego, Lies and Cons Nicknames ...

King of the Whoppers
King Con
The Abominable Showman
P. T. Burn 'Em
Pander Bear and Pander Hair (Elizabeth Harris Burch)
The Human Vanity Mirror (Michael R. Burch)
The Abominable Dough-Man
Don the Con
Conman-in-Chief
Liar-in-Chief
Thief-in-Chief
Narcissist-in-Chief
The Lyin' King (pun on "Lion King")
The Super Duper
The King of Fake News
The Great White Emancipator (Trump's grand design is apparently to "free" the rich by killing off the poor and middle-income classes)
The Disunionist
The Union Shirker
The DealFaker

Trump is right about one thing: "#FakeNews is the enemy!" But then Trump is Public Enemy #1, because he is certainly the King of Fake News.

Trump Curtsey Nicknames ...

Primadonald
Prima Donna
Sparkly Princess Trumpelina (Michael R. Burch)
Little Miss Teapot
Quasi-Dodo the Hunchback of Notre Shame (Michael R. Burch)
The Big Dipper
The Little Dipper
The Ginger Genuflector (Michael R. Burch)

Trump Hypocrisy Nicknames ...

The HIPPO-crit (Trump criticizes everyone else at the drop of a hat―for instance, overweight women―but the YUGE tub of lard never looks in the mirror)
Hippo-CRAZY
Hippo-Crass
Hippo-Sh*t
The Hypocritic Oaf (Michael R. Burch)

Mob Boss Trump Nicknames ...

The Gaud Father
The Gaudy Father
The Goad Farther
Al Cappuccino
Snarlin' Brando
Robert de Sneero
Dumb Corleone
Frito Corleone
Vincent von Gouge
The Unwise Guy

Tyrant Trump Nicknames ...

The Tin Pot Despot (Nicholas Kristof)
The Cesspot Despot (Michael R. Burch)
Tie-Rant Trump (Michael R. Burch)
Conigula (Michael R. Burch)
Dubious Caesar
Julius Seize Her (Michael R. Burch)
Bling the Merciless (Michael R. Burch)
Alexpander the Great (Michael R. Burch)
Billman the Conqueror (Michael R. Burch)
Napoleon Blownapart (Michael R. Burch)
The Stun King (pun on "Sun King")
King Bling
King Dong
King Trump the Grate
The Great Gutsby
Hairman Mao

Trump Fashion Nicknames ...

Emperor Sans Clothes
The Tie-Coon
Tie-Con-Dough Boy (a pun on taekwondo and "dough boy")
Tie-Con-Derogator (a pun on Ticonderoga)
The Wear Wolf of Wall Bleat (Michael R. Burch)
The Natty Nut

Trump Inferno and Climate Nicknames ...

The Glowering Inferno
Trumpster Fire
Dumb-ster Fire (Michael R. Burch)
Bonfire of the Insanities (Michael R. Burch)
Ole King Coal (after Trump threatened to pull out of the Paris Accord on Climate Change)
Towering Inferno Trump (his motto is "Burn, baby, burn!")
The Climate Primate

The
Climate Primate will burn more and more coal until the earth is too hot for humans to live above ground. Then Trump supporters can explain to their Albino Mole Children why they voted for the King of Denial.

Trump Baseball Nicknames ...

Babe Ruthless
Babe Truthless
Tie Robb the Engorged Peach
Sham the Man Unusual

Trump Clown Nicknames ...

Fuckface von Clownstick (Jon Stewart)
The Clown Prince
Orange Skelton
Orange Skeltor
McDonald Dump
Ronald McDonald Trump Bozo (Michael R. Burch)
Krusty the Killer Klown
Scrooge Grinch McGrump
Scrooge McTrump
Putin's Puppet
Punch-Drunk and Rudy
The Fiddler (a pun on the Riddler and Nero fiddling while Rome burned to the ground)
The Joker-Groper
Bizarro Bozo
The Crime Mime
The Oompa Loompa of Doom (Chris Riddell)
The Greatest Showboat on Earth (Michael R. Burch)
The Class(less) Clown
Lusty Krusty
The Fraud-U-Lent President

Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo has agreed to pay $25 million to settle charges of fraud against his so-called Trump "University." Even the name was a sham and a scam―not to mention illegal due to false advertising. Thus Trump has, for all intents and purposes, admitted that he bilked thousands of students out of their hard-earned money. Many of them charged their credit cards and had to pay extremely high interest rates on top of fraudulent "tuition" charges. But that is how Bizarro Bozo operates, as he unloads his Killer Klown Kar at the three-ring circus show formerly known as the American presidency. We will undoubtedly see more shams and scams under a Trump administration. Taxpayers had better plan on shelling out millions to have padded walls installed at the White House, now that the inmates are running the asylum. It sounds like the plot of a Batman movie: the Joker has been elected president and is gleefully playing with the nuclear codes ...

Racist Trump Nicknames ...

The Ritz Cracker
Harvey Wallbanger
AmeriKKKLan Idol
President Snowflake (emphasis on "flake")
The Alt-Right Blight Inciter
Donald DuKKK
The DuKKKe of Churl
The Kloset Klansman
The Anti-Black KKKnight

Other New and Currently Rising Trump Nicknames ...

A piece of SHIT and an embarrassment to humankind (Reza Aslan)
The Illusionist (after the Drudge Report called it an "illusion" that Trump is a conservative)
Tax-and-Spend Trump
President Whiny-Ass Bitch
The Unfathomably Despicable Racist (Bill Pruitt, a former producer of The Apprentice, said Donald Trump made "unfathomably despicable" racist comments on the set of the show.)
Toddler Psychopath (John Oliver)
Lord of the Lies
The Queens Quisling
The Crooklyn Cuck
El Cid Vicious
Evel Con-Evil
The King of Queens
The Grim Weeper
Hair Mousse-olini
Hell Toupee
The Huckster
The Fearful Earful
The Boob-onic Plague
Delusional Donald
Baron von Muchpoutin'
Baron von Muchfloutin'
Baron von Muchgrousin'
God's Gift to Comedy (Jerry Seinfeld)
The Prim Reaper
Old Unfaithful ("Whenever Trump's lips are moving, lies are spouting regular as clockwork.")
The Great Divider
The Heeler (The alt-right has a new rallying cry: "Heil Heeler!")
Rascalnikov (a pun on the name of the downward-spiraling criminal in Crime and Punishment)
TyrannaSoreAss Rex
Prontoboorus
POTUS Toilet POT U.S.
Hocus Pocus POTUS (Michael R. Burch)
Sir Prancealot
Sir Farcical
The Whim-Sickle President
Smarm Bro (will Smarm Bro pardon Pharma Bro?)
Anti-Truth Trump (the Trump administration claims it is a "fireable offense" to call white supremacists "white supremacists")
The Principal (so called in the White House for all the knuckle-rappings he delivers)
The So-Called President (LeBron James)
The Pariah (Kevin Durant said "We don't f*ck with him.")
Donnie John (Tina Fey)
The Trade Warrior
The Tirade Warrior
The Daily Stormer
The Sturm und Drang Haranguer (Michael R. Burch)
The Creepy Crawler (Hillary Clinton said Trump made her skin crawl during their debates)
Mr. Peepers ("Jeepers Creepers, where'd ya get those Peepers?")
Moby Prick (the Grate White Human Whale with a hyperactive blowhole)
The Low Bro' President (low brow and a bro' to boot!)
Atomic Blonde
Floyd Hey-Whether (like Floyd Mayweather, Trump talks a good fight ... but he has never stepped into the ring, since he dodged the Vietnam War)
Connor McSwagger (ditto)
The EmbarrA$$ment (after polls in three states revealed that the majority of voters are embarrassed by Trump)
Race-Baiting Xenophobic Religious Bigot (Lindsey Graham)
Sir Bestalot, the Shining Knight of White Supremacy (former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke called Trump "the best of the lot")
MAN WITH A KLAN (The New Yorker, in an article about Trump's ties to white supremacists, including David Duke)
The Grand Lizard
The Foul Feathered Fascist ("Fascists of a feather / flock together"―Michael R. Burch)
The Peter Principle Incarnate
The Bigliest Loser
The Pardonizer
The Ham-Handed Amateur (James Thurber)
The Hysteric (Vladimir Putin, who rebuked the Trump administration's "anti-Russian hysteria")
The Politically Incorrect President (Trump believes and regurgitates conspiracy theories; he is wrong about so many things; so sad!)
American Grandstand (the pot was calling the kettle black when Trump accused CEOs of "grandstanding")
The Bigliest Loser
The Con-Flag-Grate-Shun-Ist (pun on "conflagration")
The Firestarter (Trump seems very anxious to mash in the nuclear codes with those tiny, underdeveloped fingers of his!)
The Tenfold Terrorist (after Trump told the governor of Guam that tourism will increase "tenfold" ... as with cruises by the Bikini Atoll, perhaps?)
The L&L Railroader (Trump says military options are "locked and loaded" and aimed at North Korea, Venezuela, Liechtenstein, Bouvet, Nauru, Timbuktu, Mitch McConnell, Rosie ...)
Mr. Art of the Squeal
Mr. Excessive Expectations (Mitch McConnell fights back verbally, but only manages to sound more nerdish than he looks, which had heretofore seemed impossible)
The Rookie (Mitch McConnell pointedly points out that Trump is new to "this line of work" and doesn't have any idea how the federal government works)
The Rook (ditto)
The Greenhorn (ditto)
The Orangehorn (ditto)
The Horny Orange Swamp Groper
The Fast & The Furious Vacationer (the Trumpster interrupts his 17-day golf vacation to start WWIII, then quickly resumes hacking)

The Fiery & The Furious Fascist (the Trumpmaniac threatened North Korea with fire and fury such as "the world has never seen before")
The La-Z-Boy Decliner (our fast-fading septuagenarian declines to work as the world implodes around him)
The Obama Obsessed Orangutan
Mad as a Ball Capper
The Backstabber (now Sessions, Spicer, et al, know what Trump really means when he says "I have your back!")
The Baltimore Bullet (Trump shoots down an entire city: "Rod Rosenstein is from Baltimore; there are very few Republicans in Baltimore, if any!")
Pale Derider (a pun on the Clint Eastwood movie Pale Rider)
Head Haunch o' Well-Marbled T-Rump (pun on Head Honcho)
Soylent Orange (fortunately so far only Russian prostitutes have partaken!)
The Goldenshower Pee-Cock
павли́н (the Russian term for "peafowl" or in Trump's case "pee foul")
The Comp-A$$
President Perk
The Fringe Benefiter (Michael R. Burch)
Vulgarmort
Vulgarmortis
The Hair Apparent of the Whig Party (Michael R. Burch)
The All-Powerful Self-Pardoner (Trump claims he has "complete power" to pardon himself and his cronies)
The Incredible Bulk (after Trump warned us that he would be "very angry" if TrumpedUpCare is not allowed to kill multitudes of Americans, post haste!)
The Hair-Braned President (i.e., Trump's brain is apparently composed of the fuzzy layers of his 'do)
Tub of Fermented Pig Lard
The Great Orange Man-Booby
The Recusant
At 'Em Recusant (pun on Atom Ant)
Agent 747
Tropical Storm Don ("It went our with a whimper in the Caribbean ...")
The Ameri-Con President (as in: "Can the Con!")
The Ameri-Con ChrISISt
The Alpha Male Crybaby (George F. Will)
The Feeb (George F. Will: "... a feeble president whose manner can cure the nation's excessive fixation with the presidency ...")
The Meanderthal (he meanders, he's mean and "it's ME and" whatever on earth he is going on about at the moment)
$A$$quatch (Bigfoot has nothing on the world's most enormous A$$, and Trump can out-sass Don Rickles)
The Trumpian Tweetstormer
His Sicko-Fancy (a pun on "sycophancy" after Anthony Scaramucci publicly expressed his amazingly intense love for King Trump the Grate)
The Filly Buster (Trump wants to eliminate the filibuster so that he can deny rights and healthcare to women, girls and babies)
The Lowest Common Dominator
The Great Divider (Americans were split 42%-42% on impeaching Trump as of July 2017)
The Mathematician (he's especially proficient at "long division")
The Term Limiter (Trump seems intent on forcing impeachment sooner rather than later)
The Holey Trinity (Trump appears to be a new unholy Trinity of "me, myself and I.")
The Human Abortion (Mike Fernandez, a billionaire GOP mega-donor)
The Hair-Trigger A$$a$$in (Trump is in a YUGE rush to kill off less-fortunate Americans by favoring Wealthcare over Healthcare)
The Cruelest and Pettiest President Ever (George Takei, who played Sulu in the original Star Trek series)
The Colossal Scandal (David Remnick)
Daddy Whorebucks (richismo)
The Grifter (Valerie Plame)
Deaf Con One (Trump is deaf to his own stupidity and his cons are bringing us closer and closer to war: Defcon One)
Mr. Rushmore (Trump claims that he is second only to Lincoln and ready for enshrinement on Mt. Rushmore, after six months!)
Cra$$ A$$
The Fecal Point (yes, Trump is the focal point, but it's because he keeps exposing his enormous ass in public)
The Publicity Streaker (ditto)
Shark Dressed Man-Boy (Michael R. Burch)
Mr. Transparency (after Trump said his wall must be transparent to allow views of flying bags of drugs!)

More Trump Sexual Assault Nicknames ...

Groper Cleave Hand
Octopussy Groper
The Sexual A$$(aulter)
The Frisky Frisker
Full Frontal Assault Trump
The Pussy Posse
Rikki Tikki Tacky
Access Folly Wood(ie)
Inside Access
Inside Scoop

Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper's Spring Fling ...

Relax, foolish Americans! Everything is going according to planMr. Putin's master plan for Comrade Trumputin to destroy NATO while ruining America's reputation and global influence! Sending Donald the Menace abroad was stage one of Mr. Putin's remarkable Operation Covfefe ...

First, Little Donnie Diaperpants went to Saudi Arabia, where he curtsied meekly to the King while accepting the Gilded Collar of al-Saud.

Next, Donnie dashed off to Israel, where his Man-Baby Sitter was forced to swat away his tiny grasping fingers on an airport runway. Bad Liddle Donnie Ladydiddler!
 
Then Little Donnie Dealbreaker went to Europe, where he called Germans "bad, very bad" for selling cars, even though he keeps buying the most expensive ones! Does he intend to "make America great again" by buying super-expensive German cars? In any case, Germans are now calling Trump the Brat-Worst. While in Europe, Donnie Diva pushed aside the Prime Minister of Montenegro for a photo-op. Why? Because Montenegro just became the 29th member of NATO and Mr. Putin was furious. But the Terrible Tyke was just following orders! Little Donnie Daisyfingers then had his dainty digits crushed while shaking hands with French President Emmanuel Macron and German strongwoman Angela Merkel.

Upon his return home, Little Donnie was full of self-praise, crowing that his Spring Fling had been "historic" and "unprecedented." Did Dyslexic Donlad mean "historically un-presidential"? Angela Merkel gave Donnie Dunciad an F, pointing out that he had weakened the West and made it smaller. However, the man who really matters, Mr. Putin, gave the Brooklyn Bolshevik an A+ and a gold star, for reducing the once-mighty United States to a badly drawn cartoon panel.

Little Donnie Dementia then started to tweet like crazy. Like, really really crazy. For instance, the Kremlin Gremlin tweeted: "Despite the negative press covfefe ..."  Of course "covfefe" is a Russian term meaning "push on" or "persevere" (in this case, push on with Putin's master plan to destroy NATO and the West).

Next, Little Donnie Discord announced his latest, greatest idea (which he also got from Mr. Putin): To pull out of the Paris Climate Accord, joining Syria and Nicaragua as the only nations not committed to the landmark international agreement. Nicaragua took the position that the Paris Accord did not go far enough, so Trump and Assad now stand alone in denying the need to protect the world from overheating.

After the London terror attack, Little Donnie fired off a series of insensitive tweets, after which the Puttering Putz rushed off to play golf with Peyton Place Manning and Corky Corker. The Bare-Assed Embarrasser is a walking, talking, p*ssy-grabbing International EmbarrA$$ment
 
So far, attempts to potty train Little Donnie Diaperpants have not been successful. Even gold-plated toilets cannot persuade Mr. Trickle Down to stop pissing on his subjects. Trump's approach is an economic golden shower, with the rich showering urine on everyone else. But at least the Keeper of the Golden Commode is getting the attention he so desperately craves!

Call him The Interventionist. After Little Donnie repeatedly blasted Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for their interventions in the Middle East, our not-so-heroic Bratman has already intervened in Yemen, Syria, North Korea, Somalia and Afghanistan (where he intends to send more American troops). Nixon only had one Vietnam, but it seems the Boy Blunder will have at least a half-dozen, if not more.

Little Delinquent Don-Lad has called his own Trumpcare health plan "mean, mean, mean!" He has called the FBI "bad people" for doing their jobs. And yet Trump heaps praise on creeps like Putin, Assad, Duterte and Saddam. Trump really does seem to be an Orange Ball of Confusion.
However, Little Donnie was correct about one thing, when he tweeted: "This trip has left no one with any doubt about who America's friends are." Yes, Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper, this recent series of trip-ups has left no doubt that America has no friends anywhereonly enemies, skeptics and scoffersthanks to you, and your good friend and controller, Puppetmaster Putin!

More Man-Baby Musings

There's a new reality show about the Trump presidency: The Boss Baby. Now showing at a theater near you!
Trump tweeted that Obama put a "tapp" on his phones. I think the Testy Toddler needs a ppat on the back and a good burpp, then a nice long napp.―Michael R. Burch
When Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper was asked about the firing of James Comey, he sucked his pacifier, adjusted his nappy, then burbled, "Easy comey, easy goey!"―Michael R. Burch
Yes, there is a YUGE problem with White House leaks ... because Toddler Trump hasn't been potty trained and he keeps pissing on everything in sight!
Trump bemoans "deeply troubling" leaks, but the Big Leaker has loose lips that could literally sink ships as he divulges the  location of American naval vessels and nuclear subs to our enemies.
Q: What's the difference between Trump's ultra-luxurious Mercedes S600 and a porcupine? A: The porcupine only has pricks on the outside.
General Jefferson Beauregard "Stonewall" Sessions should be demoted, since like Sgt. Schultz his only defense is "I know nuthink!" (What Sessions apparently does know is nut-think.) Sessions claims to hear no evil, but he still manages to obey Trump's evil commands. Sessions is like a little person gone over to the Dark Side, so call him Darth Yoda.

Michael Moore announced that he will make a movie about Trump, whom he once called a "wretched, ignorant, dangerous part-time clown and full-time sociopath." We think such characterizations are terribly unfair to clowns and sociopaths, whatever their working hours!

Stephen Colbert's Trump Nickname Tirade

Stephen Colbert showed the White House Resident no mercy, after Trump insulted one of his colleagues: "John Dickerson is a fair-minded journalist and one of the most competent people who will ever walk into your office. And you treat him like that? John Dickerson has way too much dignity to trade insults with the president of the United States to his face. But I, sir, am no John Dickerson!" As promised, a series Trump insults ensued, with props which included a roll of toilet paper and a banana. Colbert's relentless verbal barrage was like Muhammad Ali in his prime pounding an overmatched and staggering Chuck Wepner: "I love your presidency. I call it Disgrace the Nation. You're not the POTUS. You're the BLOATUS. You’re the Glutton with the Button. You’re a regular Gorge Washington. You're the Presi-Dunce, but you’re turning into a real Prick-Tater. Sir, you attract more skinheads than free Rogaine. You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign-language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's C*ck Holster! Your presidential library is going to be a kids' menu and a couple of Juggs magazines. The only thing smaller than your hands is your tax returns, and you can take that any way you want!"

Colbert received a lot of flak over the "holster" bit, which the alt-right claimed to be "homophobic." As if they care! Two nights later Colbert explained: "Now, if you saw my monologue Monday, you know that I was a little upset at Donald Trump for insulting a friend of mine. So at the end of that monologue I had a few choice insults for the president in return. I don't regret that. He, I believe, can take care of himself. I have jokes; he has the launch codes. So it's a fair fight. While I would do it again, I would change a few words that were cruder than they needed to be. I'm not going to repeat the phrase, but I just want to say for the record, life is short, and anyone who expresses their love for another person, in their own way, is to me, an American hero. I think we can all agree on that. I hope even the president and I can agree on that. Nothing else. But, that."

We, however, are not above using that choice phrase whenever it fits! Which leads us to ...

Putin' It All Together

NEWS FLASH: Donald Trump, the Remander-in-Chief, has ruled that transgenders cannot serve in the military. However, The Transgender Rearender, despite his self-proclaimed perfect health and virility, was rejected by the draft board. Therefore, The Gender Defender must be a transgender, and that explains The Gender Blender's saggy man-boobs and delicate ladyfingers!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS WHITE BACKLASH: Steve Bannon has been called a Populist Hero ... by Breitbart Schmooze, which he heads! How very convenient for Darth Bannon as he aims his Death Star at American democracy!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS CRASH: The Mandarin Candidate briefly interrupted his 17-day golf vacation to fan the flames of the Apocalypse into a raging inferno: "North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States! They will be met with fire, fury and frankly power the likes of which this world has never seen before!" So forget the horrors of WWII, the Holocaust and Hiroshima. That was child's play compared to the power Terminator Trump will unleash on the world, if North Korea emulates the U.S. by issuing threats! But there is one thing the Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse wants to make perfectly clear to everyone: he absolutely will not let annihilating the world interfere with his golf game!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS REHASH: We can now confirm that Trump is an extremely rare example of the Orange-Tufted Ostrich, the only creature known to spout death-inviting nonsense then bury its head up its ass to avoid reality. In January, Twitler twittered "It won't happen!" in regard to North Korea developing nukes that can reach the United States. Tweetle-Dumb's head has been firmly up his ass ever since. A few months later, Harry Kazianis, director of defense studies at the Center for the National Interest, announced: "Today is the day that we can definitely say North Korea is a nuclear power. There is no more time to stick our heads in the sand and think we have months or years to confront this challenge." But at last report, Uncle Ream US was still refusing to budge although his voice could be faintly heard, muttering something about horrors worse than Hiroshima and Nagasaki.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS HALF-FULL GLASS: There has been a reprieve, of sorts. While mADD Max is still dedicated to the proposition of destroying the world, he's been so busy playing golf and preening for cameras that he hasn't had time to do the finger-strengthening exercises necessary for his underdeveloped digits to key in the nuclear codes! So we may have a few more hours, or perhaps even days, before the nukes start flying. But please don't get your hopes up. Trump has the biggest and best golf courses, the biggest and best nukes, and he will certainly deliver the  biggest and best possible Apocalypse!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS SPLASH: Call him the Cuck of the Walk. A giant inflatable chicken with a golden 'do was placed outside the White House "to criticize the president as a weak and ineffective leader," according to Taran Singh Brar, the director of the documentary film Chicken Don. "He's too afraid to release his tax returns, too afraid to stand up to Vladimir Putin, and now he's playing chicken with North Korea!" Alas, Trump was not able to see his uncanny likeness in person, being in the middle of an extended golf vacation. The Caddy Hack did, however, take a quick break between mulligans to berate the Senate for not working! As for nicknames, we tend to favor Chicken Little, since Trump is constantly wailing that the sky is falling.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS SLASH: Douglas Board's disturbing but highly entertaining "post-truth" novel Time of Lies proposes a way to get rid of a Kingpin like Trump. The solution involves employing an impersonator who steps in, then promptly retires. Fortunately, we have the perfect King Leer imposter in Alec Baldwin! Unfortunately, he may not be willing to take the YUGE financial haircut! Drats, curses, foiled again! Meanwhile, The Wrath of Con refuses to rule out the "military option" on North Korea, Venezuela, Liechtenstein, Bouvet, Nauru, Timbuktu, Mitch McConnell, Rosie O'Donnell, Megyn Kelly and Arianna Huffington.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS KKK SASH: While the rest of the nation, including a number of high-ranking Republicans, called for the White Supremacist House to denounce terrorist attacks by neo-Nazis in Charlottesville, Gingervitis was having none of that. These terrorists were Trump's homies, his fans, his voters for chrissakes! So according to The White Pride Piper "many sides" were at fault, just as in the past, when slaves resisted whippings and victims of kangaroo courts resisted lynchings. So sad that slaves resisted being flogged! So sad that they opposed having their children sold down the river! Because they objected, they were equally to blame! So sad that "niggers" being hung from trees kicked their feet and could have potentially bruised their attackers! How very unfair to the white supremacists stringing them up! Because the lynchees did not go gently, they were equally to blame! Yes, The Great White Dope and his homies have been terribly discriminated against! Now they will make AmeriKKKa grate again, and many people with darker skin will migrate again. The proper order (white men on top) must be restored, and Trump is their movement's Poster Man-Boy and Golden I-Con! Later when reporters questioned Trump―could he really be saying it was wrong to stand up to Nazis?―the AmeriKlan Idol informed them in no uncertain terms that Trump has the bigliest and best eyes. Trump sees things more clearly than anyone else. Trump sees all and knows all. John McCain and Mitt Romney pointed out the obvious: that it is not evil to oppose evil. Romney tweeted: "No, not the same. One side is racist, bigoted, Nazi. The other opposes racism and bigotry. Morally different universes." But then Trump probably considers women who resist his gropings to be "equally guilty," if not moreso!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS M*A*S*H*: Wild Bill Hiccup is the leader of the Hole-in-the-Head Gang, the tongue-tangled Gang that Couldn't Talk Straight. Professional criminals know better than to make up weak, nonsensical excuses for things they claim not to have done. But it's Rank Amateur Hour at the White House and our Celebrity Apprentice President is the new King of Unintentional Comedy. Trump can't keep his story straight for consecutive tweets. And while the Bigliest Loser claims to always "win," he just disbanded two business councils after a rash of CEO defections. The White House is now on Critic Cull Care.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS HOT FLASH: Newt Gingrich explained the source of the @Surreal Donald Trump's recent problems: "There are parts of Trump that are almost impossible to manage." Yes, indeed. Those tiny, groping hands. That tiny, fact-free brain. Those tiny, impotent little gonads. And that enormous Hot-Air Machine that always emits the worst possible words at the worst possible time.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS BASH: There is, however, some excellent news in Trumpzania!!! Recently Darth Bannon, aka Acting President Bannon, announced that he is very "proud" of his protégé The Boychurian Candidate. The beaming Sith Lord is proud of Trump because, by his own admission, Bannon is a Leninist and like Lenin he wants to destroy the state―in this case the United States of America. And of course Trump is the perfect president, if one wants to destroy America! David Duke, Richard "Retch Hard" Spencer and Vladimir Putin are also very proud of Trump, or are at least will be very happy to feast on the carcass of the United States once all the internal bloodletting is over. These are the people who really matter to Trump. So all is well, no matter how badly it ends for the rest of us! Unfortunately, or very fortunately as the case may be, we can now say farewell to Banned Bannon. Why? Is it because Bye Bye Bannon sided with white nationalists and thus undermined the Trump regime? Not at all! Trump reportedly fired Bannon for finally telling the truth when he admitted that there is no military solution to North Korea!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS DRIFTING ASH: Uncle Scam always hires and fires the best people! How do we know? Because he told us so! Telepathetic Trump has the infallible ability to identify the perfect person for any position: The Mooch, Rinse and Spit Priebus, Scary Spicer, Red Flynnstone, James EZ-Comey-EZ-Goey, Darth Bannon, et al. Is it Don Quixote's fault that people turn into human lemons the minute they start working under him? Of course not! Trump is always blameless, whether he's groping women's genitals, barging into teenage girls' dressing rooms, handing Syria and Ukraine over to Mr. Putin on gold-plated platters, robbing Americans of their healthcare, or starting World War III! In any case, there is now a ban on Bannon, so welcome to the ALT-CONTROL-DELETE Club!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS BALDERDASH: The alt-right has a new rallying cry: "Heil Heeler!"―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" #HeilHeeler

NEWS SUFFERING SUCCOTASH: Now that Darth Bannon has recommandeered his Death Star, he can finally speak truth to power: "What does victory in Afghanistan look like? Washington doesn't know." In other words, Trump is a Know-Nothing who doesn't realize how clueless he is. Bannon is Colonel Klink to Trump's Sergeant Schultz, who knows "absolutely nutthink!" And "nutthink" is not a typo. Bannon and Trump are, indeed, nuts who claim to be deep thinkers. Their words invariably prove otherwise. In any case, Trump confirmed that he's a Nut-Thinker by committing the U.S. to deeper involvement in Afghanistan. Trump in the past had tweeted: "Do not allow our very stupid leaders to sign a deal that keeps us in Afghanistan ... We have wasted an enormous amount of blood and treasure in Afghanistan ... Let's get out! ... MAKE AMERICA GREAT!" Thus, Trump identified himself as a Very Stupid Leader. And who can gainsay him? Certainly not his Nazi commander, Klink, who went on to point out that Trump is flip-flopping like a beached flounder!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS DIAPER RASH: While breaking his own world record for mulligans, Little Donnie Dingleberry came up with an impressive new strategy for Afghanistan ... ta da! ... WISHFUL THINKING! Trump's plan to "win" an unwinnable war by "forcing" the enemy to the bargaining table was originally hatched during the Vietnam War by Tricky Dick Nixon and Herr Kaiser Kissinger. But of course their brainchild never flew. The handwriting on Trump's never-to-be-built wall now says, in YUGE scarlet letters: "You have been measured and found wanting (in decency, in humanity, and in functional brain cells)."―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS GNASH: The Lone Deranger was in fine form in Arizona: "We love our country! (Just not enough to protect the environment!) We celebrate our troops! (Just not enough to keep them out of unnecessary, unwinnable wars!) We embrace our freedom! (Meaning white privilege, of course!) We respect our flag! (Who cares what the hell it stands for? Just eff'n salute!) We are proud of our history! (Including slavery!) We cherish our Constitution! (Just not the parts about equality for other people!) We fully protect religious liberty! (Except, of course, religious liberty for Muslims!) We believe in law and order! (It's our way or the cemetery!) And we support the incredible men and women of law enforcement! (Especially when they are protecting us, while hounding people with darker skin!) And we pledge our allegiance to one nation under God! (As long as God doesn't bother us with any of that goofy stuff about loving our neighbors and the Golden Rule!)"―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS WALL GASH: Better keep your head on a swivel to follow this bit of bouncing balderdash! First, Tricky Trump said in no uncertain terms that Mexico was going to pay for the wall. Read his lips: Mexico will pay for the eff'n wall! But now The Wilting Wallflower is threatening to shut down the federal government unless American taxpayers fund the wall. Tomorrow, Duke Nukem will undoubtedly threaten to blow Rosie O'Donnell to smithereens unless she pays for the wall. No wonder Darth Bannon recently called his former protégé a Flip Flopper!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS CLASH: The Snazzy Sympathizer is sticking to his story that it is evil to oppose evil, making both sides equally guilty. If he's correct, American soldiers who fought in World War II were just as bad as the Nazis!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS COUCH THRASH: Is Trump unstable? Is he LOONEY-TUNES? Have the fumes from those garish ball caps left him Mad-as-a-Hatter? Recently, Senator Bob Corker and former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper questioned Trump's stability and sanity. A group of psychiatrists told Congress that Trump's mental health problems present a "clear and present danger" to the world. But psychiatrist Allen Frances has a different diagnosis: "Trump isn't crazy, but we are for electing him!"―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS CA$H: There is very good news for the Brooklyn Bolshevik, for a change! He can continue Putin' on the Ritz because some of the most popular Russian twitter accounts continue to support Big Top Trump and his Big Agenda! Why do Russian propagandists love Trump? Is it because Comrade Trumputin is destroying the United States from within? Is it because Mr. Putin is pulling the strings in the background, while cackling wildly at all the chaos he's creating?―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS CA$H OUT: There is some "good news/bad news" for the Turd Reich. The good news is that the Secret Service may finally be able to reduce its massive overtime spending, now that charities are canceling events at Mar-a-Lago after Hair Hitler spoke so strongly in support of Nazis and white supremacists. The bad news is that Mar-a-Lago will soon be underwaternot only financially, but literally underwaterdue to rising sea levels! Well, it couldn't happen to a nicer meaner Dick-Tater! ―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS POST-MENOPAUSAL HEAT FLASH: The 70-Year-Old Toddler just had another "light bulb" moment. Trump will shut down the government, blame it on Democrats, and keep everyone informed about what he's doing via tweets! What could possibly go wrong?―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS THUNDERBLAST: As a very real hurricane threatened Texas, the Hot Air Buffoon created a second, incredibly surreal sturm-und-drang front in the form of self-laudatory tweetstorms. "Everything is beautiful!" according to the Human Vanity Mirror, peering out happily through rose-colored shun glasses, "Especially ME, MYSELF and I!" Trump has the best women, the best golf courses, the best nukes, the best Nazi supporters, and of course the best rapid response action team! No need to wait to see how many people die, or lose everything and have to start over from scratch! Scratch those meaningless lives from Trump's etch-a-sketch propaganda machine! Focus on what really matters: The Donald Himself and how he always wins, even when other people are going through hell! Now while thousands of Americans face the loss of their homes, Harvey Wallbanger can continue to complain about what a dump the White House is, while wasting millions of hard-earned taxpayer dollars on golf vacations. FEMA says it's the biggest disaster in Texas history. Trump tweets that all is "going well!" and "So far, so good!" thanks to "great coordination!" and "great talent on the ground!" Trump brags that FEMA administrator Brock Long "has become quite famous on television" since Harvey began. Yes, because ratings and fame are what really matter! "What a crowd! What a turnout! You really like ME!"―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS TRASH: Kathy Griffin has finally come to her senses! She now says that she doesn't regret her decapitated Trump photo. And let's be honest ... isn't beheading Trump a guilty fantasy we all secretly share?―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS DIAPER RASH: While scarfing down his second helping of the bigliest, most beautiful piece of chocolate cake ever, the Brooklyn Brat opined that "talking is not the answer" to the North Korea impasse. He then proceeded to do what he does best: whine, pout, stomp his feet, blame everything on someone else, then brag about what a "winner" he is. Later, General John Kelly learned that Trump is his own Man-Baby and an Equal Opportunity Berater. Kelly reportedly told other White House staffers that he had never been spoken to in such a manner in his 35 years of service to his nation. How long will General Kelly put up with Trump's tantrums, one wonders?―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS PETTY CASH: Now we know where Bling Midas's real treasure lies: "For where your heart is, there will your treasure be also." The Keeper of the Golden Commode offered devastated Texas $4 million less than what he offered for Barack Obama's birth certificate!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NEWS IMPENDING CRASH: Is there trouble in Trumplandia? Is the sea salty? According to Loose Cannon Bannon, Trump is Amnesty Don for his "betrayal of the highest order" and The Moron because Trump's firing of James Comey was the worst mistake in "modern political history." Trump is The Pushover and The Rollover according to Ann Coulter: "What's the only thing easier to roll than Donald J. Trump? An Easter egg!" According to Pope Francis, Trump is Il Stupido because climate change deniers are "stupid," "stubborn" and "unseeing." Even Sean Hannity jumped off the Trump bandwagon, calling him The Turncoat in a series of tweets that accused Trump of failing to keep his election promises.

Cowardly Lyin' Trump
showed his true colors (piss yellow-orange) when he tweeted: "James Comey better hope that there are no 'tapes' of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!" Like an Enormous Orange Tape Worm, Trump squirms into unwary voters' hearts, then starts sucking the nation's life out. Deceitful Donald is only afraid of one thing: the TRUTH. And President Pants-on-Fire is obviously scared sh*tless that Comey will tell Americans the truth. Boss Hogg Trump thinks like a Mafia Don, and what he tweeted is clearly an act of witness intimidation and coercion.

Trump acronyms: POTUS (Putin-Puppet of the United States), SCROTUS (So-Called Ruler of the United States, by Elayne Boosler), BLOTUS (Biggest Loser of the United States), DONALD (Dangerously Outrageous Nincompoop and Lady Diddler), TRUMP (Traitorous Russian Undercover Marionette Puppet/The Real Undercover Manchurian President/Tyrannical Racist Unifying Mob Politics), S.O.S. (Son of Satan), D.U.M.B. (Deplorable Useless Man-Baby) and D.U.D. for DANGEROUSLY UNHINGED DONALD ...

This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged. And, for all the things people have said about me over the years, I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.―Glenn Beck

Yes, when Glenn "Emotional Fescue" Beck calls you "unhinged," you have been identified by someone who knows whereof he speaks! And perhaps we can expand D.U.D. to DUDLEY DO-WRONG.

If Trump and his inner circle were a band, what would they be called? How about Donald and the Dunderheads, Donald and the Deplorables, Donald and the Disasters, Donald and the Incompetents, Trump and the Trumpeters, Lead Balloon (pun on Led Zeppelin)

Also rising: The Firestarter, The Pyromaniac, The Pyro President and The Flaming Hun ...

The house is on fire, Trump is running around with a box of matches, and the GOP demands to know who called the fire department.—Garry Kasparov 

Also rising: Loser (Dan Rather), The Rookie (Nancy Pelosi), Mr. So-Called-President, The White House Resident, The Unprecedented President, Cheeto-in-Chief (Frank Vyan Walton), The Snapper (Garrison Keillor), The Tapp Dancer, Tap-Drunk Trump, Donald Dunderhead, The Twitter Flitterbug, The Bullshit Artist (Fareed Zakaria), The Bullshitter (Fareed Zakaria), Donald Dork, Donald Darko, The Smug Mug Thug, Cultural Punch Line (Tom Scharpling), Big Agenda (David Horowitz), Truthophobic Trump (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Tweet-aholic Trump, The Scattershot Autocrat, The PseudoMonarch, Twitter Troll Trump (Marlow Stern), The Rabble Rouser, Job Security (Jimmy Kimmel), Commander-in-Grief, Fascist Carnival Barker (Martin O'Malley), Talking Yam, Stalking Yam, Tempest in a Tea Party Pot, The "Whether" Vain President, Blamer-in-Chief, Shamer-in-Chief, Trumpochka, The Grin Reaper (because Trump grinned repeatedly while robbing millions of Americans of healthcare), A$$hole, AmeriKLAN Idol, The Conswervative, The DREAM Crusher, President Pussy-Grabber (Keith Olbermann), Treasonous Trump, Trumpasaurus Rex, Tyrantosaurus Wrecks (Michael R. Burch), The Neo-Con Puppet (coined by the Alt-Right, after Trump rained cruise missiles on Syria despite having repeatedly blasted Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for their "stupid" and "short-sighted" interventionism in the Middle East), The Neo-Con-Man, The Warmonger, The War Troll, Deep State Donald, The False Flag Flyer, Deep Hoax,  Bubble Boy, The Boinkin' Boy-King, Donald Darko, The American Caligula, Trumpenstein, Trumpzilla, Carnage Incarnate, Dubious Caesar, P Darth Trump, Inglorious Leader, Der Leader (pun on "Dear Leader" with a Nazi twist), Il Doofus, Tricky Don Trump (after Tricky Dick Nixon), Nixon's Redemption (because what Nixon did pales in comparison to Trump's acts of treason), The Orange Oligarch, The Cover-Up Artist, The Brazen Moron, Dinglebert Donald, the Con-Troll-er, the Rude Crude Orange-Hued Space Dude, Prince Uncharming, Prince Alarming, The Beast, The Orange Hobgoblin,  Marvell's Ultimate Villain, Unkempt Troll Doll (Anna Merlan), Arrogant Asshole (Cher), Two-Bit Used Hate Salesman (Samantha Bee), Walking Cliché (Ian Flitoff), Gasbag (Tom Hanks), Walking Birth Control Ad (SNL), The Human Lowlight Reel (apologies to Dominque Wilkins!), Orange Vogon, Othello the Less, The American Terrorist (George Takei), Putin's American Distributor (Keith Olbermann), The Feckless Denizen of the White House (Greg Dworkin), The Orange DREAM Sickle (Michael R. Burch), The Orange Ogre, Donald Dupe, The Super Duper, Donnybrook, Orange Sauron, The Orange Menace, The Great Orange Oaf, Orange Offal, Partially Sentient Spray Tan, Trumple-Doodle-Doo, The Orange-Crested Pooh Spewer, The Spin-Meister

Donald Trump is the Reverse Midas because everything he touches immediately turns to s**t ... Trump Casinos, Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, the Trump Shuttle, Trump the Game, affordable healthcare, women's rights, minority rights, our right to vote without interference from Russia, the environment, our children's educations, Syria, North Korea ...

Currently rising: THE POST-WEST PRESIDENT. Mr. Putin's master plan seems all too clear, and Russian foreign minister Sergey Lavrov even explained itin no uncertain termswhen he called publicly for a new "post-west" world order. Now the unthinkable has happened and PUTIN'S PUPPET is ensconced in the White House, running the U.S. government and in control of the American military and nuclear codes. Meanwhile, the vodka glasses are tinkling merrily in the Kremlin, as the POST-AMERICAN PRESIDENT bows meekly to Mr. Putin, awaiting his next Armageddon-inducing command. But to be more accurate, we should call him PUTIN'S POPPET because The Donald is so immature and emotionally fragile. In any case, the irony is palpable because conservative Christians who warned everyone about the NEW WORLD ORDER and the ANTICHRIST were the ones who ushered in both, with their ill-advised votes for COMRADE TRUMPUTIN. The ancient prophets warned us that in the last days even the very elect would be deceived. Exit polls revealed that four out of five evangelical Christians voted for Trump, the POST-CHRISTIAN PRESIDENT who boasts that he never asks God for forgiveness and speaks dismissively of Holy Communion and the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ as his "little cracker" and "little wine." Somewhere in the bowels of hell, the Devil must be laughing his ass off, knowing that Christians who fail to oppose the Beast will soon be his chattels! Meanwhile the THE SIX MILLION RUBLE MAN-BABY is playing golf every day, practicing to be Mr. Putin's caddy and water boy. TREASONOUS TRUMP should be made to walk the gangplank, like any mutineer. Trumpelstiltskin (Joy Behar), Trumpelthinskin, Tweetybird Trump, The Man in the Gilded Tower, The Organ Grinder, Hair Furor Trump, Resident Rump, Resident A$$hole, The Democracy Trumper, The Trumpster, Donald the Insufferable, The Wizard of Ahs,  Yalta II: the End of NATO (General Wesley Clark), Unwitting Russian Agent (ex-CIA director Michael Morrell), Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poppet, Putin's BBF, Putin's Gambit, Comrade Trumputin, The Kremlin's Klown, Comey's Homie, Baron Von Muchengropen, Space Cadet Trump, Tweet Bait (Hillary Rodham Clinton), Twitter Twit, Unstable Cable Mogul, Low-Bar Limbo King, Human Vermin, Regurgitated Orange Rind Oozing PussLong Dong Trump, The Trumpinator, Code Orange, Chemical Donnie (pun on Chemical Ali), The Flip-Flopper, The Manipulator, The Strike-Out King, The American Erdogan, Racist Clementine, Under-Endowed Dick Tater, Double Downer, Rabble Rouser, Republican Rapture Inducer, The Predictable Endpoint of Rabid Republicanism, Toxic Fungi (Charles M. Blow), King of Chaos, the Orange Fire Monkey, the Orange Fire Chicken, Donald Drumfkopf, The Gay Grifter, Crony Capitalist (Sarah Palin), The American Duterte (Duterte has been called "The Trump of the East"), The Tweet Twit, The Twitter Flitterbug, The Conspiracy Errorist, Capricious Authoritarian Monarch (Dan Rather), Dudley Do-Wrong, Boss Hogg Trump, KKK-Mart Caesar, Trumpty Dumpty, Prince of Humbug (P. T. Barnum), Gleeful Provocateur (David Von Drehle), The Rust Belt's Revenge (David Von Drehle), The Bait-and-Switch Orange Tufted Snitch, The Kingpin ...

Schmoozers line up to kiss the ring
of the clownish Kingpin ...
Christie, Romney, Megyn Kelly ...
they bow down and quake like their insides are jelly.
—Michael R. Burch

Nicholas O'Shaughnesy calls Trump the "Ambassador of the Post-Truth Society." A simpler way to put that may be Liar-in-Chief.

Here are two new Trump nicknames that may warrant an explanation: Donald Droit du Seigneur and Droit du Donald. In medieval times, droit du seigneur was the "right of a lord" to have sex with a subordinate female. The lord didn't need to obtain the female's consent, nor could her husband or family defend her honor. Now we have learned from his own mouth that Baron Trump fancies that this ancient privilege is his, because he's a "star."

Third presidential debate nicknames: The Nasty Woman(izer), Hamster Hairpiece, The Mad Hombre, The Prophet of Mosul, Deplorable Donald, Hillary's Punching Bag, Humpty Trumpty

Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Humpty Trumpty had a great fall.
Now all the Grand Wizards and Faux PR men
can never put Trumpty together again.
—Michael R. Burch

Republicans sowed intolerance and in its shadow, Trump sprang up like toxic fungi.―Charles M. Blow

Also rising after the second presidential debate: Sniffles, Whiny Wheezer, Hillary's Shadow, Fruit of the Loom, Lurch, Trumpenstein, The Shambling Sasquatch,  Yellow Yeti, Spongedon Squarenuts, The Mad Shambler, Donnie Darko, Trumpageddon, Trumpocalypse, Orange Prometheus Unchained, Barbarian at the Debate, Paul Ryan's Worst Nightmare Come to Zombie-like Life

And what about those teeny-tiny hands: Delicate Donnie Dainty Digits, Tiny Hands Trump, Babyfingers Trump, Pixie Fingers Trump (Michael R. Burch), Babyhands McCheetodick, Coral Babyhands

Trump fairytale nicknames: Trumplethinskin, The Wizard of Ahs, Jaundiced Pinocchio, "Mr. President," The So-Called President (are we sure that it's even human?)

Donald Trump super-villain and superhero nicknames: Fatman, Duperman, Deadfool, Loki, The Incredible Shrinking President, The Lone Deranger, Herr Fantastic, Doktor Strange, Doktor Doom, Doomsday, Deathstroke, HairDevil, Kingpin, Liceman, The Orange Hulk, The Orange Thing, Orange Spawn, Gambit, Venom, Hellboy, Hellmanbaby, Ironic Man, The Inhuman Torch, Blightcrawler, Two-Face, Orange Skull, Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, Bane, Zoom, Shredder, Mongul, Abomination, Hobgoblin, Parasite, Lizard, The Codfather

Dr. Jane Goodall pointed out that Trump acts like a Chimp in Heat: "In many ways the performances of Donald Trump remind me of male chimpanzees and their dominance rituals. In order to impress rivals, males seeking to rise in the dominance hierarchy perform spectacular displays: stamping, slapping the ground, dragging branches, throwing rocks. The more vigorous and imaginative the display, the faster the individual is likely to rise in the hierarchy, and the longer he is likely to maintain that position."

Scientists recently discovered a strange new insect: the Orange-Tufted Twitter Flitterbug. It's a nasty little parasitical midge, but it dreams that it's a Monarch!

What color is Donald Trump's hairor whatever that is attached to his scalpand where on earth (or hell) did it originate? We took a scientific poll and here are the results, in order of ascending probability: (10) Trump's chameleon-like hair is the result of a freak mutation and has no permanent color; (9) a mouse underbelly dyed light orange in a lab experiment gone awry has been stitched to Trump's scalp by some modern Dr. Frankenstein; (8) Trump is wearing a yellow-ish-orange sewer rat carcass as a wig, (7) it is not hair, but accumulated orange vulture vomit as they circle above Trump's head waiting for his next kill, (6) bloody buzzard feathers have landed on Trump's head and are taking on odd hues as they putrefy; (5) Trump's alleged "hair" is actually a decaying possum pelt worn Davy-Crockett-style; (4) or it is Fess Parker's recycled raccoon cap dyed piss yellow; (3) Hitler's moustache has been dyed blonde in a botched job and turned into a wig; (2) Trump's hair is the Mark of Cain; (1) and/or it is a hastily-constructed screen designed to obscure the 666 birthmark on Trump's forehead.

George W. Bush was "The Decider." Donald Trump is "The Reverser." He lies to get votes, then reverses course. For instance, on the campaign trail Trump called China a "currency manipulator" and blasted President Obama as "weak" for letting them get away with it. But after being elected, Trump told the Wall Street Journal that China is not a currency manipulator, and that the real problem is the strength of the American dollar! How, then, was President Obama "weak"? It seems Trump is either a weak-minded Orange Ball of Confusion, or a liar.

I am not going to stoop to Trump's level by calling women bimbos. But we really do need a term to describe women dim-witted enough to vote for MR. WIGGY PIGGY, so I am going to call them DIMBOS. But what can we call men who voted for Trump? Obviously, DUMBOS.

If PRIMA DONALD  is correct that fake news is the enemy of the people, then quite obviously he is PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE, because no one has ever spewed more fake news than PRESIDENT PANTS-ON-FIRE.

The Best Images/Descriptions of Donald Trump: Regurgitated Carrot Cake, Decomposing Pumpkin Pie, Maggoty Orange Offal, Festering Ass Effluence, Soylent Orange, Unrecycled Sewage, Orange Batshit, Human Tapeworm, Henna Hyena, Reanimated Roadkill, The Ugly AmeriKlan, Space KKKadet, "America’s wealthiest hemorrhoid." (John Oliver), "A brain-damaged baboon." (Samantha Bee), "A bewildered, golden-helmeted astronaut who's just landed on this planet from a distant galaxy." (Anna Merlan)

The Best Donald Trump Metaphors and Similes: The Trump administration "leaks like a rusty colander" (Ryan Cooper), Trump is like "an autoimmune disease" (Lucia Graves), "The press is Clarice, and he's Hannibal Lecter ... he's definitely gonna kill someone, but maybe not me" (Seth Myers), Trump is like "a random impulse generator" (Michael Chabon), Trump "sounds like a WWF wrestler plugging his next big match" (Ron Howard), "Like a brisk fall breeze through Amarillo's trees, President Donald Trump's first few weeks have brought forth all the country's loose and flaky elements" (a poetic letter in the Amarillo Gobe-News)

Nicknames of Trump's Nemesis(es)

Robert Mueller nicknames: The Clean Marine (Maureen Dowd), The Patriot (he was awarded a Bronze Star for heroism and a Purple Heart for service in Vietnam), The Straight Shooter (who doesn't miss), The Sharp Shooter, The Investigator, Sherlock Holmes's Smarter Brother, Donald Trump's Worst Nightmare, Trump's Doom (a pun on "the Trump of Doom"), Bobby Three Sticks (his full name is Robert Swan Mueller III), Bobby Cricket, Cricket the Wicket (the III looks like a cricket wicket, and in English slang "cricket" means fair play), The Gold Medalist (he was awarded a gold medal in 1962 for being his school's best athlete), The Martinet

John McCain nicknames: Hogan (George W. Bush), The Maverick (Sarah Palin), Crusty McCain (Donald Trump), The Great American Zero (according to Trump), Trump's McBane, The Passionate POW, Die Hard with a Vengeance (after McCain rose from his hospital bed to vote down Obamacare repeal), McNasty (his political opponents), McLame (ditto), Punk (ditto), Grandpa Walnuts, The White Tornado, Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz), The Maniac, The McCainiac (after McCain broke ranks with Trump and the GOP to shoot down the "skinny repeal" of Obamacare), The Skinny Repealer, McShane (after McCain won the shootout with Trump), Songbird

Hillary Clinton nicknames: Hill, HRC, The Anti-Trump, #NastyWoman, Trump's Worst Nightmare (an intelligent woman who's not afraid of him)

Tim Kaine nicknames: The Human Sweater Vest (because he's so warm and fuzzy)

Ted Cruz nicknames: Felito, Fidelo, Little Fidelo, Castro's Revenge (for the Bay of Pigs), Cohiba (a brand of Cuban cigars), "The Face of God" (Heidi Cruz), "The Second Coming" (Heidi Cruz), Ted Scruz (after allegations that the "devout Christian family man" had affairs with five women, including a prostitute), El Presidente, Terrible Ted Cruz, Wacko Bird (John McCain), Proud Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz himself), Holy Cruzader (Michael R. Burch), The Cruz Controller (Michael R. Burch)

Please click here for all Ted Cruz Nicknames

Nicknames of Trump's Family, Friends, Cabinet, Lapdogs and A$$ociates

Trump's Immediate Family and Most Intimate Friends (and Russian Controllers)

Trump family nicknames: The Brooklyn Hillbullies, Donald Duck Dynasty, Beavis and the Buttheads, Bereave US and the Buttheads, Children of the Corn, The Stepfordians, The KKKardashians, Poor Little Bitch Kids, The Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse, The Cold Ones

Trump cabinet nicknames and administration nicknames: Monster's Ball (David Axelrod), The White Supremacist House, Amateur Hour at the White House, The Smite House, Rank Amateurs (as in reeking), The Fourth Reich, Trump and the Grand Teutons, Ding-a-Ling Bozos and the Burn 'Em Gaily Three-Ring Circus, Bozo and the Batshit Krazy Killer Klowns, The Sicko-phants (Michael R. Burch), Trumplandia, Trumpzania, The Swamp Cabinet, The Swamp Stockers, The Hicks from the Sticks, The Hicks from the Styx, The Clandestine Klan, Ku Klux Kabinet, KKK-Mart Kabinet, Killer Klown Kar Kabinet, The Roundheads, KKKnights of the Roundhead Table, The West Wingers, The West Wingnuts, Putin's Puppets, Putin's Proxies, Moscow on the Hudson (Michael R. Burch), The AmeriKKKan Kremlin, The Kremlin Connection, KremlinGate, The Russian Mafia, The Putin Support Network, The Kremlin Supply Chain, Russian Roulette, Knights of the Russian Round Table, Dr. Strangelove & Co., Dr. Strangelove & The Mad Bombers, Dawn of the Brain Dead, The Underlings, The A$$ki$$ers (Michael R. Burch), The Recusants, The Re-Cuss-Ants, Despicable U.S., The Cowering Inferno, The Undivine Comedy, The Kings of Unintentional Comedy, Nero and the Fiddlers, Diva Donald and the Trumps of Doom, Donald and the Donettes, Vlad and the Impalers, Sauron and the Numenoreans, Loki and the Frost Giants, Dr. Evil and the Mini-Me's, Caiaphas and the Sanhedrin, Judas and the Iscariots, The Tenth Circle of Hell, Trump's Inner Circle = Trump Sinner Circle, The Goldman Sucks Hostile Takeover of the White House led by an Orange-Bewigged Bozo, Team Trump, Hope Faith Shove, Dumb and Dumber, The Slumlords

Trump follower and supporter nicknames: Trump Nation, Trumplandia, Trumpzania, The Trump Zone, American Grandstand, Collection of Clowns (Steve Bannon), AlieNation, Hemorrhoidal Has-Beens (Samantha Bee), Tramps, Trump's Chumps, Chumpanzees, Putin's Puppets, Putin's Poppets, Re-flub-Lycans (Michael R. Burch), Confederacy of Dunces, Confederacy of Huns, Con-Fed Dense Men (Michael R. Burch), The Con-TIKIs, Dumb and Dumber, The Deplorables, The Untouchables, Trumpites, Trumpettes, Trumpeters, Trumpeteers, Trumpniks, Trumpists, Trumpies, Trumpanzees, Trumpkins, Trumpaholics, Trumptards, Trumpster Divers, Trump's Schlumps, Troglodytes, Trump Junkies, The Walking Brain Dead, Groper Groupies, The Sheeple, The Lost, Acolytes of the Beast, the Beastie Boys (and Girls), The Branch Trumpidians, The StormTrumpers, Trumpnecks, sTrumpettes, The KKK, The Motley Crew, The Chosen Eew!

G.O.P.
now stands for Government of Putin and it is clearly of Putin, by Putin and for Putin. Just follow the funny money, er rubles.

Trump impeachment nicknames: Fall of the House of Lusher, Fall of the House of the Gold Toilet Flusher, Gone with the Hot Air, Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Trump divorce nicknames: Reality Check Mate, Reality Czech Mate, You're Fired!

Donald Trump nicknames: The Donald, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poodle, The Brooklyn Bolshevik, Comrade Trumputin, The Russian Mole, Moscow's Useful Fool, Mogul (his Secret Service code name), Agent Orange, The Trump of Doom, The ANTICHRIST

Ivanka Trump nicknames: Ivanka Tramp, Ivanka Wanker, I Wanna Wank Her, Ivanka Spanker, Proxy Wife, Nordic Goddess, Norwegian Wood Inducer, The First Lady-Daughter, The Real First Lady, Mrs. Kushner, Kushner's Crush, Kushner's Cush Toy, Daddy's Little Lapsitter, The Hot One, The Smart One, Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies), Glamorpuss, Princess Royal, Princess Disloyal

Jared Kushner nicknames: The Good Boy (Donald Trump), Little Jared (Ana Navarro), Baby Boy (Ana Navarro), Cushy Kushner, Trump's Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL), Jarhead, Jared "the Red" Kushner, Jarring Kushner, The Boy Blunder, Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos), The Preppie Neo-Con, Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump), Jivanka, Jervanka, Ivanka's Krush, Nimrod (Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon), The Crown Prince of Babble-On, The Neophyte, Jared the Unready, Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch), The Warlock, The Preppy Schlep

Tiffany Trump nicknames: Tiff, Wild Card, Trinket, Not Ivanka, M.I.A., P.O.W., The Imprisoned Princess of Trump Tower, The Forgotten Trump, The Unknown Trump, Miss Invisible, The Other Daughter, The Spotlight Shunner, The Anti-Trump, Any Tiff, Tiff Fanny, Fit Fanny, The Calabasas Countess

Marla Maples nicknames: Sap, Sappy, The Orgasmist (she announced to the world that sex with The Donald was her best ever), Georgia Peach (her nickname as a model), The Illusionist (she said that her marriage to The Donald was "built on an illusion"), The Delusionist, The Kabbalahist, Miss Resaca Beach Poster Girl, Miss Hawaiian Tropic, Designing Woman (she appeared on the TV show) 

Barron Trump nicknames: Mini-Donald, Little Donald, Poor Little Rich Boy, Barron von Trump

Melania Trump nicknames: The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd), Melania Antoinette, First Babe, Melanoma, The Ice Queen (Gloria Erin Ryan), The Cold One, The Swamp Queen, Tinderella, The Man-Boy Sitter, The Trump Sitter, The Trump Swatter (after she slapped her husband's hand away on an airport runway in Isreal), TerminEX, (ditto), The Black Widow, Pussy Bow (because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate), Double Agent (Christen Clifford suggested that the "pussy bow" was a feminist rebuke of her husband's pussy groping), Agent 69, The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley), Mater Harry (pun on Mata Hari and Dirty Harry), Eye Candy, KKK (her bra size),  The Apprentice Bride, Bride of Trumpenstein, Muse (her Secret Service code name)

Donald Trump Jr. nicknames: Junior, Dunce Jr., Son of Drumpf, Donald Drumpkopf the Lesser, Ponyboy, Chip Off the Old Blockhead, Fredo Corleone, Frito Corleone, Fraido (because like Fredo he's afraid of his father), The Bedwetter and Diaper Don (because in college he would get drunk, pass out and wet the bed), Public Drunk, Eddie Munster (Kathy Griffin), The Cheapest Gazillionaire Heirhead (People Magazine, after Junior proposed to Vanessa Haydon with a free ring), The Airhead, The Good Boy (Donald Trump Sr.), Nondescript Donnie (because Ivanka got all the attention), Junior Abuser (he came on to women so strong at frat parties "everyone was warned to stay away from Donnie Trump"), The Great White Hunter (he even posed for a picture holding a severed elephant's tail!), Mountaineer (his Secret Service code name)

Please click here for all Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames

Frederick Trump nicknames: Fred, Freddy Freeloader (he overbilled the government on housing projects), Frederick the Not-So-Great, Father of the Beast, The Kingmaker (Fred Trump said that he raised his son to be a "king"), Woody Guthrie's Bane (after the singer-songwriter wrong angry songs about Fred Trump's racism), The Blight Supremacist

Eric Trump nicknames: Eric the Red, Eric the Brain Dead, Eric of Orange, Eric Idle, Mr. Alt-Right, Mr. Roboto, Date Rape (Kathy Griffin), Draco Malfoy, Sonny Corleone, Sonny-Boy, Butthead Trump, Eric the Hysteric, Eric the Cleric, Chip Off the Old Blockhead II, Eric the Unloved, Eric the Loveless, Dunderhead, The Self-Dealer, The Charity Defrauder, The Cancer Necromancer (he has been accused of using a children's cancer "charity" to slip money to himself under the table), Marksman (his Secret Service code name)

"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets," Donald Trump Jr. told a real estate conference in 2008, "We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In 2014, when golf writer James Dodson asked Eric Trump how his father could finance golf courses when American banks were declining to lend money against such assets, he answered: "We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims to have "no dealings" with Russia, he is obviously lying. And Trump Jr. made the purpose of his treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents crystal-clear when he informed Jared Kushner and Paul Manafort about the covert operation in an email with the subject heading: "Russia – Clinton – private and confidential." Folks, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's Watson to figure this one out!

Dave Duke nicknames: The Klansman, Mr. KKK, Grand Wizard, Grand Lizard, The Duke of Hurl, The Duke of Churl, Duke Nuke 'Em, Ill Douche, The Nazi of LSU (his college nickname), The Natty Klansman (he favors suits and ties over those traditional white robes), The Dark Knight (he founded the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan), Cuck of the White Supremacist Walk, The Blight Supremacist

Richard Spencer nicknames: The Snazzy Nazi, Retch Hard, The Retard, Dick, The Dick to End All Dicks (and the World), The Village Idiot, The Pillage Idiot, The White Dumbass-ist, The Alt-Right Blight Inciter

Vladimir Putin nicknames: Vova, Abaddon (the Angel of Death), Vlad the Impaler, Vlad the Terrible, Vladula, Pale Moth (his KGB code name), Darth Vladimir, The Kremlin's Grey Cardinal, The Blonde Bond, The Barechested Cossack, Tsarzan, The Puppet Master, Trump's Controller, The BEAST

George Papadopoulos nicknames: Putin's Proxy, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poppet, Putin's Intermediary, The Matchmaker, The Kremlin Connection, Mr. Moscow, Mueller's Mole, Papa Dope, Dopey, The Greek Geek, The Think Tanker, The Hudson Hawk, Coffee Boy, Coffee Grounds, The Dregs, Low Level, Trump's Cabana Boy, George Cabanadopoulos, George Boyodopoulos

Straight from the jackass's mouth: Russian politician Vyacheslav Alekseyevich Nikonov, a member of the Duma (ruling assembly), said on live TV that U.S. intelligence "missed it when Russian intelligence stole the presidency of the United States."

Vyacheslav Alekseyevich Nikonov nicknames: Eyechart, The Man Who Never Needs to Buy a Vowel, Heel of Misfortune, The Schoolmarm

Sergey Zheleznyak nicknames: Trump's Biggest Booster, The Civilizer of Americans, The Lecturer

Vladimir Zhirinovsky nicknames: The Russian Donald Trump, Count Vladula

Vyacheslav Volodin nicknames: Voodoo, Triple-V, V-Man

Sergey Kislyak nicknames: The Recruiter, The Mole Man, Russia's Top Spy, Trump's Handler, The Impresario, Jabba the Gut, The Pillsbury Diplomat (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Sergei Gorkov nicknames: Kushner's Controller, Jared's Russian Sugar Daddy, The Insider, The Financer, Putin's Piggy Banker, Putin's Slush Fund Manager, Putin's Kitty Stroker, Mr. Rublebags, The Kremlin's Crown Prince of Profit, Mr. Vnesheconombank, The VEB of Deceit, The Black Widow

Natalia Veselnitskaya nicknames: Natashe Fatale, Natalia Romanova, Zora the Geek, Octohussy, Hussy Galore, Dishonor Blackman, Shill Masters Son, So Long Dimwit Adios, Bonita Booby Trap, Rink-a-Dink Fink, Blog Cabin Girl, High Jinx, Vesper Sinned, Triple X, Trip Lex, Strawberry Yields, Severance, Domino Downfall, Fredo's Downfall, The Knock-Off, Yet Another Loose End, Blunderball 007, Miss Russian Collusion Fusion, Trump Tower's Favored Immigrant (she is on parole with American Immigration), The Prosecutor's Bride (her nickname in Russia during her marriage to Alexander Mitusov), Miss FSB, Agent 55002 (she worked for FSB Military Unit 55002)

Rinat Akhmetshin nicknames: Boris Badenov, Mr. Con-Fusion, The GRUsome Spook, The Mole, Mr. Counter Intelligence, The Propagandist, Putin's Shadow Lobbyist, The Man in the Shadows, The Shadowist, Trump's Controller, AK-47, The Mercenary, Russia's Gun-for-Hire, The Hacker, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold War, The Double-Speak Agent, The Lobbyist, Rinat of the Oligarchs

Aras Agalarov nicknames: The Mogul, The Oligarch, The Donald Trump of Russia, Azerbijani Aras

Emin Agalarov nicknames: Mogul Lite, Little Mogul, The Azerbijani Eminem

Yury Yakovlevich Chaika nicknames: The Crown Prosecutor, Trump's Elector

Rob Goldstone nicknames: The Gold Digger, The Name Dropper, The Pawn Broker, The Bet-Hedger (he posted a selfie of himself in a pro-Russia shirt hours after Trump was elected president), Nebbish Nero, Chubby Caligula, The Oligarch's Intimate, The Weak Link, Cold Stone Robber

Ivan Timofeev nicknames: Ivan the Terrible, The Director, Director of Russian Internal Affairs

Irakly Kaveladze nicknames: Ike, Putin's Launderer, The Whitewasher, Mr. Magnitsky, The Magnet, The Invisible Man, Comrade Croak US, Hocus Crocus, The Wallflower, The Analyst, The Pawn Broker, Putin's Mike, The Eighth Wheel

Denis Katsyv nicknames: The Launderer, Mr. Moneybags

Anatoli Samochornov nicknames: The Interpreter, The Deep State Contractor

Boris Epshteyn nicknames: Bore Us (his high school nickname), Boris Badenov, Putin's Proxy, The Russian Surrogate, The Rat, The Mole, Moscow's Investment Guru, Frankenstein Epshteyn

Alan S. Futerfas nicknames: Flutter-Fast, Scumsaver, The Mob's Legal Beagle, Mr. Mob, Mr. Mafia, Russian Red Futerfas, The Pork Avenue Trombonist

Rhona Graff nicknames: The Gatekeeper, Keeper of the Graft, Graff Spree

Jamie Gorelick nicknames: The Dropout, The Licked Lawyer

Abbe Lowell nicknames: Prayer Time, Kushner's Last Line of Defense, The Heavyweight

Peter W. Smith nicknames: The Go-Between, Putin's Procurer, The Hacker Backer

Michael Caputo nicknames: Capo Caputo, Kaputo, Kaput, Kaputz, Mafioso Mike

Trump attorney Marc E. Kasowitz nicknames: Marc the Narc, Snarky Marc, Case o' Wits, Witzless, the Uberlitigator (on his website)

Trump attorney Ty Cobb nicknames: Maize, The Cobbler, The Corn Cobbler, The Hobbled Scare Crow, The Hit King, Asleep at the Wheel (Steve Bannon)

Trump attorney John Dowd nicknames: Dowdy Dowd, The Dowager, The Dowdy Dodger, Howdy Dowdy, Porta-John, Asleep at the Wheel (Steve Bannon)

Trump attorney Jay Sekulow nicknames: Jaybird, Jaywalker, Jay "Seek the Low Road" Sekulow, Seek and Destroy Sekulow

Trump foreign policy adviser Joseph E. Schmitz nicknames: The Mercenary, Mr. Blackwater, Mr. Whitewater

Trump counterterrorism expert Walid Phares nicknames: Squalid Walid, The Toad Warrior, The Maronite

Retired Army Lt. Gen. Joseph 'Keith' Kellogg nicknames: Special K, Cornflake

The "Big Six" or "Deep State Six"

Paul Ryan nicknames: Lyin' Ryan, Cryin' Ryan, Paul Pot, Pious Paul, Paul Ruin, Small-Ball Ryan, Beaver Cleaver, Eddie Munster, Alfalfa, Mr. 1%, A-ryan, Brown Nose (he was voted "Biggest Brown-Noser" by his graduating class in 1988), Nana Killer, The Granny Killer, Rathole, Trump's Cheerleader (Dan Rather), Ryan's Hopeless, Gilligan (allegedly this is what Mitt Romney's campaign staff called Paul Ryan behind his back), Blue-Eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabee, Zombie-Eyed Granny-Starver (Esquire), Eddie Haskell's Less Lovable Punk Brother (Michael R. Burch), The Serial Biller

Mitch McConnell nicknames: Fuckface McTurtlebitch, The Turtle (Jon Stewart), Dick Turtle, Mitch the Snitch, Mitch the Bitch, Mitch the Snitch-Bitch, Mitch the Glitch, Mitch the Twitch, Mitch the Shitz, Mitch Switch Bait, Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch), Ditch McConnell, The Ditch Dweller, The Serial Biller (Michael R. Burch), The Zodiac Biller (Michael R. Burch), The Lethal Chipmunk, Venomous Tree Frog

Orrin Hatch nicknames: Orrin Goering, Orrin Moron, Orrin Boring, Borin' Orrin, Boring Snatch, The Snitch Who Stole Healthcare, The Hatchling, Half-Hatched Orrin, Down the Hatch Orrin, Orin Drainpipe, The Albino Weasel, Mucoso, Snorin' Orin (he's older than the hills and needs lots of naptime)

Steve Mnuchin nicknames: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Foreclosure King, The Forecloser, The Double-Downer, The Granny Terminator, Dune Messiah, The Honeymooner, The Honey-Mooner (after Mnuchin used a government plane on his honeymoon),The Vulture Crapitalist

Gary Cohn nicknames: Sachs-man, The Goldman Sackman (he's hired, you're fired), Cohn's Disease, A$$hole, Coh-Coh-Nut (Michael R. Burch), The Cohn-vict, Cohn-Tiki, Globalist Gary, CTC (Carbon Tax Cohn), The Government Sacker, The TARP King, Bailout Boy, High Risk, The Risk Taker, Cohn-victed Melonhead, Cohnhead

Kevin Brady nicknames: Colonel Klink, Death Warmed Over, Mean Ways Brady, Mr. Secret Payoff, The SalesTaxMan, The Sales Tax Shaman

The Rest of Trump's Inner Circle and Cabinet

Chief Strategist Stephen K. Bannon nicknames: Populist Hero (by his own Breitbart Schmooze), Acting President Bannon, The Ringleader, The Shadow King (Bannon rules from the Shadows, through Trump), Arsonist-in-Chief, Trump's Torch, My Steve (Donald Trump), Trump's Brain (Elizabeth Williamson), Mr. Alt-Right, Stephen KKK Bannon, Loose Cannon Bannon, Darkness Incarnate, The AmeriKlan Idol, Deceivin' Steven, Darth Vader, Darth Bannon, Sith Lord Bannon, Darth Insidious, Sauron, The Great Manipulator (TIME), The Great Man-Baby-ipulator, The Amerikan Goebbels, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (David Letterman), Deep State Stephen, Supremacist Steve, Gríma Wormtongue, The Doom Messiah, The Alt-Right Ideologue (Elizabeth Williamson), The Bannon Brand Builder (Anthony Scaramucci), Bannon the Barbarian, The Great Boor of Babble-On, The Leninist, Bye Bye Bannon, Banned Bannon, Brat Leaving a Sinking Ship, Bannon Unchained, Nuclear EXplosion, Trump's Eminence Grise (David A. Graham), The Puppet Master, The Puppy Master, The Alt-Right Igniter, The Blight Supremacist, Preexisting Condition (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), The Best-Looking Guy at a Liquor Store (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Street Fighter (Bannon himself), Street Blighter (Michael R. Burch), The Grim Reaper (SNL), The Grime Reaper, Trump's Chief Ideologue (Rosie Gray), Trump's Ideological Id (Ashley Parker), The Id-iot, Trump's Wingman (Bannon himself), The Wingnut Wingman, Ick-arus (pun on Icarus, whose wings melted when he flew too close to the sun), The Hit Man (Bannon says he has a "hit list" of establishment Republicans he intends to take out), The Shit Man, Wrongplan (Newt Gingrich), The Wrongway Banner (Newt Gingrich), The Cannibal (Newt Gingrich)

Please click here for all Steve Bannon Nicknames

I'm a Leninist. Lenin wanted to destroy the state, and that's my goal too. I want to bring everything crashing down, and destroy all of today's establishment.Stephen K. Bannon
Darkness is good. Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That's power.Stephen K. Bannon

Kellyanne Conway nicknames: Wrongway Conway (Michael R. Burch), The Spin-Mistress (Bess Levin), Miss Misinformation (Michael R. Burch), The Trump Whisperer (Frank Bruni), The Trump Hisser, Motor Mouth (David Horsey), Smelly Anne Con-Job, Con-Way Twitter, Nutter Consigliere (Jim Newell), The Mercenary (Jim Newell), Vichy (Stephen Romanenghi), Free Agent (Joe Scarborough), Fact-Free Agent (Michael R. Burch), Fatal Attraction (SNL), Fatal Detraction (Michael R. Burch), The Spinster (Michael R. Burch), The Spinstress (Michael R. Burch), Satan's Trophy Wife (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Soulless Cretin (Daily Kos), The Cold One, Snowcone, Alt-Right Barbie

Please click here for all Kellyanne Conway Nicknames

Joe Scarborough accused Kellyanne Conway of being a "free agent." But he left out a word: Wrongway Conway is a Fact-Free Agent.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions nicknames: Buford T. Injustice, Evil Snoats, Granny Clampett, The Scold, The Hobbit (Trevor Noah), Bill Dough Baggins (Michael R. Burch), Dildo Baggins, Forest Gnome (Stephen Colbert), The Keebler Elf, The Feebler Elf, Darth Leprechaun (Michael R. Burch), Darth Yoda, Nervous Tick (Conan O'Brien), Kangaroo Court Sessions, Hessian Sessions, Secessionist Sessions, Rushin' Sessions, Stressin' Sessions (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Stonewall Sessions, Jefferson "No Regard" Sessions (his full name is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions), Bo Retard, Recess Sessions, Detour-ney General, Perjurer General, Round-a-Bout Bubba, Nuts (Donald Trump), Shirknado (Michael R. Burch), Shirknerdough, The Blight Supremacist, The Turnip of Hate (Stephen Colbert), Squirrely Sessions, The Shrew, Trump's Attack Hamster, Flighty Mouse, Smitey Mouse, Albino Smurf (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Shocked Grandma (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Cloverleaf Pixie (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Doll carved from an apple (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Possum Boy

Please click here for all Jeff Sessions Nicknames

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson nicknames: SOS, Rexit, T-Rex, Rexosaurus, T-Wrecks, Br'er Rex, Rex Drillerson, Rex Shillerson, Rex Killerson, Rex Billerson, Mr. Rublebags, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Rasputin (Michael R. Burch), Rexputin, Putin's Right Hand Man, The Russian Gold Medalist (Putin awarded him Russia's Order of Friendship), The Invisible Man, Secretary of Wait (Michael R. Burch), Secretary in State (Michael R. Burch), Deep State Secretary, Deep State Wrecks, Deep Shock, Deep Throat, Deep Moat, Deep Loot, the Secretary of Stating the Obvious (after Tillerson called Trump an Effin' Moron after a high-level Pentagon meeting)

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer nicknames: Scary Spicer (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Vanilla Spice, Vanilla Spicer, Sean Sphincter (College Voice), The Hedgehog and The Hedge-Dodger (after Spicer hid behind a hedge to avoid reporters), Spittler, Shitler, Twitler, The Holocaust Apologist, The Mouthpiece (David Horsey), Spicy, Motor Mouthpiece, Sean "the Truth Icer" Spicer, Sean "Dawn of the Dead" Spicer, Spokestoady, Spokestwit, Spokestot, Spokesboy, Spokestoddler, Spokestool, Spokesmoron, Spokesliar, Spokeswhiner, Press Reagent, Full Court Press, The Tass A$$, Tass Light, The Tass-manian Devil, Amerikan Goebbels, Wormtongue, Sinister Spice, Little Tattletale Teller, Sauerkraut Spicer, Five Alarm Spicer, The S**t Spicer, Tokyo Rose, Spastic Spicer, Trump's Human Twitter Feed, The Baghdad Bobblehead, Spiced Whiner, Spiced Lice, The Slime Spreader, Skippy, Old Spice, The Depressing Press Secretary, Former Press Secretary, The High Wire Liar, Dumb Spice, The Angry Inch Worm (he's really angry and short), Sean Spiceless, Sean Spineless, The Spice of Death, Undearly Departed, Sean "the Walking Dead" Spicer, Sean of the Undead, Ghost Derider, The Pope Stalker (meeting the Pope was "all that he wanted"), Melissa McCarthy (so-called by his replacement Anthony Scaramucci), Bleached Minion (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Director of Strategic Communications Hope Hicks nicknames: Hopeless Hicks, Tricky Hicky, Hicks from the Sticks, Hicks from the Styx, The Hickster, Huckster Hicks, Hopester (Donald Trump), Hopie (Donald Trump), Dopey Hopie, Hippy Hicks, Hipster Hicks, The Female Scaramucci, SMU-amucci, The Hiltzik Strategist, The Novice, The Duper Model (she modeled for the Ford modeling agency and Ralph Lauren), Souvenir from Trump Tower, The Gatekeeper, The Grate Keeper, The Trump Enabler, The Loyalist, The Trump Whisperer, The Press Dreck-etary

White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci nicknames: The Mooch, Scary Scaramucci, Scarface, Scarecrow, Scare Monkey, The Scaremonger, Scare-a-Douche, Loose Lips Scaramucci, Sicko-Fancy, Scary Spice II, The Moocher, Smooch, The Smoocher, The Mooch Smooch (Trevor Noah), A$$ki$$er (Michael R. Burch), The Brownnoser, Trump's Proctologist, The Hyperactive Hedge Hog, Two-Faced Scaramucci, The Lie Bridger (he started a company called SkyBridge Capital), The Goldman Sucks Crapitalist, Das Kapitalist, The Tweet Deleter, High C-Note Tony, Little Tony Soprano (Michael R. Burch), The 'Do-Wop, Little Tony Tutone (he has cornered the world markets for bronzer and hair gel), The Human Pinky Ring (Seth Myers), Human Cocaine (SNL), The A$$a$$in (he expressed a desire to personally "kill" leakers over a leaked dinner list!), DIP-pity-'Do (Michael R. Burch), The Grate Communicator, Trump's Plagiarist, Trump's Echo, Trump's Mini-Me, The Incredible Shrinking Spokesman (Michael R. Burch), Spokestoady, Shark Dressed Man-Boy, Trump's Buoy

Please click here for all Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames

Jason Miller nicknames: The Great Communicator, The Strategist, The Genius, The Smart One (he turned down the job of Trump communications director)

Trump campaign national spokesperson Katrina Pierson nicknames: Hurricane Katrina, Miss Misinformation, Miss Spokestoady, The Holey Cruzader (she backed Ted Cruz before Trump), Miss Teapot (she is a Tea Party advocate), The Welfare Princess, The Unemployment Queen, Miss PACman, Miss Pure Breed, Kit Kat, The Blight Supremacist

White House press aide Michael Short nicknames: The Short Timer (he resigned quickly after Scaramucci was hired by the Trumpageddon administration), The De-press-ed Aide, Short Circuit

Mike Huckabee nicknames: Judas, Huckster Huckabee, Huckleberry Spin, Huckmaster General, Huck Fuckabee, Huck Upchuck, Hick Muckabee, The Muckster, Brother Smother, Tax Hike Mike, Triple Wide, Duck Hunter, Uncle Sugar (he once said that the only reason women voted for Democrats was because Uncle Sugar promised to pay for their birth control), Gomer Pile On

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders nicknames: Kentucky Fried, Sarah Suckup, Sarah Suckabee, The Succubus, Miss Huckster, Basic Atrocity, Women's Fibber, Sister Smother, Gomer Pile On, The Gomerette, Elmira Gantry, Elvira Gantry, Possum Queen, Spokestoady, The Spinstress, Cruella de Vile, Hick Morticia, Elvira Mistress of the Trailer Park, Miss Deliverance, Miss Devil Rants, Miss HarkandSaw, Miss Little Roc, Miss Pine Bluff, Blunder Woman, Slimy Sellout, Train Wreck, Miss Derailment, Faux News Vixen, Lil' Spice, Less Seasoned Spice, Spiced Rack, Trump's Dishonor Guard, Keeper of the Shame, Keeper of the Slime, Ante Bell Mum, The Funny Farm Schoolmarm, Miss Manners (she said it was "highly inappropriate" to debate a four-star general, even when he's obviously wrong), The Pig Hollow Wallower

Paul Manafort nicknames: The Count, The Uber-Lobbyist (David Catanese), Putin's Revenge, Yanukovych's Yankee Yanker, The Russian Lobbyist-in-Chief, American Mole, The Ultimate Insider, Knuckles, Steamroller, The Six Million Ruble Man, The Monetizer, Man-Baby-a-Fort, Manafort Dix (sexual pun intended), Manafort Tax Dodge, Manafort Leavenworthless, Unmanafort, Inmate #666

Rick Gates nicknames: Prison Gates, Rick Grates, Rick "Gates of Hell"

White House lawyer Ty Cobb claimed that "it would be truly shocking" if Paul Manafort had "tried to monetize his relationship with the president." But why would that be so shocking, when Trump himself has blatantly monetized the presidency?

Roger Stone nicknames: Roger Rabid (Michael R. Burch), Dirty Trickster (Elizabeth Burke), Roger the Artless Dodger, Professional Lord of Mischief, State of the Art Sleazeball, Boastful Black Prince of Sleaze, Roger "Glands of Stone," Ratf*cker, The Most Dangerous Person in America Today (The Village Voice)

Secretary of Homeland Security and White House Chief of Staff General John F. Kelly nicknames: General Alert, Red Alert, Hobo, The Hitcher, The Freight-Hopper (he hopped trains in his youth), The Turncoat (since he would now deport other hobos and hitchers), The White House Chief of Graft (Michael R. Burch), Elegant John Kelly (Donald Trump, no idea why), G.I. John, Get Mo' Gitmo, Gitmo Money, The Gitmo Get-Go, The ICE Man Cometh, Mr. Mass Deporter, Kelly Greenbuck$, Triple K Kelly, Jean Claude Killy (in his last Pentagon new conference Kelly said it would be "good" to kill), Killer Kelly (Donald Trump's pet nickname for his favorite neo-CON), Moonshine, The Moonshiner ("My first time overseas was taking 10,000 tons of beer to Vietnam!"), The QuantiCON, The House Sitter (he claimed that terrorism is so prevalent that Americans would sit at home and never leave if they knew the truth!), The Wallflower (he doesn't understand why some Americans don't want to join in his dance of death and destruction), Trump's Death Star, Kelly's Zeroes, Reince and Flush Kelly, The Four-Star Flusher, Bergdahl's Savior (he helped facilitate the exchange of Bowe Bergdahl for five Taliban prisoners), The Zookeeper, The Lion Tamer (but can anyone restore order to the White House zoo when the Lyin' King is on the rampage?), The Terminator (but will he terminate Trump's term as president?), Clean Slate Kelly, The Prick Evictor, The Travel Banner, Ruse Banner, Lindsey Graham's Cracker, McCaul's Hispanic Mauler, The Long Mauler, Trump's Rommel, Church Lady (by disaffected White House staffers), The Serial Face Palmer (Kelly repeatedly placed his face in his hands while Trump ranted about "totally destroying" North Korea and 25 million people)

Acting Secretary of Homeland Security Elaine Duke nicknames: The Duke of Hurl (after she said hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico was a "really a good news story" for the Trump administration), Duke Nukem, The Star (Donald Trump), The Shooting Star

White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus nicknames: Reince-y (Donald Trump), Reince "and Flush" Priebus, Follywood (after Priebus advised Trump to resign when the Access Hollywood "genital groper" tapes became public), Rinse Penis, Rinse Priapus, Prince Penis, Prince Precipice, Prince Rhesus, Prince Rebus, Princess Reba, RNC PR BS (by removing all vowels), E Priebus Loonum, "Rinse Twice and Spit" Priebus, Prince Precipitous, Rancid Rinse, Rancid Penis, Rinse Repeat, The Mincing Prince, Rimjob Precipuss, The Paranoiac (Anthony Scaramucci), The Fucking Paranoid Schizophrenic (Anthony Scaramucci), Undearly Departed, Smearly Departed, Snidely Whiplashed (Michael R. Burch), Reinced and Spat Out Priebus, Recently Reinced Priebus, AWOL (Absent Without Love), The Scapegoat, Trump's Whipping Boy, Trump's Reince-Headed Stepchild, Trump's White House Piñata, The Former White House Chief of Graft (Michael R. Burch), Penis Rice A Roni (Stephen Colbert alter ego)

National Security Adviser General Herbert Raymond McMaster nicknames: Master of Disaster, McMonster, McMasher, H.R., H.R. Huff'n'Puff, H.R. Disaster, Bannon's Banisher, The Iconoclast General, Ray of Blight, Herbie the Shove Bug

Director of National Intelligence Daniel Ray Coats nicknames: Daniel in the Lyin' Den (Michael R. Burch), Rushin' Red Coats, Dan "the Russian Redcoats are Coming!" Coats, Reagan's Ray Gun, Dan Coots, Dan in Cahoots with Trump-Putin, Mr. Do Ask Do Tell

Trump foreign policy adviser Carter Page nicknames: Stranichkin (Russian for "little page"), The Window Dresser, Putin's Page Boy, Putin's Pimp, Putin's Apologist, Moscow's Brazen Apologist (Michael Isikoff), Trump's Moscow Mystery Man (Julia Ioffe), The Russian Mole, The Gazprom Greaser, Who? (Corey Lewandowski, Politico, Bill Browder and other Real Experts on Russia), Mr. Irrelevant

Sarah Palin Nicknames: Sarah Barracuda (her high school nickname), Sarahcudda, Shirknado (Michael R. Burch), Caribou Barbie, Half-Baked Alaskan, Mooselini, Moose-o-lini, Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sarah Palin (Michael R. Burch), The Wasilla Gorilla or Gurlilla or Gurlzilla, The Roughed Rogue, The Original Material Girl (because she provides Stephen Colbert so much comedy materiel), Klondike Kardashian, Klondike Dike, Blunder Woman, Sarah Stoopid, Bible Spice, The Ungreat Whore of Babble-On, The Great Boor of Babble-On, The Wasilla Hillbilly, The Wasillabilly, The Tundra Twit, Sarah Failin', Failin' Palin, Bailin' Palin, Half-Governor, The Moosiah Pit Bull in Lipstick (according to herself), Ramboner, Rambette, Trumpette, Saint Sarah of Wasilla, Sarah Pipeline, Sarah Punchline, Vampy, The Killa from Wasilla, The Quitter from Wasilla, Money Boo-Boo, Sarah Shakes-Spear (because she is so warlike and compared herself to Shakespeare when she coined a new word, "refudiate"), Sarah Crosshairs, Sarah Triggerfinger, Mama Grizzly, Palin-Drone, Chick Cheney, Sarah Stalin, Snark Shark, Moose MILF, The Alaska Disasta, Snowjob Squareglasses, Post Turtle, McCain's Bane, FrankenPalin, Northern Overexposure, Nightmayor, Miss Iquitarod, Irate Ingrate, Miss Wonker Bonker, Sarah Scareya, Lady Gagya, Sarah Sarin, Tri-Sarah-Tops, Sarah Snowgrifter, Sarah Snowjob, The Boreal Narcissus, The Blight Supremacist

Bristol Palin nicknames: Brisket® (the ® because she registered her name as a trademark!), Brisquet, Bras Tool, Barstool, Bristhole, Brissie, Bristie, Brissypants, Bitchol, Pigstool Grifter Jr.

Meghan McCain nicknames: Soylent Blonde, SoyBlo, Meghan McBane

Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch nicknames: Darth Evader, Goldman Sachs' Rubber Stamp, A$$hole, The Unjust Justice, The Grinder (for grinding ordinary Janes and Joes under the crushing wheels of corporations), The Greek Geek, Fratboy, FIJI-boy and the Fraternizer (for defending his college frat against charges of date rape)

Bill O'Reilly nicknames: Shill O'Reilly, Bull O'Really, Bill O'Goods, The Spin Zone Doctor, The Spin Doktor, The Spin DoKKKtor, Papa Bear (Stephen Colbert), Mr. Sexual HarA$$ment, Sex Beast, Sexual Predator, The Permanent Vacationer, Big O (George W. Bush), Podzilla (since his new medium will be podcasts)

Corey Lewandowski nicknames: Gory Corey, Mr. Assault and Battery, The Lobbyist, Never-Elected (he received a whopping 7 votes in his first election campaign and never won an election), The Wand of Death

Vice President Mike Pence nicknames: Trump's Poodle (George F. Will), Hoosier (his Secret Service code name), Cuddles, Trumpence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch), Sick Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch), Tuppence, Spence for Hire, Spencer Racy, Silver Faux Fox, The Mad Monk, Out of the Loop Dupe (USA Today), Mike Pensive, Deep Veep (wading deep in s**t, that is), The Bleep Veep, The Creep-Veep, The Veep Creeping in Search of a Spine, The Foxhole Huddler, The Fence Sitter, Dense Pence, Senseless Pence, Fat Termite, Miss-Spence Youth, THE VICEROY, The Vice-Boy, The Vice Antichrist

"What is it about Mike Pence that no one ever tells him anything?" — David Axelrod

Karen Pence nicknames: Hummingbird (her Secret Service code name), Ms. Pensive, Ms. Vice

Secretary of Energy Rick Perry nicknames: Crotch (because he wore tight jeans and "adjusted" himself often), Dumba$$, Secretary of the Department of Oops! ("Whazzat I run? Duh, I forget!"), Rick Fairy, Rick Unfairy, Rick Moronic, Rick Moreanus, Texas Toast, Perry Masonic, Perry Moronic, The Brand Perry, The Bland Perry, The Gland Perry

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos nicknames: Cruella DeVos, Cruella DeVile, Diva DeVos, DeVile DeVos, DeVoid DeVos, Devolution DeVos, Wetsy Betsy, Betsy Dross, The Education Terminator, Madame DeVoucher, The Segregationist (Randi Weingarten pointed out that private school vouchers are "only slightly more polite cousins of segregation"), The Semi-Polite Slighter (Michael R. Burch), The Chalk Closet Racist

Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin nicknames: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Foreclosure King, The Forecloser, The Double-Downer, The Granny Terminator, Dune Messiah

Secretary of Defense James Mattis nicknames: Mad Dog, Warrior Monk, Mad Monk, Chaos (his very appropriate call-sign)

Former Secretary of Defense Mike Flynn nicknames: Dr. Strangelove, In Like Flynnt, Red Flynnstone (Michael R. Burch), "Flynn Facts," Putin's Pawn, Amerika's Angriest General, Flynnskint, Red Flynn, The Canary (because he's about to sing like one), Huckleberry Din

Michael G. Flynn nicknames: Dr. Strangelove Jr., Red Flynnstone Jr. (Michael R. Burch), Red Flynn Jr., The Junior Canary (because he's about to sing like one), Informer Jr., Huckleberry Din Jr., Tebow Lite, Trump Fan II

Secretary of Agriculture George Ervin Perdue III nicknames: Sonny, Ophie Junior (his mother's name was Ophie), The Rainman (he once "prayed up a storm" pleading for rain)

Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke: Rinky-Dink Zinke, The SOFA Commando (Special Operations Fraud & Anarchy), The Bozeman Bozo, The Knife Collector, On-the-Blink Zinke, Blinky, Blinky Zinke, The Beagle Scout (Zinke appeared at a Trump event in his eagle scout uniform)

Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross nicknames: Ross Rothschild (he worked for N. M. Rothschild & Sons), The Bankruptcy King, Wilbur Wrong Force, Heavens to Betsy Ross, The Vulture Crapitalist

Secretary of Labor Andrew Puzder nicknames: Putz Puzder, Colonel Klink, CKE-n Little, The Wage Terrorist, The Wage Deflator, The Lowballer, The Burger-Bikini Baron, Randy Andy

Secretary of Labor Alexander Acosta nicknames: Alex, Dean, Trump's Token Hispanic, The Exile (his parents are Cuban refugees)

Secretary of Health & Human Services Tom Price nicknames: Sky-High Price, Pricey Tom, The Leer Jetter, Optics-Con, Tom Sellout, Tom Thumb, Tom "Profit More" Price, The Amerikan Mengele, One Man Death Panel, The Six Million Dolor Man, Tom "Wait until you see the whites of their ayes" Price, Tom "the Price is Your Life"

Secretary of HUD Ben Carson nicknames: Psychopath (Donald Trump), HUD Ornament (Michael R. Burch), Carsonoma (Michael R. Burch), Crazy Ben Carson, Dummy (his childhood nickname), Eli (his Secret Service code name), One Nation (his choice for a Secret Service code name)

Secretary of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin nicknames: Skulkin' Shulkin (Michael R. Burch), The Designated Survivor

Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao nicknames: Mrs. Mitch McConnell, Tiger Wife (Stuart Bloch), Madame Secretary, Fireworks, Short Fuse, Madame Chaos

Deputy Attorney General Dana J. Boente nicknames: Deputy Dawg, Trump's Lapdog, Barney Fife, Goober, The Decoy

Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein nicknames: Rosey Red, Russian Red, Red Rod, Rowdy Roddy Fib-Piper

UN Ambassador Nikki Haley nicknames: Political Prostitute (Kim Jong Un), Hurricane Haley, Trump's Hatchet Lady, Darlin' Nikki

Trump's Allies, Supporters, Henchmen, Associates and Lapdogs

Luther Strange nicknames: Big Luther, Lyin' Luther Strange, Strange But Untrue, Strange Brew, Strange Bro', Dr. Strangelove, The Big Bunny (his college nickname), Lex Luther, The Runoff King, The Bathroom Detective, Strange LLC (his law firm), The Transgender Rearender and Exxon Defender

Judge Roy Moore nicknames: Sludge Roy Moore, Mr. Ten Commandments (Moore said: “My duty is to uphold God’s law” and he constantly touted the Ten Commandments), The "Hanging" Judge (four women have accused Moore of "letting it all hang out" by dating and buying them alcohol when he was in his thirties and they were teenagers), Mr. Tighty Whities (one girl, age 14 at the time, said Moore gave her drinks, left the room, then returned wearing only "tight white" underwear and tried to seduce her), Playboy Roy, The Sludge, Rob Roy, The Sandbagger (he was so unpopular in the military, he slept on sandbags to protect himself from grenades he feared would be thrown under his cot by soldiers under his command!), Captain America, Captain Shamerica (his troops hated him), The Ten Commandments Judge (Sara Palin), Fruit Salad (his college professor Clint McGee called Moore "the most mixed-up" student he'd ever taught!), Fruit Loops (for his circular "thinking"), Doofus (his West Point classmates), The Supreme Deplorable

“Judge Roy Moore was deplorable before it was cool to be deplorable!”Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sara Palin 

Please click here for all Judge Roy Moore Nicknames

Trump spokesperson and attorney Michael D. Cohen nicknames: The Cohenhead, Mr. Creepypants (after he posted a picture of his college-age daughter in very sexy black lingerie), Edgy Segue (pun on Edie Sedgwick, after Cohen explained that his daughter was following in the footsteps of Edie Sedgwick, an "It Girl" and Andy Warhol "youthquaker" who was frequently photographed in skimpy undies)

Erik Prince nicknames: The Prince of Darkness, The Dark Night, Creature from the Blackwater Lagoon, The Mercenary, Soldier of Misfortune, The Envoy, Trump's Unofficial Russian Envoy, Erik the Red, Prince Uncharming

Sebastian Gorka nicknames: Gorky Park, Dorky Park, Borat, The Irregular, The Mad Hungarian, The Hun, The Incredible Shrinking "Expert" Witness, The Trump Hisser, Snake in the A$$, Sayonara Gorka, The Lockout (Gorka was reportedly locked out of the White House), DNA (Do Not Admit), The Pariah, The Fringe

Sherriff Joe Arpaio nicknames: Hitler (his nickname among his tent concentration camp inmates), Shitler, Twitler, Wyatt Twerp, Wyatt TARP, Joe Pa Payola, Joe Paternal, Boss Hogg, Big Pig, The Maricopa Madman, Captain James Tiberius Jerk, Colonel Klink, Officer Loco, Wiley E. Peyote, Lawrence of Insania, Pale Tonto, Paleface, Prickzilla Queen of the Desert, The Sidewinder, The Vigilant Vigilante, Red Carpet Joe, Publicity Hound, The Celebrity Schmoozer, Joe Press Release, Hard-Core Joe, Joe Posse, The Albino Possum, The Blight Supremacist, Poncho and Hefty, Paunchy & Hefty, Generalissimo Joe Arpaio, America’s Toughest Sheriff, Chain Gang Charlie, The Shurf (how he pronounces his job title), The ICE Man Cometh, The Clown Sherriff, Sherriff Scumbag, Nickel-Bag Joe (because "no bust is too small"), The Windmill Tilter, America’s Most Expensive Sheriff, Bossman, The Trump Whisperer, The Trump Hisser, The Circus Barker, Joe Blackjack, Joe Nightstick

Omarosé Onée Manigault: Omarosa, Pondarosa, Ass-O-Rama, Assorama, The None-Celebrity Apprentice (Piers Morgan), Fired, The Firee, The Trump Hisser, The Trump Trigger, Trump's Brown Sugar, The Nasty TV Villain (TV Guide), Piers Morgan's Bane, Affirmative Auction

Matt Boyle nicknames: The Boil, Fever Blister, Boiling Mad Matt, The Breitbartian, The Barbarian

Mike Cernovich nicknames: Juicebro, The Conspiracy Theorist, The Rape Apologist, Mr. Alimony, Gorilla Mindset, Girl-Ill-a Mind-Sweat, Gorilla in our Midst, Cuck of the Walk

Chair of the House Oversight Committee Jason Chaffetz nicknames: Chaff, Chaffy, Chaff-Lips, Chipmunk, Chipmunk Cheeks, Cheeky, Chip, No-Tell Hotel Chaffetz, Grandstanding Charlatan (Heather Digby Parton), Jason "Putin on the Ritz" Chaffetz, (Michael R. Burch), Jason and the Ego-Nuts (Michael R. Burch), Half-Assed Chaffetz, Seductive Beaver Mascot (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes nicknames: Known-Nothing Nunes, Numbnuts Nunes, Devin Devil, Nanu Nanu Nunes, See-no-Evil-Hear-no-Evil-but-sure-as-hell-embrace-Evil Nunes

Congressman Dana Rohrabacher: Putin's Favorite Congressman, Putin's Apologist, Putin's Proxy, Assad's AmeriKlan Ally, Dana the Red, Red Dana, Dirty Dana 
SEC Chairman Walter J. Clayton nicknames: Jay, Jaybird, The Bailout King, The Wall Street Jaywalker, Goldman Sacks Washington, Hatin' Clayton

Trump donor Robert Mercer nicknames: Hedge Hog, PACman, Dark Money, The Megadonor, Merciless Mercer, Ming the Merciless, The Cluster Fucker, The Quant King, The Money Man, The Cat Talker, Bob, The Vulture Crapitalist

Trump donor Rebekah Mercer nicknames: Bekah, Bekah Bilker, Bannon's Backer, The Whiny Hellcat

Director of the National Economic Council Gary Cohn nicknames: Sachs-man, Cohn's Disease, A$$hole, Con Tiki, Globalist Gary, The Government Sacker, The Risk Taker, The TARP King, Bailout Boy

Legislative Affairs Assistant to the President Marc Short nicknames: Short of the Marc, Shortstop, Shortcut, Koch Addict, Koch Lite, The A$$-istant, Dark Money Marc, Junior Asshole, Short Attention Span Marc, The Dark Money Operative

Comptroller of the Currency nominee Joseph Otting nicknames: Outed Otting (after he claimed to have a degree from Dartmouth that Dartmouth doesn't even offer), "Leave it to Otter" Joe

Felix Sater nicknames: The Satyr, The Margarita Assassin, Felix Satyr, Red Felix, The Hudson on Moscow (Sater worked on plans to build a Trump Tower in Moscow), The Red Turk, Switchblade, The Knife Fighter, The Bar Fighter, (Sater went to prison for stabbing a man in a bar fight), The Boy Scouter, The Trump Manager

Felix Sater wrote in an email to Trump attorney Michael Cohen: "Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it. I will get all of Putin's team to buy in on this, I will manage this process."

Willard Mitt Romney nicknames: Bishop Romney, The RomneyBot, Plastic Man, Bain in the Ass (David Letterman's #1), King of Bain (Newt Gingrich), Mitt the Twit (The Sun of London, Rupert Murdoch), Mitt the Unfit, Mr. Magical Undies, The Stench (allegedly what Paul Ryan calls Romney behind his back), Willard, The Willard Mechanism, His Willardness

Rick Santorum nicknames: Pope Sanctimonious I, Rick Satan, Prick Sanatorium, Insanatorium  Rooster, Rooster Fogburn, Frothy

Chris Christie nicknames: Christie Kreme, The Illsbury Dough-Boy, The Cookie Monster, Big Boy (George W. Bush), Pork Chop, Pork Dork, Porky Pine, Porko Vallarta, Don Qui-Hefty, Enormes Pantalones, Pufferfish, Trueheart (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Trump's Cream Puff, "Beached" Whale, Beach Boy, The New Jersey Sunblocker, Cripsy Christie, Corpus Christie, Sammiches, Governor Sammiches, Crispy Creme, Boca Rotundo, Dios Meatball, Cinco De Mayonnaise, Lap-Bandito, Chiportly, Gringo Con Carne, Dos Neckis, The Love Gov., MAN WITH A KLAN (The New Yorker), Heroic Deputy (Christie was hailed as Trump's "Heroic Deputy" by the Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi website that endorsed Trump)

Ann Coulter nicknames: AnnThrax, Ann the Man, Coultergeist, Beltway Barbie, Yardsale Barbie (Tina Fey), Cuckoo Coulter, Tranny Annie, Goebbels with tits, Rush Limbette, Mann Coulter, Chairman Ann, Ann Coltrear, Ann Cunter, That Conservative Female Douche, Jew Perfecter, Man-Hands, Banshee, Wicked Witch of the West, Ann Hitler, Uber Bitchette, I-don't-care-about-the-Jews Barbie, Psycho-bitch, Just plain stupid, Colt 34D (allegedly her bra size, but a man would have to drink a helluva lot of Colts to want to be sure)

Jeb Bush nicknames: Tortoise (George W. Bush), Joyful Tortoise (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Low Energy (Donald Trump), Eveready (Jeb's retort to Trump when asked to pick his Secret Service code name), Veto Corleone, The Bushmaster, Bush League, Gator

Carly Fiorina nicknames: Chainsaw Carly (for all the jobs she cut at HP and Compaq), Golden Parachutress, The Anti-Hillary, Secretariat (her choice for a Secret Service code name)

John Kasich nicknames: Pope (he wanted to be the pope as a boy), Unit One (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Unit Two (his wife's amusing alternate suggestion!)

Rand Paul nicknames: Mr. Nerdy Perm, Mr. Poodle-'Do, The Aquah Budha, Schrödinger's Cat-a-Tonic Candidate (he's "a man on all sides of all issues all at once"), Mr. Death Spiral, Mr. Just-Kill-Them-All!, Truly Weird Rand Paul (Donald Trump), Justice Never Sleeps (his choice for a Secret Service code name; he later called it "one of those nicknames you try to make happen and miserably fail")

Ron Paul nicknames: Uncle Goldbug (because of his stance on hard money), Rue Paul (because we rue the day he appeared on the American political scene), Dr. No (he is a medical doctor and the only word he seems to understand is "no"), Rumple

Scott Walker nicknames: The Desperado (in his high school yearbook), Niedermeyer (after an overly aggressive ROTC leader in the movie Animal House), Scott Balker, Harley (his choice for a Secret Service code name), The Beagle Scout, The Dropout (reportedly, he missed too many classes running for class president!), Hot Ham, Luke Sigh Walker

Rupert Murdoch nicknames: Rupert Murder-Doc, Papa Doc, Ru Paul (Stephen Colbert), The Last Press Baron (CNN), the Dirty Digger (Ian Hislop), the Mudslinger, the Faux Fox, Murdoch of the Mammaries

Roger Ailes nicknames: Roger the Unartful Dodger, The Sex Cadger Codger, Roger Flogger, Roger the Sex Rabbit, The Predator, The Human Toad (SemDem on Daily Kos)

Sean Hannity nicknames: Sean O'Scammity (Michael R. Burch), Sean of the Dead, Lumpy (Jon Stewart), Handy Hannity, Shammity, Sean Vanity, Sean Insanity, Loverboy, Flubberboy

Trump lawyer Sheri A. Dillon nicknames: Gunsmoke (pun on Matt Dillon), The Smoking Gun, The Hired Gun, Ms. Trust (pun on "mistrust"), Trump's Legal Beagle

Michael Steele nicknames: The Sesame Street Guy (Jon Stewart, who compared him to Grover), The Man of Steal (pun on stealing elections and human rights, two GOP objectives), Steal Trap

Rob Portman nicknames: Beltway Rob, PAC-Man, The Lobbyist, The Insider, The Outsourcer, The Job Robber, Washington's First Porter, Any Port in a Shit Storm, Portmanteau

Rod Blum nicknames: Bloomin' Idiot, The Screener, The Stalker, The Quitter (after Blum stalked out of an interview in which he was asked why he screens attendees of his "public" meetings)

Trump senior political adviser Stephen Miller nicknames: Young Gargamel (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Sméagol (Trevor Noah), The White Hinternationalist (Michael R. Burch), Basic Henchman (Trevor Noah), Master of Mendacity (Frank Vyan Walton), Neo-Jackboot (Frank Vyan Walton), The Love-Wall-Builder, "Mad Men" Miller, The Sh*tstreamer, The True Believer & Deceiver, The Rodent, The Miller's Tail, Snail Tail, Stephen Biller, Stephen Filler, Scaramucci's Scarier Brother, Child of the Corn, Angry Hairless Nutria (Hunter on DailyKos), National Forehead Reserve (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Rudy Giuliani nicknames: Trudy, Julianne, Judge Rudy, Rudy the Red-Nosed Panderer, Amerika's Scariest Mayor, Rude Rudy, Trump's Scamp-aign Manager, Batshit Crazy Rudy, Enbalmer's Display Model (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Marco Rubio nicknames: No-Show Rubio, AWOL, Rube, Young Rube, Cuban Rube, Qubics Rube, The Water Boy, Big Gulp, Lightweight Choker (Donald Trump), Little Marco (Donald Trump), Captain Thirsty, Captain Thirstypants,
Rubio the Unready, Marco Poll-Low, Gator, Marco Mussolini, Marco "Weak as a Baby" Rubio (Donald Trump), Narko, Snarko, Sharko, Marco Sharknado, Easy Mark (Donald Trump), Broken Record Rubio, Robot Rubio, Mr. Roboto, Marco Android, Rupert's Rube, Party Boy, Play Dough Boy


Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander nicknames: Lame Lamar, Hedy, Alexander the Ungreat, The Candyman, The Plaid Fraud, Omar the Snakeman, Trump's Wheel Greaser, Trump's Hammer, Trump's Healthcare Scammer, Trump's Oddjob, Doctored No

Tennessee Representative Marsha Blackburn nicknames: Blackguard, Black Heart, Black Turn, Blackweird, The Black Abyss of Ignorance, the Young Re-Flub-Lycan, Deputy Whip, The Death Panelist, The Planned Parenthood Predator

Tennessee Representative Diane Black nicknames: The Black Widow, The Black Mamba, The Black Square, Blunder Woman, Diane Tart, Diane Tort, Bishop Romney's Surrogate, The Death Panelist, The Planned Parenthood Predator

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake nicknames: The Flake, Snow Flake (he was actually born in Snowflake, Arizona!), Corn Flake, Flake the Snake, Fake Spews, The Mormonator, The Missionary, Mr. Magical Underpants, The Anti-Earmark Crusader, The Sitting Duck, Decoy

Sam Clovis nicknames: Beavis Clovis, the Walrus, the Boof-alo (he claims that he has been "boofed" by climate change science), Cloven-Hooves Clovis, Four Leaf Clovis, USDA Grade F Lardass, the D-Minus Scientist (no one gets an F at Trump U!), the Anti-Einstein, The Junk Scientist, Climate-Change-Denier-in-Chief 

Newt Gingrich nicknames: Tadpole, Angry Tadpole, Angry Muffin (Peggy Noonan), The Bloated Bullfrog, The One Stop Lobby Shop, Newticles, Noot, Newt the Nit, Pig Newton, Talking Bag of Dirty Laundry (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

George W. Bush nicknames: Dubya, Shrub, Junior, Junior Shrub, Bush League, Bush Baby, Bushman, Uncurious George, The Decider, GWB, Chimpy McStagger, AWOL, Georgie Boy, Boy Gorge

Dick Cheney nicknames: The Penguin, Mr. Vice, Big Time (George W. Bush), Duke Nukem, Blam-Blam (after he shot another hunter in the face), Dickhead, Tricky Dick II

Donald Rumsfeld nicknames: Rummy (George W. Bush), Rheumy, Rheumatoid, The Ruminator, Lucifer Incarnate

Rush Limbaugh nicknames: The Human Hindenburg, Rush Dim-Bulb, Lush Dim Blah, Junkie Limbaugh, Limbaugh Cheese, The Rushian, Rushbo, Rush Limbawful, Douche Rimjob

Florida Governor Rick Scott nicknames: Prick Scott, Scott Free Prick, Great Scott (Not), Pink Slip Rick, Sir Halter Scott, The Emotionless Android, Stone Cold Scott, Rid-ley Scott, Governor Gollum, Skeletor, Voldemort

Freedom Caucus co-founder Mark Meadows nicknames: Free-Dumb Meadows, Idiot (former Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner)

Freedom Caucus co-founder Jim Jordan nicknames: Blare Jordan, Airhead Jordan, Legislative Terrorist (former Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner)

Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin "Bibi" Netanyahu nicknames: Bibi, King Bibi, Nit-and-Yahoo, Bibi the Merciless, The Butcher, Butcher Bibi, The Bribe of Frankenstein, The Widowmaker, The Orphanmaker, Chickensh*t, BB

Others

Trump donor Sylvain Mirochnikoff nicknames: The Trader, The Director, The Exotic Equity Derivatives Trader
Deputy National Security Adviser K. T. McFarland nicknames: Far-Out McFarland, The Ditz, McFibber, The Airhead
Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategy Dina Habib Powell nicknames: Sachs-girl, Sachs Diva
Deputy Chief of Staff Rick Dearborn nicknames: Deputy Lap Dawg, Greenhorn Dearborn, Stillborn Dearborn, Dick Fearborn, Red Rick, Russian Rick
Deputy Communications Director Jessica Ditto nicknames: Ditto, "Ditto That," Miss Redundant, Bevin's Bane, Trump's Blonde Brander  
Personal Aide John McEntee nicknames: Aide de Camp, Aide de Kampf, Teed-Off McEntee
Trump campaign consultant George Gigicos nicknames: Goner, Gigi, The Greek Geek, George of the Bungle, Phoenix in Flames, Fee-Nixed
Trump bodyguard Keith Schiller nicknames: The Shill, The Fireman, The Terminator, The Enforcer, The Confidant, The Gatekeeper, The Babyguard
Marine Corps General Joseph Dunford, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff: Fighting Joe, Four-Star, The Chairman, Marathon Man
Deputy Chief of Staff Joe Hagin nicknames: Ragin' Hagin
Mo Brooks nicknames: Mo' Crooks, Mo' Rooks, No Mo' Books Brooks
Franklin Graham nicknames: Graham Cracker, Frank Lee Nutty, The Medievalist
Executive Assistant Madeline Westerhout nicknames: Trump's Toady, Wicked Witch of the Westerhout
Director of Oval Office Operations Keith Schiller nicknames: The Shill
Mike Pompeo nicknames: Pompous Asshole, Putin's Pompous Pimp
Peter Navarro nicknames: The EEKonomist, Bullshitter in the China Shop
Deputy Chief of Staff Katie Walsh nicknames: Welshing Walsh, Katie Bar the Door
Antonin Scalia nicknames: Antonin "Scaly" Scalia, Nino (Spanish for "infant"), El Nino, El Ninny
David Melech Friedman nickames: Moloch, Fried Brain Man, Mr. Apartheid, Israel's Goebbels
Carl Icahn nicknames: Mr. Delorean, Mr. Bailout, Mr. Too Big Not to Fail, The Grey Grifter, Back to the Suture, The Artful Dodger
Daniel Coates nicknames: Dan, Offshore Dan, Coates of Many Colors
White House Counsel Don F. McGahn nicknames: The Enabler, Cover Artist, Undercover Artist (he does cover songs), Guitar Dan
Michael Dubke nicknames: Mike, Karl Rove Jr., Mystery Man, Happy Warrior, Bye Bye Dubke
Peter Navarro nicknames: Novice, Nutjob, Ninny
Ajit Pai nicknames: Dark Yoda, The Agitator, The Net Neutrality Negator, The Broadband Baron, Big Brother, Trump's Sinister Swami
Glenn Beck nicknames: Voldemort, Emotional Fescue (Michael R. Burch), American Rhodes, Glen "Weepin'-'n'-Wailin'" Beck
Kevin McCarthy nicknames: Kevin “Loose Lips Sink Ships” McCarthy
Dave Brat nicknames: Bratman, Terrible Tyke, Dark Night of the Soul
Raul Labrador nicknames: Raul "Lapdog" Labrador, Black Lab, Trump's Retriever, Labrador Guppy
Karl Rove nicknames: Turd Blossom or Turdblossom (George W. Bush), Turd Polisher (George H. W. Bush), Rover, Red Rover, Red Raver
John Boehner nicknames: Boner (George W. Bush), Orange Man, Trump's Tan Companion, Weepy, Weepy McDrunky, Sir Drunkalot
Maureen Dowd nicknames: The Cobra (George W. Bush), Howdy Dowdy, Dowdy Do-Wrong, Fraulein Dowdy
Kayleigh McEnany nicknames: Kellyanne Lite, Inane McEnany, McLiar, Blond Bombshell Exploding into Alternative Facts
Dan Scavino nicknames: Scarface, The Scavenger, Great White Snark, Social Media Czar, Trump's Twitter Babysitter (Michael R. Burch)
David Bossie nicknames: Bossy, the Boss, Bessie
Secretary of the Army Mark Green nicknames: Greenhorn, Greensleeves, Emergency!, The Medic, Critical Care, The Homophobe
Ezra Cohen-Watnick nicknames: The Tapp Dancer, Deep Bloat, The Informant, The Whistleblower (Paul Ryan), Flynn's Flunked Flunkey
Michael Ellis nicknames: Eely Ellis, The Eel, Ellis Islander, Deep Bloat II
John Eisenberg nicknames: The Illegal Eagle, Deep Bloat III, Iceberg
Billy Bush nicknames: Bush League, The Bush Beater
Richard LeFrak nicknames: The Freak, The Mogul, The Overseer
Harrison LeFrak nicknames: Little Freak, Freak Jr., The Brain, Dirty Harry
Steve Roth nicknames: Zen Master, The Vornado Tornado, Roth's Child, Wrothenstein
Stephen Ross nicknames: Dolphin, The Dauphin, The Donor
Gary Barnett nicknames: Jigsaw, Mr. Ostentation, Mr. Glitz, The Diamond Trader
Jerry Speyer nicknames: The Modest Tuna, The Tishman Tuna
Joseph Chetrit nicknames: Big Brother, Big Bother
Larry Silverstein nicknames: The Green Banana, Lucky Larry, The Pianist
Chris Ruddy nicknames: Ruddy Buddy, Trump's Spokespal, Newsminion, The Smokescreen, Russian Red Ruddy, Chris Phish, Bad Fungus
Senator Dean Heller nicknames: Heller High Water, Hell's Bells, The Hellion, The Dean of Healthcare Hell, Hell on Greased Wheels
Tom Cotton nicknames: Cottonmouth, Cotton Candypants, White Fluff, The White Cotton King, Uncle Tom, Tehran Tom, Taliban Tom
John Cornyn nicknames: Corndog (George W. Bush), Cornpone, Corn Prone, Corncob, Corny, Horn in Cornyn, KKK Cornyn
John Barrasso nicknames: Bare Ass, The Ass, The A$$hole, Wyoming's Doktor, John-Boy
Mike Lee nicknames: Mikey, The General, The Ungreat Dane, Alito Jr.
Cory Gardner nicknames: The Unconstant Gardner, Tory Cory, The GOP Bad Idea Man, C-Money, The Young Gun, Scattershot
Pat Toomey nicknames: Sock It Toomey, Senator Elevator (because he dodged Trump by hiding in an elevator), Stand Pat Toomey
Mike Enzi nicknames: Hate Frenzy Enzi, The Wyoming Homophobe, The Hate Crime Defender
John Thune nicknames: Out-of-Tune Thune, The Giant Killer
AshLee Strong nicknames: Eddie Munster's Press Secretary, The SpinMistress, The Black Widow
FBI Director James Comey nicknames: Homey Comey, EZ-Comey-EZ-Goey, Show Me Comey, The Election Rigger, Trump's Red-Headed Stepchild
Sam Nunberg nicknames: The Nun, Nanoo Nunberg, Sam the None
Barry Bennett nicknames: Bennet Dick Arnold, Bare Net Bennet
Budget Director Mick Mulvaney nicknames: Mr. Moneybags, Trump's Enabler, Mick the Prick, Mick the Vain, Whether Vane Mick, Insane Mulvaney
Nick Ayers nicknames: Airhead Ayers, Hot Air Ayers
Josh Holmes nicknames: Sherlock Holmes's Dumber Brother, Josh "the Dudd" Holmes
Seema Verma nicknames: The Verminator
Johnny DeStefano nicknames: Stephanie, The Sob Boss, The Headhunter, The Rushin' Recruiter, Mr. Flip Flop
Margaret Peterlin nicknames: The Gatekeeper
Brian Hook nicknames: Hook'n'Crook, The Hooker, Mr. Memo
Corey Stewart nicknames: The Apprentice, Trump's Firee, The Cuckservative, Prince William Unsound, Mr. AR-15
Eric Cantor nicknames: Iago, Eric Ranter, Eric Cant, The Wimpy Whip
Matt Drudge nicknames: Donald's Drudge, The Drudgemaster, High Dudgeon and Drag-ons, The Drudge Deporter, The Drudge Grudger, Miffed Matt
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano nicknames: Big Sis (Matt Drudge), Naptime Napolitano, The Naptime Politician
George Will nicknames: Admiral Weiner, The Assmaster, Will Tell, The Commissioner, The Post Washington Journalist, The Faux News Philosopher
Joe Lieberman nicknames: Traitor Joe, Trader Joe, Joe Stalin, Lieber Dish, Holy Joe, Jihad Joe, Jo(k)e, Joe Doberman
Joe Scarborough nicknames: Scar 'Bro, Squint, Mourning Joe, Morning Joe
Herman Cain nicknames: Black Walnut (he gave himself this nickname), Black Wall Nut (Michael R. Burch), The Murk of Cain (Michael R. Burch)
Haley Barbour nicknames: Boss Hogg, Barbourian, Barbarian, BarbAryan
Condoleeza Rice nicknames: CON-die, Con Diva, Mistress Condi, Condo Leaser Rice, Con-Dough-Leeza
National Security Adviser Susan Rice nicknames: The Trump Unmasker, The Oxfordian, The Valedictorian, Sportin', Spo'
UAE Crown Prince Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed al-Nahyan nicknames: Money Geyser, The Trump Gusher
Attorney General Sally Yates nicknames: Long Tall Sally, Sally Forth
Director of the U.S. Office of Government Ethics Walter Shaub: Mission Impossible, The Trust Buster, Trump's Worst Nightmare, Mr. Clean Heart
Jerry Falwell Jr. nicknames: Junior, Junior League Jerry, Jerry Fallhell
Louise Linton nicknames: Lyin' Linton, The Lyin' Queen, Zimbabwe Barbie, Marie Antoinette, Mrs. Mnuchin, Mrs. Gnu Chin
Eric Bolling nicknames: Bolling Balls (after he allegedly sent lewd pictures of himself to Fox colleagues), Boll Weavel, Boll Weasel, Boll Evil
Andy Hemming nicknames: Hemming-Way, Hemming and Hawing Andy, The Trump Stroker
Martin Shkreli nicknames: Hedge Hog, The Shortstop, Sad Supervillain, Pharma Monster, Pharma Bro, Pharma Douche, Smarm Bro
Adam Schiff nicknames: Shifty (he said Trump has no ideology other than himself, but Democracts can work with him when their interests align)
Alex Jones nicknames: Alien Sasquatch Love Child (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Hernia Boy (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), The Info Warrior, Yogurt Head
Alan Futerfas nicknames: Flutter Fast, The Hummingbird, The Criminal Defender, Miami Vice
Bob Marshall nicknames: Virginia's Chief Homophobe (himself), Toast, Unemployed, Done
Charles Gillespie nicknames: Swamp Thing (Breitbart/Steve Bannon), Jittery Republican Incumbent (Breitbart/Joel B. Pollak), Creature from the Orange Lagoon, The Unembracer (Donald Trump)
Council on Environmental Quality Chairperson Kathleen Hartnett White nicknames: Ole Queen Coal, Kathy Clown, Koch Addict, The Fossil Fool, The Moral Head Case, The CO2 Coal-ition Queen

All Donald Trump Nicknames A-Z in Roughly Alphabetical Order, with Our Favorites in Bold

70-Year-Old Toddler — Charles M. Blow and Samantha Bee
The Abominable Showman
Agent Orange — Anonymous (possibly the hacker group)
Agent of Deranged Change
Alpha Codger
Alpha Groper
Alpha Ignoramus
The Alpha Male Crybaby — George F. Will
Alpha Molester
Alpha Moron
The American Dauphin — Michael R. Burch
America's Black Mole — John Oliver
America's Burst Appendix — Samantha Bee
Amnesty Don — Joe Scarborough (after Trump said that he was "softening" his stance on illegal immigrants)
The Angry Cheeto
Angry Creamsicle — Stephen Colbert
Antichrist — (see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Art Deal and Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book, which he considers second only to the Bible)
A$$aulter-in-Chief — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
A$$hole
Baby Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch
Mr. Backdoor
Bag of Toxic Sludge
Baldfaced Crier
Barbecued Brutus
Barbarian at the Debate — Charles M. Blow
John Baron and John Barron — Donald Trump (pseudonyms he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Baron Trump
Barrel-Shouting Meatball Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Belladonald — Belladonna is known as "deadly nightshade" and the "Devil's berry"
Big Baby — Lewis Black
The Big Cheeto
Big Donald — Marco Rubio (revised to Pig Donald by feminists)
The Bigoted Billionaire
The Bilious Billionaire
Birther Maniac
Bizarro Bozo — Michael R. Burch
Bling the Merciless — Michael R. Burch
Blitzkrieg Bozo — Michael R. Burch
Blowhard
John Boehner's Tanning Partner in Crime — Michael R. Burch
Boiled Ham in a Wig — Jon Stewart
Boldfinger — Michael R. Burch
Boors 'R Us — Michael R. Burch
Boss Tweet
The Bouffant Buffoon — Michael R. Burch
The Boychurian Candidate  — Michael R. Burch (a pun on "The Manchurian Candidate")
Boy Dingo — Michael R. Burch (a pun on the movie Mandingo)
Boy O' War
The Boy Spout
The Boy Sprout
The Buoy Scout (Michael R. Burch)
The Boy Lout
Boys 'R Us — Michael R. Burch
Bozo
Bratman
Brat-Worst — Michael R. Burch (after Trump called Germans "very, very bad" for selling cars in the United States)
Bribe of Chucky
The Brooklyn Bolshevik ― Michael R. Burch
Bully Boy — Mike Rubio
Bumbledore
Bush Baby and Bush Baby Fingers — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Bush Basher
The Bush Beater
Bushman — Michael R. Burch, after Trump bragged about groping bush to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood
The Bushmaster
Butternut Soufflé of Death — Michael R. Burch
Butternut Squash — Trevor Noah
Cancer in a Wig — Trevor Noah
Captain Bluster
Captain Chaos — NBC News
Cap'n Crunch the Cereal Killer — A cartoon character gone over to the Dark Side
Captain Outrageous — Michael R. Burch (a pun on Captain Courageous)
Captain Tantastic
The Chaos Candidate — Jeb Bush
Cheddar Boy
Cheez Doodle — Maureen Dowd
Cheez Whiz — John Oliver
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator — jezebel.com
Cheeto-in-Chief — Frank Vyan Walton
Cheeto Jesus — Rick Wilson
Chicken Donald — Martin O'Malley
Child Emperor — Tom Scharpling
Chimp-PAN-Zee
Cinnamon Hitler — Trevor Noah
Chickenhawk — Because Trump evaded serving in the Vietnam War, but portrays himself as a war hawk ("the most militaristic person on the planet")
The Climate Primate — Michael R. Burch
Clown Prince of Politics
The Colossal Scandal — David Remnick
Comedy Entrapment — Jon Stewart
Commander-in-Grief
Comrade Cheetolino
Comrade Trumputin
Condoofus — Michael R. Burch (first used on Facebook and in a Tweet on July 16, 2017)
Conigula — Michael R. Burch
Conspiracy Commander-in-Chief
Con-Dike Gold Rush
Corn Husk Doll Cursed by a Witch Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
The Cowardly Lyin'
The Cruelest and Pettiest President Ever George Takei, who played Sulu in the original Star Trek series
Crybaby Prima Donald
Crybaby Trump — Jeff Kanew
Creep Throat — Seth Meyers ("Donald Trump is his own Deep Throat. He's Creep Throat.")
Cultural Punch Line — Tom Scharpling
Daddy Warbucks
Daddy Whorebucks — richismo
The Daft Draft Dodger
Dainty Donald
Damien Trump
Damn Turd Pol — anagram
Dangerous Donald — Hillary Clinton
Darkness Incarnate
Dorkness Incarnate
Darth eVader and Darth TaxeVader
Darth Goldplater — Michael R. Burch
Darth Hater
DDT
Deadbeat Donald — Dan Rather
The Debate Hater
Decomposing Jack O'Lantern — Jon Stewart
Deeply Disturbed Fuzzy Orange Goofball
The Definer — because according to The Donald, he defines other candidates, after which they quickly become political trivia questions
Dehydrated Orange Peel — Libby Inman
Delicate Donald Diddles-his-pants — Michael R. Burch
Delicate Donald Sissypants — Michael R. Burch
Demander-in-Chief — Michael R. Burch
Der Groepenfuehrer
Der Trumpkopf
Diaper Donald — Kevin Cavanaugh
Dickhead
Dickhead Dongle
Dingbat Donald
Dire Abby — Michael R. Burch (a pun on "Dear Abby" because Trump frequently tweets relationship advice to other people, but it's usually dire)
Dishonest Don
The Disruptor
The Dick Tater
DJT
Dodgy Donald — CrumblingSlowly
The Don
Don the Con
Don Dementia
The Donald — Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Donald deGonad
Donald the Deadbeat — Dan Rather
Donald Dingbat
Donald Dipshit
Donald Dodo — as in the famously stupid dodo bird
The Donaldmeister
Donald Doom
The Donimator
Donald Douchebag
Donald Drumpf — John Oliver
Donald Drunk
Donald Duck
Donald Duck Doo-Doo
Donald Ducknuke
Donald Dump
Donald Gonad
Donald the Menace
Donald Tax-Duck — John Joseph Ribovich
Don Goner
Donnie Bratso
Donnie Darko
Donnie Tic Tac
Donny — SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey); also his boyhood nickname
Donnybaby
Donnyboy
Donnybrook
Don of Orange
Douchbag von Fuckface — by Bill Maher
Draft Dodger — Don C. Reed
Draft Dodger Don
Drainman — after a Republican consultant explained that healthcare legislation is "clogging the drain" and needs to be expedited by Trump & Co.
Dr. Strangelove
D.U.D. ― Michael R. Burch (for "Dangerously Unhinged" Donald, based on a quote by Glenn "Emotional Fescue" Beck)
D.U.D.LEY DO-WRONG ― Michael R. Burch (an extrapolation of D.U.D.)
Duke Nuke 'Em
Dumbelldore
Dumbo — Grace Taylor
The Dumpster — Pun on Trumpster and the "Dump Trump" slogan)
Dump Tump — Grace Taylor
Ego Maniac
The Emperor with no Balls — Graffiti found on naked statues of Trump
The Emperor with no Clothes
Evil — Gloria Reed
Itty Bitty Ball Trump
Failed Mail-Order Meat Salesman — Ashley Feinberg, sticking a satiric fork in Trump Steaks
The Fanta Fascist
Fascist Carnival Barker — Martin O'Malley
Fat Blabby — Lewis Black
Fatso Bratso ― Michael R. Burch
Fearmonger-in-Chief (Rolling Stone)
The Feeb — George F. Will ("a feeble president whose manner can cure the nation’s excessive fixation with the presidency")
Felonious Punk ― Michael R. Burch
Feral Shouting Meatball Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Field Marshall Trump
Fifth Avenue Fraud
Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out (for trying to deny disabled vets the right to street vend on Fifth Avenue)
Financially Embattled Thousandaire — Gail Collins
Flat Top — Trump's boyhood nickname
Flipper
Flip Flopper
The Fomentor — Trevor Noah
The Fomentalist
Forrest Trump
The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (after George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann)
Foxymoron ― Michael R. Burch
Fragile Soul — Ted Cruz
Frisker-in-Chief
Frisky Frisker — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Frontrunner
Fruit of the Loom — for oddly looming over Hillary Clinton at the second presidential debate
Fuckface von Clownstick — Jon Stewart
The Germinator (Trump hates to shake hands, fearing germs)
Genghis Cant — Michael R. Burch (because unlike Genghis Khan, the Donald can't rule the world, making his promises mere cant)
Genghis Con — Michael R. Burch
Gentle Donald — Ted Cruz
The Ginger Genuflector — Michael R. Burch (after Trump bowed humbly and meekly before the King of Saudi Arabia)
The Golden I-Con ("I con 'do it! "I con 'do it! I know I con!")
The Greatest Charlatan (of them all) — Brent Bozell
Golden Calf of Doom
God — Jay Leno
God-Emperor Trump
God's Gift to Comedy—Jerry Seinfeld
God-Whimperer Trump — Michael R. Burch
Godzilla, with Less Foreign Policy Experience — Stephen Colbert
The Golden Man-Child — Michael R. Burch
Gold Faithful — Michael R. Burch (because Trump worships gold and erupts with anger on a regular basis)
The Gold Flake
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin
The Gollygarch — Michael R. Burch (pun on "oligarch" and Trump's wild exaggerations)
The GOP's Unhinged Front-Runner — Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Government Expander — Glen Beck
Gossamer-Skinned Bully — Graydon Carter
Grandpa Fucko — Kyle Bunch
The Grand Wizard of Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory — Murfster35 on DailyKos
The Great Gropesby — Michael R. Burch
The Great Gutsby — Michael R. Burch
Great Orange Hairball of Fear
The Great White Dope
The Great White Dope on a Self-Hanging Rope
Groper Cleave Hand — Michael R. Burch
Grope Dope
Groper-in-Chief — Nicholas Kristof (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Halfwit Tweet Twit
Hair Apparent — pun on Heir Apparent
Hair Furor — pun on Herr Führer
Hair Hitler — pun on Herr Hitler
The Hair-Trigger A$$a$$in ― Michael R. Burch, because Trump is in a YUGE rush to kill off less-fortunate Americans by favoring Wealthcare over Healthcare
Head Twit
Herr Führer Trump
Herr Lugenpresse Dan Rather
Herr Trump
His Sicko-Fancy ― Michael R. Burch, pun on "sycophancy" after Anthony Scaramucci expressed his amazingly intense love for Trump
Hissy-Fit Hitler Elizabeth Harris Burch aka Ladydragyn
The Hissy-Fit Hypocrite
The Human Abortion ― Mike Fernandez, a billionaire GOP mega-donor
The Human Amplifier
The Human Combover
The Human Corncob — Erin L. Cody
The Human Bullhorn — Jim Newell, in Slate
Human-Toupee Hybrid — Stephen Colbert
Humble — Donald Trump's ironic choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename
Humble Trump — a nickname given to Donald Trump by his son Eric Trump aka "Eric the Red"
Humble Cow Pie — because he's full of shit about being "humble"
The Hunchback of Notre Shame — Michael R. Burch
Hurricane Donald ― Jeff Singer
Hypocritic Oaf — Michael R. Burch
The im-POTUS
The Inane Interjector
Immigrant-Bashing Carnival Barker — TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
In-Vet-Irate Liar (for claiming to "support" vets while trying to sweep them off the streets)
The ISIS Candidate
Jack the Gripper — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Job Security (for Comedians) ― Jimmy Kimmel
Keeper of the Golden Commode ― Michael R. Burch
Kelly's Zero (pun on [Megyn] Kelly's Heroes)
Killer Klown from Outer Space (the title of a "b" movie)
King of Debt
King Leer
King of the Oompa Loompas ― Justin Baragona
King of Sleaze
King of Spin
King of the WhoppersUSA Today, Christmas Day, 2015
King Trump
King Tut — Because his insults make billions of people go "Tut, tut, tut!"
King Twit
K-Mart Caesar
Lady Fingers Trump — Don C. Reed (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Lamé Duck President — after a friend of General John F. Kelly said that he wouldn't suffer "idiots and fools" in the White House
Sir Leakalot ― Michael R. Burch
Lenin's Gremlin — Michael R. Burch
Le Petit Prince Daisyfingers — Michael R. Burch
Liberals' Best Friend (since the Trump administration will undoubtedly convert some conservatives into liberals)
Liberal Lip
Liberal Wannabe Strongman — David McIntosh
Little Donnie Diaperpants ― Michael R. Burch
Little Donnie Dinglebert — Michael R. Burch
Little Donnie Sissypants ― Michael R. Burch
Little Donnie Tic Tac
Little Dutch Boy
Long Dong Trump
Loosin' Donald — Ted Cruz
Lord Dampnut — anagram
Lord Voldemort — Rosie O'Donnell
The Lowlife
The Low Light
The Lowest Common Dominator ― Michael R. Burch
Lurch
Machado Meltdown — Hillary Clinton
The Madness of King Gorge ― Michael R. Burch
The Mad Shambler
Maladroit Savage Spiraling Out of Control — Charles M. Blow
Man-Baby — Jon Stewart
Mango Mussolini
Master Debater
Meathead — John Joseph Ribovich
MEGA-low-maniac
Mein Furor — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Melania's Burden — Vanity Fair
The Michelangelo of Ballyhoo — TIME by David Von Drehle in his cover article on Trump
John Miller — Donald Trump (a pseudonym he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Mogul — his Secret Service code name
Moneydiaper McStupid — Nick Musgrave
Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book)
Mr. Brexit — Donald Trump (perhaps because his political currency is about to be devalued?)
Mr. Chickenhawk — Because he's a coward who portrays himself as a war hawk
Mr. Firepants
Mr. Inappropriate
Mr. Boinker Oinker
Mr. Macho — Bernie Sanders (who perhaps gave the lily-livered draft dodger too much credit)
Mr. Trickle Down ― Michael R. Burch
The Man of Steal (made in China) — after Hillary Clinton pointed out that Trump hotels have been built with illegally-imported Chinese steel
Mr. Meticulous — Trump's military academy nickname, given because he folded his underwear into neat squares
Mr. Wiggy Piggy — Michael R. Burch (because he's such a male chauvinist pig, and that hair!)
Mussolini's Taint — Kyle Bunch
Narcissistic Human Airhorn — Chris Hardwick
The New Furor — Pun on Führer)
New York Dork
New York Pork Dork — Michael R. Burch (because Trump's companies have feasted on government subsidies and tax breaks)
No More Donald — Elizabeth Warren, in a tweet
Octopussy Groper
Ole King Coal — Michael R. Burch
The Only Plausible GOP Nominee — Bustle
Optimus Grime — Michael R. Burch
Orange Anus — Rosie O'Donnell
The Orange Baron
Orangeback Gorilla — After trying to physically intimidate Hillary Clinton in the second presidential debate
Orange Bozo
Orange Caligula — Victoria
Orange Clown
Orange Crush
Orange Crusher
Orange-Hued Self-Immolator
Orange Julius — A pun on the fruit drink chain (emphasis on fruit) and Julius Caesar
Orange Man
Orange Manatee — Stephen Colbert
The Orange Messiah
Orange Moron
The Orange Oligarch
Orange Omen of Doom
Orange Slug — Rosie O'Donnell
Orange Toilet Bowl Crud Brought to Life as a Genital-Grabbing Golem
The Orange-Tufted A$$hole
The Orange-Tufted Imbecile Intent on Armageddon
The Orange-Tufted War Troll — Michael R. Burch
OranguTAN
Orange-Vanilla ISIS — Michael R. Burch (someone else came up with Vanilla ISIS first)
The Orange Vomit Zombie (it eats vomit rather than brains)
Panda Hair — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Pander Bear
Pander Hair — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Party Pooper
Peripatetic Political Showman — The Fiscal Times
Persimmon Satan — Michael R. Burch
Persimmon Satyr — Michael R. Burch
Persimmon Simon — Michael R. Burch (Persimmon Simon / said to the lie-man / defending the KKK: / I love your sheets / and your racist feats! / We're peas in a pod! Ole!)
Pile of Old Garbage Covered in Vodka Sauce — Trevor Noah
Pixie Digits Trump — Michael R. Burch
The Puerile Sophomoric Sniveler — Charles M. Blow
Pig Donald — a variation of Big Donald, coined by Marco Rubio then adapted by feminists
Political Gutterball — Michael R. Burch
Poor Donald — Hillary Clinton
Poster Child of American Decline — Robert Spencer
POTUS WRECKS — Michael R. Burch
The Predictable Endpoint of Republicanism — Charles M. Blow
President Blabbermouth
President Gold Man Sucks
The Presumptuous Nominee — Hillary Clinton
Prima Donald
Primadonald
Prima Donna
Primate Donald
Pudgy McTrumpcake
Puffed Up Daddy
Pussy Posse — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Putin's Bitch
Putin's C*ck-Holster — Stephen Colbert
Putin's Gambit — Michael R. Burch
Putin's Lapdog
Putin's Pet
Putin's Puppet
Putin's Poppet ― Michael R. Burch
Putin's Rasputin
Putin's Useful Idiot
Quasi-Dodo ― Michael R. Burch
Queens' Reich — Trump hails from Queens NY, and sounds like the second coming of the Third Reich
Queer Orangutan
Rabble-Rousing Demagogue — John Cassidy in The New Yorker
Republican Rapture Inducer
Riptide of Regression Dan Rather
Rome Burning in Man Form — John Oliver
Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo — Michael R. Burch
The Russian Mole
Ryan's Nope
Sack of Gilded Lunchmeat — Kyle Bunch
The Scattershot Autocrat
Screaming Carrot Demon — Samantha Bee
Scrooge Grinch McGrump — Michael R. Burch (first used Christmas Eve, 2015)
Scrooge McTrump
SCROTUS  — So-Called Ruler of the United States, by Elayne Boosler
Semi-Sentient Bag of Farts
The Serial Feeler — pun on "serial killer" (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Serial Liar
Sexual-Predator-in-Chief
The Shambling Sasquatch — (after Trump shambled and lurched around the stage in the second presidential debate, as lampooned by SNL)
Shark Dressed Man-Boy — Michael R. Burch
The Shillsbury Doughboy — Michael R. Burch
Shitler
Silver Spoon Donald — Don C. Reed
The Silver Spoon Scion — Charles M. Blow
Sir Pissalot ― Michael R. Burch
Sir Pissypanties ― Michael R. Burch
Sir Sissypants
Snake Oil Salesman — Rosie O'Donnell
Sniffles — After the Donald sniffled like a cocaine addict during the second presidential debate
Sociopathic 70-Year-Old Toddler — Samantha Bee
The Son King (it was Trump's father who made him a millionaire; pun on "Sun King")
The Shun King
The Stun King
The Sophomoric Sniveler — Charles M. Blow
Sparkly Princess Trumpelina — Michael R. Burch
The Spin King

The Spinster and The Sinister Spinster — Michael R. Burch
Stalin's Paladin
Stubby Baby Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch
Stuporman — Michael R. Burch (since Trump's superpower is putting people to sleep and making them dream that he has magical superpowers
The Suicide Bummer
Super Callous Fragile Racist Extra Braggadocios — on protest boards
The Surreal Donald Trump
The Swamp Draining Lizard-Man-Toddler
The Talking Yam
Tan Dump Lord — anagram
The Tanning Bed Warning Label
Tangello Fruit Roll-Up Stretched Over Cat Litter Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
Tangerine Jesus
Tangerine-Tinted Trash-Can Fire — Samantha Bee
Tangerine Tornado — SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey)
The Teflon Don — Michael R. Burch
Tepid Trumpeter
TelePrompTer Trump — Mark Sumner
Terroristic Man-Toddler — Charles M. Blow
Thief-in-Chief
Thin Skinned Orange Peel
The Thinskinned Skinflint ― Michael R. Burch
Tic-Tac-Dough — Michael R. Burch
The Tic-Tac President
Tic-Tacky Trump
Tie-Coon (because his menswear line includes ties)
Timid Trumpster
The Tin-Pot Despot — Nicholas Kristof
The Tiny Fisted Emperor — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Tiny Hands Trump ― Michael R. Burch
The Transgender Rearender ― Michael R. Burch
Tricky Trump
Tricky Don Trump — After Tricky Dick Nixon
Trotsky's Triumph
T-Rump
Trumpalump
Trumpamaniac
Trumparius — Nate Silver, from "The Age of Trumparius"
Trump Card
The Trumpet — Trump's boyhood nickname
Trump of Doom — Michael R. Burch (first used in a Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
Trumpdozer — TIME Magazine
Trumpelthinskin — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumplestiltskin
Trumpenstein — Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumpinator — Soopermexican
Trumple-Doodle-Doo-Doo
Trumpledore
Trumpletoes
Trumpling Dildo
Trumpmeister
Trumpocalypse — Markos Moulitsas on Daily Kos
Trumpster
Trumptastrophe — Chris McKay
Trumpthechumps
Trump the Grump
Trustless Trump
Truthophobic Trump — Elizabeth Harris Burch
Tsar Ridickulous — by Michael R. Burch (a pun on Tsar Nicholas)
Tsarzan — by Michael R. Burch (first used on Facebook and in a Tweet on July 16, 2017)
The Tufted Taliban
Twat Twit — (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Tweet Twit
Twatty
Tweety

Tweety Blurred — Michael R. Burch
Twinkiefingers Trump
Twinklefingers Trump
Twitter-Drunk Donald — a Bush aide
The Twitter Flitterbug
The Twitter Flitterer
Twitter Spitter
The Twitter Terror — Michael R. Burch
Twittler
Two-Bit Caesar — Bill Kristol
Two Pump Trump — Troy Ramos
UNA (Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole) — Jon Stewart
The UNA Bomber
"The uniquely underqualified and overblown king of bragging and whining" — The New York Times
Unreality King
Vanilla ISIS — Pun on Vanilla Ice
Venom-Drenched Regurgitated Slimy Orange Hairball
Vet Evictor —  For staging a benefit for veterans after trying to sweep disabled vets from New York City streets for more than a decade
The Viagra Dough Boy
Voldemort ― Rosie O'Donnell
Walking Punchline
Walking Talking Human Combover — Michael R. Burch
Weak Donald — Trevor Noah
The Wear Wolf of Wall Bleat — Michael R. Burch
The Wedgie from West Palm — Kyle Bunch
The West Wing-Nut — Michael R. Burch
Whiny Don
Whiny Donald
Whiny Little Bitch — Bill Maher
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher
Widdle Donnie Diaperpants ― Michael R. Burch
The Winning Whiner — Donald J. Trump explained how he "wins" by whining in an interview
World's Greatest Troll — FiveThirtyEight Politics
The Wrath of Con — Michael R. Burch
Xenophobic Sweet Potato Donald Trump — Chris Hardwick
The Yacking Yam
YUGE Asshole
YUGE Liar
The Great Zamboner
The Zen Master of Hate
The Zookeeper ― That's quite a menagerie Trump's keeping in the White House!
The Zodiac Biller ― Michael R. Burch (because Trump and his father overbilled tenants and the U.S. Government)

The Best Descriptions of Donald Trump (or at Least among the Most Colorful)


The world's greatest troll. — FiveThirtyEight Politics
Peripatetic political showman. — The Fiscal Times
I am the most fabulous whiner. I do whine, because I want to win. — Donald Trump describing himself on CNN's "New Day" to host Chris Cuomo
John Boehner's tanning partner.
Trump is "the GOP's unhinged front-runner." — Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Trump "has moved from rabble-rousing to demagoguery, or something even uglier." — U.S. News & World Report, quoting a John Cassidy article in The New Yorker
Trump is an "immigrant-bashing carnival barker." — TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
Venom-drenched regurgitated slimy orange hairball.
The Great Orange Hairball of Death and Destruction.
Donald Trump is a walking, talking Human Combover sent to earth to seek revenge by Hitler's Moustache.
Donald Trump is the Cowardly Lion's enormous Orange Hairball of Fear brought to life by the Wicked Witch of the West.

Trump Coinages

Trump's Razor: Ascertain the stupidest possible scenario that can be reconciled with the available facts and that answer is likely correct. An homage to William of Occam.

The All-Time Best Political Nicknames: Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, Richard the Lionheart, The Great Emancipator (Abraham Lincoln), The Great Communicator (Ronald Reagan), The Iron Lady (Margaret Thatcher), Slick Willie (Bill Clinton), Richard Nixon (Tricky Dick), Donald Trump (Tricky Trump), Pale Moth (Vladimir Putin, his KGB nickname), The Father of His Country (George Washington), JFK (John F. Kennedy), The British Bulldog (Winston Churchill), Ike (Dwight D. Eisenhower), The Governator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), The Body (Jesse Ventura), The Virgin Queen (Elizabeth I of England), The Sun King (Louis XIV of France), The Winter King (Frederick V of Bohemia), Bloody Mary (Mary I of England), Ivan the Terrible (Ivan IV of Russia), Augustus the Strong (Augustus II of Poland), Farmer George (George III of England), The Merry Monarch (Charles II of England), Bonnie Prince Charlie (Charles III of England although he never ruled), Teflon Tony (Tony Blair), McNasty (John McCain), Snarlin' Arlen (Arlen Specter), Rhambo (Rham Emmanuel), Governor Moonbeam (Jerry Brown)

William Jennings Bryan may require his own special category of political nicknames: The First Celebrity Politician, The Great Commoner, The Silver Knight of the West, The Boy Orator of the Platte, The Fundamentalist Pope (H. L. Menken), Adam-and-Eve Bryan (F. Scott Fitzgerald, because Bryan argued in favor of the Bible during the Scopes Monkey Trial), The Fool (uttered by Clarence Darrow during his examination of Bryan during the famous trial), The Peerless Leader of the Democratic Party, The Cowardly Lion (it has been suggested that the lion in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was based on Bryan)

Top Ten Presidential Nicknames

The Great Emancipator, The Liberator, Abe, Honest Abe, Father Abraham, The Rail-Splitter, The Ancient One (Abraham Lincoln)
The Great Communicator, Dutch, The Gipper, The Ripper, The Lifeguard, Ronnie, Saint Ronnie, The Teflon President, Rawhide (Ronald Reagan)
The King of Camelot, Jack, JFK (John F. Kennedy)
The Father of His Country, The American Cincinnatus, The American Fabius (George Washington)
The Sage of Monticello, The Apostle of Democracy, Long Tom (Thomas Jefferson)
Give 'Em Hell Harry (Harry S. Truman)
The Colossus of Independence, Old Sink or Swim (John Adams)
Unconditional Surrender Grant (U. S. Grant)
No Drama Obama, Barry, Bam-Bam (Barack Obama)
The Boss, King Franklin, The Sphinx, The Squire of Hyde Park (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

Less Flattering Presidential Nicknames

Tricky Dick, Richard the Chicken-Hearted, Gloomy Gus (Richard M. Nixon)
Tricky Trump, Agent Orange, Hair Hitler, Der Gropenfuhrer, The Trump of Doom, The Trumpster, The Donald (Donald John Trump)
Slick Willy, Slick Willie, Bubba, The Big Dob, The Comeback Kid, The First Black President (Bill Clinton)
Dubya, Shrub, Bush Baby, Bush League, Bush Junior, Bush 43, "The Decider" (George W. Bush)
His Fraudulency, Rutherfraud, The De Facto President, The Usurper, Granny, Old 8 to7 (Rutherford B. Hayes)
His Accidency (John Tyler)
His Rotundity, The Monarch (John Adams)
His Obstinacy (Grover Cleveland)
Martin Van Ruin, Machiavellian Belshazzar (Martin Van Buren)
His Little Majesty, Dolly's Husband (James Madison)
The Stuffed Prophet, Old Veto, The Beast of Buffalo, The Hangman of Buffalo (Grover Cleveland, who allegedly fathered an illegitimate child when he was mayor of Buffalo)
The Human Iceberg, Kid Gloves Harrison (Benjamin Harrison)
Wobbly Warren, President Hardly (Warren G. Harding)
The Plodder, Polk the Mendacious (James K. Polk)
Ten Cent Jimmy, The Grand Turk, Old Buck, The Do-Nothing President (James Buchanan)
Uncle Cornpone, Rufus Cornpone, Uncle Rufus, Bullshit, Bull (Lyndon Baines Johnson, because of his lying)
Useless Grant (U. S. Grant)
Peanut, The Peanut Farmer, Jimmy, President Malaise (Jimmy Carter)
Sleeping Beauty, Big Lub, Big Chief, Mr. Malaprop, Taft the Blunderer (William Howard Taft)
The Drunkard (Franklin Pierce)
The Accidental President, The American Louis Philippe (Millard Fillmore)
The Accidental President (Gerald R. Ford)
Old Foot in the Mouth, The Jelly Bean President (Ronald Reagan)
Sir Veto (Andrew Johnson)
The Madman of Massachusets (John Quincy Adams)
Old Mutton Head, His Pomposity (George Washington)
Mad Tom (Thomas Jefferson)

Presidential Nicknames: The Strong and/or Silent or Talkative Types

Old Rough and Ready (Zachary Taylor)
The Rough Rider, The Bull Moose, The Lion, The Hero of San Juan Hill, The Trust Buster (Teddy Roosevelt)
Old Hickory, The Hero of New Orleans, King Mob, Caesar (Andrew Jackson)
Young Hickory (James K. Polk, a protégé of "Old Hickory" Andrew Jackson)
Tippecanoe, General Mum (William Henry Harrison)
Boatman Jim (James A. Garfield)
The Kansas Cyclone, Ike, General Ike (Dwight D. Eisenhower, known for his campaign slogan "We like Ike")
Silent Cal, Cool Cal, Cautious Cal, The Sphinx of the Potomac (Calvin Coolidge)
The Houdini of the White House, That Man (Franklin Delano Roosevelt)
The Schoolmaster, The Professor (Woodrow Wilson)
The Great Engineer, The Great Humanitarian, The Grand Old Man, The Chief, Bert (Herbert Hoover)
Old Man Eloquent (John Quincy Adams)
Read My Lips (George H. W. Bush, who vowed never to raise taxes, but did)

Soft and Fluffy Presidential Nicknames

Teddy (Theodore Roosevelt; the "teddy bear" was named after him)
Poppy, Old Pop, Papa Bush, Bush 41 (George H. W. Bush, to differentiate him from his son President George W. Bush)
Uncle Jumbo, Grover Good (Grover Cleveland)
Winnie, Sonny (William B. Harding)
Junie, Junior (Gerald R. Ford Jr.)
Little Jemmy, Short Stack (James Madison, who stood only 5'4")
The Little Magician, The Enchanter, Little Matt, Pet of the Petticoats, The Mistletoe Politician (Martin Van Buren, who stood 5'6")
Little Ben, Grandfather's Hat (Benjamin Harrison, who stood 5'6" and was also the grandson of former President William Henry Harrison)
The Era of Good Feelings President, The Last Cocked Hat (James Monroe)
Mr. Nice Guy, Jerry (Gerald Ford)
Prince Arthur, The Dude President, Gentleman Boss, The Walrus, Chet (Chester A. Arthur)
Elegant Arthur (James A. Garfield)
Handsome Frank (Franklin Pierce)
The Tennessee Tailor (Andrew Johnson)
Light Bulb Lyndon (Lyndon Baines Johnson)

Presidential Nicknames: Short and Sweet Initials Only

JQA (John Quincy Adams)
JFK (John F. Kennedy)
FDR (Franklin D. Roosevelt)
TR (Teddy Roosevelt; he didn't have a middle name)
LBJ (Lyndon Baines Johnson)

Related pages: Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Jeff Sessions Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames, Judge Roy Moore Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Mitt Romney Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Donald Trump Puns, Donald Trump Limericks, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Inauguration Poetry Donald Trump Curtsy or Bow?, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Is there a Republican War on Women?, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, 2016 Republican Debate, Ted Cruz Quotes, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, The Best Donald Trump Russia Jokes

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