This page contains the best Anthony Scaramucci nicknames that I have been able to
find, and some that I came up with myself, along with some choice Donald Trump,
Melania Trump, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner and other Trump family/friend/associate/lapdog nicknames ...
It has been scientifically proven that Anthony Scaramucci's blow-dryer, by
evaporating massive quantities of hair gel and other hair products, is now the leading cause of global
CURRENTLY RISING Anthony Scaramucci nicknames ...
The Mooch and Moochifer
The Mooch Smooch (Trevor Noah)
Smoochie and Smoochi
Sh*t-Stirrer (a middle name the Mooch proposed to New York Magazine,
except that it would make his initials A.S.S.)
A$$ (problem solved!)
The Untrained Pomeranian
Loose Lips Scaramucci (his lips,
although flapping loosely, are firmly
planted in Trump's pale orange posterior)
Moocholini (Michael R. Burch)
The Premature Ejaculator
Little Anthony and the Diphtherials The 'Do-Whopper (Michael R. Burch)
The Incredible Shrinking Spokesman
Scary Spice II
Human Cocaine (SNL)
The Human Tanning Bed (John Oliver) The Human Pinky Ring
(Seth Myers) The Human Toilet Plunger (Trump gold-plates his toilets, the
Moocher plunges in head-first)
Call Scareamucci The Dandy Lyin' and The Sizzlin'
George F. Will wrote: "Looking, as prudent people are
disinclined to do, on the bright side, there are a few vagrant reasons for
cheerfulness, beginning with this: Summer love is sprouting like dandelions. To
the list of history’s sublime romances — Abelard and Heloise, Romeo and Juliet,
Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy — add the torrid affair between Anthony
Scaramucci and President Trump. The former’s sizzling swoon for the latter is the
most remarkable public display of hormonal heat since — here a melancholy
thought intrudes — Jeff Sessions tumbled into love with Trump. Long ago. Last
NEWS RASH: ScarySpicer has been replaced by
Anthony Scaramucci, who is even scarier! Scaramooch in
a rare instance of not dancing the Fandango once called Trump a "hack politician." But Mr.
About-Face, yet another Gold Man Sucks hedge fund manager, has suddenly
become Trump's biggliest and most gushingest Fan Boy. Did Mr.
Moneybags offer him a raise? Now the Hacker Backer has
Trump's back, or at least The Brownnoser's lips are planted firmly in
Trump's pale orange posterior. Mr. Sicko Pants is busy making hay where the sun don't shine.Friends who once called Scaramucci the Mooch are now calling him the
Smoocher. But we prefer the more accurate and descriptive
A$$ki$$er. And while Moocholini has been identified by certain experts as belonging
to a hyperactive species of Hedge Hog, there is a new
report that he is actually a Scare Monkey. We, however, are
actively investigating the possibility that Two-Faced Scaramucci
is both! (We also believe he'll be the lead villain in the next
Bratman movie.) At last word Little Tony Tutone
had just cornered the world markets for bronzer and hair gel, while his
blow-dryer is now the leading cause of global warming! Please stay "tuned" for
further developments concerning Press Deputy DIP-pity-'Do.―Michael R.
Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
NEWS TRASH: Alas, Scaramooch will be forced to 'do the Tandango
or go it alone, since his
wife announced that she will divorce Mr. Irreconcilable Deferences because of his "naked political
ambition." That may be a polite way of saying she will step gracefully aside
so that The Premature Ejaculator and The Great Gropesby
can consummate their obviously torrid love affair, after they were
caught in flagrante delicto on national TV.―Michael R. Burch aka "The
NEWS GNASH: There's more bad news for Trump. His new White House Chief of Staff
is a no-nonsense, straight-shooting former Marine: General John F. Kelly. Now
that The ICE Man Cometh, what will become of Kelly's
longtime friend of Kelly's told The Washington Post that he "won't suffer
idiots and fools." Obviously that means Low
No IQ Trump is in deep sh*t! Does Kelly's
refusal to abide idiots and fools make Trump a Lamé Duck President? Or perhaps a
Flambé Duck President? On the brighter side, thanks to the hiring of Anthony
"theMooch" Scaramucci (yes, that is actually what he calls himself!) the Trump
administration has finally come up with a unified message ... (drumroll please)
... ta da ... and the GRAND UNIFIED MESSAGE is ... Jeff Sessions sucks! And
Reince Priebus sucks his own c*ck! And the Mooch would absolutely love to smooch
Trump's c*ck! And, oh, yes ... (drumroll please) ... double ta da ... while
Trump is being brownnosed and fellated by the Mooch, he is without-a-doubt the
"most presidential" of presidents other than Abraham Lincoln! Thus
King Gorge is
immediately ready for Mount Rushmore (which would be sublimely appropriate,
since he seems to be in more than a rush to mount the Mooch)!―Michael R. Burch
aka "The Loyal Opposition"
Tracy Klugian described herself as "furious" about the canning of Anthony
"the Conned Mic Gold Rush" Scaramucci. Klugian and other comedians are now demanding that President
Trump appoint a replacement acceptable to the comedy industry. "Unless he picks
someone of the order of Gary Busey or Snooki, it's going to get ugly," she
warned. In related news, Andy Borowitz has estimated that the Smooch-Mooch's firing
could cost the comedy industry four to five billion dollars! But the real loser
in all this is Mario Cantone, who could have been the next Melissa McCarthy.―Michael R. Burch
aka "The Loyal Opposition"
NEWS SMASH: Folks, we can all take deep breaths and relax! Certain disaster has
been averted, and things are back to merely abnormal in Trump's Bizarro World!
We no longer have to fear a new Uncivil War between our government and mobs of
homeless, starving comics! According to deniable sources, Kellyanne "Wrongway"
Conway will soon swoop in backwards asswards to replace the seemingly irreplaceable
Mooch-Pooch! One Trump lapdog can easily replace another! And
the Con-Way Twit
will undoubtedly observe Moocholini's prime directive: "Always
provide comedians with the best possible material. Make their jobs as
easy sleazy as possible!"―Michael R. Burch aka "The
White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci nicknames ...
The Mooch (incredibly, this is what the Grate Communicator calls
himself!) The Moocher
The Mooch Smooch (Trevor Noah)
The Cooch Smoocher
Deep Smooch A$$ki$$er (Michael R. Burch)
The Ass Smoocher Scaramooch
The Scary Moocher
The Sizzlin' Swooner (George F. Will)
The Trump-Schmoozer The Trump Lover Poochie Scary Poochie
Little Tony Lap Pooch
Excess Baggage (Trump appointed Scaramucci chief strategy officer of
the U.S. Export-Import Bank, an institution Trump called “excess baggage” during
Mr. Carry-On (Trump carried the Mooch around like second-hand luggage, and the
Mooch carried on ... and on ... and on!)
Trump's Court Jester ("In Italian theater, a scaramuccia is a
menacing court jester who inevitably falls from grace and Trump's jester fit the
The Laughingstock The Preening Peacock Donnie's Dinglebert Taster(Jesters sometimes did double duty as food tasters.)
The Honeymooner (he asked his new staff to give him a "honeymoon" without leaks)
Sir Leakalot (immediately after complaining about leaks, he leaked the fact
that Reince Priebus would be asked to resign "shortly")
The Premature Ejaculator
The Premature A$$a$$inator (Michael R. Burch)
Easy Cum, Sleazy Go (he made crude references to c*cks and got cold-cucked)
The Cold-Cocked Cuck
Cuck of the Walk
Cock of the Walk
Schmuck of the Walk
The Front-Stabber (Elizabeth Williamson)
The Straight Shooter (he kept shooting himself straight in the foot) The A$$a$$in (he expressed a desire to personally "kill" the
leakers even though it was only a dinner list!)
Loose Lips Scaramucci (his lips,
although loose, are firmly
planted in Trump's pale orange posterior) Two-Faced Scaramucci (likely to be the lead villain in the next
The De-Honeyed Mooner (his wife filed for divorce days after Trump hired him) Mr. Irreconcilable Deferences (Michael R. Burch)
Mr. Irreconcilable References (Michael R. Burch)
The Hedge Hog (Scaramucci is a hedge fund manager)
The Hyperactive Hedge Hog
The Boss Hogg Hedger
The Goldman Sucks Crapitalist
The Dough Nut
Shark Dressed Man-Boy Mr. Sicko Pants(Scaramucci panted after Trump like a love-sick hound in heat) Mr. Sicko-Fancy (Michael R. Burch) The Con Mike Gold Rush
The Dandy Lyin' The East Egger(Scaramucci grew up in Port Washington, the East Egg of F. Scott
Fitzgerald's novel The Great Gatsby)
The Human Blow Dryer Mr. Hair Gel
Deputy DIP-pity-'Do (Michael R. Burch)
Scary Spice II
Man-let of the Apes (Scaramucci is proof positive that scare monkeys did not
evolve, proving Darwin wrong!)
Little Tony Monkeyshines (Apologies to monkeys everywhere!)
The Organ Grinder's Moochin' Capuchin (Apologies to capuchin monkeys
The Orang-You-Tan (Apologies to orangutans everywhere; Trump will obviously have
to tan this trained money's hide on a regular basis!)
KooKoo (Apologies to the much kinder and more intelligent gorilla, KoKo.)
HanaBilko (KoKo's given name is Hanabiko.)
The Cuck Sucker (Scaramucci began fellating Trump in public as soon as he'd been hired; however what Trump is experiencing may be better described as "hellatio"!)
The Cuckold (Scaramucci's wife did the "right" thing: she stepped aside,
allowing two old cucks to consummate their obviously torrid love affair!)
The Louche Douche
The Hacker Backer (he called Trump a "hack" and a "bully" in an interview with
Fox Business News)
The AntiChrist's Slave ("I serve @POTUS agenda and that's all that
The Ideal Slave (he told Chris Wallace that his ideals "don't matter
at all" and that he's "subordinating" them to Trump's agenda)
Trump's Handmaiden Trump's
Lapdog The Former Idealist
The Reformed Idealist
The Surreal Idealist
Deleter (examples follow later on this page)
Fully Transparent Man (he admitted deleting
The Bulimic (he has an "urge to purge")
Little Anthony and the Diphtherials (Michael R. Burch)
Tandingo (pun on the movie title Mandingo)
High C-Note Tony
Little Tony Soprano (Michael
R. Burch) The 'Do-Whopper (Michael
Valley Little Tony Tutone (Scaramucci recently cornered the world markets
for bronzer and hair gel)
The Incredible Shrinking Spokesman (Michael R. Burch)
Spokestoady The Grate Communicator The "In" Direct Communicator
His Brother's Bleeper (Michael
His Brother's Reaper (Michael
His Brother's Leaper (Michael
His Brother's Sweeper (Michael
More Anthony Scaramucci nicknames: Moocholini (Michael R. Burch), The Chaos Magnet, Mr. Con-troversy, Mr. Scar Power, Mr. About-Face, Fan Boy, The Bully Backer, Mr. Scare Up Money, The Lie Bridger (he started a
company called SkyBridge Capital), The Bid Rigger, The Sky-High Lie Rigger, The Human Embodiment
of a Double-Parked BMW (Seth Myers), The Death Merchant of Venice, Blind
Venetian, SNL's Wildest Wet Dream, SNL's Ratings Bonanza, The Leakplugger, The
Finger-in-the-Dike Boy, Nervous Nellie, Little Tony Bananas, Banana Boy, Cabana
Boy, The Colorful Language Artist formerly known as Dunce, The Creature from the
Colorful Language Lagoon, La Goon Boy, The West Wingnut, West Side Boor-y, The
Cellar Dweller, The Batshit Crazy Male Bimbo, Carbon Copy, Eel-Boy, Eelusive
Boy, Trump's Buoy, Trump's Boy Blunder, The Dunce, The Truant, Scathing
Scaramucci (USA Today), Clean Slate Scaramucci (since he was fired)
Q: What's the difference between a BMW and Anthony Scaramucci?
A: With a BMW the pricks are all safely inside!
Here are some of the Grate Communicator's early communications:
Scary Scaramucci threatened to fire his entire staff unless a journalist (Ryan
Lizza) revealed the source of a momentous "leak" (i.e., who would be attending a
dinner at the White House).
The Scaremonger insisted that the "leaked" dinner list was a "major
The Leakplugger then leaked much bigger news: "Reince Priebus—if you want to
leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly."
Sir Leakalot's leaks continued unabated: "Reince is a fucking paranoid
schizophrenic, a paranoiac."
The source of the Scaremonger's anger? He insisted the Priebus had "cock-blocked
Scaramucci for six months."
Scarface Scaramucci then ranted about reporting Priebus to the FBI and
Department of Justice over a publicly available financial disclosure form.
"The swamp will not defeat him," he continued, referring to himself in the third
person, "so they’re going to have to go fuck themselves!"
His foul tirade continued: "I'm not Steve Bannon, I'm not trying to suck my own
Loose Lips Scaramucci was really on a roll by now: "What I want to do is I want
to fucking kill all the leakers! ..."
Apparently, Scarface Scaramucci would like to murder his own employees!
He closed by calling himself a "straight shooter," so the body count should
Scaramucci even called himself "the Mooch" saying: "OK, the Mooch showed up a
week ago. This is going to get cleaned up very shortly, OK."
The Grate Communicator seemed anxious to start spreading his brand of batshit
craziness: "Yeah, let me go, though, because I've gotta start tweeting some shit
to make this guy crazy."
In another interview Scaramucci asked: "Isn't that the best thing about him
[Trump], that he's wickedly wealthy?"
"We're going to win so much you are actually going to get tired of winning,"
Trump's Mini-Me promised co-anchor Chris Cuomo on CNN's "New Day" show.
Mini-Me again: "He is arguably the most media savvy person in history, but
certainly of our times."
Min-Me on whether Trump ordered the firing of Michael Short: "I'm straightly not
answering your question."
Mini-Me on Michael Short's firing: "I didn't want to fire him as much as I
wanted him to resign."
Mini-Me on Trump's super powers: "He's going to get what he wants eventually,
because this guy always gets what he wants, O.K.?"
Are we tired of Trump "winning" yet?
Anthony Scaramucci's deleted tweets include: (1) A tweet describing Newt
Gingrich is an "odd guy" with "no judgment." (2) A congratulatory tweet in
praise of Mitt Romney for his decision to avoid the "Trump spectacle." (3) A
tweet describing himself as being "for Gay Marriage, against the death penalty,
and Pro Choice." (4) Scaramucci was firmly against Trump's wall, as tweeted in
favor of "social inclusion" and said "Walls don't work. Never have never will.
The Berlin Wall 1961-1989 don't fall for it!"
(5) Scaramucci also contradicted Trump by speaking positively about Islam,
calling it a "religion of peace." (6) Scaramucci railed against climate-change
deniers. (7) In two not-yet-deleted tweets Scaramucci said that the United
States has too many guns and that he's "always been for strong gun control
laws." But he apparently has no problem selling out his ideals when Trump starts
throwing bones to his lapdogs.
Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the
major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops,
gropes women's genitals, sentences babies and grannies to death, cheats at golf,
then brags about his "accomplishments"
and campaigns for reelection.
We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jarhead
Kushner is at the ISIS front, using his
real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops!
Trump's youthful Aide de Kampf will never rest until WWIII is well
underway, and completely irreversible. There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket
starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie).
Little Lord Fauntleroy will
also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields, PeeWee's Big
Adventure and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner then Whines about the
Jared Kushner Nicknames
Vanilla ISIS Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump)
Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL) Aide de Kampf
(Michael R. Burch) Acting President Kushner
Coup D'Tot(Michael R. Burch) Putin's Protégé
Putin's American Viceroy
Putin's American Vice-Boy
The Air (Steve Bannon, because Kushner glides in and out like a puff of air)
The Secretary of Everything (his White House nickname)
Jared the Palid
The Nixonian Nerd ("Let me make one thing perfectly
clear: I did not collude with Russia. Like Sgt. Schultz, I know
Fully Transparent Boy (He claimed to be "fully transparent" on Russia.)
The Eager Beaver ("I am eager to
share any disinformation I have with investigating bodies!")
Little Rich Bitch
Little Jared (Ana Navarro)
Baby Boy (Ana Navarro)
Jared "the Red" Kushner
The Boy Blunder
Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on
The Red Queen ("Off with their heads!")
The Preppie Neo-Con
(Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon)
(the name Jared means "descent" so he is the "Son of Kush," the
The Crown Prince of Babble-On
Channel 666 (Jared Kushner and his wife Ivanka Trump own 666
Fifth Avenue, purchased for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion)
Back Door Boy
Trump's Lawless Son-in-Law The Neophyte Jared the Unready
Complete Fucking Idiot (Samantha Bee)
The Preppy Schlep
The Easebroker The Piece Broker
The Piss Broker
The Grease Broker
The Chinese Checker
The White Russian
Russian Rim Job
The Prim & Proper Prussian
JAG (Junior Apprentice Gerrymanderer)
Ivanka Trump Nicknames
I Wanna Wank Her
Ivanka Spanker Proxy Wife Nordic
Norwegian Wood Inducer The First Lady-Daughter
The Acting First Lady The Real First Lady
Kushner's Cush Toy
The Smart One
Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the
smart one" in the Godfather movies)
The Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames ... Oh Hell ... So
MANY to Choose from ... Better Make it the Top 1,000!
Number one, with a bullet: THE ANTICHRIST — by God and the Hebrew prophets
when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking
literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666
connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Short-Fingered Vulgarian — by Graydon Carter
Agent Orange — by Anonymous (not sure if it was coined by the hacker group Anonymous, but this
is one of my all-time favorites)
Golden Wrecking Ball — by Sarah Palin (who was not trying to be funny,
but ended up being all too accurate ... so sad!)
(#5) Fuckface von Clownstick, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant
Narcissistic Asshole (the UNAbomber?) — by Jon Stewart
The White Kanye ― by Bill Maher (or is Trump more accurately the Yellow-ish-Orange Kanye?)
(#7) Lord Voldemort, Orange Anus and Snake Oil Salesman — by Rosie O'Donnell
Trump of Doom — by Michael R. Burch (adopted from the Bible and first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11,
Thurston Shitbag the Third — by Bill Maher
(#10) Man-Baby — by Jon Stewart ... this one inspired a slew of jokes and
similar nicknames ...
Q: What do you call it when a Man-Baby takes over the American government?
A: Coup d'Tot!