This page contains the best Melania Trump nicknames that I have been able to
find, and some that I came up with myself, along with some choice Donald Trump,
Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner and other Trump family nicknames ...
The Top Ten Melania Trump Nicknames
Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd)
Old Mel and Dark Slovenian Soul (Dame Helen Mirren in People)
Melania Antoinette (Michael R. Burch)
FLOTUS (First Lackey of the U.S.)
Ice Queen (Gloria Erin Ryan) and The Cold One The Man-Boy Sitter,
The Trump Sitter and
Trump Swatter (after she slapped her husband's groping hand away on an airport runway in
The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley)
The Celebrity Apprentice Bride
Bride of Trumpenstein and Mrs. Gaudzilla
Currently Rising: Mrs. Hitler (Bill Mahler), Miss White Supremacy, Miss Immigration, Miss Chain Migration
(since her parents seem to have "chain migrated" to the US after her marriage to
Donald Trump), The Cuckold, MeNoWanya (Allan Ishac)
While Trump claims to be "protecting" Americans from the evils of "chain
migration," he is apparently married to its poster girl! First, Melania Knavs
took work away from American models. Then, after she married Trump and became an
American citizen, her parents "chain migrated" to the US.
The Swamp Queen,
Mater Harry (pun on Mata
Hari and Dirty Harry),
Pussy Bow (because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate),
Double Agent (Christen Clifford suggested that the "pussy bow" was a feminist
rebuke of her husband's pussy groping), TerminEX (because she keeps slapping
Trump's hands away, like it's over), The Black Widow, Eye Candy, I Candy, Ivana's Bane, Ivanka's Bane, Marla's Bane, The Dowager Queen,
Queen Spleen, The Manchurian Bride, Princess Royale, The Casino Queen, Mel
Trump, Mel T, Melanija Knavs (her maiden name), The Knave, Trophy Wife (Donald
Trump called her his "trophy wife" openly, according to Michael Wolff),
Frosty, The Frost Queen, The ICE Queen, Third Lady (after Ivana and Ivanka),
Burberella, The White House Nonpresence (Michael
Wolff), The Fashionista, The White House Hostage, The Trump Tower Tsarina,
Rapunzel with Hair Too Short to Escape, Melistopheles, Muse (her Secret Service
code name), The Professional Virgin, The Only Woman Trump Doesn't Grope,
MeNoWanya (Allan Ishac)
Damien Trump and his Stepford Wives
meet Pope Francis, who is obviously uncomfortable in the presence of
such Darkness and angles his cross slightly toward them, to keep them at bay!
The Top Ten
Trump Family Nicknames ...
The Brooklyn Hillbullies (Michael R.
Donald Duck Dynasty
The Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse (Michael R.
The Cold Ones The Children of the Corn
Poor Little Bitch
The Bitches of Eastwick
Trump Divorce Nicknames ...
Reality Check Mate
Reality Czech Mate
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Toupee or not Toupee Melania Alimony, that is the Question!
White House insiders have been calling the president Don Corleone
and Dumb Corleone because of his mob boss mentality. His oldest
son Donald Trump Jr. is Fredo (the dumb son who keeps shooting
himself in the foot), while Ivanka is Michael (the smart one).
There is no doubt that Ivanka is the Godfather's favorite,
since he gave her a position in his administration along with her husband
Little Lord Fauntleroy. But if Junior is Fredo, wouldn't that
make Senior another Fredo? Better call Puffed Up Daddy and his
eldest son Dumb and Dumber! But where does this name game leave
Eric Trump, another Chip Off The Old Blockhead who may be the dumbest
of them all? Is Eric too dumb to be promoted to Sonny? They
seem to be a trio of Fredos, so call them the All Fredos or
Alfredos for short! But let's not rush to judgment: Bill Maher
has compared the Trump brothers to another ill-begotten duo: Uday and Qusay
Hussein. That would make their father So Damn Insane, and it
certainly seems to suit him.
The Top Ten Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames (Bolded) ...
Dunce Jr. Son of Drumpf
Donald Drumpkopf the Lesser Ponyboy Bozo Boy
Baby Boy Chip Off
Grade D T-Rump
Daddy's Human Shield
Trump Fredo Corleone Frito Corleone Fraido (because like Fredo he's afraid of
Frayed Dough The Bedwetter and Diaper Don (because in college he
would get drunk, pass out and wet the bed)
The Plush Flush Lush The Cheapest Gazillionaire Heirhead (People Magazine, after Junior proposed to
Vanessa Haydon with a free ring)
The Good Boy (Donald Trump Sr.)
Unbonny Donnie and Nondescript Donnie (because Ivanka got all the attention)
The Groupless Groupie
Groper Jr. and Junior Abuser (he came on to
women so strong at frat parties "everyone was warned to stay away from Donnie
The Great White Hunter (he even posed for a picture holding a severed
elephant's tail!) The Gushin' Russian (see the quote below)
"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of
our a$$ets," Donald "Ponyboy" Trump Jr. told a real estate conference
in 2008, "We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In
2014, when golf writer James Dodson asked Eric "the Red" Trump how his father
could finance golf courses when American banks were declining to lend money
against such a$$ets, he answered: "We don’t rely on American banks. We
have all the funding we need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims
to have "no dealings" with Russia, he is obviously lying. And of
course Trump Jr. made the
purpose of his treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents perfectly clear
when he informed Jared "Jarhead" Kushner and Paul "Mole" Manafort about the
covert operation in an email with the subject heading: "Russia – Clinton –
private and confidential." Folks, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's
Watson to figure this one out!
The Top Ten Ivanka Trump Nicknames ...
Ivanka Wanker (I Wanna Wank Her)
Ivanka Spanker (I Wanna Spank Her)
Proxy Wife Nordic
The Norwegian Wood Inducer
The First Lady-Daughter Kushner's
Kushner's Cush Toy
The Smart One and
Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the
smart one" in the Godfather movies) Dishonorable Mention:
The Real First Lady, The First Shady Lady,
Marco Roboto hugs the First-Lady-Daughter ... talk about uncomfortable!
Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the
major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops,
gropes women's genitals, sentences babies and grannies to death, cheats at golf,
then brags about his "accomplishments"
and campaigns for reelection.
We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jared "Jarhead"
Kushner is at the ISIS front, using his
real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops!
Trump's youthful Aide de Kampf will never rest until WWIII is well
underway, and completely irreversible. There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket
starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie).
Little Lord Fauntleroy will
also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields, PeeWee's Big
Adventure and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner then Whines about the
The Top Ten Jared Kushner Nicknames (Bolded)
Vanilla ISIS Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump) Aide de Kampf
(Michael R. Burch)
Trump's Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL) Acting President Kushner Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on
Putin's Proxy Putin's Protégé Comrade Kushner
Little Rich Bitch
Little Jared (Ana Navarro)
Baby Boy (Ana Navarro)
Jared "the Red" Kushner
The Boy Blunder
The Preppie Neo-Con
(Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon)
(the name Jared means "descent" so he is the "Son of Kush," the
The Crown Prince of Babble-On Trump's Lawless Son-in-Law
The Neophyte Jared the Unready
Complete Fucking Idiot (Samantha Bee)
The Preppy Schlep Dishonorable Mention:Putin's American Viceroy,
Putin's American Vice-Boy,
Ivanka's KKKrush, Back Door Channel,
Channel 666 (Kushner owns the most expensive building in the U.S. at 666
Fifth Avenue, purchased for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion),
The Top Ten Eric Trump Nicknames ...
Eric the Red
Eric the Brain Dead
Eric of Orange
Mr. Alt-Right and Mr. Alt-Wrong
Chip Off the Old Blockhead II
Butthead Trump (his older brother is Beavis), Eric
the Hysteric, Eric the Cleric, Mr. Roboto, The Self-Dealer,
The Charity Defrauder, The Cancer Necromancer (he has been accused of using a
children's cancer "charity" to slip money to himself under the table)
Frederick Trump Nicknames ...
Freddy Freeloader (he overbilled the government
on housing projects)
Frederick the Not-So-Great
Father of the Beast The Kingmaker (Fred Trump said that he raised his son to be a "king")
Guthrie's Bane (the famous folk singer-songwriter wrong angry songs about Fred Trump's
The Top Ten
Tiffany Trump Nicknames ...
The Other Daughter
The Unknown Trump
Barron Trump Nicknames ...
Poor Little Rich
Barron von Trump
Barron von Munchkin
The Top Ten
Trump Administration Nicknames (Bolded) ...
Moscow on the Hudson The Kremlin Gremlins
(Hillary Clinton) Amoral Flying Monkeys
(Keith Olbermann) Amateur Hour at
the White House
Rank Amateurs (emphasis on "rank") Alternate Reality TV Celebrity
Presidential Apprentice KKK: Kooks, Klowns and
Den of the
Re-Flub-Lycans (Michael R. Burch)
The Ninth Circle of
The Fourth Reich
Combover to the Dark Side Hair
Hitler and the Whigs (Michael R. Burch) Trump-Pence None the
Retcher (Michael R. Burch)
Regressive Reds The White Supremacist House (Michael R. Burch)
The West Wing Sexual Assault Emporium
(Michael R. Burch)
Oval Ovary Assault Office
The Ovary Inspection Office
(Michael R. Burch)
Crack Team of Crackpots (Michael R. Burch)
AmeriKlan Idols Kakistocracy (Ryan Lizza) ...
The Greeks have a word for the emerging Trump Administration:
kakistocracy. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as a “government
by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.” Webster’s is simpler:
“government by the worst people.”—Ryan Lizza in a New Yorker article
Trump Impeachment Nicknames ...
The Fall of the House of Lusher
The Fall of the House of
the Gold Toilet Flusher
Gone with the Hot Air
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
The Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames ... Oh Hell ... So
MANY to Choose from ... Better Make it the Top 1,000!
Number one, with a bullet: THE ANTICHRIST — by God and the Hebrew prophets
when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking
literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666
connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Short-Fingered Vulgarian — by Graydon Carter
Agent Orange — by Anonymous (not sure if it was coined by the hacker group Anonymous, but this
is one of my all-time favorites)
Golden Wrecking Ball — by Sarah Palin (who was not trying to be funny,
but ended up being all too accurate ... so sad!)
(#5) Fuckface von Clownstick, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant
Narcissistic Asshole (the UNAbomber?) — by Jon Stewart
The White Kanye ― by Bill Maher (or is Trump more accurately the Yellow-ish-Orange Kanye?)
(#7) Lord Voldemort, Orange Anus and Snake Oil Salesman — by Rosie O'Donnell
Trump of Doom — by Michael R. Burch (adopted from the Bible and first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11,
Thurston Shitbag the Third — by Bill Maher
(#10) Man-Baby — by Jon Stewart ... this one inspired a slew of jokes and
similar nicknames ...
Q: What do you call it when a Man-Baby takes over the American government?
A: Coup d'Tot!