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Mitt Romney Nicknames
Paul Ryan Nicknames

These are the best Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan nicknames that I have been able to find on the Internet, plus a few that I came up with myself.

compiled by Michael R. Burch

Mitt Malarkey

Vice President Joe Biden found the perfect Irish term to describe the fountain of hysterical nonsense that constantly bubbles up from the overheated core of Myth Romney, like a political Old Unfaithful: "malarkey." Now Mitt Malarkey is just one of many colorful nicknames ascribed to Mitt Romney. Some of my personal favorites include Darth eVader, Decepticon, Mittler, Pander Bear, the Romneybot and Romney Hood. But if you have the time for a few chuckles (or grimaces), you can find well over a hundred nicknames here. It's interesting to hear what people called Willard Mitt Romney before he became famous. In prep school he was Fancy Cheesebags and Mr. Roboto. At Bain Capital, he was More Money. As Massachusetts governor he was Robmoney. As soon as he started spouting nonsense in Great Britain, where fools are not suffered lightly, he was dismissed as Mitt the Twit and Nowhere Man by the British tabloids.

Bishop Romney

As Hurricane Sandy threatened 50 million American with devastating floods, I was reminded of Mitt Romney's statement that it is "immoral" to borrow money to help flood victims. Romney, a former Mormon Bishop and therefore someone who should presumably understand the term, didn't call it "immoral" for the federal government to borrow billions to bail out the Olympic games, or his rich Wall Street cronies. He obviously doesn't consider it "immoral" to borrow the better part of $7 trillion dollars to rescue the super-rich and increase defense spending for things the Pentagon hasn't even requested. According to Bishop Romney, it seems the only people it's "immoral" to help are the 47% of Americans who need help the most, including flood victims, distressed auto workers, homeless vets, and poor women who need Planned Parenthood’s help with contraceptives, family planning and preventive healthcare.

Mr. Roboto

If a robot, android or space alien was running for president, just think of some of the strange things it might say in its attempts to connect with real human beings ... but the quotes on this page are all things actually said by Willard Mitt Romney, a man even stranger than his name and nicknames.

Top Ten Mitt Romney Nicknames                                             Top Ten Paul Ryan Nicknames

Bain in the Ass (David Letterman's #1)                                            Lyin' Ryan
King of Bain (Newt Gingrich)                                                         Marathon Man (he lied about his best marathon time)
Mitt the Twit (The Sun of London, Rupert Murdoch)                     Private Ryan (for taking Medicare private)
Mittler (LGBT community)                                                             Darth Vader
Mitt Rotney (Maxine Waters)                                                         Darth Sidious
The Stiff (Donald Trump)                                                               Darth Insidious (Mike Burch)
The Romneybot                                                                             The Exterminator (for eradicating those pesky seniors)
Mitt the Flopple (Mike Burch, pun on Mott the Hopple)                  Granny Killer
Rigger Mortis (Mike Burch, pun on rigging companies with debt)     Mr. 1%
Pac-Man (Young Turks, pun on Political Action Committees)          Biggest Brown-Noser (by his graduating class in 1988)

Okay, let's make it a Baker's Dozen

Multiple Choice Mitt                                                                       Ryan O'Kneel (for brown-nosing)
Romney Hood (President Obama)                                                  Ryan O'Steal (for stealing from seniors)
Romney and the Romulans (cold-blooded Star Trek aliens)             Paully Wanna Backer (for sucking up to Sheldon Adelson)

Oh Hell, why not a Top Twenty?

Mighty Mormon Power Ranger                                                       American Taliban (for his stone age anti-female positions)
Book of Moron (Young Turks, pun on the Book of Mormon)         Abs of Steal (he's a workout nut)
The Mormonator (David Letterman)                                               Workout Wonk
Captain Ameri-con (Mike Burch)                                                    Take It All Paul
Decepticon (Young Turks)                                                             Recepticon (because he lobbied for federal stimulus money)
Pander Bear                                                                                   Pander Cub
Cayman Chameleon (Mike Burch, pun on Karma Chameleon)         Mr. Entitlement (he received Social Security after his father died)

More Favorites

Mitt Malarkey (Vice President Joe Biden)
Mitt the Ripper
Mitt Robme
Bishop Romney (he actually was a bishop in the Mormon church, with his own diocese, called a "Stake")
Rook Romney
Plastic Man
The Big Waffle
Twit Romney
RoboRomney (James Williams, Alex Copulsky and Parag Khandelwal)
Wrong-Way Romney (Mike Burch, thinking of the football player who scored a touchdown for the other team)
Willard Fillmore (Mike Burch)
Stuporman (Mike Burch)
Mitt Megaflop (Mike Burch)
Med-evil Mitt (Mike Burch, pun on Dark Age thinking and evil medical plans)
Mitt Twitter (Mike Burch)

Top Twitter Trends and Hashtags


Possible Names for Mitt's Band

Romney and the Romulans
The Empty Suits
The Sexless Mittens (Mike Burch)
Mitt the Flopple (Mike Burch)
The Cayman Chameleons  (Mike Burch)
Dipshit Mitt and the Insufferable Twits (Mike Burch)
Band on the Take (Mike Burch)
The Wheedles (Mike Burch)
Ziggy and the Stooges (Mike Burch)
Flip and the Floppers (Mike Burch)
Darth and the eVaders (Mike Burch)

Possible Hit Songs

You're So Bain
Nowhere Man
Mr. Roboto
Lawyers in Love
We Don't Need No Education
I Started a Joke
Money ("Money / It's a gas / Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash ...")

Possible Names for his Movie

The Terminator (at Bain, for firing people and destroying entire companies)
The Perminator (Mike Burch, a pun on his stiff 'do)
The Sperminator (Mike Burch, because he wants to force rape and incest victims to bear their abusers' babies)
The Verminhater (Mike Burch, because he seems look down on people who aren't richer than Midas)
The Wrath of RomneyKhan (Mike Burch)

Top Ten Mitticisms

We should double Guantanamo!
Planned Parenthood, we're going to get rid of that.
Let Detroit go bankrupt.
I'll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry's come back.
[Referring to the auto industry he wanted to go bankrupt.]
I'm in this race because I care about Americans [but] I'm not concerned about the very poor [and] 47% of Americans are lazy, irresponsible freeloaders.
Corporations are people, my friend ... of course they are ... human beings, my friend.
Banks aren't bad people. They're just overwhelmed right now ... scared to death ... feeling the same thing that you're feeling.
I am a big believer in getting money where the money is. The money is in Washington.
I bathe in statistics.
I love this state. The trees are the right height. The streets are just right.

Tricky Dick Redux

The more I learn about Willard Mitt Romney, the more he reminds me of Richard Milhous Nixon ... Tricky Dick, meet Wily Willy!

The Complete List (A-Z)

American Borat

Bain in the Ass (David Letterman)
Below Average (reference to his not-so-good grades in school, business and politics)
Bermuda Barracuda (Mike Burch, reference to his corporate raiding and offshore shell corporations)
Big Data (reference to the android Data on Star Trek)
Bishop Romney (he actually was a bishop in the Mormon church, with his own diocese, called a "Stake")
Book of Moron (Young Turks, pun on the Book of Mormon)

Captain AmerCIA
Captain Ameri-con (Mike Burch)
Captain Chucklebuns (Jon Stewart)
Capitol Gains
Cayman Chameleon (Mike Burch, reference to his waffling and offshore IRAs and pun on Karma Chameleon)

Darth eVader (Mike Burch)
Decepticon (Young Turks)
Dipshit Mitt
Ditto Dubya
Dog Dispatcher (Mike Burch, for strapping his dog Seamus to the roof of his car for an 11-hour road trip)
Dubya Ditto

Empty Suit

Fancy Cheesebag (at prep school)
Fee-Fee (pun on fees instead of taxes, as Massachusetts governor)
Flip-Flop Mitt
Flip-Flop Romney
Flip Romney
Flip Willard

Gutless Wonder (

Javelin (secret service code name, referring to a car produced by his father's company American Motors)

King of Bain (Newt Gingrich)
King of Bane
King of Pain

Lord of the Flies (a fellow student)
Lord of the Rings (Olympics)

Magic Undies (Young Turks)
Massachusetts Mauler
Matinee Mitt
Med-evil Mitt (Mike Burch, pun on Dark Age thinking and evil medical plans)
Medieval Mitt (Mike Burch)
Mega Millions Jackpot (his wife Ann)
Meh Romney (I don't get it either)
Miffed Mitt (Mike Burch, when he doesn't get his way)
Mighty Mormon Power Ranger
Mighty Morphin' Mormon Ranger
Missionary Mitt (he was a Mormon missionary)
Mitt Moneybags
Mitt Morphin'
Mitt Inappropriate (Mike Burch)
Mitt Malarkey (Vice President Joe Biden)
Mitt Robbed Me
Mitt Robme
Mitt Rotney (Maxine Waters)
Mitt the Flopple (Mike Burch, pun on Mott the Hopple)
Mitt the Omitter (Mike Burch)
Mitt the Press (David Letterman)
Mitt the Ripper
Mitt the Ripster (Mike Burch)
Mitt the Shit
Mitt the Twit (The Sun of London, Rupert Murdoch)
Mitt the Twitt
Mitt Twitter (Mike Burch)
Mittler (LGBT community)
Mittsy Bainer (pun on Mitzi Gaynor)
Mitt Witt
More Money (at Bain)
Mr. 1%
Mr. Ego
Mr. Roboto (at high school)
Mr. Transformer
Multiple Choice Mitt
Multiple Mitt
Mute Romney (
Myth Romney

Nacho Romney (his grandfather moved to Mexico in order to practice polygamy)
Nit Wit Mitt (teksyndicate)
Nit Wits 4 Mitt (his supporters)
Nowhere Man (The London Times, Rupert Murdoch)

Obama Lite
Omit Mitt (because he leaves out all unpleasant facts about his career as a vulture capitalist)

Pac-Man (Young Turks, pun on Political Action Committees)
Pander Bear
PepperMitt Patty (Mike Burch)
Phony Bologna
Pink Slip
Pink Slip Mitt
Plastic Man

Quit Mitt, Shit! (a cry of agonized distress from his Bain victims)

R. Money (ghetto name; Romney misspelled)
Rigger Mortis (Mike Burch)
Robmoney (while Massachusetts governor)
Robocorp (Young Turks)
RoboRomney (James Williams, Alex Copulsky and Parag Khandelwal)
Rombo (David Letterman)
Romney and the Romulans (reference to cold-blooded Star Trek aliens)
Romneycon (Mike Burch)
Romney Hood (President Obama, pun on Robin Hood stealing from the poor to give to the rich)
Romneygeddon (Yahoo)
Romnuts (David Letterman)
Roof Doggy Dog
Rook Romney
Rosy Palm

Serial Killer (reference to "corporations are people")
Shit Romney
Silver Spoon
Slick Dancing Mitt (Massachusetts)
Stuporman  (Mike Burch)

The Big Waffle
The Early Front-Runner
The Human Eraser
The Job Cremator
The Lie
The Lying King (pun on Lion King)
The Massachusetts Marxist (Village Voice)
The Mormonator (David Letterman)
The Romneybot
The Rommunist
The Terminator (at Bain, for firing people and destroying entire companies)
The Perminator (Mike Burch, a pun on his stiff 'do)
The Sperminator (Mike Burch because he wants to force rape and incest victims to bear their abusers' babies)
The Verminhater (Mike Burch, because he seems look down on people who aren't richer than Midas)
The Waffle
The Weasel (
The Wrath of RhomneyKhan (Mike Burch)
Tin Man (reference to no heart)
Twit Romney

Unfit Mitt
Un-Mitt-igated Disaster (Mike Burch)

Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy

Weather Vain
Weather Vane (constantly changing direction)
Willard (reference to the rat movie)
Willard Billhard (Mike Burch)
Willard Fillmore (Mike Burch)
Wily Willy (Mike Burch)
Wrong Way Romney (Mike Burch)

X-Mitt (Mike Burch, as in "hopefully crossed out at the ballot box")

Yugo (his father was "Rambler" at American Motors)

Ziggurat Mitt (he thinks he's closer to heaven and the gods than the rest of us mere mortals) 

The Pander Bear speaks

I love this state. The trees are the right height. The streets are just right.
I had catfish for the second time. It was delicious, just like the first time.
I am learning to say y'all and I like grits, and ... strange things are happening to me.
Morning, ya'll. I got started this morning right with a biscuit and some cheesy grits. (No one calls them "cheesy" grits.)
I was going to suggest to you that you serve your eggs with hollandaise sauce and hubcaps. Because there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.
These pancakes are about as large as my win in Puerto Rico last night, I must admit. The margin is just about as good.
Look at us in here ! We are all nice together, all nice and wet, you know, like a can of sardines. ("Nice"?)
That's a big lava lamp, congratulations!
Davy, Davy Crockett. King of the wild frontier!
I'm an unofficial southerner.
Please give us a big hug, that's the girls. I've been getting hugs from the Southern girls ... from 12, to well, a lot more than 12.
I never imagined I'd be up here like Larry the Cable guy!
I love the hymns of America, by the way.

The Romneybot expresses empathy for other soulless entities

Corporations are people, my friend ... of course they are ... human beings, my friend.
Banks aren't bad people. They're just overwhelmed right now ... scared to death ... feeling the same thing that you're feeling.

The Romneybot however fails miserably in its attempts to empathize with warm-blooded human beings

We should double Guantanamo!
Planned Parenthood, we're going to get rid of that.
Let Detroit go bankrupt.
I'll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry's come back. (Referring to the auto industry he wanted to go bankrupt.)
I'm in this race because I care about Americans.
I'm not concerned about the very poor.
I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed. (Quite a story, indeed!)
I know what it's like to worry whether you're gonna get fired. There were a couple of times I wondered whether I was going to get a pink slip.
I've got a lot of good friends, the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the New York Jets, both owners are friends of mine.
I'm running for office, for Pete's sake, I can't have illegals. (Presumably when he wasn't running for office, it was okay to have illegals.)
I like being able to fire people who provide services to me. ("Like"?)

The Romneybot waxes romantic, sorta

I introduce to you the heavyweight champion of my life. Wait, that didn't come out right. (Referring to his wife Ann.)
Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs, actually. (Is that one of her alien superpowers?)
In one of his more bizarre flip-flops, Romney went from strongly supporting federal funding for stem cell research that might cure his wife's multiple sclerosis, to opposing such funding. This strange bit of waffling was pointed out by fellow Republican John McCain and his staff during the last presidential election.

The Romneybot fails to compute and emits static

[Russia] is without question our number one geopolitical foe. (Not true since the fall of the Iron Curtain and end of the Cold War.)
I must admit, I can’t imagine anything more awful than polygamy. (Not rape, incest, murder, infanticide, matricide or genocide?)
I like the Twilight series. I thought that was fun.(We assume he thinks the Cold Ones are comedians; perhaps compared to him, they are.)
Who let the dogs out? Who, who? (During an awkward photo op with a group of African Americans kids.)

The Romneybot doing its best George W. Bush and Sarah Palin impressions

I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love.
I'm not familiar precisely with what I said, but I'll stand by what I said, whatever it was.
I'm Mitt Romney—and yes Wolf, that's also my first name. (Romney's first name is Willard; Mitt is his middle name.)

Mr. Doublespeak

I am a big believer in getting money where the money is. The money is in Washington.Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney would have us believe that he favors a smaller, leaner federal government. But when the Salt Lake City Olympics was on the financial rocks, what did he do? He relied on a huge taxpayer-funded bailout that exceeded all federal spending on all previous Olympics combined. John McCain called the bailout a "boondoggle" and a "ripoff" of American taxpayers" for "an incredible pork-barrel project" that was "outrageous" and a "national disgrace." Romney, however, bragged about the huge sums of money he procured from Uncle Sam. Later he flip-flopped and said that Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich (not-so-coincidentally his main rivals for the Republican presidential nomination) must be "held accountable" for seeking earmarks. But when Romney addressed the New Bedford Industrial Foundation in October 2002, his advice in a Power Point presentation was to “boost federal involvement.” (Romney is also obviously a big believer in telling gullible people whatever they want to hear.)

In any case, the real credit for saving the Olympics should go to the American public. Romney's main contribution, really, was that he was an effective lobbyist for federal government assistance (i.e., welfare). So when he attacks poor people for requesting government assistance and accuses the government of what he calls "crony capitalism," he's denouncing what he bragged about when he was leader of the welfare pack. And he seems especially hypocritical when he calls it "immoral" to borrow money to help flood victims, when he had no problem with the federal government borrowing billions to bail out the Olympic games and his rich Wall Street cronies. Nor does he have any problem proposing a budget that will force the federal government to borrow $8 trillion dollars over the next ten years to further increase spending on an already-bloated military.

Romney also waffles on the subject of abortion. Sometimes he claims to want to abolish abortion completely, when trying to convince pro-life conservatives that he believes life begins at conception. But when speaking to more moderate and liberal Americans, he says that he favors exemptions for rape, incest and cases where a pregnant woman's life is in danger. He also constantly waffles on gay marriage. When speaking to a group of gay Republicans, Romney promised to be a stronger advocate of gay rights than Ted Kennedy, who espoused gay marriage. When speaking to more conservative Americans, Romney claims to oppose gay marriage. But when his friends the Cathys were under fire for publicly opposing gay marriage through their management of Chick-fil-A, Romney refused to take a public stance. So he gives friends and foes alike the impression that he would rather sit on the political fence than definitively explain what he really believes.

I believe that God designed the universe and created the universe, and I believe evolution is most likely the process he used to create the human body.—Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney claims to be a Christian, but his belief in human evolution completely contradicts the salvation gospel of Saint Paul, which Paul said he received directly from God. According to Paul, Adam was created perfect and immortal by God, and was only condemned to suffer and die when he disobeyed God. Thus it was Adam's disobedience that required Jesus Christ to be born, live a perfect life and die, thus atoning for and redeeming Adam and his descendents. But if Romney is correct and imperfect human beings evolved in an imperfect world where trillions of animals suffered and died before man was capable of understanding the will and word of God, there could have been no fall or original sin. That would place the onus of suffering and death on the Creator, not man. So it seems that Romney is attacking the core belief of most Christians: that man is fallen and must be redeemed by God (because if human beings evolved, it would be the other way around). During his discussion of his belief in evolution, Romney pointed out that evolution is taught at B.Y.U., the private Mormon university named after Brigham Young, a prophet of the Mormon church. On April 9, 1852 speaking before the Salt Lake Tabernacle, Brigham Young taught that Adam was "our Father and our God, and the only God with whom we have to do." He also taught that Eve was only one of Adam's wives (meaning that God is a polygamist) and that Jesus Christ "was not begotten by the Holy Ghost." Brigham Young's teachings were later confirmed in writing by major figures of the Mormon church, such as Heber C. Kimball and Wilford Woodruff. Just four years before his death, Brigham Young declared that it was God who gave him the Adam-God doctrine. And Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism and its first prophet, also said that Adam was the Ancient of Days, or God. But if Adam was God, then God is responsible for all suffering and death, and thus for all evil. And it seems these sins of God are connected to polygamy, since Brigham Young said: "The only men who become Gods, even the sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy" (Journal of Discourses 11:269). This would mean that Jesus must have been a polygamist, even though the Bible does not mention Jesus being married. And Mormon prophets have said that human beings can become gods and "have jurisdiction over worlds" as Joseph Smith put it. So it seems this process of God sinning and creating fallen worlds where creatures have to suffer and die and evolve will continue ...?

We have a president, who I think is is a nice guy, but he spent too much time at Harvard, perhaps.—Mitt Romney

But Willard Mitt Romney is a child of privilege with two Harvard degrees!

It's not worth moving heaven and earth, spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.—Mitt Romney

Romney constantly speaks with a forked tongue, out of both sides of his mouth. As long as Osama bin Laden was at large, Republicans criticized President Obama for not doing enough to bring him to justice. And despite the quote above, Romney called the decision to send a team of Navy SEALs to Pakistan to kill bin Laden an easy decision that “even Jimmy Carter” would have made. While speaking to New York firefighters, he said:

Of course I would have ordered taking out Osama bin Laden.—Mitt Romney

But in 2007 he said that it was not worth spending billions of dollars to catch one person and he criticized President Obama for suggesting that such an attack might be launched in Pakistan, saying in his best imitation of George W. Bush:

I do not concur in the words [sic] of Barack Obama in a plan [sic] to enter an ally of ours.—Mitt Romney

So it seems obvious that Mitt Romney would not have launched the attack on Osama bin Laden, because (1) he thought it wasn't worth the money it would cost and (2) he didn't think the United States had the right to stage such an attack in Pakistan.

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