Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames
Brett Kavanaugh Jokes by SNL, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, Trevor Noah, Conan O'Brien and Others
This page contains the best Judge Brett Kavanaugh nicknames and jokes that I have been able to find, along with choice nicknames for Donald Trump, Melania Trump, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Anthony Scaramucci, Mitch McConnell, Steve Bannon, Jeff Sessions, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Hope Hicks, Judge Roy Moore, Kellyanne Conway, Michael Cohen and other Trump family, friends, associates and lapdogs ...
Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Donald Trump Russia Quotes
Spanky Trump and Spunky Kavanaugh go together like rancid orange cheese and greening mold.
This is what you get when you go through a trailer park with a $100 bill.—Lindsey Graham, equating women who claim to have been sexually abused with "trailer trash" out for a cheap score
According to Franklin Graham, it's not "relevant" if Kreepy Kavanaugh tried to rape a teenage girl. Also, if he didn't finish the job, it was not a crime! Is this what American Christianity has come to?
In the middle of the coronavirus pandemic, while a bipartisan coronavirus stimulus bill lay on his desk awaiting his approval, Last Ditch Mitch McConHell took the weekend off to spend time with Sludge Judge Brett Kavanaugh. For his multitudinous efforts on its behalf, the coronavirus has granted Kavanaugh the following titles and epaulets:
Brett Kavanaugh Coronavirus Nicknames
The Coronavirus's Best Friend
Coronavirus in Semi-Human Form
The COVID Hominid
The Covid Kid
Brett Pro Pandemic
The Top Ten Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames, Plus a Few
The Sludge Judge and Sludge Kavanaugh
Kreepy Kavanaugh (Commander Og)
Brett "the Hit Man" Heartless
Brett "the Tit and Clit Man" Kavanaugh
The Hanging Judge
Mr. Dangling Participle
Loud Obnoxious Drunk and Prolific Puker (Kavanaugh called himself this, in a 1983 letter to his "Beach Week Ralph Club")
Groper Junior and Groper Cleavehand Jr.
Supreme Court Fudge: Trump's "get out of jail free" Card
Forrest Gump and Forrest Hump
We were going to be graduating in May, and now that football was over, we had one objective: 100 kegs.—Mark Judge
According to Brett Kavanaugh's yearbook, his goal as a high school senior was "100 Kegs or Bust" and he was the "Keg City Club Treasurer." So his binge drinking is confirmed by his yearbook entries and by what a number of his classmates and fellow drinkers have said about him, including in a book published by Mark Judge. Furthermore, Kavanaugh claimed that his drinking was "legal" when he was clearly underage. Therefore Kavanaugh lied under oath and has no business being a judge, much less sitting on the Supreme Court.
Dishonorable Mention: Spunky, Sploogie, Splurge, Brett Boof, Brettwurst, Brett the Brat, Shit Kavanaugh, Creep Kavanaugh, Bart O’Kavanaugh (Mark Judge's nickname for him), Mark Judge's BBF, 100 Kegs or Bust (his and Judge's drinking goal as high school seniors), Keg City Club Treasurer, Kegbuster Brett, The Blackout Drinker, Sloppy Drunk (Liz Swisher, a high school fellow drinker), The Incoherent Drunk, The Car Puker, Mr. Indecent Exposure, The Wretch, The Retch, Binge Kavanaugh, Rapey, Verge (as in, "I'm always on the verge of getting wasted and molesting you), Coach K, The Virgin (as in, "I could never get it up because I was always too drunk), The Choir Boy NOT! (per Lynne Brookes), Brett "Bad Bet" Kavanaugh, Mr. Tit & Clit, The Boy Blunder (Michael R. Burch), Blatant Liar (Chad Ludington, a Yale basketball player and former drinking buddy of Kavanaugh), Belligerent Drunk (Chad Ludington), Heavy Drinker (Chad Ludington), Staggering Drunk (Chad Ludington), Stumbling Drunk (Dr. Ford), The Perjurer, Boofer Brett, Beach Week Brett, Renate Alumnius, The Gang Rapist (Julie Swetnick), Alcohol-Soaked Sot, Brett Craven Paw, Spunky Monkey, Spunky Flunkey
The Supreme Court Justice Who Couldn't Testify Straight:
First, he does not remember. It was a long time ago!
Then, he remembers that it did not happen. His memory is suddenly infallible!
Next, he remembers that he did nothing. Miraculously, his infallible memory is improving!
Finally, he remembers that he was absent.
Christine Blasey Ford vividly described an intoxicated Kavanaugh pushing her into a bedroom, locking the door, getting on top of her and trying to tear her clothes off. She said he put his hand over her mouth to muffle her screams. She said that she feared he would kill her, and that she barely escaped being raped. Franklin Graham, that famous spokesman for God and paragon of Christian morality, said the rape attempt was "irrelevant" if it did occur, and that it was not a crime if the attempted rape was not completed!
The Unknown Hoya, an underground newspaper associated with Georgetown Preparatory School, described students who went to Christine Blasey Ford's all-girls school as "the most worthless excuses for human-females" in a column titled "The Truth About Holton." The author boasted about sexual relations between Georgetown Preparatory students and the girls attending Holton-Arms by saying all it took was a public library card to "have a good time with any H.H.(Holton Hosebag)." Mark Judge, one of Kavanaugh's closest high school friends, and two other classmates reportedly produced The Unknown Hoya, an unofficial and unregulated alternative to Georgetown Preparatory School's official student paper, the Little Hoya.
The Best Brett Kavanaugh Jokes and Observations
His full name is Brett Michael Kavanaugh, so it's possible Trump thought he was nominating Poison lead singer and winner of Celebrity Apprentice Brett Michaels.—Stephen Colbert
I get why you [conservatives] like him. He's a conservative judge and he looks like a guy who gives postage stamps as Christmas presents.—Trevor Noah
Brett Kavanagh submitted into evidence his summer of 1982 calendar. So far the only thing that proves is that Kavanagh is a weird freak who keeps calendars from 1982.—Conan O'Brien
A college classmate of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh said that he often saw Kavanaugh "staggering from alcohol consumption." That's nothing! I saw him screaming and crying at a job interview while totally sober.—Seth Meyers
The FBI. is investigating claims about his drinking and sexual misconduct. In response, Kavanaugh said, "Whatever, if you need me I'll be at Oktoberfest."—Jimmy Fallon
Meritocracy is a joke, Kavanaugh is the punchline.—The Majority Report with Sam Seder
Kavanaugh is an "unremarkable guy" who was "born on a conveyer belt to power." The conveyer belt was lubed with "boofing, ralphing and brewskis."—Meagan Day
The #SCOTUS hearing is running as smooth as a Jamie Kennedy New Year's Eve special.—Jensen Karp
White men really are superior, according to a renowned expert! Ann Coulter, commenting on the Kavanaugh rape allegations, insisted that "there has never been a more pacific, less rapey creature than the white male of Western European descent." Coulter might want to crack a history book or two. Has she never heard of the Holocaust, the Trail of Tears, American slavery, the Crusades, the Inquisitions, the ethnic cleansing of the New World, etc.? As Mark Twain observed, one of the great lies is that the white man is any less savage than the other savages. And, as Yogi Berra put it, "You could look it up."—Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
On SNL's Weekend Update, Colin Jost announced that Kavanaugh was confirmed 50-48, then observed that "50 is the lowest number of votes … for a justice in history. But keep in mind it's also the most 'yeses' Kavanaugh has ever heard. Even if you look past Dr. Ford's testimony — which many people seem to have no trouble doing — Kavanaugh did a bunch of disqualifying stuff just this past week. He basically lied under oath at a job interview to become a judge — that’s like cheating on your wife during your wedding."
On SNL's cold open, Kenan Thompson, playing Don Lemon at the CNN news desk, noted that there had been "several cry breaks" for the CNN staff, while Heidi Gardner, playing political correspondent Dana Bash, categorized the mood in the post-game GOP locker room as "nothing short of euphoric," observing that "quite a few pacemakers being put to the test tonight."
John Kennedy, played like a drunk frat boy by Kyle Mooney, shouted exuberantly: "WHOO! We're gonna Kavanaugh this tonight! Let's ralph till we boof!"
Beck Bennett, playing a portly, punch-drunk Mitch McConnell, yelled: "This is AWESOME! WHOO! ... Everyone's pumped — from white men over 60 to white men over 70! We got the PJ and Squee!" Putting the victory in context, he added: "It's up there with Vietnam, for sure. This is HISTORIC!" At which Mooney's Kennedy popped up to exclaim excitedly: "WINNING!"
Kate McKinnon, portraying a giddy Lindsey Graham, gave Gardner's Bash a "Kavanaugh World Champion" ball cap and asked rhetorically: "WHOO! How amazing is this? We made a lot of women real worried today, but I'm not getting pregnant, so I don't care!" Graham then admitted that the boy's club "couldn’t have done it" without Susan Collins, played by Cecily Strong. "That's our girl! Our ONE girl!" Mooney's Kennedy interjected. Strong's Collins said, "I think it's important to believe women, until it's time to stop." She also wanted to give her female supporters an important message: "PSYCH!" She concluded that she could "party with the big dogs. WHOO! WHOO!"
"Thank the MALE Lord" that Mike Pence was not needed to break a tie vote, McKinnon's Graham observed, mentioning that Pence would have made his entrance to Metallica's "Enter Sandman" if required.
Jeff Flake, played by Pete Davidson, claimed to be "really sad" about the process, "which you can tell from my resting bitch face." McKinnon's Graham then cheered him up by slamming a celebratory pie in his face. Bennett's McConnell called him "Flake the Snake" and said he was never going to vote no. Davidson's Flake then admitted: "Okay, you got me! I stink!"
"Seriously, this one is for the fans!" McKinnon's oblivious Graham said, continuing: "They've been there for us all week, cheering, screaming outside of our offices. … And I know they agree with us because they're shouting out 'ME TOO!'"
Alex Moffat, playing a despondent Chuck Schumer, explained why the Democratic opposition had failed: "We thought this time would be better than the Anita Hill hearing because Dr. Ford was white. Then it turned out Brett Kavanaugh was white too, and we were completely blindsided by that."
The victorious Republicans had the final say, with McKinnon's Graham cheering: "Let's keep this horny male energy going 'till the midterms!"
Brett Kavanaugh Evidence
In a 1983 letter published by The New York Times, Kavanaugh warned his friends of the danger of eviction from an Ocean City, Md., condo. In a neatly written postscript, he added that whoever arrived first at the condo should "warn the neighbors that we're loud, obnoxious drunks with prolific pukers among us. Advise them to go about 30 miles..." In the same letter, Kavanaugh said: "I think we are unanimous that any girls we can beg to stay there are welcomed with open..." There was no reason to elide "arms" so he obviously meant something lower down. Whatever he was planning was risky: "The danger of eviction is great and that would suck because of the money and because this week has big potential. (Interpret as [you] wish.)" It's not hard to interpret what Kavanaugh meant. The partying, drinking, drugs (probably) and sex was going to be very noisy and get out of hand. This doesn't sound like a note written by virgin who was a light drinker. It was written by a wild party animal with the goals enumerated in his high school yearbook ...
Brett Kavanaugh's high school yearbook contains this entry: "FFFFFFFourth of July." The "FFFFFFF" apparently stands for: "Find them, French them, Feel them, Finger them, Fuck them, Forget them." Not exactly the sort of thing a "virgin" says unless he's a big-time liar. Kavanaugh's yearbook also mentions "Devil's Triangle," which is slang for a sexual threeway involving two men and one woman. In their yearbooks Brett Kavanaugh and Mark Judge asked each other if they had "boofed yet." Here, "boof" seems to be a reference to anal sex, since everyone has farted, making Kavanaugh's "explanation" nonsensical. "Beach Week Ralph Club" is a rather obvious reference to going to the beach and drinking to the point of puking (see the letter above for confirmation). Kavanaugh claimed that he was the "Biggest Contributor" to the "Beach Week Ralph Club" (perhaps because he was the "Keg City Club Treasurer"). So the evidence is right there, in Kavanaugh 's yearbook. His accusers told the truth about his drinking binges, while he lied repeatedly. Since he lied about drinking, he could have lied about being a "virgin" and other sexual matters. Also, Kavanaugh’s friend and classmate Donald Urgo wrote a yearbook entry "Killer Qs and 151" (which sounds like "Lots of Quaaludes and Bacardi 151).
Yale banned Kavanaugh's fraternity, Delta Kappa Epsilon, from campus for five years after videos circulated of fraternity recruits chanting "No means yes! Yes means anal!" in front of the University's Women’s Center. If we add everything up, it sounds as if Kavanaugh's yearbook entries about "boofing" and "Devil's Triangle" are references to anal sex. Or, as Trump's evangelical supporters call it, sodomy.
Is Judge Kavanaugh or someone on his team guilty of witness tampering? Questionable text messages obtained by NBC News were sent to Kavanaugh's friends Kerry Berchem and Karen Yarasavage. Berchem said: "I have not drawn any conclusions as to what the texts may mean or may not mean but I do believe they merit investigation by the FBI and the Senate." In a memo, Berchem reportedly wrote that Kavanaugh "and/or" his friends "may have initiated an anticipatory narrative" in order to "conceal or discredit" [Deborah] Ramirez, according to NBC News.
Deborah Ramirez has accused Kavanaugh of exposing himself to her at a Yale dormitory party, then thrusting his penis in her face so that she touched it against her will.
Julie Swetnick alleges that Kavanaugh and Judge were present when she was gang-raped at a party. In a sworn statement Swetnick said that Brett Kavanaugh and his friend Mark Judge tried to get teenage girls "inebriated and disoriented so they could then be 'gang raped' in a side room or bedroom by a 'train' of numerous boys." She described Kavanaugh as a "very sloppy drunk" and a "mean drunk" who was "aggressive" with girls. She said: "I saw him go up to girls and paw on them and try to, you know, get a little too handsy touching them on private parts. I saw him try to shift clothing. I saw him push girls against walls. He would pretend to stumble and stumble into them and knock them against walls. He would push his body against hers." Swetnick said she had "a firm recollection of seeing boys" — including Kavanaugh — "lined up outside rooms at many of these parties waiting for their 'turn' with a girl inside the room." Swetnick said she told her mother and reported the incident to Montgomery County police. Her mother and the police officer who took the report are both dead, and the department told NBC News it could take weeks to retrieve records about the incident.
Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testified before the Senate that Brett Kavanaugh attempted to rape her by pinning her to a bed and holding his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming. In her testimony, Ford recalled the "uproarious laughter" of Kavanaugh and Judge during the alleged attack. She later told lawmakers she might be able to pinpoint when the alleged attack happened if someone could tell her when Judge worked at a local supermarket where she saw him working after the alleged attack. She said Judge was arranging shopping carts and seemed "nervous" and didn't want to speak with her. Judge wrote in his book Wasted: Tales of a GenX Drunk that he worked for a few weeks at the local market the summer before his senior year at Georgetown Prep, meaning the summer of 1982. Judge called the experience helping people to load groceries into their cars a "nightmare," saying he was often still hung over or drunk when he got to work.
Russell Ford, the husband of Dr. Ford and a mechanical engineer, said his wife talked about the alleged assault in 2012 during a therapy session, and he told The Washington Post that she mentioned Kavanaugh by name at the time.
Jeremiah Hanafin, the polygraph examiner and former FBI special agent who conducted Ford's polygraph, said that her responses were "not indicative of deception."
Keith Koegler, a close friend of Dr. Ford and her husband, said that Dr. Ford told him of her accusation about Kavanaugh days before the president nominated him.
Elizabeth Rasor, who was Mark Judge's ex-girlfriend and college classmate, told the New Yorker that Judge told here that in high school he and other boys took turns "having sex with a drunk woman" and that he sounded ashamed.
Lynne Brookes, now the chief operating officer of Synchrony Group, was a friend of Kavanaugh's in college. She told CNN she was disappointed in "the way that he evaded his excessive drinking questions," and accused him of lying to the Senate Judiciary Committee.
Charles "Chad" Ludington, an associate professor of history at North Carolina State University and former Yale basketball player, released a statement saying Kavanaugh "has not told the truth" when denying he never blacked out and downplaying his drinking as a young man. "On many occasions, I heard Brett slur his words and saw him staggering from alcohol consumption," Ludington wrote. "When Brett got drunk, he was often belligerent and aggressive."
Charles Ludington, Lynne Brookes and Elizabeth Swisher, all three Kavanaugh's classmates at Yale University, published an op-ed in the Washington Post urging the Senate to reject the Kavanaugh nomination because he lied to the Senate Judiciary Committee under oath, on national television.
Leland Keyser says that she believes Dr. Ford's account, although she cannot confirm it herself.
Timothy Gaudette has been interviewed by the FBI.
Christopher "Squi" Garrett has been interviewed by the FBI.
Why does Donald Trump continue to support Brett Kavanaugh?
Sexual predators of a feather
VICE President Mike Pence makes the Cold Ones look warm by comparison!
"What is it about Mike Pence that no one ever tells him anything?" — David Axelrod
The Top Ten Mike Pence Nicknames
The Clown Prince
Out of the Loop Dupe (USA Today)
The Stepford Veep (Omarosa Manigault Newman)
The Stolid Hack (GQ)
Trump's Poodle (George F. Will)
Deep Veep (wading deep in s**t, that is)
Dense Pence and Senseless Pence
The Vice Antichrist
Uber-Pious Pence (Daily Kos)
The Silver Sycophant
Dishonorable Mention: Hoosier (his Secret Service code name), Cuddles, Puddles, Trumpence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch), Sick Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch), Tuppence, Pence for Hire, Spencer Racy, The Silver Faux Fox, The Mad Monk, Mike Pensive, The Bleep Veep, The Creep-Veep, The Veep Creeping in Search of a Spine, The Foxhole Huddler, The Fence Sitter, Fat Termite, Trump's Lie Dispenser, The Black Hole of Sycophants (Daily Kos), Miss-Spence Youth, THE VICEROY, The Vice Roi, The Vice-Boy, The vICE Man Cometh
Karen Pence Nicknames: Hummingbird (her Secret Service code name), Ms. Pensive, Ms. Vice
Top Ten Paul Ryan Nicknames
Boy Scout (Donald Trump), Cub Scout and Brownie (Michael R. Burch)
Alfalfa and The Little Rascal
Ryan's Nope (Paul Ryan says "nope" to decency, equality, tolerance and justice)
Eddie Munster, Beaver Cleaver and Eddie Haskell
The Brown Noser (he was voted "Biggest Brown-Noser" by his graduating class in 1988; today he brown-noses Trump)
Gilligan (allegedly this is what Mitt Romney's campaign staff called Paul Ryan behind his back)
Dishonorable Mention: Mr. 1%, The A-ryan, Aryan Ryan, Paul Pot, Paul Pottymouth, The Nana Killer, The Granny Killer, Rathole (George W. Bush), Trump's Cheerleader (Dan Rather), Ryan's Hopeless, Blue-Eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabee, Zombie-Eyed Granny-Starver (Charles Pierce of Esquire), Eddie Haskell's Less Lovable Punk Brother (Michael R. Burch), The Serial Biller, Limp-Dick MF-er (Steve Bannon), P.D. (his middle name is Davis), Piddles, Puddles, Small-Ball Ryan, The Paulbot, Ducknuts, Wisconsin's Worst Export, Little Cheesehead, Ryan Rand (Ayn Rand is his hero), Sir Spendalot, The Wear Wolf, The Wallflower, The Trump Enabler, The Stench, The Brander, The Cutter, Cutty Snark, Failin' and Flailin' Ryan, Petty Paul, Petite Paul, Puny Paul, Pitiful Paul Ryan, Paulie Walnuts, Fryin' Ryan, Sighin' Ryan, Zion Ryan, The Janesville Juvenile, The Aryan Ayn Rand Paul, Neanderthal Paul Ryan, Loser Paul, House Speaker and Cyborg Learning to Smile Paul Ryan (Stephen Colbert), Paul Borg, The Teenage Werewolf, The Fiscal Weasel, The Cra$$ A$$hole, The Soup Kitchen A$$a$$in, Pampered Paul Ryan, The Irish Undertaker, Professor Ryan, Professor Powerpoint, Darth Ryan, Beetlebrow, The Trump Enabler, The Trump Whisperer, Paul Putz, Ryan Retard, Ayn Ryan, Randite, Randroid, Budget Badger, The Janesville Joker, Ryan Roboto, Gabe from the Office, The UberNeuman, Split Romney, Spit Romney, Shit Romney, Mitt Robbed Me, Soup Kitchen Ryan, Milhouse Van Houten, Weasel Boy, Human Vermin
Top Ten Kellyanne Conway Nicknames
Wrongway Conway (Michael R. Burch)
The Spin-Mistress (Bess Levin), The Spinstress and the Spinster
Miss Misinformation (Michael R. Burch)
The Trump Whisperer (Frank Bruni) and The Trump Hisser (Michael R. Burch)
Motor Mouth (David Horsey)
Bride of Trumpenstein (Michael R. Burch)
Smelly Anne Con-Job
Nutter Consigliere (Jim Newell)
Vichy (Stephen Romanenghi)
Free Agent (Joe Scarborough) and The Fact-Free Agent (Michael R. Burch)
Dishonorable Mention: Con-Way Twitter ("Can we con our way to the presidency, using Twitter?"), Con-Way Twit, The Mercenary (Jim Newell),, Fatal Attraction (SNL), Fatal Detraction (Michael R. Burch), Mistress of Propaganda, Bride of Dracula, Spawn of the Undead, The Crypt Keeper, The Cryptomaniac, The Spinster (Michael R. Burch), The Spinstress (Michael R. Burch), Orwellian Anne, Bullshit Barbie, Sadly Aging and Sagging Barbie, Kenless Barbie (pun on "knowledge-less"), Satan's Trophy Wife (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Nutcracker brought to partial life (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Soulless Cretin (Daily Kos), The Cold One, Snowcone, Death Warmed Over, The Alt-Right Barbie, Kellyanne Cuntway, Blunder Woman, The Crypt Mistress, The Cryptologist, Mummy Dearest, Ghoul of My Dreams, Girlzilla, The Cadaver, Blonde Medusa, Con Air
Roy Moore, the Ten Commandments Judge has been demoted to the Nine Commandments Sludge, since he ignored "Thou shalt not commit adultery" by sexually preying on underage girls.
Top Ten Roy Moore Nicknames
Roy Score More
Pervy Mall Banger, Mall Rat and Mall Patrol (he was notorious for "cruising" for underage girls at the Gadsden Mall, the YMCA and high school football games)
Mr. Ten Commandments (Moore said: “My duty is to uphold God’s law” and he constantly touted the Ten Commandments, less one)
The "Hanging" Judge (four women have accused Moore of "letting it all hang out" by dating and buying them alcohol when he was in his thirties and they were teenagers)
Mr. Fundie Undies and Mr. Tightie Whities (one girl, age 14 at the time, said Moore gave her drinks, left the room, then returned wearing only "tight white" underwear and fondled her)
The Sandbagger (he was so unpopular in the military, he slept on sandbags to protect himself from grenades he feared would be thrown under his cot by soldiers under his command!)
Captain America and Captain Shamerica (his troops hated him)
Fruit Salad (his college professor Clint McGee called Moore "the most mixed-up" student he'd ever taught!) and Fruit Loops (for his circular "thinking")
The Ten Commandments Judge (Sara Palin), The Ten Commandments Fudge and The Supreme Deplorable
“Judge Roy Moore was deplorable before it was cool to be deplorable!”―Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sara Palin
Dishonorable Mention: Fudge More, Grudge More, Drudge More, Roy Deploy More, The Gay Blade, Grandpa Sleaze, Roy S'more, The Cradle Robber, Judge Rudy, Judge Cloy More, The Half-Cocked Judge, The Dangerous D.A., The Cowboy, Roy Codger, The Wrangler, The Shootist, The Grate Scout, Pudge Roy Moore, Creep Home Alabama (NY Daily News), The Culture War Boor, The Alabama Wild Card and the Renegade Republican (NBC's ANDREW RAFFERTY and ALEX SEITZ-WALD), The Sex Shooter, The Teen Troller, The Honey Badger, Mall Cop-a-Feel and Mall Rat, The Preying Predator, The Wrath of Con, The Lone Deranger
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders has an amazing superpower... she can make Sean "Scary" Spicer seem almost normal, and half-way respectable! She is, of course, the daughter of Mike "Huckster" Huckabee, also known as "Huckleberry Spin." Together, they have created more whiffable spin that a Clayton Kershaw curveball. And they undoubtedly inspired the song that goes: "If your lips are movin', then you lie, lie, lie!"
The Top Ten Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames
Sarah "Suckmypee" Sanders
Dishonorable Mention: Women's Fibber, Sister Smother, Gomer Pile On II, The Gomerette, Elmira Gantry, Elvira Gantry, Possum Queen, Cruella de Vile, Hick Morticia, Elvira Mistress of the Trailer Park, Miss Deliverance, Miss Devil Rants, Miss HarkandSaw, Miss Little Roc, Miss Pine Bluff, Blunder Woman, Slimy Sellout, Train Wreck, Miss Derailment, Faux News Vixen, Lil' Spice, Less Seasoned Spice, Spiced Rack, Trump's Dishonor Guard, Keeper of the Shame, Keeper of the Slime, Ante Bell Mum, The Funny Farm Schoolmarm, Miss Manners (she said it was "highly inappropriate" to debate a four-star general, even when he's obviously wrong), The Pig Hollow Wallower
Mike Huckabee Nicknames: Judas, Huckster Huckabee, Huckleberry Spin, Huckmaster General, Huck Fuckabee, Huck Upchuck, Hick Muckabee, The Muckster, Brother Smother, Tax Hike Mike, Triple Wide, Duck Hunter, Uncle Sugar (he once said that the only reason women voted for Democrats was because Uncle Sugar promised to pay for their birth control), Gomer Pile On I
The Top Ten Jeff Sessions Nicknames
Granny and Granny Clampett
Shocked Grandma (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")
The Washington Hillbully
Possum Boy and Half-Possum (SNL's Kate McKinnon)
Buford T. Injustice
The Blight Supremacist
The Hobbit (Trevor Noah)
Bill Dough Baggins (Michael R. Burch)
Forest Gnome (Stephen Colbert), The Keebler Elf and The Feebler Elf
Darth Leprechaun (Michael R. Burch)
Dishonorable Mention: Darth Yoda, Cloverleaf Pixie watching people have sex (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Albino Smurf (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Nervous Tick (Conan O'Brien), Nervous Nellie, Kangaroo Court Sessions,
Hessian Sessions, Secessionist Sessions, Stressin' Sessions (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Stonewall Sessions, Jefferson "No Regard" Sessions (his full name is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions), Bo Retard, Detour-ney General, Round-a-Bout Bubba, Shirknado (Michael R. Burch), Perjurer General, Nuts (Donald Trump), The Wall Nut (this nut didn't fall too far from the racist family tree), Nut Boy, The Squirrel, Squirrely Sessions, Mutt and Jeff, Nutt and Jeff, The Turnip of Hate (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Doll carved from an apple (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")
The Top Ten Mitch McConnell Nicknames
The Turtle (Jon Stewart) and The Napping Turtle (Michael R. Burch)
Shirknado and Shirknerdough (Michael R. Burch)
The Hyperactive Death Hamster
The Lethal Chipmunk
Angry Cheek Pouches
Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch)
Mitch McConHell (Michael R. Burch)
Mitch the Snitch / Mitch the Bitch / Mitch the Snitch-Bitch / Mitch the Glitch / Mitch the Twitch / Mitch the Shitz / Mitch the Fritz / Mitch Switch Bait / Pitchman Mitch / Ditch McConnell (as we all should!)
Please click here for all Mitch McConnell Nicknames
It has been scientifically proven that Anthony Scaramucci's blow-dryer, by evaporating massive quantities of hair gel and other hair products, is now the leading cause of global warming!
The Top Ten Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames
The Mooch (incredibly this is what the Grate Communicator calls himself!) and The Mooch Smooch (Trevor Noah)
A$$ki$$er (Michael R. Burch)
Ass Smooch and The Ass Smoocher
Loose Lips Scaramucci (his lips, although flapping loosely, are firmly planted in Trump's pale orange posterior)
Spokestoady and The Incredible Shrinking Spokesman
The Honeymooner (he asked his new staff to give him a "honeymoon" without leaks)
Sir Leakalot (immediately after complaining about leaks, ScaryMooch leaked the fact that Reince Priebus would be asked to resign)
The Straight Shooter (he keeps shooting himself straight in the foot)
The A$$a$$in (he expressed a desire to personally "kill" the leakers even though it was only a dinner list!)
Mr. Irreconcilable Deferences (Michael R. Burch)
Dishonorable Mention: The Hedge Hog (Scaramucci is a hedge fund manager), Mr. Sicko Pants (Scaramucci panted after Trump like a love-sick hound in heat), Mr. Sicko-Fancy (Michael R. Burch), The Human Pinky Ring (Seth Myers), The Human Toilet Plunger (Trump gold-plates his toilets, the Scary Moocher plunges in!), The Human Blow Dryer, Mr. Hair Gel, Deputy DIP-pity-'Do (Michael R. Burch), Spritz Monkey, Spritz Flunkey, The Shitz, Little Anthony and the Diphtherials (Michael R. Burch), Fandango, High C-Note Tony, Little Tony Soprano (Michael R. Burch), The 'Do-Whopper (Michael R. Burch), Frankie Death Valley, Little Tony Tutone (Scaramucci recently cornered the world markets for bronzer and hair gel), Cain, His Brother's Bleeper (Michael R. Burch), Two-Faced Scaramucci (likely to be the lead villain in the next Bratman movie)
Please click here for all Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames
Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops, gropes women's genitals, sentences babies and grannies to death, cheats at golf, then brags about his "accomplishments" and campaigns for reelection.
We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jarhead Kushner is at the ISIS front, using his real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops! Trump's youthful Aide de Kampf will never rest until WWIII is well underway, and completely irreversible. There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie). Little Lord Fauntleroy will also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields, PeeWee's Big Adventure and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner then Whines about the K-Rations.
The Top Ten Jared Kushner Nicknames
Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump)
Cushy Kushner and Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL)
Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch)
Acting President Kushner
Coup D'Tot (Michael R. Burch)
Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos)
The Easebroker (expecting Jared Kusher to produce peace in the Middle East is like believing in the Tooth Fairy!)
Dishonorable Mention: Putin's American Viceroy, Putin's American Vice-Boy, Putin's Cush-Toy, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poppet, Putin's Proxy, Comrade Kushner, The Air (Steve Bannon, because Kushner glides in and out like a puff of air), The Secretary of Everything (his White House nickname), Madame Secretary, Jared the Pallid, The Paladin, Jared the Unready, Fully Transparent Boy (he claimed to be "fully transparent" on Russia.), Poor Little Rich Bitch, Little Jared (Ana Navarro), Baby Boy (Ana Navarro), Jarhead, Jarred Jared, Jarring Kushner, The Boy Blunder, Nimrod (Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon), Son of Babylon (the name Jared means "descent" so he is the "Son of Kush," the patriarch of Babylon), The Crown Prince of Babble-On, Lucifer Incarnate, Channel 666 (Jared Kushner and his wife Ivanka Trump own 666 Fifth Avenue, purchased for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion), The Neophyte, Complete Fucking Idiot (Samantha Bee), The Piece Broker, The Piss Broker
Please click here for all Jared Kushner Nicknames
The Top Ten Ivanka Trump Nicknames
Ivanka Wanker (I Wanna Wank Her)
Ivanka Spanker (I Wanna Spank Her)
Nordic Goddess and The Norwegian Wood Inducer
Trophy Daughter and The First Lady-Daughter
Kushner's Crush and Kushner's Cush Toy
The Favorite and The Hot One
The Smart One and Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies)
Please click here for all Ivanka Trump Nicknames
The Top Ten Steve Bannon Nicknames
Acting President Bannon
The White Nationalist Torchbearer
My Steve (Donald Trump)
Trump's Brain (Elizabeth Williamson)
Loose Cannon Bannon
The Great Boor of Babble-On
Dishonorable Mention: Trump's Thomas Cromwell (Bannon himself), Stone Cold Crazy Steve Bannon, Mr. Alt-Reich, The Alt-Reichmaster, Mr. ALT-CONTROL-DELETE, The Alt-Right Igniter, The Breitbart Fart, Stephen KKK Bannon, Darkness Incarnate, The AmeriKlan Idol, Deceivin' Stephen, Darth Vader, Sith Lord Bannon, Darth Insidious, Sauron, Sour-Hun, The Great Manipulator (TIME), The Amerikan Goebbels, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, (David Letterman), Deep State Stephen, Supremacist Steve, Stephen Stipulator, The Svengali, Gríma Wormtongue, The Alt-Right Ideologue (Elizabeth Williamson), Bannon the Barbarian, The Leninist, Bye Bye Bannon, Banned Bannon,
Ban on Bannon, Trump's Eminence Grise (David A. Graham)
The Top Ten Marsha Blackburn Nicknames
Creature from the Black Marsh
Marshy and Swampy
The Swamp Mistress
The Black Abyss of Ignorance
Dishonorable Mention: Blackweird, Blackbeard, Creature from the Orange Lagoon, Tennessee Trash
Pompous Mike Pompeo has a plan. The smirk tells you all you need to know about his intentions.
Mike Pompeo Nicknames
Pompous Mike Pompeo
Drone Strike Mike
The Congressman from Koch
Mr. Dark Money
Dishonorable Mention: Putin's Puppet, Putin's Pompous Pimp, The Torture Apologist, The Tea Party Firebrand, Tempest in a Tea Pot, Armageddon Mike, The True Deceiver, Mr. Metadata, The Matador, The Spymaster, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold War
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo Quotations
I came, I saw, I bonkered.
Koch Industries is an amazing business! (They give me lots of money to f*** you over!)
The sooner we act, the sooner we can start turning the tables on cyber attackers. (But not if they help Mr. Putin and Donald Trump!)
Sam Nunberg Nicknames
Human Wikileak (Trevor Noah)
Stunberg and The Stun of Sam
Fruit of the Loon (Michael R. Burch)
Drunk Tank Escapee
Rebel Without a Clue (Michael R. Burch)
The Flying Nunberg (Michael R. Burch)
Dishonorable Mention: Nanoo Nunberg, Sam the None, Slammer Sam, The Erratic, The Lone Deranger, Revenge of the Turd, Trump's Twitter account brought to ghoulish life
Sam Nunberg has all the reserve of a howler monkey escaped from the zoo.—Jack Shafer
Inmate No. 666, Devin Nunes, awaits his eternal sentence. The day his deceitful memo was released, the stock market crashed 666 points!
Devin Nunes Nicknames
Fake News Nunes (Michael R. Burch)
Known-Nothing Nunes (Michael R. Burch)
Mr. Misinformation (Michael R. Burch)
Inmate No. 666
The 40-Year-Old Virgin (SNL's Colin Jost)
Nanu Nanu Nunes
Trump's Stooge (Nancy Pelosi)
The Trump Enabler
The Trump Fellater
The FBI Fibber
House Intelligence Chairman (NOT!)
Chipmunk Cheeks Nunes
Sad Hamster Nunes
The Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames ... Oh Hell ... So MANY to Choose from ... Better Make it the Top 1,000!
(#1) THE ANTICHRIST — by God and the Hebrew prophets — when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
(#2) Short-Fingered Vulgarian — by Graydon Carter
(#3) Agent Orange — by Anonymous (not sure if it was coined by the hacker group Anonymous, but this is one of my all-time favorites)
(#4) Golden Wrecking Ball — by Sarah Palin (who was not trying to be funny, but ended up being all too accurate ... so sad!)
(#5) Fuckface von Clownstick, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole (the UNAbomber?) — by Jon Stewart
(#6) The White Kanye ― by Bill Maher (or is Trump more accurately the Yellow-ish-Orange Kanye?)
(#7) Lord Voldemort, Orange Anus and Snake Oil Salesman — by Rosie O'Donnell
(#8) The Trump of Doom — by Michael R. Burch (adopted from the Bible and first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
(#9) Thurston Shitbag the Third — by Bill Maher
(#10) Man-Baby — by Jon Stewart ... this one inspired a slew of jokes and similar nicknames ...
Please click here for all Donald Trump Nicknames
Q: What do you call it when a Man-Baby takes over the American government?
A: Coup d'Tot!