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Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames
Brett Kavanaugh Jokes by SNL, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, Trevor Noah, Conan O'Brien and Others

This page contains the best Judge Brett Kavanaugh nicknames and jokes that I have been able to find, along with choice nicknames for Donald Trump, Melania Trump, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Anthony Scaramucci, Mitch McConnell, Steve Bannon, Jeff Sessions, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Hope Hicks, Judge Roy Moore, Kellyanne Conway, Michael Cohen and other Trump family, friends, associates and lapdogs ...

Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Donald Trump Russia Quotes

Spanky Trump and Spunky Kavanaugh go together like rancid orange cheese and greening mold.

This is what you get when you go through a trailer park with a $100 bill.—Lindsey Graham, equating women who claim to have been sexually abused with "trailer trash" out for a cheap score

According to Franklin Graham, it's not "relevant" if Kreepy Kavanaugh tried to rape a teenage girl. Also, if he didn't finish the job, it was not a crime! Is this what American Christianity has come to?

In the middle of the coronavirus pandemic, while a bipartisan coronavirus stimulus bill lay on his desk awaiting his approval, Last Ditch Mitch McConHell took the weekend off to spend time with Sludge Judge Brett Kavanaugh. For his multitudinous efforts on its behalf, the coronavirus has granted Kavanaugh the following titles and epaulets:

Brett Kavanaugh Coronavirus Nicknames

The Coronavirus's Best Friend
Coronavirus in Semi-Human Form
Human-COVID Hybrid
The COVID Hominid
Kid Corona
The Covid Kid
The COVIDiot
Brett Pro Pandemic

The Top Ten Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames, Plus a Few

The Sludge Judge and Sludge Kavanaugh
Kreepy Kavanaugh (Commander Og)
Brett "the Hit Man" Heartless
Brett "the Tit and Clit Man" Kavanaugh
The Hanging Judge
Mr. Dangling Participle
Hot Rod
Caveman Kavanaugh
The Neanderthal
Loud Obnoxious Drunk and Prolific Puker (Kavanaugh called himself this, in a 1983 letter to his "Beach Week Ralph Club")
Groper Junior and Groper Cleavehand Jr.
Supreme Court Fudge: Trump's "get out of jail free" Card
Forrest Gump and Forrest Hump

We were going to be graduating in May, and now that football was over, we had one objective: 100 kegs.—Mark Judge

According to Brett Kavanaugh's yearbook, his goal as a high school senior was "100 Kegs or Bust" and he was the "Keg City Club Treasurer." So his binge drinking is confirmed by his yearbook entries and by what a number of his classmates and fellow drinkers have said about him, including in a book published by Mark Judge. Furthermore, Kavanaugh claimed that his drinking was "legal" when he was clearly underage. Therefore Kavanaugh lied under oath and has no business being a judge, much less sitting on the Supreme Court.

Dishonorable Mention: Spunky, Sploogie, Splurge, Brett Boof, Brettwurst, Brett the Brat, Shit Kavanaugh, Creep Kavanaugh, Bart O’Kavanaugh (Mark Judge's nickname for him), Mark Judge's BBF, 100 Kegs or Bust (his and Judge's drinking goal as high school seniors), Keg City Club Treasurer, Kegbuster Brett, The Blackout Drinker, Sloppy Drunk (Liz Swisher, a high school fellow drinker), The Incoherent Drunk, The Car Puker, Mr. Indecent Exposure, The Wretch, The Retch, Binge Kavanaugh, Rapey, Verge (as in, "I'm always on the verge of getting wasted and molesting you), Coach K, The Virgin (as in, "I could never get it up because I was always too drunk), The Choir Boy NOT! (per Lynne Brookes), Brett "Bad Bet" Kavanaugh, Mr. Tit & Clit, The Boy Blunder (Michael R. Burch), Blatant Liar (Chad Ludington, a Yale basketball player and former drinking buddy of Kavanaugh), Belligerent Drunk (Chad Ludington), Heavy Drinker (Chad Ludington), Staggering Drunk (Chad Ludington), Stumbling Drunk (Dr. Ford), The Perjurer, Boofer Brett, Beach Week Brett, Renate Alumnius, The Gang Rapist (Julie Swetnick), Alcohol-Soaked Sot, Brett Craven Paw, Spunky Monkey, Spunky Flunkey

The Supreme Court Justice Who Couldn't Testify Straight:

First, he does not remember. It was a long time ago!
Then, he remembers that it did not happen. His memory is suddenly infallible!
Next, he remembers that he did nothing. Miraculously, his infallible memory is improving!
Finally, he remembers that he was absent.

Christine Blasey Ford vividly described an intoxicated Kavanaugh pushing her into a bedroom, locking the door, getting on top of her and trying to tear her clothes off. She said he put his hand over her mouth to muffle her screams. She said that she feared he would kill her, and that she barely escaped being raped. Franklin Graham, that famous spokesman for God and paragon of Christian morality, said the rape attempt was "irrelevant" if it did occur, and that it was not a crime if the attempted rape was not completed!

The Unknown Hoya, an underground newspaper associated with Georgetown Preparatory School, described students who went to Christine Blasey Ford's all-girls school as "the most worthless excuses for human-females" in a column titled "The Truth About Holton." The author boasted about sexual relations between Georgetown Preparatory students and the girls attending Holton-Arms by saying all it took was a public library card to "have a good time with any H.H.(Holton Hosebag)." Mark Judge, one of Kavanaugh's closest high school friends, and two other classmates reportedly produced The Unknown Hoya, an unofficial and unregulated alternative to Georgetown Preparatory School's official student paper, the Little Hoya.

The Best Brett Kavanaugh Jokes and Observations

His full name is Brett Michael Kavanaugh, so it's possible Trump thought he was nominating Poison lead singer and winner of Celebrity Apprentice Brett Michaels.—Stephen Colbert

I get why you [conservatives] like him. He's a conservative judge and he looks like a guy who gives postage stamps as Christmas presents.—Trevor Noah

Brett Kavanagh submitted into evidence his summer of 1982 calendar. So far the only thing that proves is that Kavanagh is a weird freak who keeps calendars from 1982.—Conan O'Brien

A college classmate of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh said that he often saw Kavanaugh "staggering from alcohol consumption." That's nothing! I saw him screaming and crying at a job interview while totally sober.—Seth Meyers 

The FBI. is investigating claims about his drinking and sexual misconduct. In response, Kavanaugh said, "Whatever, if you need me I'll be at Oktoberfest."—Jimmy Fallon

Meritocracy is a joke, Kavanaugh is the punchline.—The Majority Report with Sam Seder

Kavanaugh is an "unremarkable guy" who was "born on a conveyer belt to power." The conveyer belt was lubed with "boofing, ralphing and brewskis."—Meagan Day

The #SCOTUS hearing is running as smooth as a Jamie Kennedy New Year's Eve special.—Jensen Karp

White men really are superior, according to a renowned expert! Ann Coulter, commenting on the Kavanaugh rape allegations, insisted that "there has never been a more pacific, less rapey creature than the white male of Western European descent." Coulter might want to crack a history book or two. Has she never heard of the Holocaust, the Trail of Tears, American slavery, the Crusades, the Inquisitions, the ethnic cleansing of the New World, etc.? As Mark Twain observed, one of the great lies is that the white man is any less savage than the other savages. And, as Yogi Berra put it, "You could look it up."—Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

On SNL's Weekend Update, Colin Jost announced that Kavanaugh was confirmed 50-48, then observed that "50 is the lowest number of votes … for a justice in history. But keep in mind it's also the most 'yeses' Kavanaugh has ever heard. Even if you look past Dr. Ford's testimony — which many people seem to have no trouble doing — Kavanaugh did a bunch of disqualifying stuff just this past week. He basically lied under oath at a job interview to become a judge — that’s like cheating on your wife during your wedding."

On SNL's cold open, Kenan Thompson, playing Don Lemon at the CNN news desk, noted that there had been "several cry breaks" for the CNN staff, while Heidi Gardner, playing political correspondent Dana Bash, categorized the mood in the post-game GOP locker room as "nothing short of euphoric," observing that "quite a few pacemakers being put to the test tonight."

John Kennedy, played like a drunk frat boy by Kyle Mooney, shouted exuberantly: "WHOO! We're gonna Kavanaugh this tonight! Let's ralph till we boof!"

Beck Bennett, playing a portly, punch-drunk Mitch McConnell, yelled: "This is AWESOME! WHOO! ... Everyone's pumped — from white men over 60 to white men over 70! We got the PJ and Squee!" Putting the victory in context, he added: "It's up there with Vietnam, for sure. This is HISTORIC!" At which Mooney's Kennedy popped up to exclaim excitedly: "WINNING!"

Kate McKinnon, portraying a giddy Lindsey Graham, gave Gardner's Bash a "Kavanaugh World Champion" ball cap and asked rhetorically: "WHOO! How amazing is this? We made a lot of women real worried today, but I'm not getting pregnant, so I don't care!" Graham then admitted that the boy's club "couldn’t have done it" without Susan Collins, played by Cecily Strong. "That's our girl! Our ONE girl!" Mooney's Kennedy interjected. Strong's Collins said, "I think it's important to believe women, until it's time to stop." She also wanted to give her female supporters an important message: "PSYCH!" She concluded that she could "party with the big dogs. WHOO! WHOO!"

"Thank the MALE Lord" that Mike Pence was not needed to break a tie vote, McKinnon's Graham observed, mentioning that Pence would have made his entrance to Metallica's "Enter Sandman" if required.

Jeff Flake, played by Pete Davidson, claimed to be "really sad" about the process, "which you can tell from my resting bitch face." McKinnon's Graham then cheered him up by slamming a celebratory pie in his face. Bennett's McConnell called him "Flake the Snake" and said he was never going to vote no. Davidson's Flake then admitted: "Okay, you got me! I stink!"

"Seriously, this one is for the fans!" McKinnon's oblivious Graham said, continuing: "They've been there for us all week, cheering, screaming outside of our offices. … And I know they agree with us because they're shouting out 'ME TOO!'"

Alex Moffat, playing a despondent Chuck Schumer, explained why the Democratic opposition had failed: "We thought this time would be better than the Anita Hill hearing because Dr. Ford was white. Then it turned out Brett Kavanaugh was white too, and we were completely blindsided by that."

The victorious Republicans had the final say, with McKinnon's Graham cheering: "Let's keep this horny male energy going 'till the midterms!"

Brett Kavanaugh Evidence

In a 1983 letter published by The New York Times, Kavanaugh warned his friends of the danger of eviction from an Ocean City, Md., condo. In a neatly written postscript, he added that whoever arrived first at the condo should "warn the neighbors that we're loud, obnoxious drunks with prolific pukers among us. Advise them to go about 30 miles..." In the same letter, Kavanaugh said: "I think we are unanimous that any girls we can beg to stay there are welcomed with open..." There was no reason to elide "arms" so he obviously meant something lower down. Whatever he was planning was risky: "The danger of eviction is great and that would suck because of the money and because this week has big potential. (Interpret as [you] wish.)" It's not hard to interpret what Kavanaugh meant. The partying, drinking, drugs (probably) and sex was going to be very noisy and get out of hand. This doesn't sound like a note written by virgin who was a light drinker. It was written by a wild party animal with the goals enumerated in his high school yearbook ...

Brett Kavanaugh's high school yearbook contains this entry: "FFFFFFFourth of July." The "FFFFFFF" apparently stands for: "Find them, French them, Feel them, Finger them, Fuck them, Forget them." Not exactly the sort of thing a "virgin" says unless he's a big-time liar. Kavanaugh's yearbook also mentions "Devil's Triangle," which is slang for a sexual threeway involving two men and one woman. In their yearbooks Brett Kavanaugh and Mark Judge asked each other if they had "boofed yet." Here, "boof" seems to be a reference to anal sex, since everyone has farted, making Kavanaugh's "explanation" nonsensical. "Beach Week Ralph Club" is a rather obvious reference to going to the beach and drinking to the point of puking (see the letter above for confirmation). Kavanaugh claimed that he was the "Biggest Contributor" to the "Beach Week Ralph Club" (perhaps because he was the "Keg City Club Treasurer"). So the evidence is right there, in Kavanaugh 's yearbook. His accusers told the truth about his drinking binges, while he lied repeatedly. Since he lied about drinking, he could have lied about being a "virgin" and other sexual matters. Also, Kavanaugh’s friend and classmate Donald Urgo wrote a yearbook entry "Killer Qs and 151" (which sounds like "Lots of Quaaludes and Bacardi 151).

Yale banned Kavanaugh's fraternity, Delta Kappa Epsilon, from campus for five years after videos circulated of fraternity recruits chanting "No means yes! Yes means anal!" in front of the University's Women’s Center. If we add everything up, it sounds as if Kavanaugh's yearbook entries about "boofing" and "Devil's Triangle" are references to anal sex. Or, as Trump's evangelical supporters call it, sodomy.

Is Judge Kavanaugh or someone on his team guilty of witness tampering? Questionable text messages obtained by NBC News were sent to Kavanaugh's friends Kerry Berchem and Karen Yarasavage. Berchem said: "I have not drawn any conclusions as to what the texts may mean or may not mean but I do believe they merit investigation by the FBI and the Senate." In a memo, Berchem reportedly wrote that Kavanaugh "and/or" his friends "may have initiated an anticipatory narrative" in order to "conceal or discredit" [Deborah] Ramirez, according to NBC News.

Deborah Ramirez has accused Kavanaugh of exposing himself to her at a Yale dormitory party, then thrusting his penis in her face so that she touched it against her will.

Julie Swetnick alleges that Kavanaugh and Judge were present when she was gang-raped at a party. In a sworn statement Swetnick said that Brett Kavanaugh and his friend Mark Judge tried to get teenage girls "inebriated and disoriented so they could then be 'gang raped' in a side room or bedroom by a 'train' of numerous boys." She described Kavanaugh as a "very sloppy drunk" and a "mean drunk" who was "aggressive" with girls. She said: "I saw him go up to girls and paw on them and try to, you know, get a little too handsy touching them on private parts. I saw him try to shift clothing. I saw him push girls against walls. He would pretend to stumble and stumble into them and knock them against walls. He would push his body against hers." Swetnick said she had "a firm recollection of seeing boys" — including Kavanaugh — "lined up outside rooms at many of these parties waiting for their 'turn' with a girl inside the room." Swetnick said she told her mother and reported the incident to Montgomery County police. Her mother and the police officer who took the report are both dead, and the department told NBC News it could take weeks to retrieve records about the incident.

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testified before the Senate that Brett Kavanaugh attempted to rape her by pinning her to a bed and holding his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming. In her testimony, Ford recalled the "uproarious laughter" of Kavanaugh and Judge during the alleged attack. She later told lawmakers she might be able to pinpoint when the alleged attack happened if someone could tell her when Judge worked at a local supermarket where she saw him working after the alleged attack. She said Judge was arranging shopping carts and seemed "nervous" and didn't want to speak with her. Judge wrote in his book Wasted: Tales of a GenX Drunk that he worked for a few weeks at the local market the summer before his senior year at Georgetown Prep, meaning the summer of 1982. Judge called the experience helping people to load groceries into their cars a "nightmare," saying he was often still hung over or drunk when he got to work.

Russell Ford, the husband of Dr. Ford and a mechanical engineer, said his wife talked about the alleged assault in 2012 during a therapy session, and he told The Washington Post that she mentioned Kavanaugh by name at the time. 

Jeremiah Hanafin, the polygraph examiner and former FBI special agent who conducted Ford's polygraph, said that her responses were "not indicative of deception."

Keith Koegler, a close friend of Dr. Ford and her husband, said that Dr. Ford told him of her accusation about Kavanaugh days before the president nominated him.

Elizabeth Rasor, who was Mark Judge's ex-girlfriend and college classmate, told the New Yorker that Judge told here that in high school he and other boys took turns "having sex with a drunk woman" and that he sounded ashamed.

Lynne Brookes, now the chief operating officer of Synchrony Group, was a friend of Kavanaugh's in college. She told CNN she was disappointed in "the way that he evaded his excessive drinking questions," and accused him of lying to the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Charles "Chad" Ludington, an associate professor of history at North Carolina State University and former Yale basketball player, released a statement saying Kavanaugh "has not told the truth" when denying he never blacked out and downplaying his drinking as a young man. "On many occasions, I heard Brett slur his words and saw him staggering from alcohol consumption," Ludington wrote. "When Brett got drunk, he was often belligerent and aggressive."

Charles Ludington, Lynne Brookes and Elizabeth Swisher, all three Kavanaugh's classmates at Yale University, published an op-ed in the Washington Post urging the Senate to reject the Kavanaugh nomination because he lied to the Senate Judiciary Committee under oath, on national television. 

Leland Keyser says that she believes Dr. Ford's account, although she cannot confirm it herself.

Timothy Gaudette has been interviewed by the FBI.

Christopher "Squi" Garrett  has been interviewed by the FBI.

Why does Donald Trump continue to support Brett Kavanaugh?

Sexual predators of a feather
flock together!

Related pages: Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Eric Trump Nicknames, Mark Meadows Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Jeff Sessions Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames, Judge Roy Moore Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Paul Ryan Nicknames, Hope Hicks Nicknames, Joe Arpaio Nicknames, Stephen Miller Nicknames, Sean Spicer Nicknames, Devin Nunes Nicknames, Michael Cohen Nicknames, Sam Nunberg Nicknames, Mike Pompeo Nicknames, Mike Pence Nicknames, Marsha Blackburn Nicknames, Diane Black Nicknames, Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames, Matt Whitaker Nicknames, John Kelly Nicknames, Mick Mulvaney Nicknames, James Mattis Nicknames, Ann Coulter Nicknames, Rush Limbaugh Nicknames, Rudy Giuliani Nicknames, Roger Stone Nicknames, William Barr Nicknames, Kayleigh McEnany Nicknames, Tom Cotton Nicknames, Betsy DeVos Nicknames, Ruth Bader Ginsburg Nicknames, Lindsey Graham Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Trump 45 Nicknames, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Mitt Romney Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Donald Trump Russia Quotes

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