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Donald Trump Poetry: the Best Poems of Donald J. Trump
Donald Trump Inaugural Poem (apologies to Robert Frost)

These are the best Donald Trump poems that I have been able to find, plus a few that I wrote myself during the search. I was surprised to learn that Donald Trump is an accomplished poet―a master of modern free verse, odes, sonnets, limericks, villanelles, sestinas, quatrains, heroic couplets and rhyme royal. Indeed, Trump rivals those other great American political poets: George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann!

Some people have sex appeal.
The Donald has hex appeal.
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump did not have a poet recite an Inauguration Day Poem. Why? Probably for the same reason that he couldn't get A-list singers and bands to perform at his Inauguration: no self-respecting person with a sense of decency and real American values wants to lend credence to Trump's creepy presidency! Maya Angelou is not going to endorse Trump, nor are Richard Blanco, Miller Williams or Elizabeth Alexander. Nor would Robert Frost, if he were still alive. But there is a solution, and I am going to provide it. Here, from the hyperactive mouth of Trump Himself, is his Inauguration Day Poem:

It's a Carnage! (Part 1)
by Donald J. Trump

I can't believe what our country is doing!
You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
It's a carnage!
This guy, he's like a maniac, OK?
I mean, this guy doesn't play games!
And we can't play games with him!
It's a carnage!
Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!
It's a carnage!
Make America great again!
Politics is such a disgrace!
Good people don't go into government!
It's a carnage!
Please don't feel so stupid or insecure; it's not your fault!
It's largely a rigged system!
I’m just thinking to myself right now, we should just cancel the election ...
Please say it! Please tell me: "Trump, you're fired!"
It's a carnage!

Obviously, Trump is warning us about the greatest threat currently posed to the United States of America: the man known as Donald John Trump. Somewhere deep within, he knows just how terrible he is, and he is literally begging us to stop him from destroying so many lives. He is asking us to fire himto impeach himbefore it's too late. He points out that politics is a disgrace and good people don't get into government; hence he is admitting that he is a bad person and a disgrace. As for my analysis of his poem as a work of art, it goes without saying that Trump is a much better poet than president. The poem is entirely modern free verse, with a "killer" refrain. The double use of the word "just" in L17 is surely not accidental; Trump is telling us that justice can only be done by canceling the results of the rigged election that made him president when he lost by nearly three million votes, with the help of Russian influence. Trump's innaugural poem communicates considerable emotion; the hallmark of true poetry. I know it scares the hell out of me, and I don't scare easy! Yes, it is a carnage, and yes, we should fire Trump, post haste.

The words in the list below were used for the first time during an American president’s inaugural speech, by Donald Trump:

bleed carnage depletion disagreements disrepair flush infrastructure Islamic lady landscape overseas ripped rusted sad solidarity sprawl stealing stolen subsidized tombstones trapped trillions tunnel unrealized urban wind-swept

Here is a continuation of the poem above, using the dark words and ideas in the list above ...

It's a Carnage! (Part II)
by Donald J. Trump

It’s a carnage!
We bleed depletion!
Even our disagreements are in disrepair!
It’s a carnage!
We must flush away the infrastructure of freedom,
banish the Islamic lady to landscapes overseas
ripped up and rusted out by the sad solidarity of our sprawling bombs!
It’s a carnage!
We must send our soldiers like thieves stealing:
because oil was made to be stolen!
It’s a carnage!
When our soldiers lie silent under subsidized tombstones
while the trapped trillions tunnel underground toward unrealized urban streets
long wind-swept by nuclear winter ...
It’s a carnage!

Free-Verse Sonnet to Gun Control
by Donald J. Trump

We have to look very strongly at no-fly lists!

We have to bring back law and order!

We had to take the guns away
from these people that have them
and that are bad people
that shouldn’t have them!

These are people
that are bad people!
That shouldn’t be!

Analysis by the NRA: So far, complete and utter silence!

Free-Verse Ode to Abortion
by Donald J. Trump

Is abortion early in a pregnancy murder?

"What I am saying is this:
With caveats―life of the mother, incest, rape.
That's where I stand.
So, I'm pro-life, but with the caveats.
You have to have it with the caveats."

What if a pregnancy happens outside those caveats―is abortion murder then?

"It depends."

Analysis by pro-life evangelical Christians: Exit polls reveal that four out of five, or 80% of evangelical Christians, voted for Donald Trump.

It's Incredible!
an Ode to Kim Jong-un
by Donald J. Trump

If you look at North Korea—this guy, he's like a maniac, OK?
And you have to give him credit!
How many young guys—he was like 26 or 25 when his father died—take over these tough generals,
and all of a sudden—you know, it's pretty amazing when you think of it!
How does he do that?
Even though it is a culture and it's a cultural thing, he goes in, he takes over, and he's the boss!
It's incredible!
He wiped out the uncle!
He wiped out this one, that one!
I mean, this guy doesn't play games!
And we can't play games with him!
Because he really does have missiles!
And he really does have nukes!

Analysis by Michael R. Burch: Trump's word choices seem significant: "credit," "amazing," "incredible." He even manages to make "maniac" sound like a good thing!

He Did That So Good!
an Ode to Saddam Hussein
by Donald J. Trump

He was a bad guy—really bad guy.
But you know what he did well?
He killed terrorists!
He did that so good!
They didn't read them the rights!
They didn't talk!
They were terrorists!

Analysis by Jake Sullivan, a foreign policy expert: "Trump's praise for brutal strongmen seemingly knows no bounds ... Trump yet again lauded Saddam Hussein as a great killer of terrorists, noting with approval that he never bothered to read anyone their rights."

The Vicious Ones
by Donald J. Trump

I was attacked viciously
By those women!
Of course, it's very hard for them
To attack me on looks,
Because I'm so good looking!
But I was attacked very viciously
By those women.

Analysis by American voters: "Ho-hum! What do we care if Trump attacks women, then shames and blames his victims? Ho-hum!"

It's a Carnage! (Part 3)
by Donald J. Trump

I can't believe what our country is doing!
Qaddafi in Libya is killing thousands of people, nobody knows how bad it is, and we're sitting around!
We have soldiers all over the Middle East, and we're not bringing them in to stop this horrible carnage and that's what it is: It's a carnage!
You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!

Analysis: "Trump has revealed himself to be an incredible hypocrite, because he relentlessly attacked Hillary Clinton for her support of military interventions in the Middle East. But Trump is on the record supporting such interventions, and for the same reasons. Perhaps Clinton was wrong to support the invasion of Libya. Perhaps she was wrong to believe that deposing Qaddafi would be relatively quick and easy, and could be done surgically. But obviously Trump shared those opinions. Hence, he comes off as a liar and a hypocrite."

Stumped and Stomped by Trump

There once was a candidate, Trump,
whose message rang clear at the stump:
"Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,
because I am ME,
and everyone else is a chump!"
―Michael R. Burch

Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question

There once was a brash billionaire
who couldn't afford decent hair.
Vexed voters agreed:
"We're a nation in need!"
But toupée the price, do we dare?
―Michael R. Burch

Toupée or Not Toupée, This is the Answer

Oh crap, we elected Trump prez!
Now he's Simon: we must do what he sez!
For if anyone thinks
And says his "plan" stinks,
He'll wig out 'neath that weird orange fez!
―Michael R. Burch

Anxious Moments

Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada's building a wall.)
―Tim James

What would the price of a Trump presidency be, really? Would Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting 11 million people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers and fathers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler and Hair Furor are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?

Trumping the Truth

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, "Media bias!"
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane

How the Fourth Reich Ramped Up

Trump prepped his pale Deplorables:
"You're easy marks and scorables!
Now when I bray
click heels, obey,
and I'll soon promote you to Horribles!"
―Michael R. Burch

Pass the Hat for the Fat Cat

If you're a Fat Cat,
vote for an Autocrat;
otherwise, stick with a Democrat ...
or get ready to pass the hat
for yourself,
doomed by that strange little pixie-fingered orange elf.
—Michael R. Burch

Sexual Assaulter-in-Chief

Ronald McDonald Trump Bozo
bopped Bill Clinton Clown on the nose: “Oh,
I’ll trump your cigar
with my groping, by far,
when I bounce interns on my Big Pogo!”
—Michael R. Burch

Trump's Donor Song

(lines written after it became apparent that Trump is not
"draining the swamp" but stocking it with his crocodilian
donors and political piranha)

christmas is coming, the Trumpster's purse is flat:
please put a Billion in the Fat Cat's hat!
if you haven't got a Billion, a Hundred Mil will do.
if you haven't got a Hundred Mil, the yoke's on you!
―Michael R. Burch

Alt-Right White Christmas

Trump's dreaming of a White Christmas,
just like the ones he used to know
when black renters groveled
or lived in hovels
while he laughed and shouted Ho-Ho-Ho!
―Michael R. Burch


Is a chump,
He’s an
Orange Heffalump.
His hair?
Made of batter.
His brain?
Fecal matter.
His “plans”?
A disaster.
His “position”?
Your Master!
―Michael R. Burch

Fool's Gold

THE DONALD has won (so we're told).
If it's true, worthless swampland's been sold!
But who were the buyers?
Poor folks who trust liars
and pay through the nose for fool's gold.
―Michael R. Burch

This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged.
And, for all the things people have said about me over the years,
I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.
―Glenn Beck

Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump

Donald’s concept of leadership’s thuggery
And his chief expertise is skullduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane


Agent Orange is full of bunk:
Tiny-fingered, he claims a big "trunk."
And his "platform"? Oh my,
I think we'd all die!
And he can't even claim he was drunk!
―Michael R. Burch

NOTE: Donald Trump claims that he doesn't drink alcohol, except when he partakes of Holy Communion. However, Trump insulted the body and blood of Jesus Christ when he spoke dismissively of his "little cracker" and "little wine." He claims to be a Christian, but also said that he never asks God for forgiveness! Is he punch drunk or just pulling our legs about being a Christian?


There's something I'd like to debunk:
the GOP's not in a "funk."
The Donald, by choice,
is its unfiltered voice.
Vote for someone who's sane, or we're sunk!
―Michael R. Burch

Champ or Chump?

There's a boastful campaigner named Trump
who is doing quite well on the stump.
All his insults and gaffes
only get him more laughs.
Will he wind up a champ or a chump?
—Richard Stoll Armstrong

Fooling Around

Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo
cried, “Clinton Clown cheats with his yo-yo!
He plays fast and loose!
It’s clearly abuse!
Whereas broads love to bounce on my pogo!”
―Michael R. Burch

BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: “So you treat women with respect?” Trump answered honestly: “No, I can’t say that either.” And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the "clown car" and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane

Trumping Tots

Things that go bump in the night
fill Herr Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he shrieks, "Ban dark kids!"
Where's his self-lauded "courage" and "might"?
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?
—Michael R. Burch

Trump Explains Why His Hair Looks Like Shit: It's Been Bleached By Drool

"Although my hands are quite tiny,
I have an enormous hiney;
so I stick my head in,
predicting I’ll win,
while everyone kisses it shiny!"
—Michael R. Burch

Be Careful What We Wish For

Picture Trump with the GOP nod.
Yes I know that sounds terribly odd.
But its base is bizarre,
And he’s gotten this far…
Plus his rivals are nearly as flawed.

In theory, this might be a boon
For the Democrats: "Clinton v. Loon!"
There are risks though, galore:
If George Bush could "Trump" Gore,
Odds are strong we'd (s)elect this buffoon.
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane

The Name and Blame Game

If you have a slightly offbeat name,
you'll be de-planed, detained, restrained, defamed.
Supremacists know pure white names are best,
so be prepared to prove you're among the Blessed.
(Woe unto those who fail Trump's Litmus Test!)
―Michael R. Burch

Trump the Game Plan

There once was a huckster named Trump
who liked to be kissed on the rump.
He promised awed voters
if they'd be his promoters,
he'd magically fix up their dump.

Now the voters were dreaming of Ronald
and hoping they'd found him in Donald.
And so, lightly "thinking"
after much heavy drinking,
they put out, as if they'd been fondled.

But once he'd secured the election
Trump found his fans cause for dejection. 
"I only love tens!"
he complained to his "friends,"
then deported them: black, white and Mexican.

Thus Donald fulfilled his sworn duties
by ridding the land of non-cuties.
Once the plain Janes were gone
he could smile on his throne
surrounded by imported beauties!
―Michael R. Burch

I know, it seems outrageous,
But it’s getting a lot of attention
On some very respectable Web pages —
Which mainstream media won’t mention:
Donald Trump was not born in Queens,
He was born in the Philippines,
In a hotel in downtown Manila.
Where his hair turned bright vanilla
Due to vitamin deficiencies.
―Garrison Keillor (not exactly a limerick, but close enough for our purposes here)

what a cad;
the Orange Heffalump
scowls when he sees
a baby bump!
Like the Grinch who stole Christmas
(but every day of the year),
The Donald eyes happy
mothers with a leer!
―Michael R. Burch

NOTE: Donald Trump actually body-shamed Kim Kardashian for having a baby bump, saying that she was "large" and ought to watch the kind of clothes she wears in public!

Donald Trump Campaign Songs

Christmas is coming!
Tycoons are getting fat!
TRUMP says, "Take a piss
in some beggar's hat!
Beat him to a pulp
then run him out of town
if he dares object to
the MAN with the GOLDEN CROWN.
And if you're not a Christian,
nothing else will do!
But if you are like TRUMP,
then may TRUMP bless you!
―Michael R. Burch

SANTA CLAWS is coming to town!
He sees Spics when they're sleeping
and Blacks when they're awake!
He knows that Whites are always good,
but dark skin is God's mistake.
So if you're some poor child
with slightly darker skin,
blacks, Mexicans, Syrians!"
―Michael R. Burch

Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Jokes, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, The Best Donald Trump Insults, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Donald Trump Nicknames, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends", Where Have All the Birthers Gone?, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Is Ted Cruz an Anchor Baby?, More Donald Trump Jokes, Is Donald Trump a Fascist?, Donald Trump Trivia, Donald Trump's War on Women, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies

The HyperTexts