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Donald Trump Nicknames: Administration, White House, Cabinet, Departments, Family, Friends, Associates, Accomplices, Supporters, Fawners and Lapdogs

This page contains the best nicknames that I have been able to find for Donald Trump's family, friends, cabinet, departments, associates, partners in crime, accomplices, supporters, cabinet, inner circle, surrogates, benefactors, donors, fawners and lapdogs. My personal favorite comes from the Bible, the ominous TRUMP OF DOOM. When God and the Hebrew prophets spoke of the "Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)

You can employ your browser's search feature or use CTRL-F to find nicknames for Trump's family, friends and associates/lapdogs. Some of my personal favorites include Melanoma (Melania Trump), Proxy Wife (Ivanka Trump), Aide de Kampf (Jared Kushner), Wrongway Conway (Kellyanne Conway), Koch Addict (Mitch McConnell), Cruella DeVile (Betsy DeVos), Paul Ruin (Paul Ryan), Buford T. Injustice (Jeff Sessions), Deputy Dip-Pity-'Do (Anthony Scaramucci), Sludge Roy Moore and HUD Ornament (Ben Carson)! We also have Trump family nicknames like The Brooklyn Hillbullies and Trump administration nicknames like Moscow on the Hudson and The White Supremacist House.

Cannonball! Donald "Trump of Doom" enters the American political waters, causing a mass Exodus ... but can he really walk on water as his fervent and fervid disciples believe?

Related pages: Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Eric Trump Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Jeff Sessions Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames, Hope Hicks Nicknames, Judge Roy Moore Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Paul Ryan Nicknames, Joe Arpaio Nicknames, Stephen Miller Nicknames, Sean Spicer Nicknames, Devin Nunes Nicknames, Michael Cohen Nicknames, Sam Nunberg Nicknames, Mike Pompeo Nicknames, Matt Whitaker Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

Nicknames for Trump and his allies have been coined by Glenn Beck, Samantha Bee, Joe Biden, Charles M. Blow, Steve Bannon, Dana Carvey, Graydon Carter, Michael Che, Hillary Clinton, Stephen Colbert, Garrison Keillor, Jimmy Kimmel, Bill Kristol, David Letterman, Bill Maher, John McCain, Michael Moore, Seth Myers, NBC, Trevor Noah, Conan O'Brien, John Oliver, Rosie O'Donnell, Martin O'Malley, Sarah Palin, Dan Rather, Marco Rubio, Nate Silver, Jon Stewart, USA Today ... and even The Donald Himself and his first wife, the former Ivana Trump!

The Trump administration is the ultimate boy's club, led by the The Donald Himself in his role as Groper-in-Chief. Thus his nomination and defense of Brett Kavanaugh is no surprise, since ...

Sexual predators of a feather
flock together.

Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames of Family, Friends and Extremely Close "Inner Circle" Associates

Note: You can click any hyperlinked name above or below to see expanded lists.

Donald Trump: The Donald, Agent Orange, Man-Baby, The Short-Fingered Vulgarian, Lord Voldemort, Little Horn, The Trump of Doom, THE ANTICHRIST
Vladimir Putin: Vova, Vlad the Impaler, Vladula, Pale Moth (his KGB code name), The Puppet Master, Trump's Controller, Abaddon (the Angel of Death), THE BEAST
Sergey Kislyak: The Recruiter, The Mole, Russia's Top Spy, Trump's Handler, The Impresario, Jabba the Gut, The Pillsbury Diplomat, THE FALSE PROPHET
Melania Trump: The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd), First Babe, Melania Antoinette (Michael R. Burch), Melanoma, I Candy, The Cold One, JEZEBEL
Jared Kushner: Poor Little Rich Bitch, Little Jared (Ana Navarro), Baby Boy (Ana Navarro), Cushy Kushner, Little Cushball, Jarhead, Jared "the Red", NIMROD
Ivanka Trump: Ivanka Tramp, Proxy Wife, Nordic Goddess, I Candy, Trophy Daughter, The First-Lady-Daughter, The Smart One, FALLEN ANGEL
Donald Trump Jr.: Junior, Dunce Jr., Ponyboy, Chip Off the Old Blockhead, Fredo Corleone, Frito Corleone, Fraido, The Cheapest Gazillionaire Heirhead, GOG
Eric Trump: Eric the Red, Eric the Brain Dead, Eric of Orange, Eric Idle, Mr. Alt-Right, Mr. Roboto, Draco Malfoy, Sonny Corleone, Sonny-Boy, MAGOG
Tiffany Trump: Tiff, Wild Card, The Other Daughter, The Unknown Trump, Trinket, Not Ivanka, M.I.A., P.O.W., The Forgotten Trump, Miss Invisible
Barron Trump: Mini-Donald, Little Donald, Poor Little Rich Kid

Department of Justice Nicknames

DOJ: Department of Injustice, Department of JurisPRUDENCE
Rod Rosenstein Nicknames: Mr. Peepers, Rushin' Rod (Michael R. Burch), Hosenstein (Michael R. Burch)
Matt Whitaker Nicknames: Homer Wimpson (Michael R. Burch), Shit Taker (Michael R. Burch), Welcome Matt (Michael R. Burch), Matt Overwhelmed (pun on Matt Helm)
Dana J. Boente: Deputy Dawg, Trump's Lapdog, Barney Fife, Goober, The Decoy
Jeff Sessions: Buford T. Injustice, Evil Snoats, Granny Clampett, The Scold, The Hobbit (Trevor Noah), Gollum, Bill Dough Baggins (Michael R. Burch), Forest Gnome (Stephen Colbert), The Keebler Elf, The Feebler Elf, Darth Leprechaun (Michael R. Burch), Detourney General, Possum Boy (SNL)

Dishonorable Mentions

Brett Kavanaugh: Sludge Kavanaugh, Forrest Gump, Forrest Hump, Groper Junior, Hot Rod, The Caveman, The Hanging Judge, Mr. Dangling Participle
Lindsey Graham: Graham Cracker, Crackers, Nutjob (Donald Trump), Disgrace (Trump), Crazy (Trump), Flimsy Lindsey, Lindsey Gomez, Stinkball
Steve Bannon: Acting President Bannon, Loose Cannon Bannon, Stephen KKK Bannon, AmeriKlan Idol, Darth Bannon, Darkness Incarnate, The Arsonist
Kellyanne Conway: Wrongway Conway, Miss Misinformation, The Spinster, The Spin-Mistress (Bess Levin), The Trump Whisperer, Con-Way Twit
Rex Tillerson: T-Rex, Rexosaurus, T-Wrecks, Rex Drillerson, Rex Shillerson, Putin's Poppet, Putin's Rasputin, Rexputin, Rexit, Wrecks It
Mitch McConnell: Fuckface McTurtlebitch, The Turtle, Mitch the Snitch-Bitch, Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch), Mitch McConHell
Stephen Miller: Young Gargamel (Stephen Colbert), Sméagol (Trevor Noah), The White Hinternationalist (Michael R. Burch), Basic Henchman (Trevor Noah)
Devin Nunes: Known-Nothing Nunes, Numbnuts Nunes, Devin Devil, Nanu Nanu Nunes, Trump's Stooge (Nancy Pelosi), No Nunes is Good Nunes!
Ben Carson: HUD Ornament (Michael R. Burch), Psychopath (Donald Trump), Crazy Ben Carson, Dummy (his childhood nickname)
Sean Spicer: Scary Spicer, Vanilla Spice, Spokestoady, Spokestwit, The Spice of Death, Sean of the Dead, Vanilla ISIS, Undearly Departed
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Sarah "Suckmypee" Sanders, Miss Misinformation, The Spinmistress, Miss Huckster, Miss Spokestoady
Hope Hicks: Hopeless Hicks, Tricky Hicky, Hicks from the Styx, The Hickster, Huckster Hicks, Hopester and Hopie (Donald Trump), The Press Dreck-retary
Betsy DeVos: Cruella DeVile, Diva DeVos, DeVile DeVos, Madame Voucher, Betsy DeVoid, Betsy de Gross
Erik Prince: The Prince of Darkness, The Black Prince, Creature from the Blackwater Lagoon, The Mercenary, Soldier of Misfortune, Trump's Surrogate, Erik the Red
Mike Pompeo: Drone Strike Mike, Koch Addict, Wichita Lineman, Koch Float, Koch Zero, Congressman from Koch, Mr. Dark Money
John Bolton: Dudley Do-Wrong, Captian Fangeroo, The Iraq Hack, The Mad Bomber, Dr. Strangelove, Duke Nukem, PAC-Man
Reince Priebus: Rinse Penis, Rinse Priapus, Prince Penis, Prince Rhesus, E. Priebus Loonum, Reince "and Flush" Priebus
Mike Flynn: Dr. Strangelove, In Like Flynnt, Red Flynnstone, Flynnskint
Rudy Giuliani: Trudy, Rudy Ghouliani, Rudy the Red-Nosed Panderer, Amerika's Scariest Mayor, Drooliani, Fooliani
Anthony Scaramucci: The Mooch, The Mooch Smooch (Trevor Noah), The Human Pinky Ring (Seth Myers), The 'Do-Whopper, Deputy DIP-pity-'Do
Steve Mnuchin: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Foreclosure King, The Forecloser, Dune Messiah
John F. Kelly: Hobo, The Hitcher, Get Mo' Gitmo, The ICE Man Cometh, Jean Claude Killy The Quanticon, The Zookeeper, The Lyin' King Tamer
Gary Cohn: Sachs-man, The Goldman Sackman, Cohn's Disease, A$$hole, The Cohn-vict, Globalist Gary, The TARP King, Bailout Boy, Cohnhead
Paul Ryan: Lyin' Ryan, Cryin' Ryan, Paul Pot, Pious Paul, Paul Ruin, Small-Ball Ryan, Beaver Cleaver, Eddie Munster, Alfalfa, Mr. 1%, A-ryan
Sherriff Joe Arpaio: Hitler, Shitler, Twitler, Wyatt Twerp, Wyatt TARP, Joe Pa Payola, Joe Paternal, Boss Hogg, Big Pig, Colonel Klink, Officer Loco
Scott Pruitt: Hot Air Buffoon, The Possum, Polluting Pruitt, Big Oil's Poster Boy, Tar Baby, Tsar Baby, Tarball, The Freakin' Fracker, The FracKing, King Frack
Michael Cohen: The Cohenhead, The Stormy Trooper, Stormy Whether, Mr. Creepypants
Sam Nunberg: Stunberg, The Stun of Sam, Fruit of the Loon, Nutty Buddy, Human Meltdown, Psycho Sam, Whine-o, The Nun, Nanoo Nunberg, Sam the None
Judge Roy Moore: Sludge Moore, The Ten Commandments Fudge, Playboy Roy, Fruit Salad, Fruit Loops, Mall Patrol, Mall Rat, Mr. Tightie Whities
Ted Cruz: Holy Cruzader (Michael R. Burch), The Cruz Controller (Michael R. Burch), Wacko Bird (John McCain), Proud Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz himself)
Marco Rubio: Rubio the Unready, Marco Roboto, The Waterboy and Lightweight Choker (Donald Trump), No-Show Rubio, AWOL
Mitt Romney: Bishop Romney, The RomneyBot, Bain in the Ass (David Letterman), King of Bain (Newt Gingrich), Mitt the Twit (Rupert Murdoch)

Top Ten Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Administration Nicknames and White House Nicknames

Moscow on the Hudson
and The Kremlin Gremlins
The Far Slide
(General John Kelly, the White House Chief of Staff, describing the Trump Administration)
Zoo Without Walls (Reince Priebus, the former White House Chief of Staff)
The Washington Denial Machine (Bob Woodward)
Staff Infection (Stephen Colbert)
The Hapless Incompetents (Ryan Cooper)
The Bazaar
(Bob Corker) and The Bizarre Bazaar (Michael R. Burch)
Amoral Flying Monkeys (Keith Olbermann)
Monster's Ball (David Axelrod)
Crack Team of Crackpots (Michael R. Burch)

More Trump cabinet nicknames: The Grifters (Valerie Plame), The Fourth Reich, The Russian Mafia, The Swamp Cabinet, The Swamp Stockers, Steve Bannon’s Alt-Right Swamp (Vogue), Ku Klux Kabinet, KKK-Mart Kabinet, Killer Klown Kar Kabinet, The Roundhead Table, Dr. Strangelove & The Mad Bombers, Ding-a-Ling Brothers Three-Ring Circus, Batshit Crazy Bozos, Russian Roulette, Vlad and the Impalers, The Clandestine Klan, The Roundheads, Dr. Strangelove & The Mad Bombers, Dawn of the Brain Dead, The Underlings, The A$$ki$$ers (Michael R. Burch), Trolls Galore (Hillary Clinton,) The Recusants, The Re-Cuss-Ants, Despicable US, KKKnights of the Roundhead Table, The Kings of Unintentional Comedy, Nero and the Fiddlers, Sauron and the Numenoreans, Loki and the Frost Giants, Dr. Evil and the Mini-Me's, Caiaphas and the Sanhedrin, Judas and the Iscariots, Trump's Inner Circle = Trump Sinner Circle, Team Trump, The Slumlords, Sauron and the Numenoreans, Loki and the Frost Giants, Dr. Evil and the Mini-Me's, Caiaphas and the Sanhedrin, The Trench Connection, Team Trump, Diva Donald and the Trumps of Doom

Top Ten Trump Administration Nicknames

The Dick-Tater-Ship
The Hinternationalists (Michael R. Burch)
The Highglanders (Michael R. Burch)
Boys 'R US
The New Yorkers and The New Porkers
Rank Amateurs (emphasis on "rank")
Amateur Hour at the White House
Alternate Reality TV
Celebrity Presidential Apprentice
Kakistocracy (Ryan Lizza)

The Greeks have a word for the emerging Trump Administration: kakistocracy. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as a “government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.” Webster’s is simpler: “government by the worst people.”—Ryan Lizza in a New Yorker article

Top Ten Trump White House Nicknames

The White Supremacist House
(Michael R. Burch)
The Ogle Office
Den of the Re-Flub-Lycans (Michael R. Burch)
The West Wingnuts and The West Wing Sexual Assault Emporium (Michael R. Burch)
The Oval Ovary Assault Office (Michael R. Burch) and The Ovary Inspection Office (Michael R. Burch)
The Cucksmen (Michael R. Burch)
The Sadly Failing Ameri-can't Government
Hair Hitler and the Whigs (Michael R. Burch)
The Fourth Reich and The Turd Reich
Trump-Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch)

More Trump White House Nicknames: The Smite House, Tindergarden, Cindergarden, Big Rocket Man's Launching Pad, Swamp Full o' Suckers, Putin's Proxies, The AmeriKKKan Kremlin, The Kremlin Connection, KremlinGate, The Putin Support Network, The Kremlin Supply Chain, Russian Roulette, Knights of the Russian Round Table, The Cowering Inferno, Amateur Hour at the White House, Trump and the Grand Teutons, Ding-a-Ling Bozos and the Burn 'Em Gaily Three-Ring Circus, Bozo and the Batshit Krazy Killer Klowns, The Sicko-phants (Michael R. Burch)

Trump Supporter Nicknames

Re-flub-Lycans (Michael R. Burch)
KKK: Kooks, Klowns and Kommissars
The Trump Freak Show (Vogue)
Donald Duck Dynasty
Hicks from the Sticks and Hicks from the Styx
Putin's Puppets and Putin's Poppets
American Grandstand
Collection of Clowns (Steve Bannon)
The Despots
The Trump Enablers
The Eager Overreachers
The Bannonites (They are eager to ban everything good and decent, ASAP)
Regressive Reds
AmeriKlan Idols
Nationalists International

More Trump Supporter Nicknames: Trump Nation, Trumplandia, Trumpzania, AlieNation, Dumb and Dumber, The Deplorables, The Untouchables, Tramps, Trump's Chumps, Chumpanzees, Children of the Corn, The Stepfordians, The Deplorables, The Untouchables, Trumpites, Trumpettes, Trumpeters, Trumpeteers, Trumpists, Trumpies, Trumpanzees, Trumpaholics, Trumptards, Trump's Schlumps, Troglodytes, Trump Junkies, The Walking Brain Dead, Groper Groupies, Sheeple, The Lost, Combover to the Dark Side, The Trump Zone, Hemorrhoidal Has-Beens (Samantha Bee), Tramps, Trump's Chumps, Chumpanzees, Confederacy of Dunces, Con-Fed Dense Men (Michael R. Burch), Trumpniks, Trumpkins, Trumptards, Acolytes of the Beast, the Beastie Boys (and Girls), The Branch Trumpidians, The StormTrumpers, sTrumpettes, Hell on Earth, The Ninth Circle of Hell,
The Motley Crew, The Chosen Eew!

Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames

The Donald — Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Lord Voldemort — Rosie O'Donnell
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin (who was NOT trying to be funny!)
The Most Fabulous Whiner — after Donald Trump described himself to CNN's Chris Cuomo as the "most fabulous whiner" who keeps "winning by whining"
Fuckface von Clownstick, Man-Baby, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole — Jon Stewart
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher
Short-Fingered Vulgarian — Graydon Carter (a nickname Trump hates because he seems to think it implies that he is under-endowed "down there")
Tiny Hands Trump, Babyfingers Trump and Pixie Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch (nicknames based on Graydon Carter's nickname above)
Agent Orange — Anonymous
The Trump of Doom — Michael R. Burch (first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11, 2015)

Number one, with a bullet: THE ANTICHRIST — by God and the Hebrew prophets — when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)

Donald Trump Bullying Victim Nicknames

Rosie O'Donnell: Loser (Donald Trump), Slob (Donald Trump), Fat Pig (Donald Trump), My Nice Fat Little Rosie (Donald Trump), Trainwreck (Donald Trump)
Marco Rubio: The Water Boy, Lightweight Choker (Donald Trump), Little Marco (Donald Trump), Marco "Weak as a Baby" Rubio (Donald Trump), Easy Mark (Donald Trump)
Bob Corker: Liddle Bob Corker (Donald Trump)
James Comey: Homey Comey, EZ-Comey-EZ-Goey, Show Me Comey, Trump's Red-Headed Stepchild
Andrew McCabe: The Scapegoat, The Sacrificial Lamb

Expanded Nicknames of Trump's Family, Friends, Cabinet, Lapdogs and A$$ociates

Trump family nicknames: The Brooklyn Hillbullies, Donald Duck Dynasty, Beavis and the Buttheads, Bereave US and the Buttheads, Children of the Corn, The Stepfordians, The KKKardashians, Poor Little Bitch Kids, The Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse, The Cold Ones

Republican Party nicknames: G.O.P. now stands for Government of Putin and it is clearly of Putin, by Putin and for Putin. Just follow the funny money, er rubles.

Trump impeachment nicknames: Fall of the House of Lusher, Fall of the House of the Gold Toilet Flusher, Gone with the Hot Air, Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Trump divorce nicknames: Reality Check Mate, Reality Czech Mate, You're Fired!

Donald Trump nicknames: The Donald, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poodle, The Brooklyn Bolshevik, Comrade Trumputin, The Russian Mole, Moscow's Useful Fool, Mogul (his Secret Service code name), Agent Orange, The Trump of Doom, The ANTICHRIST

Ivanka Trump nicknames: Ivanka Tramp, Ivanka Wanker, I Wanna Wank Her, Ivanka Spanker, Proxy Wife, Nordic Goddess, Norwegian Wood Inducer, The First Lady-Daughter, The Real First Lady, Mrs. Kushner, Kushner's Crush, Kushner's Cush Toy, Daddy's Little Lapsitter, The Hot One, The Smart One, Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies), Glamorpuss, Princess Royal, Princess Disloyal

Jared Kushner nicknames: The Good Boy (Donald Trump), Little Jared (Ana Navarro), Baby Boy (Ana Navarro), Cushy Kushner, Trump's Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL), Jarhead, Jared "the Red" Kushner, Jarring Kushner, The Boy Blunder, Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos), The Preppie Neo-Con, Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump), Jivanka, Jervanka, Ivanka's Krush, Nimrod (Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon), The Crown Prince of Babble-On, The Neophyte, Jared the Unready, Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch), The Warlock, The Preppy Schlep

Tiffany Trump nicknames: Tiff, Wild Card, Trinket, Not Ivanka, M.I.A., P.O.W., The Imprisoned Princess of Trump Tower, The Forgotten Trump, The Unknown Trump, Miss Invisible, The Other Daughter, The Spotlight Shunner, The Anti-Trump, Any Tiff, Tiff Fanny, Fit Fanny, The Calabasas Countess

Marla Maples nicknames: Sap, Sappy, The Orgasmist (she announced to the world that sex with The Donald was her best ever), Georgia Peach (her nickname as a model), The Illusionist (she said that her marriage to The Donald was "built on an illusion"), The Delusionist, The Kabbalahist, Miss Resaca Beach Poster Girl, Miss Hawaiian Tropic, Designing Woman (she appeared on the TV show) 

Barron Trump nicknames: Mini-Donald, Little Donald, Poor Little Rich Boy, Barron von Trump

Melania Trump nicknames: The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd), Melania Antoinette, First Babe, Melanoma, The Ice Queen (Gloria Erin Ryan), The Cold One, The Swamp Queen, Tinderella, The Man-Boy Sitter, The Trump Sitter, The Trump Swatter (after she slapped her husband's hand away on an airport runway in Isreal), TerminEX, (ditto), The Black Widow, Pussy Bow (because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate), Double Agent (Christen Clifford suggested that the "pussy bow" was a feminist rebuke of her husband's pussy groping), Agent 69, The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley), Mater Harry (pun on Mata Hari and Dirty Harry), Eye Candy, KKK (her bra size),  The Apprentice Bride, Bride of Trumpenstein, Muse (her Secret Service code name)

Donald Trump Jr. nicknames: Junior, Dunce Jr., Son of Drumpf, Donald Drumpkopf the Lesser, Ponyboy, Chip Off the Old Blockhead, Fredo Corleone, Frito Corleone, Fraido (because like Fredo he's afraid of his father), The Bedwetter and Diaper Don (because in college he would get drunk, pass out and wet the bed), Public Drunk, Eddie Munster (Kathy Griffin), The Cheapest Gazillionaire Heirhead (People Magazine, after Junior proposed to Vanessa Haydon with a free ring), The Airhead, The Good Boy (Donald Trump Sr.), Nondescript Donnie (because Ivanka got all the attention), Junior Abuser (he came on to women so strong at frat parties "everyone was warned to stay away from Donnie Trump"), The Great White Hunter (he even posed for a picture holding a severed elephant's tail!), Mountaineer (his Secret Service code name)

Please click here for all Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames

Frederick Trump nicknames: Fred, Freddy Freeloader (he overbilled the government on housing projects), Frederick the Not-So-Great, Father of the Beast, The Kingmaker (Fred Trump said that he raised his son to be a "king"), Woody Guthrie's Bane (after the singer-songwriter wrong angry songs about Fred Trump's racism), The Blight Supremacist

Eric Trump nicknames: Eric the Red, Eric the Brain Dead, Eric of Orange, Eric Idle, Mr. Alt-Right, Mr. Roboto, Date Rape (Kathy Griffin), Draco Malfoy, Sonny Corleone, Sonny-Boy, Butthead Trump, Eric the Hysteric, Eric the Cleric, Chip Off the Old Blockhead II, Eric the Unloved, Eric the Loveless, Dunderhead, The Self-Dealer, The Charity Defrauder, The Cancer Necromancer (he has been accused of using a children's cancer "charity" to slip money to himself under the table), Marksman (his Secret Service code name)

"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets," Donald Trump Jr. told a real estate conference in 2008, "We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In 2014, when golf writer James Dodson asked Eric Trump how his father could finance golf courses when American banks were declining to lend money against such assets, he answered: "We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims to have "no dealings" with Russia, he is obviously lying. And Trump Jr. made the purpose of his treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents crystal-clear when he informed Jared Kushner and Paul Manafort about the covert operation in an email with the subject heading: "Russia – Clinton – private and confidential." Folks, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's Watson to figure this one out!

Republican Senator Lindsey Graham: Graham Cracker, Crackers, Lindsey Graham-nesty (Rush Limbaugh), Nutjob (Donald Trump), Disgrace (Trump), Crazy (Trump), Flimsy Lindsey, Lindsey Gomez, Senator Grahamnesty (Rush Limbaugh), Stinkball, Bar Rat, Rascal, Squirrely McNutjob

National Enquirer publisher David Pecker: Peckerhead, Trump's Pecker Protector, Would He Wood Pecker, Woodie, Mr. Hush Money, Trump's A.M.I.go, Mr. Uncredible, Mr. Catch and Kill, Pecker Power (Stephen Colbert)

National Security Adviser John Bolton: Dudley Do-Wrong, Captian Fangeroo, The Iraq Hack, The Mad Bomber (he wants to bomb Iran and North Korea), Dr. Strangelove, Duke Nukem, Mr. AmbASSador, PAC-Man, The Spinmaster, The Spinster, Mr. Bolt-on Moustache, Jesse Helms Jr., Bull in a China Shop (Joe Biden), National DisASSter (Jimmy Carter)

Dave Duke nicknames: The Klansman, Mr. KKK, Grand Wizard, Grand Lizard, The Duke of Hurl, The Duke of Churl, Duke Nuke 'Em, Ill Douche, The Nazi of LSU (his college nickname), The Natty Klansman (he favors suits and ties over those traditional white robes), The Dark Knight (he founded the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan), Cuck of the White Supremacist Walk, The Blight Supremacist

Richard Spencer nicknames: The Snazzy Nazi, Retch Hard, The Retard, Dick, The Dick to End All Dicks (and the World), The Village Idiot, The Pillage Idiot, The White Dumbass-ist, The Alt-Right Blight Inciter

Vladimir Putin nicknames: Vova, Abaddon (the Angel of Death), Vlad the Impaler, Vlad the Terrible, Vladula, Pale Moth (his KGB code name), Darth Vladimir, The Kremlin's Grey Cardinal, The Blonde Bond, The Barechested Cossack, Tsarzan, The Puppet Master, Trump's Controller, Pootie-Poot (George W. Bush), Ostrich Legs, Volodya, Khuilo, Huilo, VVP, Platov, Mr. Putin, The BEAST

George Papadopoulos nicknames: Putin's Proxy, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Poppet, Putin's Intermediary, The Matchmaker, The Kremlin Connection, Mr. Moscow, Mueller's Mole, Papa Dope, Dopey, The Greek Geek, The Think Tanker, The Hudson Hawk, Coffee Boy, Coffee Grounds, The Dregs, Low Level, Trump's Cabana Boy, George Cabanadopoulos, George Boyodopoulos

Straight from the jackass's mouth: Russian politician Vyacheslav Alekseyevich Nikonov, a member of the Duma (ruling assembly), said on live TV that U.S. intelligence "missed it when Russian intelligence stole the presidency of the United States."

Vyacheslav Alekseyevich Nikonov nicknames: Eyechart, The Man Who Never Needs to Buy a Vowel, Heel of Misfortune, The Schoolmarm

Sergey Zheleznyak nicknames: Trump's Biggest Booster, The Civilizer of Americans, The Lecturer

Vladimir Zhirinovsky nicknames: The Russian Donald Trump, Count Vladula

Vyacheslav Volodin nicknames: Voodoo, Triple-V, V-Man

Sergey Kislyak nicknames: The Recruiter, The Mole Man, Russia's Top Spy, Trump's Handler, The Impresario, Jabba the Gut, The Pillsbury Diplomat (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Sergei Gorkov nicknames: Kushner's Controller, Jared's Russian Sugar Daddy, The Insider, The Financer, Putin's Piggy Banker, Putin's Slush Fund Manager, Putin's Kitty Stroker, Mr. Rublebags, The Kremlin's Crown Prince of Profit, Mr. Vnesheconombank, The VEB of Deceit, The Black Widow

Natalia Veselnitskaya nicknames: Natashe Fatale, Natalia Romanova, Zora the Geek, Octohussy, Hussy Galore, Dishonor Blackman, Shill Masters Son, So Long Dimwit Adios, Bonita Booby Trap, Rink-a-Dink Fink, Blog Cabin Girl, High Jinx, Vesper Sinned, Triple X, Trip Lex, Strawberry Yields, Severance, Domino Downfall, Fredo's Downfall, The Knock-Off, Yet Another Loose End, Blunderball 007, Miss Russian Collusion Fusion, Trump Tower's Favored Immigrant (she is on parole with American Immigration), The Prosecutor's Bride (her nickname in Russia during her marriage to Alexander Mitusov), Miss FSB, Agent 55002 (she worked for FSB Military Unit 55002)

Rinat Akhmetshin nicknames: Boris Badenov, Mr. Con-Fusion, The GRUsome Spook, The Mole, Mr. Counter Intelligence, The Propagandist, Putin's Shadow Lobbyist, The Man in the Shadows, The Shadowist, Trump's Controller, AK-47, The Mercenary, Russia's Gun-for-Hire, The Hacker, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold War, The Double-Speak Agent, The Lobbyist, Rinat of the Oligarchs

Aras Agalarov nicknames: The Mogul, The Oligarch, The Donald Trump of Russia, Azerbijani Aras

Emin Agalarov nicknames: Mogul Lite, Little Mogul, The Azerbijani Eminem

Yury Yakovlevich Chaika nicknames: The Crown Prosecutor, Trump's Elector

Rob Goldstone nicknames: The Gold Digger, The Name Dropper, The Pawn Broker, The Bet-Hedger (he posted a selfie of himself in a pro-Russia shirt hours after Trump was elected president), Nebbish Nero, Chubby Caligula, The Oligarch's Intimate, The Weak Link, Cold Stone Robber

Ivan Timofeev nicknames: Ivan the Terrible, The Director, Director of Russian Internal Affairs

Irakly Kaveladze nicknames: Ike, Putin's Launderer, The Whitewasher, Mr. Magnitsky, The Magnet, The Invisible Man, Comrade Croak US, Hocus Crocus, The Wallflower, The Analyst, The Pawn Broker, Putin's Mike, The Eighth Wheel

Denis Katsyv nicknames: The Launderer, Mr. Moneybags

Anatoli Samochornov nicknames: The Interpreter, The Deep State Contractor

Boris Epshteyn nicknames: Bore Us (his high school nickname), Boris Badenov, Putin's Proxy, The Russian Surrogate, The Rat, The Mole, Moscow's Investment Guru, Frankenstein Epshteyn

Alan S. Futerfas nicknames: Flutter-Fast, Scumsaver, The Mob's Legal Beagle, Mr. Mob, Mr. Mafia, Russian Red Futerfas, The Pork Avenue Trombonist

Rhona Graff nicknames: The Gatekeeper, Keeper of the Graft, Graff Spree

Jamie Gorelick nicknames: The Dropout, The Licked Lawyer

Abbe Lowell nicknames: Prayer Time, Kushner's Last Line of Defense, The Heavyweight

Peter W. Smith nicknames: The Go-Between, Putin's Procurer, The Hacker Backer

Michael Caputo nicknames: Capo Caputo, Kaputo, Kaput, Kaputz, Mafioso Mike

Trump attorney Marc E. Kasowitz nicknames: Marc the Narc, Snarky Marc, Case o' Wits, Witzless, the Uberlitigator (on his website)

Trump attorney Ty Cobb nicknames: Maize, The Cobbler, The Corn Cobbler, The Hobbled Scare Crow, The Hit King, Asleep at the Wheel (Steve Bannon), Man Bitten by a Radioactive Wilford Brimley (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Trump attorney John Dowd nicknames: Dowdy Dowd, The Dowager, The Dowdy Dodger, Howdy Dowdy, Porta-John, Asleep at the Wheel (Steve Bannon)

Trump attorney Jay Sekulow nicknames: Jaybird, Jaywalker, Jay "Seek the Low Road" Sekulow, Seek and Destroy Sekulow

Trump foreign policy adviser Joseph E. Schmitz nicknames: The Mercenary, Mr. Blackwater, Mr. Whitewater

Trump counterterrorism expert Walid Phares nicknames: Squalid Walid, The Toad Warrior, The Maronite

Retired Army Lt. Gen. Joseph 'Keith' Kellogg nicknames: Special K, Cornflake

The "Big Six" or "Deep State Six"

Paul Ryan nicknames: Lyin' Ryan, Cryin' Ryan, Paul Pot, Pious Paul, Paul Ruin, Small-Ball Ryan, Beaver Cleaver, Eddie Munster, Alfalfa, Mr. 1%, A-ryan, Brown Nose (he was voted "Biggest Brown-Noser" by his graduating class in 1988), Nana Killer, The Granny Killer, Rathole, Trump's Cheerleader (Dan Rather), Ryan's Hopeless, Gilligan (allegedly this is what Mitt Romney's campaign staff called Paul Ryan behind his back), Blue-Eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabee, Zombie-Eyed Granny-Starver (Esquire), Eddie Haskell's Less Lovable Punk Brother (Michael R. Burch), The Serial Biller

Mitch McConnell nicknames: Fuckface McTurtlebitch, The Turtle (Jon Stewart), Dick Turtle, Mitch the Snitch, Mitch the Bitch, Mitch the Snitch-Bitch, Mitch the Glitch, Mitch the Twitch, Mitch the Shitz, Mitch Switch Bait, Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch), Ditch McConnell, The Ditch Dweller, The Serial Biller (Michael R. Burch), The Zodiac Biller (Michael R. Burch), The Lethal Chipmunk, Venomous Tree Frog

Orrin Hatch nicknames: Orrin Goering, Orrin Moron, Orrin Boring, Borin' Orrin, Boring Snatch, The Snitch Who Stole Healthcare, The Hatchling, Half-Hatched Orrin, Down the Hatch Orrin, Orin Drainpipe, The Albino Weasel, Mucoso, Snorin' Orin (he's older than the hills and needs lots of naptime)

Steve Mnuchin nicknames: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Foreclosure King, The Forecloser, The Double-Downer, The Granny Terminator, Dune Messiah, The Honeymooner, The Honey-Mooner (after Mnuchin used a government plane on his honeymoon),The Vulture Crapitalist, Evil John Oliver (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Gary Cohn nicknames: Sachs-man, The Goldman Sackman (he's hired, you're fired), Cohn's Disease, A$$hole, Coh-Coh-Nut (Michael R. Burch), The Cohn-vict, Cohn-Tiki, Globalist Gary, CTC (Carbon Tax Cohn), The Government Sacker, The TARP King, Bailout Boy, High Risk, The Risk Taker, Cohn-victed Melonhead, Cohnhead, Carried Interest Cohn (Sam Nunberg), Mr. Goldman Sachs, The Swamp Creature, The Creature from the Orange Lagoon

Kevin Brady nicknames: Colonel Klink, Death Warmed Over, Mean Ways Brady, Mr. Secret Payoff, The SalesTaxMan, The Sales Tax Shaman

The Rest of Trump's Inner Circle and Cabinet

Chief Strategist Stephen K. Bannon nicknames: Populist Hero (by his own Breitbart Schmooze), Acting President Bannon, The Ringleader, The Shadow King (Bannon rules from the Shadows, through Trump), Arsonist-in-Chief, Trump's Torch, My Steve (Donald Trump), Trump's Brain (Elizabeth Williamson), Mr. Alt-Right, Stephen KKK Bannon, Loose Cannon Bannon, Darkness Incarnate, The AmeriKlan Idol, Deceivin' Steven, Darth Vader, Darth Bannon, Sith Lord Bannon, Darth Insidious, Sauron, The Great Manipulator (TIME), The Great Man-Baby-ipulator, The Amerikan Goebbels, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (David Letterman), Deep State Stephen, Supremacist Steve, Gríma Wormtongue, The Doom Messiah, The Alt-Right Ideologue (Elizabeth Williamson), The Bannon Brand Builder (Anthony Scaramucci), Bannon the Barbarian, The Great Boor of Babble-On, The Leninist, Bye Bye Bannon, Banned Bannon, Brat Leaving a Sinking Ship, Bannon Unchained, Nuclear EXplosion, Trump's Eminence Grise (David A. Graham), The Puppet Master, The Puppy Master, The Alt-Right Igniter, The Blight Supremacist, Preexisting Condition (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), The Best-Looking Guy at a Liquor Store (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Street Fighter (Bannon himself), Street Blighter (Michael R. Burch), The Grim Reaper (SNL), The Grime Reaper, Trump's Chief Ideologue (Rosie Gray), Trump's Ideological Id (Ashley Parker), The Id-iot, Trump's Wingman (Bannon himself), The Wingnut Wingman, Ick-arus (pun on Icarus, whose wings melted when he flew too close to the sun), The Hit Man (Bannon says he has a "hit list" of establishment Republicans he intends to take out), The Shit Man, Wrongplan (Newt Gingrich), The Wrongway Banner (Newt Gingrich), The Cannibal (Newt Gingrich)

Please click here for all Steve Bannon Nicknames

I'm a Leninist. Lenin wanted to destroy the state, and that's my goal too. I want to bring everything crashing down, and destroy all of today's establishment.Stephen K. Bannon
Darkness is good. Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That's power.Stephen K. Bannon

Kellyanne Conway nicknames: Wrongway Conway (Michael R. Burch), The Spin-Mistress (Bess Levin), Miss Misinformation (Michael R. Burch), The Trump Whisperer (Frank Bruni), The Trump Hisser, Motor Mouth (David Horsey), Smelly Anne Con-Job, Con-Way Twitter, Nutter Consigliere (Jim Newell), The Mercenary (Jim Newell), Vichy (Stephen Romanenghi), Free Agent (Joe Scarborough), Fact-Free Agent (Michael R. Burch), Fatal Attraction (SNL), Fatal Detraction (Michael R. Burch), The Spinster (Michael R. Burch), The Spinstress (Michael R. Burch), Satan's Trophy Wife (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Soulless Cretin (Daily Kos), The Cold One, Snowcone, Alt-Right Barbie

Please click here for all Kellyanne Conway Nicknames

Joe Scarborough accused Kellyanne Conway of being a "free agent." But he left out a word: Wrongway Conway is a Fact-Free Agent.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions nicknames: Buford T. Injustice, Evil Snoats, Granny Clampett, The Scold, The Hobbit (Trevor Noah), Bill Dough Baggins (Michael R. Burch), Dildo Baggins, Forest Gnome (Stephen Colbert), The Keebler Elf, The Feebler Elf, Darth Leprechaun (Michael R. Burch), Darth Yoda, Nervous Tick (Conan O'Brien), Kangaroo Court Sessions, Hessian Sessions, Secessionist Sessions, Rushin' Sessions, Stressin' Sessions (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Stonewall Sessions, Jefferson "No Regard" Sessions (his full name is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions), Bo Retard, Recess Sessions, Detour-ney General, Perjurer General, Round-a-Bout Bubba, Nuts (Donald Trump), Shirknado (Michael R. Burch), Shirknerdough, The Blight Supremacist, The Turnip of Hate (Stephen Colbert), Squirrely Sessions, The Shrew, Trump's Attack Hamster, Flighty Mouse, Smitey Mouse, Albino Smurf (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Shocked Grandma (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Cloverleaf Pixie (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Doll carved from an apple (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Possum Boy

Please click here for all Jeff Sessions Nicknames

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson nicknames: SOS, Rexit, T-Rex, Rexosaurus, T-Wrecks, Br'er Rex, Rex Drillerson, Rex Shillerson, Rex Killerson, Rex Billerson, Mr. Rublebags, Putin's Puppet, Putin's Rasputin (Michael R. Burch), Rexputin, Putin's Right Hand Man, The Russian Gold Medalist (Putin awarded him Russia's Order of Friendship), The Invisible Man, Secretary of Wait (Michael R. Burch), Secretary in State (Michael R. Burch), Deep State Secretary, Deep State Wrecks, Deep Shock, Deep Throat, Deep Moat, Deep Loot, the Secretary of Stating the Obvious (after Tillerson called Trump an Effin' Moron), Grandpa You Don't Visit (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer nicknames: Scary Spicer (Elizabeth Harris Burch), Vanilla Spice, Vanilla Spicer, Sean Sphincter (College Voice), The Hedgehog and The Hedge-Dodger (after Spicer hid behind a hedge to avoid reporters), Spittler, Shitler, Twitler, The Holocaust Apologist, The Mouthpiece (David Horsey), Spicy, Motor Mouthpiece, Sean "the Truth Icer" Spicer, Sean "Dawn of the Dead" Spicer, Spokestoady, Spokestwit, Spokestot, Spokesboy, Spokestoddler, Spokestool, Spokesmoron, Spokesliar, Spokeswhiner, Press Reagent, Full Court Press, The Tass A$$, Tass Light, The Tass-manian Devil, Amerikan Goebbels, Wormtongue, Sinister Spice, Little Tattletale Teller, Sauerkraut Spicer, Five Alarm Spicer, The S**t Spicer, Tokyo Rose, Spastic Spicer, Trump's Human Twitter Feed, The Baghdad Bobblehead, Spiced Whiner, Spiced Lice, The Slime Spreader, Skippy, Old Spice, The Depressing Press Secretary, Former Press Secretary, The High Wire Liar, Dumb Spice, The Angry Inch Worm (he's really angry and short), Sean Spiceless, Sean Spineless, The Spice of Death, Undearly Departed, Sean "the Walking Dead" Spicer, Sean of the Undead, Ghost Derider, The Pope Stalker (meeting the Pope was "all that he wanted"), Melissa McCarthy (so-called by his replacement Anthony Scaramucci), Bleached Minion (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Director of Strategic Communications Hope Hicks nicknames: Hopeless Hicks, Tricky Hicky, Hicks from the Sticks, Hicks from the Styx, The Hickster, Huckster Hicks, Hopester (Donald Trump), Hopie (Donald Trump), Dopey Hopie, Hopie-Changey, Hippy Hicks, Hipster Hicks, The Female Scaramucci, SMU-amucci, The Hiltzik Strategist, The Novice, The Duper Model (she modeled for the Ford modeling agency and Ralph Lauren), Souvenir from Trump Tower, The Gatekeeper, The Grate Keeper, The Trump Enabler, The Loyalist, The Trump Whisperer, The Press Dreck-etary

White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci nicknames: The Mooch, Scary Scaramucci, Scarface, Scarecrow, Scare Monkey, The Scaremonger, Scare-a-Douche, Loose Lips Scaramucci, Sicko-Fancy, Scary Spice II, The Moocher, Smooch, The Smoocher, The Mooch Smooch (Trevor Noah), A$$ki$$er (Michael R. Burch), The Brownnoser, Trump's Proctologist, The Hyperactive Hedge Hog, Two-Faced Scaramucci, The Lie Bridger (he started a company called SkyBridge Capital), The Goldman Sucks Crapitalist, Das Kapitalist, The Tweet Deleter, High C-Note Tony, Little Tony Soprano (Michael R. Burch), The 'Do-Wop, Little Tony Tutone (he has cornered the world markets for bronzer and hair gel), The Human Pinky Ring (Seth Myers), Human Cocaine (SNL), The A$$a$$in (he expressed a desire to personally "kill" leakers over a leaked dinner list!), DIP-pity-'Do (Michael R. Burch), The Grate Communicator, Trump's Plagiarist, Trump's Echo, Trump's Mini-Me, The Incredible Shrinking Spokesman (Michael R. Burch), Spokestoady, Shark Dressed Man-Boy, Trump's Buoy

Please click here for all Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames

Jason Miller nicknames: The Great Communicator, The Strategist, The Genius, The Smart One (he turned down the job of Trump communications director)

Trump campaign national spokesperson Katrina Pierson nicknames: Hurricane Katrina, Miss Misinformation, Miss Spokestoady, The Holey Cruzader (she backed Ted Cruz before Trump), Miss Teapot (she is a Tea Party advocate), The Welfare Princess, The Unemployment Queen, Miss PACman, Miss Pure Breed, Kit Kat, The Blight Supremacist

White House press aide Michael Short nicknames: The Short Timer (he resigned quickly after Scaramucci was hired by the Trumpageddon administration), The De-press-ed Aide, Short Circuit

Mike Huckabee nicknames: Judas, Huckster Huckabee, Huckleberry Spin, Huckmaster General, Huck Fuckabee, Huck Upchuck, Hick Muckabee, The Muckster, Brother Smother, Tax Hike Mike, Triple Wide, Duck Hunter, Uncle Sugar (he once said that the only reason women voted for Democrats was because Uncle Sugar promised to pay for their birth control), Gomer Pile On

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders nicknames: Kentucky Fried, Sarah Suckup, Sarah Suckabee, The Succubus, Miss Huckster, Basic Atrocity, Women's Fibber, Sister Smother, Gomer Pile On, The Gomerette, Elmira Gantry, Elvira Gantry, Possum Queen, Spokestoady, The Spinstress, Cruella de Vile, Hick Morticia, Elvira Mistress of the Trailer Park, Miss Deliverance, Miss Devil Rants, Miss HarkandSaw, Miss Little Roc, Miss Pine Bluff, Blunder Woman, Slimy Sellout, Train Wreck, Miss Derailment, Faux News Vixen, Lil' Spice, Less Seasoned Spice, Spiced Rack, Trump's Dishonor Guard, Keeper of the Shame, Keeper of the Slime, Ante Bell Mum, The Funny Farm Schoolmarm, Miss Manners (she said it was "highly inappropriate" to debate a four-star general, even when he's obviously wrong), The Pig Hollow Wallower

Paul Manafort nicknames: The Count, The Uber-Lobbyist (David Catanese), Putin's Revenge, Yanukovych's Yankee Yanker, The Russian Lobbyist-in-Chief, American Mole, The Ultimate Insider, Knuckles, Steamroller, The Six Million Ruble Man, The Monetizer, Man-Baby-a-Fort, Manafort Dix (sexual pun intended), Manafort Tax Dodge, Manafort Leavenworthless, Unmanafort, Inmate #666

Rick Gates: Prison Gates, Rick Grates, Rick "Gates of Hell," Hot Water Gates, The Walking Dead (Trump's staff), Mueller's Bitch, The Canary, The Stoolie

White House lawyer Ty Cobb claimed that "it would be truly shocking" if Paul Manafort had "tried to monetize his relationship with the president." But why would that be so shocking, when Trump himself has blatantly monetized the presidency?

Roger Stone nicknames: Roger Rabid (Michael R. Burch), Dirty Trickster (Elizabeth Burke), Roger the Artless Dodger, Professional Lord of Mischief, State of the Art Sleazeball, Boastful Black Prince of Sleaze, Roger "Glands of Stone," Ratf*cker, The Most Dangerous Person in America Today (The Village Voice)

Secretary of Homeland Security and White House Chief of Staff General John F. Kelly nicknames: General Alert, Red Alert, Hobo, The Hitcher, The Freight-Hopper (he hopped trains in his youth), The Turncoat (since he would now deport other hobos and hitchers), The White House Chief of Graft (Michael R. Burch), Elegant John Kelly (Donald Trump, no idea why), G.I. John, Get Mo' Gitmo, Gitmo Money, The Gitmo Get-Go, The ICE Man Cometh, Mr. Mass Deporter, Kelly Greenbuck$, Triple K Kelly, Jean Claude Killy (in his last Pentagon new conference Kelly said it would be "good" to kill), Killer Kelly (Donald Trump's pet nickname for his favorite neo-CON), Moonshine, The Moonshiner ("My first time overseas was taking 10,000 tons of beer to Vietnam!"), The QuantiCON, The House Sitter (he claimed that terrorism is so prevalent that Americans would sit at home and never leave if they knew the truth!), The Wallflower (he doesn't understand why some Americans don't want to join in his dance of death and destruction), Trump's Death Star, Kelly's Zeroes, Reince and Flush Kelly, The Four-Star Flusher, Bergdahl's Savior (he helped facilitate the exchange of Bowe Bergdahl for five Taliban prisoners), The Zookeeper, The Lion Tamer (but can anyone restore order to the White House zoo when the Lyin' King is on the rampage?), The Terminator (but will he terminate Trump's term as president?), Clean Slate Kelly, The Prick Evictor, The Travel Banner, Ruse Banner, Lindsey Graham's Cracker, McCaul's Hispanic Mauler, The Long Mauler, Trump's Rommel, Church Lady (by disaffected White House staffers), The Serial Face Palmer (Kelly repeatedly placed his face in his hands while Trump ranted about "totally destroying" North Korea and 25 million people), John "Answer the Telly" Kelly (Allan Ishac)

Acting Secretary of Homeland Security Elaine Duke nicknames: The Duke of Hurl (after she said hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico was a "really a good news story" for the Trump administration), Duke Nukem, The Star (Donald Trump), The Shooting Star

White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus nicknames: Reince-y (Donald Trump), Reince "and Flush" Priebus, Follywood (after Priebus advised Trump to resign when the Access Hollywood "genital groper" tapes became public), Rinse Penis, Rinse Priapus, Prince Penis, Prince Precipice, Prince Rhesus, Prince Rebus, Princess Reba, RNC PR BS (by removing all vowels), E Priebus Loonum, "Rinse Twice and Spit" Priebus, Prince Precipitous, Rancid Rinse, Rancid Penis, Rinse Repeat, The Mincing Prince, Rimjob Precipuss, The Paranoiac (Anthony Scaramucci), The Fucking Paranoid Schizophrenic (Anthony Scaramucci), Undearly Departed, Smearly Departed, Snidely Whiplashed (Michael R. Burch), Reinced and Spat Out Priebus, Recently Reinced Priebus, AWOL (Absent Without Love), The Scapegoat, Trump's Whipping Boy, Trump's Reince-Headed Stepchild, Trump's White House Piñata, The Former White House Chief of Graft (Michael R. Burch), Penis Rice A Roni (Stephen Colbert alter ego)

National Security Adviser General Herbert Raymond McMaster nicknames: Master of Disaster, McMonster, McMasher, H.R., H.R. Huff'n'Puff, H.R. Disaster, Bannon's Banisher, The Iconoclast General, Ray of Blight, Herbie the Shove Bug

Director of National Intelligence Daniel Ray Coats nicknames: Daniel in the Lyin' Den (Michael R. Burch), Rushin' Red Coats, Dan "the Russian Redcoats are Coming!" Coats, Reagan's Ray Gun, Dan Coots, Dan in Cahoots with Trump-Putin, Mr. Do Ask Do Tell

Trump foreign policy adviser Carter Page nicknames: Stranichkin (Russian for "little page"), The Window Dresser, Putin's Page Boy, Putin's Pimp, Putin's Apologist, Moscow's Brazen Apologist (Michael Isikoff), Trump's Moscow Mystery Man (Julia Ioffe), The Russian Mole, The Gazprom Greaser, Who? (Corey Lewandowski, Politico, Bill Browder and other Real Experts on Russia), Mr. Irrelevant

Sarah Palin Nicknames: Sarah Barracuda (her high school nickname), Sarahcudda, Shirknado (Michael R. Burch), Caribou Barbie, Half-Baked Alaskan, Mooselini, Moose-o-lini, Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sarah Palin (Michael R. Burch), The Wasilla Gorilla or Gurlilla or Gurlzilla, The Roughed Rogue, The Original Material Girl (because she provides Stephen Colbert so much comedy materiel), Klondike Kardashian, Klondike Dike, Blunder Woman, Sarah Stoopid, Bible Spice, The Ungreat Whore of Babble-On, The Great Boor of Babble-On, The Wasilla Hillbilly, The Wasillabilly, The Tundra Twit, Sarah Failin', Failin' Palin, Bailin' Palin, Half-Governor, The Moosiah Pit Bull in Lipstick (according to herself), Ramboner, Rambette, Trumpette, Saint Sarah of Wasilla, Sarah Pipeline, Sarah Punchline, Vampy, The Killa from Wasilla, The Quitter from Wasilla, Money Boo-Boo, Sarah Shakes-Spear (because she is so warlike and compared herself to Shakespeare when she coined a new word, "refudiate"), Sarah Crosshairs, Sarah Triggerfinger, Mama Grizzly, Palin-Drone, Chick Cheney, Sarah Stalin, Snark Shark, Moose MILF, The Alaska Disasta, Snowjob Squareglasses, Post Turtle, McCain's Bane, FrankenPalin, Northern Overexposure, Nightmayor, Miss Iquitarod, Irate Ingrate, Miss Wonker Bonker, Sarah Scareya, Lady Gagya, Sarah Sarin, Tri-Sarah-Tops, Sarah Snowgrifter, Sarah Snowjob, The Boreal Narcissus, The Blight Supremacist

Bristol Palin nicknames: Brisket® (the ® because she registered her name as a trademark!), Brisquet, Bras Tool, Barstool, Bristhole, Brissie, Bristie, Brissypants, Bitchol, Pigstool Grifter Jr.

Meghan McCain nicknames: Soylent Blonde, SoyBlo, Meghan McBane

Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch nicknames: Darth Evader, Goldman Sachs' Rubber Stamp, A$$hole, The Unjust Justice, The Grinder (for grinding ordinary Janes and Joes under the crushing wheels of corporations), The Greek Geek, Fratboy, FIJI-boy and the Fraternizer (for defending his college frat against charges of date rape)

Bill O'Reilly nicknames: Shill O'Reilly, Bull O'Really, Bill O'Goods, The Spin Zone Doctor, The Spin Doktor, The Spin DoKKKtor, Papa Bear (Stephen Colbert), Mr. Sexual HarA$$ment, Sex Beast, Sexual Predator, The Permanent Vacationer, Big O (George W. Bush), Podzilla (since his new medium will be podcasts)

Corey Lewandowski nicknames: Gory Corey, Mr. Assault and Battery, The Lobbyist, Never-Elected (he received a whopping 7 votes in his first election campaign and never won an election), The Wand of Death

Vice President Mike Pence nicknames: Trump's Poodle (George F. Will), Past Tense Pence (Allan Ishac), The Unholy Crusader, Hoosier (his Secret Service code name), Limbaugh on Decaf (Pence), Cuddles, Trumpence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch), Sick Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch), Tuppence, Spence for Hire, Spencer Racy, Silver Faux Fox, Ramrod, The Mad Monk, Mr. Conversion Therapy, Out of the Loop Dupe (USA Today), The Disunionist, Mike Pensive, Deep Veep (wading deep in s**t, that is), The Bleep Veep, The Creep-Veep, The Veep Creeping in Search of a Spine, The Foxhole Huddler, The Fence Sitter, Dense Pence, Senseless Pence, Fat Termite, Miss-Spence Youth, THE VICEROY, The Vice-Boy, The Vice Antichrist

"What is it about Mike Pence that no one ever tells him anything?" — David Axelrod

Karen Pence nicknames: Hummingbird (her Secret Service code name), Ms. Pensive, Ms. Vice

Secretary of Energy Rick Perry nicknames: Crotch (because he wore tight jeans and "adjusted" himself often), Dumba$$, Secretary of the Department of Oops! ("Whazzat I run? Duh, I forget!"), Rick Fairy, Rick Unfairy, Rick Moronic, Rick Moreanus, Texas Toast, Perry Masonic, Perry Moronic, The Brand Perry, The Bland Perry, The Gland Perry

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos nicknames: Cruella DeVos, Cruella DeVile, Diva DeVos, DeVile DeVos, DeVoid DeVos, Devolution DeVos, Wetsy Betsy, Betsy Dross, The Education Terminator, Madame DeVoucher, The Segregationist (Randi Weingarten pointed out that private school vouchers are "only slightly more polite cousins of segregation"), The Semi-Polite Slighter (Michael R. Burch), The Chalk Closet Racist

Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin nicknames: Hedge Hog, PAC-man, No-Chin Mnuchin, The Foreclosure King, The Forecloser, The Double-Downer, The Granny Terminator, Dune Messiah

Secretary of Defense James Mattis nicknames: Mad Dog, Warrior Monk, Mad Monk, Chaos (his very appropriate call-sign)

Former Secretary of Defense Mike Flynn nicknames: Dr. Strangelove, In Like Flynnt, Red Flynnstone (Michael R. Burch), "Flynn Facts," Putin's Pawn, Amerika's Angriest General, Flynnskint, Red Flynn, The Canary (because he's about to sing like one), Huckleberry Din

Michael G. Flynn nicknames: Dr. Strangelove Jr., Red Flynnstone Jr. (Michael R. Burch), Red Flynn Jr., The Junior Canary (because he's about to sing like one), Informer Jr., Huckleberry Din Jr., Tebow Lite, Trump Fan II

Secretary of Agriculture George Ervin Perdue III nicknames: Sonny, Ophie Junior (his mother's name was Ophie), The Rainman (he once "prayed up a storm" pleading for rain)

Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke: Rinky-Dink Zinke, The SOFA Commando (Special Operations Fraud & Anarchy), The Bozeman Bozo, The Knife Collector, On-the-Blink Zinke, Blinky, Blinky Zinke, The Beagle Scout (Zinke appeared at a Trump event in his eagle scout uniform)

Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross nicknames: Ross Rothschild (he worked for N. M. Rothschild & Sons), The Bankruptcy King, Wilbur Wrong Force, Heavens to Betsy Ross, The Vulture Crapitalist, Chief Ross

Secretary of Labor Andrew Puzder nicknames: Putz Puzder, Colonel Klink, CKE-n Little, The Wage Terrorist, The Wage Deflator, The Lowballer, The Burger-Bikini Baron, Randy Andy

Secretary of Labor Alexander Acosta nicknames: Alex, Dean, Trump's Token Hispanic, The Exile (his parents are Cuban refugees)

Secretary of Health & Human Services Tom Price nicknames: Sky-High Price, Pricey Tom, The Leer Jetter, Optics-Con, Tom Sellout, Tom Thumb, Tom "Profit More" Price, The Amerikan Mengele, One Man Death Panel, The Six Million Dolor Man, Tom "Wait until you see the whites of their ayes" Price, Tom "the Price is Your Life"

Secretary of HUD Ben Carson nicknames: Psychopath (Donald Trump), HUD Ornament (Michael R. Burch), Carsonoma (Michael R. Burch), Crazy Ben Carson, Dummy (his childhood nickname), Eli (his Secret Service code name), One Nation (his choice for a Secret Service code name)

Secretary of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin nicknames: Skulkin' Shulkin (Michael R. Burch), The Designated Survivor

Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao nicknames: Mrs. Mitch McConnell, Tiger Wife (Stuart Bloch), Madame Secretary, Fireworks, Short Fuse, Madame Chaos

Deputy Attorney General Dana J. Boente nicknames: Deputy Dawg, Trump's Lapdog, Barney Fife, Goober, The Decoy

Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein nicknames: Rosey Red, Russian Red, Red Rod, Rowdy Roddy Fib-Piper

UN Ambassador Nikki Haley nicknames: Political Prostitute (Kim Jong Un), Hurricane Haley, Trump's Hatchet Lady, Darlin' Nikki

EPA Director Scott Pruitt nicknames: Hot Air Buffoon, The Possum (his college nickname), Polluting Pruitt, Big Oil's Poster Boy, Tar Baby, Tsar Baby, Tarball, The Freakin' Fracker, The FracKing, King Frack

Trump's Allies, Supporters, Henchmen, Associates and Lapdogs

Luther Strange nicknames: Big Luther, Lyin' Luther Strange, Strange But Untrue, Strange Brew, Strange Bro', Dr. Strangelove, The Big Bunny (his college nickname), Lex Luther, The Runoff King, The Bathroom Detective, Strange LLC (his law firm), The Transgender Rearender and Exxon Defender

Judge Roy Moore nicknames: Sludge Roy Moore, Mr. Ten Commandments (Moore said: “My duty is to uphold God’s law” and he constantly touted the Ten Commandments), The "Hanging" Judge (four women have accused Moore of "letting it all hang out" by dating and buying them alcohol when he was in his thirties and they were teenagers), Mr. Tighty Whities (one girl, age 14 at the time, said Moore gave her drinks, left the room, then returned wearing only "tight white" underwear and tried to seduce her), Playboy Roy, The Sludge, Rob Roy, The Sandbagger (he was so unpopular in the military, he slept on sandbags to protect himself from grenades he feared would be thrown under his cot by soldiers under his command!), Captain America, Captain Shamerica (his troops hated him), The Ten Commandments Judge (Sara Palin), Fruit Salad (his college professor Clint McGee called Moore "the most mixed-up" student he'd ever taught!), Fruit Loops (for his circular "thinking"), Doofus (his West Point classmates), The Supreme Deplorable

“Judge Roy Moore was deplorable before it was cool to be deplorable!”Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sara Palin 

Please click here for all Judge Roy Moore Nicknames

Trump spokesperson and attorney Michael D. Cohen nicknames: The Cohenhead, Mr. Creepypants (after he posted a picture of his college-age daughter in very sexy black lingerie), Edgy Segue (pun on Edie Sedgwick, after Cohen explained that his daughter was following in the footsteps of Edie Sedgwick, an "It Girl" and Andy Warhol "youthquaker" who was frequently photographed in skimpy undies), The Stormy Trooper (since he "facilitated" a 130K payoff to porn star Stormy Daniels), Stormy Whether

Kirill Dmitriev: Killer Kirill, Mr. Back Channel, The Go-Between

George Nader: Unsafe at any Speed, Mr. Backdoor, George of the Bungle, Darth Nadir

Erik Prince: The Prince of Darkness, The Black Prince, The Dark Night, Creature from the Blackwater Lagoon, The Mercenary, Soldier of Misfortune, The Envoy, Trump's Surrogate, Erik the Red, Erik the Terrible, Prince Uncharming

Sebastian Gorka nicknames: Gorky Park, Dorky Park, Borat, The Irregular, The Mad Hungarian, The Hun, The Incredible Shrinking "Expert" Witness, The Trump Hisser, Snake in the A$$, Sayonara Gorka, The Lockout (Gorka was reportedly locked out of the White House), DNA (Do Not Admit), The Pariah, The Fringe

Sherriff Joe Arpaio nicknames: Hitler (his nickname among his tent concentration camp inmates), Shitler, Twitler, Wyatt Twerp, Wyatt TARP, Joe Pa Payola, Joe Paternal, Boss Hogg, Big Pig, The Maricopa Madman, Captain James Tiberius Jerk, Colonel Klink, Officer Loco, Wiley E. Peyote, Lawrence of Insania, Pale Tonto, Paleface, Prickzilla Queen of the Desert, The Sidewinder, The Vigilant Vigilante, Red Carpet Joe, Publicity Hound, The Celebrity Schmoozer, Joe Press Release, Hard-Core Joe, Joe Posse, The Albino Possum, The Blight Supremacist, Poncho and Hefty, Paunchy & Hefty, Generalissimo Joe Arpaio, America’s Toughest Sheriff, Chain Gang Charlie, The Shurf (how he pronounces his job title), The ICE Man Cometh, The Clown Sherriff, Sherriff Scumbag, Nickel-Bag Joe (because "no bust is too small"), The Windmill Tilter, America’s Most Expensive Sheriff, Bossman, The Trump Whisperer, The Trump Hisser, The Circus Barker, Joe Blackjack, Joe Nightstick

Omarosé Onée Manigault: Omarosa, Pondarosa, Ass-O-Rama, Assorama, The None-Celebrity Apprentice (Piers Morgan), Fired, The Firee, The Trump Hisser, The Trump Trigger, Trump's Brown Sugar, The Nasty TV Villain (TV Guide), Piers Morgan's Bane, Affirmative Auction

Matt Boyle nicknames: The Boil, Fever Blister, Boiling Mad Matt, The Breitbartian, The Barbarian

Mike Cernovich nicknames: Juicebro, The Conspiracy Theorist, The Rape Apologist, Mr. Alimony, Gorilla Mindset, Girl-Ill-a Mind-Sweat, Gorilla in our Midst, Cuck of the Walk

Chair of the House Oversight Committee Jason Chaffetz nicknames: Chaff, Chaffy, Chaff-Lips, Chipmunk, Chipmunk Cheeks, Cheeky, Chip, No-Tell Hotel Chaffetz, Grandstanding Charlatan (Heather Digby Parton), Jason "Putin on the Ritz" Chaffetz, (Michael R. Burch), Jason and the Ego-Nuts (Michael R. Burch), Half-Assed Chaffetz, Seductive Beaver Mascot (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes nicknames: Known-Nothing Nunes, Numbnuts Nunes, Devin Devil, Nanu Nanu Nunes, See-no-Evil-Hear-no-Evil-but-sure-as-hell-embrace-Evil Nunes

Congressman Dana Rohrabacher: Putin's Favorite Congressman, Putin's Apologist, Putin's Proxy, Assad's AmeriKlan Ally, Dana the Red, Red Dana, Dirty Dana 
SEC Chairman Walter J. Clayton nicknames: Jay, Jaybird, The Bailout King, The Wall Street Jaywalker, Goldman Sacks Washington, Hatin' Clayton

Trump donor Robert Mercer nicknames: Hedge Hog, PACman, Dark Money, The Megadonor, Merciless Mercer, Ming the Merciless, The Cluster Fucker, The Quant King, The Money Man, The Cat Talker, Bob, The Vulture Crapitalist

Trump donor Rebekah Mercer nicknames: Bekah, Bekah Bilker, Bannon's Backer, The Whiny Hellcat

Director of the National Economic Council Gary Cohn nicknames: Sachs-man, Cohn's Disease, A$$hole, Con Tiki, Globalist Gary, The Government Sacker, The Risk Taker, The TARP King, Bailout Boy

Legislative Affairs Assistant to the President Marc Short nicknames: Short of the Marc, Shortstop, Shortcut, Koch Addict, Koch Lite, The A$$-istant, Dark Money Marc, Junior Asshole, Short Attention Span Marc, The Dark Money Operative

Comptroller of the Currency nominee Joseph Otting nicknames: Outed Otting (after he claimed to have a degree from Dartmouth that Dartmouth doesn't even offer), "Leave it to Otter" Joe

Felix Sater nicknames: The Satyr, The Margarita Assassin, Felix Satyr, Red Felix, The Hudson on Moscow (Sater worked on plans to build a Trump Tower in Moscow), The Red Turk, Switchblade, The Knife Fighter, The Bar Fighter, (Sater went to prison for stabbing a man in a bar fight), The Boy Scouter, The Trump Manager

Felix Sater wrote in an email to Trump attorney Michael Cohen: "Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it. I will get all of Putin's team to buy in on this, I will manage this process."

Willard Mitt Romney nicknames: Bishop Romney, The RomneyBot, Plastic Man, Bain in the Ass (David Letterman's #1), King of Bain (Newt Gingrich), Mitt the Twit (The Sun of London, Rupert Murdoch), Mitt the Unfit, Mr. Magical Undies, The Stench (allegedly what Paul Ryan calls Romney behind his back), Willard, The Willard Mechanism, His Willardness

Rick Santorum nicknames: Pope Sanctimonious I, Rick Satan, Prick Sanatorium, Insanatorium  Rooster, Rooster Fogburn, Frothy

Chris Christie nicknames: Christie Kreme, The Illsbury Dough-Boy, The Cookie Monster, Big Boy (George W. Bush), Pork Chop, Pork Dork, Porky Pine, Porko Vallarta, Don Qui-Hefty, Enormes Pantalones, Pufferfish, Trueheart (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Trump's Cream Puff, "Beached" Whale, Beach Boy, The New Jersey Sunblocker, Cripsy Christie, Corpus Christie, Sammiches, Governor Sammiches, Crispy Creme, Boca Rotundo, Dios Meatball, Cinco De Mayonnaise, Lap-Bandito, Chiportly, Gringo Con Carne, Dos Neckis, The Love Gov., MAN WITH A KLAN (The New Yorker), Heroic Deputy (Christie was hailed as Trump's "Heroic Deputy" by the Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi website that endorsed Trump)

Ann Coulter nicknames: AnnThrax, Ann the Man, Coultergeist, Beltway Barbie, Yardsale Barbie (Tina Fey), Cuckoo Coulter, Tranny Annie, Goebbels with tits, Rush Limbette, Mann Coulter, Chairman Ann, Ann Coltrear, Ann Cunter, That Conservative Female Douche, Jew Perfecter, Man-Hands, Banshee, Wicked Witch of the West, Ann Hitler, Uber Bitchette, I-don't-care-about-the-Jews Barbie, Psycho-bitch, Just plain stupid, Colt 34D (allegedly her bra size, but a man would have to drink a helluva lot of Colts to want to be sure)

Jeb Bush nicknames: Tortoise (George W. Bush), Joyful Tortoise (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Low Energy (Donald Trump), Eveready (Jeb's retort to Trump when asked to pick his Secret Service code name), Veto Corleone, The Bushmaster, Bush League, Gator

Carly Fiorina nicknames: Chainsaw Carly (for all the jobs she cut at HP and Compaq), Golden Parachutress, The Anti-Hillary, Secretariat (her choice for a Secret Service code name)

John Kasich nicknames: Pope (he wanted to be the pope as a boy), Unit One (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Unit Two (his wife's amusing alternate suggestion!)

Rand Paul nicknames: Mr. Nerdy Perm, Mr. Poodle-'Do, The Aquah Budha, Schrödinger's Cat-a-Tonic Candidate (he's "a man on all sides of all issues all at once"), Mr. Death Spiral, Mr. Just-Kill-Them-All!, Truly Weird Rand Paul (Donald Trump), Justice Never Sleeps (his choice for a Secret Service code name; he later called it "one of those nicknames you try to make happen and miserably fail")

Ron Paul nicknames: Uncle Goldbug (because of his stance on hard money), Rue Paul (because we rue the day he appeared on the American political scene), Dr. No (he is a medical doctor and the only word he seems to understand is "no"), Rumple

Scott Walker nicknames: The Desperado (in his high school yearbook), Niedermeyer (after an overly aggressive ROTC leader in the movie Animal House), Scott Balker, Harley (his choice for a Secret Service code name), The Beagle Scout, The Dropout (reportedly, he missed too many classes running for class president!), Hot Ham, Luke Sigh Walker

Rupert Murdoch nicknames: Rupert Murder-Doc, Papa Doc, Ru Paul (Stephen Colbert), The Last Press Baron (CNN), the Dirty Digger (Ian Hislop), the Mudslinger, the Faux Fox, Murdoch of the Mammaries

Roger Ailes nicknames: Roger the Unartful Dodger, The Sex Cadger Codger, Roger Flogger, Roger the Sex Rabbit, The Predator, The Human Toad (SemDem on Daily Kos)

Sean Hannity nicknames: Sean O'Scammity (Michael R. Burch), Sean of the Dead, Lumpy (Jon Stewart), Handy Hannity, Shammity, Sean Vanity, Sean Insanity, Loverboy, Flubberboy

Trump lawyer Sheri A. Dillon nicknames: Gunsmoke (pun on Matt Dillon), The Smoking Gun, The Hired Gun, Ms. Trust (pun on "mistrust"), Trump's Legal Beagle

Michael Steele nicknames: The Sesame Street Guy (Jon Stewart, who compared him to Grover), The Man of Steal (pun on stealing elections and human rights, two GOP objectives), Steal Trap

Rob Portman nicknames: Beltway Rob, PAC-Man, The Lobbyist, The Insider, The Outsourcer, The Job Robber, Washington's First Porter, Any Port in a Shit Storm, Portmanteau

Rod Blum nicknames: Bloomin' Idiot, The Screener, The Stalker, The Quitter (after Blum stalked out of an interview in which he was asked why he screens attendees of his "public" meetings)

Trump senior political adviser Stephen Miller nicknames: Young Gargamel (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Sméagol (Trevor Noah), The White Hinternationalist (Michael R. Burch), Basic Henchman (Trevor Noah), Master of Mendacity (Frank Vyan Walton), Neo-Jackboot (Frank Vyan Walton), The Love-Wall-Builder, "Mad Men" Miller, The Sh*tstreamer, The True Believer & Deceiver, The Rodent, The Miller's Tail, Snail Tail, Stephen Biller, Stephen Filler, Scaramucci's Scarier Brother, Child of the Corn, Angry Hairless Nutria (Hunter on DailyKos), National Forehead Reserve (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Rudy Giuliani nicknames: Trudy, Julianne, Judge Rudy, Rudy the Red-Nosed Panderer, Amerika's Scariest Mayor, Rude Rudy, Trump's Scamp-aign Manager, Batshit Crazy Rudy, Enbalmer's Display Model (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

Marco Rubio nicknames: No-Show Rubio, AWOL, Rube, Young Rube, Cuban Rube, Qubics Rube, The Water Boy, Big Gulp, Lightweight Choker (Donald Trump), Little Marco (Donald Trump), Captain Thirsty, Captain Thirstypants,
Rubio the Unready, Marco Poll-Low, Gator, Marco Mussolini, Marco "Weak as a Baby" Rubio (Donald Trump), Narko, Snarko, Sharko, Marco Sharknado, Easy Mark (Donald Trump), Broken Record Rubio, Robot Rubio, Mr. Roboto, Marco Android, Rupert's Rube, Party Boy, Play Dough Boy

Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander nicknames: Lame Lamar, Hedy, Alexander the Ungreat, The Candyman, The Plaid Fraud, Omar the Snakeman, Trump's Wheel Greaser, Trump's Hammer, Trump's Healthcare Scammer, Trump's Oddjob, Doctored No

Tennessee Representative Marsha Blackburn nicknames: Blackguard, Black Heart, Black Turn, Blackweird, The Black Abyss of Ignorance, the Young Re-Flub-Lycan, Deputy Whip, The Death Panelist, The Planned Parenthood Predator

Tennessee Representative Diane Black nicknames: The Black Widow, The Black Mamba, The Black Square, Blunder Woman, Diane Tart, Diane Tort, Bishop Romney's Surrogate, The Death Panelist, The Planned Parenthood Predator

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake nicknames: The Flake, Snow Flake (he was actually born in Snowflake, Arizona!), Corn Flake

Sam Clovis nicknames: Beavis Clovis, the Walrus, the Boof-alo (he claims he's been "boofed" by climate change science), Cloven-Hooves Clovis, Four Leaf Clovis

Newt Gingrich nicknames: Tadpole, Angry Tadpole, Angry Muffin (Peggy Noonan), The Bloated Bullfrog, Newticles, Noot, Newt the Nit, Pig Newton, Talking Bag of Dirty Laundry (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

George W. Bush nicknames: Dubya, Shrub, Junior, Junior Shrub, Bush League, Bush Baby, Bushman, Uncurious George, The Decider, GWB, Chimpy McStagger, AWOL, Georgie Boy, Boy Gorge

Dick Cheney nicknames: The Penguin, Mr. Vice, Big Time (George W. Bush), Duke Nukem, Blam-Blam (after he shot another hunter in the face), Dickhead, Tricky Dick II

Donald Rumsfeld nicknames: Rummy (George W. Bush), Rheumy, Rheumatoid, The Ruminator, Lucifer Incarnate

Rush Limbaugh nicknames: The Human Hindenburg, Rush Dim-Bulb, Lush Dim Blah, Junkie Limbaugh, Limbaugh Cheese, The Rushian, Rushbo, Rush Limbawful, Douche Rimjob

Florida Governor Rick Scott nicknames: Prick Scott, Scott Free Prick, Great Scott (Not), Pink Slip Rick, Sir Halter Scott, The Emotionless Android, Governor Gollum, Skeletor

Freedom Caucus co-founder Mark Meadows nicknames: Free-Dumb Meadows, Idiot (John Boehner)

Freedom Caucus co-founder Jim Jordan nicknames: Blare Jordan, Airhead Jordan, Legislative Terrorist (John Boehner)

Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin "Bibi" Netanyahu nicknames: Bibi, King Bibi, Nit-and-Yahoo, Bibi the Merciless, The Butcher, Butcher Bibi, The Widowmaker, The Orphanmaker, BB


Trump donor Sylvain Mirochnikoff nicknames: The Trader, The Director, The Exotic Equity Derivatives Trader
Deputy National Security Adviser K. T. McFarland nicknames: Far-Out McFarland, The Ditz, McFibber, The Airhead
Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategy Dina Habib Powell nicknames: Sachs-girl, Sachs Diva
Deputy Chief of Staff Rick Dearborn nicknames: Deputy Lap Dawg, Greenhorn Dearborn, Stillborn Dearborn, Dick Fearborn, Red Rick, Russian Rick
Deputy Communications Director Jessica Ditto nicknames: Ditto, "Ditto That," Miss Redundant, Bevin's Bane, Trump's Blonde Brander  
Personal Aide John McEntee nicknames: Aide de Camp, Aide de Kampf, Teed-Off McEntee
Trump campaign consultant George Gigicos nicknames: Goner, Gigi, The Greek Geek, George of the Bungle, Phoenix in Flames, Fee-Nixed
Trump bodyguard Keith Schiller nicknames: The Shill, The Fireman, The Terminator, The Enforcer, The Confidant, The Gatekeeper, The Babyguard
Marine Corps General Joseph Dunford, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff: Fighting Joe, Four-Star, The Chairman, Marathon Man
Deputy Chief of Staff Joe Hagin nicknames: Ragin' Hagin
Mo Brooks nicknames: Mo' Crooks, Mo' Rooks, No Mo' Books Brooks
Franklin Graham nicknames: Graham Cracker, Frank Lee Nutty, The Medievalist
Executive Assistant Madeline Westerhout nicknames: Trump's Toady, Wicked Witch of the Westerhout
Director of Oval Office Operations Keith Schiller nicknames: The Shill
Mike Pompeo nicknames: Pompous Asshole, Putin's Pompous Pimp
Peter Navarro nicknames: The EEKonomist, Bullshitter in the China Shop
Deputy Chief of Staff Katie Walsh nicknames: Welshing Walsh, Katie Bar the Door
Antonin Scalia nicknames: Antonin "Scaly" Scalia, Nino (Spanish for "infant"), El Nino, El Ninny
David Melech Friedman nickames: Moloch, Fried Brain Man, Mr. Apartheid, Israel's Goebbels
Carl Icahn nicknames: Mr. Delorean, Mr. Bailout, Mr. Too Big Not to Fail, The Grey Grifter, Back to the Suture, The Artful Dodger
Daniel Coates nicknames: Dan, Offshore Dan, Coates of Many Colors
White House Counsel Don F. McGahn nicknames: The Enabler, Cover Artist, Undercover Artist (he does cover songs), Guitar Dan
Michael Dubke nicknames: Mike, Karl Rove Jr., Mystery Man, Happy Warrior, Bye Bye Dubke
Peter Navarro nicknames: Novice, Nutjob, Ninny
Ajit Pai nicknames: Dark Yoda, The Agitator, The Net Neutrality Negator, The Broadband Baron, Big Brother, Trump's Sinister Swami
Glenn Beck nicknames: Voldemort, Emotional Fescue (Michael R. Burch), American Rhodes, Glen "Weepin'-'n'-Wailin'" Beck
Kevin McCarthy nicknames: Kevin “Loose Lips Sink Ships” McCarthy
Dave Brat nicknames: Bratman, Terrible Tyke, Dark Night of the Soul
Raul Labrador nicknames: Raul "Lapdog" Labrador, Black Lab, Trump's Retriever, Labrador Guppy
Karl Rove nicknames: Turd Blossom or Turdblossom (George W. Bush), Turd Polisher (George H. W. Bush), Rover, Red Rover, Red Raver
John Boehner nicknames: Boner (George W. Bush), Orange Man, Trump's Tan Companion, Weepy, Weepy McDrunky, Sir Drunkalot
Maureen Dowd nicknames: The Cobra (George W. Bush), Howdy Dowdy, Dowdy Do-Wrong, Fraulein Dowdy
Kayleigh McEnany nicknames: Kellyanne Lite, Inane McEnany, McLiar, Blond Bombshell Exploding into Alternative Facts
Dan Scavino nicknames: Scarface, The Scavenger, Great White Snark, Social Media Czar, Trump's Twitter Babysitter (Michael R. Burch)
David Bossie nicknames: Bossy, the Boss, Bessie
Secretary of the Army Mark Green nicknames: Greenhorn, Greensleeves, Emergency!, The Medic, Critical Care, The Homophobe
Ezra Cohen-Watnick nicknames: The Tapp Dancer, Deep Bloat, The Informant, The Whistleblower (Paul Ryan), Flynn's Flunked Flunkey
Michael Ellis nicknames: Eely Ellis, The Eel, Ellis Islander, Deep Bloat II
John Eisenberg nicknames: The Illegal Eagle, Deep Bloat III, Iceberg
Billy Bush nicknames: Bush League, The Bush Beater
Richard LeFrak nicknames: The Freak, The Mogul, The Overseer
Harrison LeFrak nicknames: Little Freak, Freak Jr., The Brain, Dirty Harry
Steve Roth nicknames: Zen Master, The Vornado Tornado, Roth's Child, Wrothenstein
Stephen Ross nicknames: Dolphin, The Dauphin, The Donor
Gary Barnett nicknames: Jigsaw, Mr. Ostentation, Mr. Glitz, The Diamond Trader
Jerry Speyer nicknames: The Modest Tuna, The Tishman Tuna
Joseph Chetrit nicknames: Big Brother, Big Bother
Larry Silverstein nicknames: The Green Banana, Lucky Larry, The Pianist
Chris Ruddy nicknames: Ruddy Buddy, Trump's Spokespal, Newsminion, The Smokescreen, Russian Red Ruddy, Chris Phish, Bad Fungus
Senator Dean Heller nicknames: Heller High Water, Hell's Bells, The Hellion, The Dean of Healthcare Hell, Hell on Greased Wheels
Tom Cotton nicknames: Cottonmouth, Cotton Candypants, White Fluff, The White Cotton King, Uncle Tom, Tehran Tom, Taliban Tom
John Cornyn nicknames: Corndog (George W. Bush), Cornpone, Corn Prone, Corncob, Corny, Horn in Cornyn, KKK Cornyn
John Barrasso nicknames: Bare Ass, The Ass, The A$$hole, Wyoming's Doktor, John-Boy
Mike Lee nicknames: Mikey, The General, The Ungreat Dane, Alito Jr.
Cory Gardner nicknames: The Unconstant Gardner, Tory Cory, The GOP Bad Idea Man, C-Money, The Young Gun, Scattershot
Pat Toomey nicknames: Sock It Toomey, Senator Elevator (because he dodged Trump by hiding in an elevator), Stand Pat Toomey
Mike Enzi nicknames: Hate Frenzy Enzi, The Wyoming Homophobe, The Hate Crime Defender
John Thune nicknames: Out-of-Tune Thune, The Giant Killer
AshLee Strong nicknames: Eddie Munster's Press Secretary, The SpinMistress, The Black Widow
Sam Nunberg: Stunberg, The Stun of Sam, Fruit of the Loon, Nutty Buddy, Human Meltdown, Psycho Sam, Whine-o, Drunk Tank Escapee, Revenge of the Turd, The Nun, Nanoo Nunberg, Sam the None
Barry Bennett nicknames: Bennet Dick Arnold, Bare Net Bennet
Budget Director Mick Mulvaney nicknames: Mr. Moneybags, Trump's Enabler, Mick the Prick, Mick the Vain, Whether Vane Mick, Insane Mulvaney
Nick Ayers nicknames: Airhead Ayers, Hot Air Ayers
Josh Holmes nicknames: Sherlock Holmes's Dumber Brother, Josh "the Dudd" Holmes
Seema Verma nicknames: The Verminator
Johnny DeStefano nicknames: Stephanie, The Sob Boss, The Headhunter, The Rushin' Recruiter, Mr. Flip Flop
Margaret Peterlin nicknames: The Gatekeeper
Brian Hook nicknames: Hook'n'Crook, The Hooker, Mr. Memo
Corey Stewart nicknames: The Apprentice, Trump's Firee, The Cuckservative, Prince William Unsound, Mr. AR-15
Eric Cantor nicknames: Iago, Eric Ranter, Eric Cant, The Wimpy Whip
Matt Drudge nicknames: Donald's Drudge, The Drudgemaster, High Dudgeon and Drag-ons, The Drudge Deporter, The Drudge Grudger, Miffed Matt
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano nicknames: Big Sis (Matt Drudge), Naptime Napolitano, The Naptime Politician
George Will nicknames: Admiral Weiner, The Assmaster, Will Tell, The Commissioner, The Post Washington Journalist, The Faux News Philosopher
Joe Lieberman nicknames: Traitor Joe, Trader Joe, Joe Stalin, Lieber Dish, Holy Joe, Jihad Joe, Jo(k)e, Joe Doberman
Joe Scarborough nicknames: Scar 'Bro, Squint, Mourning Joe, Morning Joe
Herman Cain nicknames: Black Walnut (he gave himself this nickname), Black Wall Nut (Michael R. Burch), The Murk of Cain (Michael R. Burch)
Haley Barbour nicknames: Boss Hogg, Barbourian, Barbarian, BarbAryan
Condoleeza Rice nicknames: CON-die, Con Diva, Mistress Condi, Condo Leaser Rice, Con-Dough-Leeza
National Security Adviser Susan Rice nicknames: The Trump Unmasker, The Oxfordian, The Valedictorian, Sportin', Spo'
UAE Crown Prince Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed al-Nahyan nicknames: Money Geyser, The Trump Gusher
Attorney General Sally Yates nicknames: Long Tall Sally, Sally Forth
Director of the U.S. Office of Government Ethics Walter Shaub: Mission Impossible, The Trust Buster, Trump's Worst Nightmare, Mr. Clean Heart
Jerry Falwell Jr. nicknames: Junior, Junior League Jerry, Jerry Fallhell
Louise Linton nicknames: Lyin' Linton, The Lyin' Queen, Zimbabwe Barbie, Marie Antoinette, Mrs. Mnuchin, Mrs. Gnu Chin
Eric Bolling nicknames: Bolling Balls (after he allegedly sent lewd pictures of himself to Fox colleagues), Boll Weavel, Boll Weasel, Boll Evil
Andy Hemming nicknames: Hemming-Way, Hemming and Hawing Andy, The Trump Stroker
Martin Shkreli nicknames: Hedge Hog, The Shortstop, Sad Supervillain, Pharma Monster, Pharma Bro, Pharma Douche, Smarm Bro
Adam Schiff nicknames: Shifty (he said Trump has no ideology other than himself, but Democracts can work with him when their interests align)
Alex Jones nicknames: Alien Sasquatch Love Child (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), Hernia Boy (Stephen Colbert "alter ego"), The Info Warrior, Yogurt Head
Alan Futerfas nicknames: Flutter Fast, The Hummingbird, The Criminal Defender, Miami Vice
Bob Marshall nicknames: Virginia's Chief Homophobe (himself), Toast, Unemployed, Done
Charles Gillespie nicknames: Swamp Thing (Breitbart/Steve Bannon), Jittery Republican Incumbent (Breitbart/Joel B. Pollak), Creature from the Orange Lagoon, The Unembracer (Donald Trump)
Council on Environmental Quality Chairperson Kathleen Hartnett White nicknames: Ole Queen Coal, Kathy Clown, Koch Addict, The Fossil Fool, The Moral Head Case, The CO2 Coal-ition Queen

Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway and Sean "Scary" Spicer insist that the press should be nice to Little Donnie Diaperpants. But Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper did not play nice with the other candidates! Turnabout is fair play, and now Delicate Donald Sissypants is getting a taste of his own medicine! And Delicate Donald Dainty-Digits is handicapped by those tiny, pixie-like fingers! The more he grasps at straws like "fake news," the more the presidency slips through his teeny-tiny, slimy fingers. The world is decidedly not in good hands with Tear-and-Booger-Lubed Crybaby Trump in charge. Joe Scarborough accused Kellyanne Conway of being a "free agent." But he left out a word: she's a Fact-Free Agent.

Kellyanne Conway is not the person you hire to explain what the president means. She's the person you hire to get rid of your teenage daughter's cheerleader rival!―Lewis Black

Sean "Scary" Spicer is apparently either a Nazi sympathizer or a moron. Spicer claimed that Hitler "didn't even sink to using chemical weapons" and "was not using gas on his own people," although he sent Jews to "the Holocaust center." When given a chance to clarify his comments — uttered during Passover, the most celebrated Jewish holiday in the United States — Spicer insisted that Hitler "was not using the gas on his own people in the same way that Assad is doing." But of course Hitler did use chemical weapons (lethal gas) on millions of his own people — German Jews — who were not being held in "Holocaust centers," but in slave labor and death camps. Spittler Spicer seems to be a Hitler admirer like his boss, who kept a book of Hitler's speeches at his bedside according to his first wife, Ivana Trump.

Sean "The Spice of Death" Spicer announced that Devin "Know-Nothing" Nunes's secret visit to the White House was "routine and proper." Spicer also announced that Donald Trump's groping of non-consenting women was "routine and proper."

TIME magazine put Stephen K. Bannon on its cover with the caption The Great Manipulator. But that gives Bannon far too much credit, because the "man" he keeps man-nip-ulating is really a Man-Baby, as Jon Stewart so accurately pointed out. Those teeny-tiny fingers grasping at straws are a dead giveaway! Therefore we think TIME should consider these much more accurate captions: The Great Baby-Man-ipulator, The Great Totipulator, The Great Tiny-Fingered-Tot-Tantrum-Inducer, Stephen KKK Bannon, Loose Cannon Bannon, The Amerikan Goebbels, Darkness Incarnate, AmeriKlan Idol, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (David Letterman), Darth Vader, Sauron, Sour-Hun, Steve "Fan Hate" Bannon

Betsy "Cruella" DeVos has been confirmed as the Secretary of Education, which is like Cruella De Vil being put in charge of human shelters. DeVile DeVos has opposed gay marriage while claiming to "advance God's kingdom." Diva DeVos once served on the board of the Acton Institute, a conservative organization that promotes dominion theology. Devoid DeVos not only has no experience in education, she has never attended a public school herself! DeVolution DeVos appears to favor "critical thinking" as a way to avoid teaching evolution to students, or misleading them into considering it an "unproven" theory. Wetsy Betsy seeks to water down and weaken teachers' unions. Betsy Dross loves to pose for photo-ops next to the American flag, but what will she do to American children? The Voucher Zealot aka Madame Voucher seems more than willing to sell American children down the river in return for taxpayer dollars being diverted to private religious schools. The Education Terminator is the sister of Erik Prince, the founder of Blackwater, the private security contractor accused of overbilling and human rights abuses during the Iraq War. Erik Prince of Darkness now advises Trump on intelligence and defense, according to the Intercept

Tom "the Amerikan Mengele" Price seems determined to replace ObamaCare with TrumpedUpCare. Tom "the Price is Right" has been accused of trading health care stocks on the political version of insider information. Should Sir Pricealot be Trump's health czar, in charge of national health care policy? Should Tom Sellout be confirmed? Is the One Man Death Panel trying to save us, or just to profit from our misfortunes? Apparently, there are no decent Republican senators or congressmen willing to stand up to Trump and his dreadful nominees, so Tom Thumb will probably be confirmed and continue to thumb his nose at us, and at regulators, while replacing Obamacare with NoMamaCare! Trusting Trump and his goons with your family's health care is like a lamb counting on cold-blooded, venom-spitting cobras for "protection." Personally, I'd take my chances with the cobras. At least they stop attacking when their bellies are full.

Jason "Cheeky" Chaffetz has been called the Grandstanding Charlatan by Heather Digby Parton. That is too mild an epithet for our taste, but we do sympathize with the intense displeasure created by Chaff-Lips Chaffetz's reprehensible antics. Is the only security risk in the Wild Wild West a Hillary Clinton email? Do Jason and the Ego-Nuts have no sense of justice, no sense of fair play, no concern for national security? Are they "Christians" or just Chaff for an eternal bonfire? If I commit an act of treason, can I join the GOP and retreat to No-Tell Hotel Chaffetz? Can I later join Jason "Putin on the Ritz" Chaffetz on some Russian Riviera? Will he store snacks in those cute Chipmunk Cheeks of his, then pop them out like party favors when a bare-chested Putin shows up to draw diagrams of Armageddon in the sand? Will we both be "in like Flynn-t" with Mr. Putin, not to mention Michael Flynn himself?

But please don't be unkind to Michael "Red Flynnstone" Flynn! Yes, it's obviously true that Donald Trump dresses him, and that they both use super-long ties to hide their glaring deficiencies "down there." The tiny hands grasping at straws are dead giveaways that they are both extremely under-endowed! But that is not a crime! Nor is it a crime that Skinflynnt and Mr. Moneybags share a real passion for the Bomb! After all, we paid perfectly good money for lots of Nukes, so we damn sure ought to be able to use lots of Nukes on someone! The only question remaining is: who, or is it whom? Now Flynn can ride off into the sunset to retire at Mr. Putin's expense, while Agent Orange picks an appropriate target to initiate the Apocalypse ... eenie, meenie, mienie, mo ... Iran? North Korea? China? ... go!

Trump may be able to plead ignorance of the law, but
Attorney General Jeff "Kangaroo Court" Sessions obviously cannot. Why did Hessian Sessions fail to disclose his meetings with the Russians; is he a hired gun willing to do anything for money, like Hessian mercenaries who fought to suppress the American revolution despite having no skin in the game? Will Secessionist Sessions sell Americans down the river? Will Rushin' Sessions rush us into the arms of his Russian controllers? Will Stressin' Sessions stress American democracy to its limits? Does Jefferson "No Regard" Sessions have no regard for his countrymen or the laws he swore to uphold?
Women who work with the West Wing-Nut should be entitled to hazardous booty pay!―Michael R. Burch

Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross may look like Yoda, but he isn't nearly as wise and obviously belongs to the Dark Side of the Force. "Heavens to Betsy" Ross called the cruise missile attack on Syria "after-dinner entertainment" for the Mar-a-Lago crowd. The "best part," he added, was that it "didn't cost the president anything to have that entertainment." Shades of Nero feeding Christians to the lions in order to "entertain" a crowd of bored spectators. Wilbur Wrong Force was full of praise for the way Saudi royals control their crowds. Riyadh Ross found it "fascinating" that "there was not a single hint of a protester anywhere there during the whole time we were there!" Yes, you Evil Smurf, that's because the Saudis torture and murder protesters! Ross Rothschildhe worked for N. M. Rothschild & Sons, where he was known as The Bankruptcy King―should stick to what he knows best (legal robbery) and leave global politics to someone with knowledge of the world outside his ivory tower.

Raul "Lapdog" Labrador drew intense jeers at an Idaho town hall when he defended the GOP’s ObamaCare repeal plan by claiming that "Nobody dies because they don't have access to healthcare!" Trump's Retriever had previously opined that healthcare is not a basic human right. In other words, rich people are entitled to healthcare but the rest of us only have the "right" to suffer and die if we become terminally ill. It's hard to say whether Trump's Black Lab and his owner are evil or just plain stupid, but in either case the end result will be the same. If you ever had any doubts that the GOP wants to get rid of as many middle-class Americans as possible, along with other "undesirables" such as immigrants, gays and Muslims, the Labrador Guppy with his five-second memory has demonstrated how quickly Republican politicians can forget voters.

That's like saying nobody dies from falling out of a window, it's the pavement that gets you! — Seth Myers' response to Labrador's ludicrous assertion

Oh, the irony! Mike Cernovich warned his followers that Trump's military intervention in Syria was a "Deep State" operation in response to a hoax. One day prior, the ever-sage Donald Trump Jr. had tweeted about Cernovich: "In a time of unbiased journalism, he'd win the Pulitzer." Better pull that Pulitzer, Bozo-Boy!

The Swamp Restocker has been a busy little beaver, erecting dams and flooding the boggy bottomland on behalf of his crocodilian donors and political piranha. Now the Swampland Salesman will earn YUGE personal profits, while enjoying the spectacle of his former supporters being devoured alive! Will Trump cry crocodile tears for them? No, but he will raise the membership fees at Mar-a-Lago, which will resemble a Roman amphitheater full of rich drunk a$$holes crying out for another slave to be fed to the lions (or, in this case, to the cold-blooded reptiles).

We all know how The Donald loves gold: hell, he even gold-plates his toilets! But did you know that Trump is in the process of "gold-plating" the White House, by turning it over to Goldman Sachs? After promising to "drain the swamp," Trump has instead aided and abetted the Goldman Sachs Takeover of the U.S. government. To "sack" a city is to besiege, destroy and plunder it. Trump's avaricious Gold Sackers are now in the process of sacking Washington D.C., and the nation along with it. Trump's cabinet and key advisers include Gold Diggers like Stephen Bannon, Gary Cohn, Steve Mnuchin, Dina Powell, Anthony Scaramucci and Jay Clayton. "I know the guys at Goldman Sachs. They have total, total control over him," Trump said of Ted Cruz. "Just like they have total control over Hillary Clinton." What Trump didn't bother to tell anyone is that he bows down to and worships the Golden Idols. The market value of Goldman Sachs soared by $4 billion in a single day as Mammon-Worshiper Trump signed an order to begin the process of dismantling Dodd-Frank, with former Goldman president Gary Cohn standing behind him, like the Emperor directing Darth Vader to destroy entire planets and their inhabitants in the quest for wealth and power. Goldman Sachs has watched its stock soar 33% in the short period of time that Trump has been president. Investors understand what the Sach-ing of America means. It means the rich get richer, while everyone else is forced to submit to the Trump Death Star, or perish.

Fox News Nicknames: Faux News, Foxy News, Foxes'R US, Shifty Fox News, The Virtual Reality News Network, Fox in the Henhouse News, Toolbox, Foolbox, AmeriKKKan Tass, AmeriKLAN Tass,

Movies soon to be made about the rise of Trump and the Trumpites: Presidential Apprentice, Trumpocalypse Now, Day of the Orange Jackal, Dumb and Dumber, Dawn of the Brain Dead, Revenge of the Turds, The Stepford Wives Deliver the Children of the Corn

Nicknames Coined by Trump and/or his Family

Donald Drumpf — his German family name is Drumpf, which definitely suits him better!
The Donald — Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
The Most Fabulous Whiner — after Donald Trump described himself to CNN's Chris Cuomo as the "most fabulous whiner" who keeps "winning by whining"
Mr. "Art of the Deal" — Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book, which he considers to be second only to the Bible)
John Baron and John Barron — pseudonyms created by Donald Trump, apparently so that he could pose as his own publicist and brag about his sexual exploits to reporters
Humble — Donald Trump's ironic choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename
Humble Trump — a nickname given to Donald Trump by his son Eric Trump aka "Eric the Red" and "Eric the Brain Dead"

During his presidential campaign, Trump promised to "drain the swamp." Newt Gingrich recently nixed the idea, saying it was just a "cute" Tweet. Now Trump is restocking the swamp with his crocodilian donors and political piranha: three Goldman Sachs bigwigs, a founder of the WWE pro "wrestling" circus (who just happened to give Trump millions), Dr. Strangelove generals, and Bozos who want to handcuff or get rid of the EPA, the Department of Energy, and god-only-knows what else. Trump and his cronies have really big—nay, YUGE—ideas: Return to the gold standard! Deregulate the banks so that American taxpayers can bail them out yet again! Get rid of Obamacare and replace it with inexpensive band-aids. If the band-aids don't work and Americans start dying, too bad, they should have been rich like Trump! Everyone will win, win win ... except that the only winners will be Trump and his billionaire bandit buddies.

Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway, the Trump Whisperer, knows how to communicate with Short Attention Span Donald: ""Never command. That could insult him. Always make suggestions, backed with information in 10-second soundbites." Yes, and don't use confusing multi-syllable words like "equality," "justice" and "compassion" either! Troglodyte Trump would just shrug and reply: "Me no understand. Why not Tarzan do what he want? Tarzan heap big President, beat up runts, grope pussy!" And of course the ghost-pale Trump Whisperer would figure out how to make Trump's "plan" sound acceptable to his bamboozled supporters.

Why did Trump appoint the Passionate Psychopath to his cabinet? Trump has described Ben Carson as "passionate" and "pathological," comparing him to a child molester who cannot be trusted or cured. But suddenly the bromance of the former old flames has been reignited. Did Trump lie about Carson's character in order to become president? Or did he tell the truth, meaning that he is stocking his cabinet with the political equivalents of child molesters? In either case, Trump is unfit to be president. But it appears that the Gamester is like the Riddler in one of the old kitschy Batman TV shows: "Riddle me this, riddle me that. Is Ben Carson crazy, or am I the weird cat?" Evidently, Trump will say and do anything to "win," with no regard for the truth.

The Trump Whisperer―the ever-addled-and-flustered Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway―has done her best to "explain" Trump's cabinet picks, but they defy rational explanation. Will he pick Bishop Romney because he looks like a Secretary of State, or will he choose Rudy the Red Hosed Giuliani to co-star in his new reality TV show The Celebrity Presidential Apprentice: Armageddon Awaits?

BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: “So you treat women with respect?” Trump answered honestly: “No, I can’t say that either.” And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."

The Greeks have a word for the emerging Trump Administration: kakistocracy. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as a “government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.” Webster’s is simpler: “government by the worst people.”—Ryan Lizza in a New Yorker article

Movies soon to be made about the rise of Trump and the Trumpites: Presidential Apprentice, Trumpocalypse Now, Day of the Orange Jackal, Dumb and Dumber, Dawn of the Brain Dead, Revenge of the Turds, The Stepford Wives Deliver the Children of the Corn

Nicknames for the Trumps: The Stepfordians, Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out, Donald and the Douchebags, Hitler's Revenge on the United States  

Titles of upcoming movies and TV shows about the Trumps: Presidential Apprentice, The Brooklyn Hillbullies, Donald Duck Dynasty, Porky and the Pigs, Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous, The Stepford Wives Deliver the Children of the Corn, Family Feudal, What's My Con Line?, West Wingnuts, Shill Street Blues, Con Hair, Emergency!

Nicknames for Trump's "Movement"

Bowel Movement
Twilight Zone — Dan Rather
Trump's Trolls
Trump's Troll Army — Bryan Menegus
Donald Duck Dynasty
The Den of the Re-flub-Lycans
The Trump of Doom Preaching to His Demented Choir
Fifty Shades of Orange
Fifty Shades of Orange Lipstick on a Pig
The Mad Groper and His Goons
Prick Worshippers
Ass Grubbers
Trump Dump (#2)
Thurston Howell Bowel Movement
Hair Hitler and the Aryan Stupormen
Republican Rapture
Stockholm Syndrome
Trump Slump
Red-to-Blue Dawn

Donald Trump Campaign Slogans and Parodies

Heil Trump!
Heil Hair Hitler!
Win one for the Groper!
GOP now means "Grab Our Pussies!" — Bill Maher parody
Trump 2016: Somebody's doing the raping! — Jon Stewart parody
Trump 2016: Somebody's doing the raping! OMG, it's The Donald! — Jon Stewart parody update
Make America great again, for every pawn! — Michael R. Burch parody
Make America grope again!
Make America grate again, so that minorities will migrate again! — Michael R. Burch parody
Make America gyrate again: grope pussy!
Make America gripe again!
Make America WHITE again!
Stand by your con man! — Michael R. Burch parody
Speak loudly and carry a big shtick! — Michael R. Burch parody
We have nothing to fear but Mexicans, Muslims, Mormons, women's body fluids, facts, science, gay couples, transgenders, and anyone who is not a lily-white male Christian heterosexual!
Get a grip: grope!
Clean up America: DUMP TRUMP!
A horrifying and destabilizing betrayal of the norms of American politics. — Dan Rather
Republican Rapture
Trump Slump
We have just begun to grope!
Wait and see what happens! (Or flee to Canada if you have any sense!)
Dumpster fire!
Fun for all, and all for fun: grope pussy!
Trump Chumps: Because thinking is hard!
Comb over to our side!
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin (not a parody)

Top Ten Donald Trump Campaign Songs

"Oops, I Kidded Again (Forget about the Wall, Jobs and Locking up Hillary)" sung to the tune of "Oops, I Did it Again" by Britney Spears
"We're an  AmeriKKKan KKKlan" sung to the tune of "We're an American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad
"We Shall Overcomb" sung to the tune of "We Shall Overcome"
"Lockin' Up the Free World" sung to the tune of "Rockin' the Free World" by Neil Young
"Trump Can Always Grope What He Wants" sung to the tune of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones
"Rolling in Deep Bulls**t" sung to the tune of "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele
"Trump Will End the World as We Know It (And Feel Fine P*ssy)" sung to the tune of “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by R.E.M.
"Blowin' Hot Air" sung to the tune of "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan
"AmeriKKKa the Shootiful" sung to the tune of "America the Beautiful" (financed by the NRA and your friendly neighborhood assault weapon dealers)
"Sympathy for the Antichrist" sung to the tune of "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones

Dishonorable Mention:

"Here Comes the Hun" sung to the tune of "Here Comes the Sun" by George Harrison
"Grime is on my Side" sung to the tune of "Time is on my Side" by the Rolling Stones
"Pick Pocket Man" sung to the tune of "Rocket Man" by Elton John (all royalties will benefit victims of Trump U.)
"Short-Fingered People" sung to the tune of "Short People" by Randy Newman
"Tiny Cancer" sung to the tune of "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John
"A Chain is Gonna Come" sung to the tune of "A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke
"Don't Stop Believin' My Bulls**t" sung to the tune of "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
"We're Not Gonna Take Your Freakin' Equality!" sung to the tune of "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister

Trump Hashtags

#DumpTrump #NeverTrump #PantsOnFire #DirtyDonald #KingOfCorruption #Wealthcare #TrumpedUpCare #TrumpCareless

Trump "Healthcare" Nicknames and Hashtags

Babykiller Trump
Grannykiller Trump
Bling the Merciless

TrumpCare should be called TrumpedUpCare. It replaces healthcare with Wealthcare, Medicaid with MedicRaid. The most vulnerable Americans will suffer the most: babies, children, seniors, the poor, veterans, and people with disabilities. Medicaid covers 49% of births, 60% of children with disabilities, 64% of nursing home residents, 76% of poor children, and millions of vets. MedicRaid will leave less fortunate Americans to the untender mercies of Bling the Merciless and his flunkies, while they laugh and high-five each other at Washington teas and press events lie-fests. Elizabeth Warren hit the nail on the head when she said: "These cuts are blood money. Senate Republicans are paying for tax cuts for the wealthy with American lives." Trump himself, in a rare burst of candor (behind closed doors, of course), called TrumpCare "Mean! Mean! Mean!" But it seems Re-Flub-Lycans will never be happy until they start killing off people with disabilities, a dream they share with Hitler and the Nazis. Call Trump Drainman after a Republican consultant explained that TrumpCareless is "clogging the drain" for other more important legislation, apparently justifying the GOP's mad rush to kill millions of Americans as quickly as possible. According to Trump, his healthcare plan is "incredibly well-crafted" meanness. We are reminded of the old saw, "Stupid is as stupid does."

Supreme Court Nominee Neil Gorsuch Nicknames

Darth Evader
Goldman Sachs' Rubber Stamp
The Unjust Justice
The Grinder (for grinding ordinary Janes and Joes under the crushing wheels of corporations)
The Greek Geek, Fratboy, FIJI-Boy, Animal House Boy and the Fraternizer (for defending his college frat against charges of date rape)
The Privileged Depriver

Nicknames Given by Donald Trump to Other People

Donald Trump claims that he has an "instinct" for nicknames, but the list below shows a decided lack of wit, intelligence and originality. Trump may be a master of the low-brow insult, but anyone can find a cheap insult and fling it around. Trump's nicknames are as bankrupt as his casinos and his many other failed businesses like Trump University, Trump Vodka, Trump Ice, Trump Steaks, Trump Airlines, Trump Magazine, Trump Mortgage, Trump Network, Trumped!, Trump New Media, Trump on the Ocean, Tour de Trump, the New Jersey Generals and Trump: The Game.

"Gold Diggers" (women in general; on the day of Trump's wedding to Marla Maples, he told Howard Stern that "vagina is expensive" and they laughed about it later on Stern's radio show)
"Real Killers" (smart women in general; according to Trump the smart ones put on an act, pretending to be "feminine and needy," but are in reality "real killers")
"Beautiful Pieces of Ass" (Trump's dates and presumably his wives)
"Nice Tits, No Brains" (Marla Maples, Trump's second wife)
"Grotesque" (Bette Midler)
"Loser" (Cher)
"Bimbo" and "Crazy Megyn" (Megyn Kelly)
"Cunt" and "Shit for Brains" (Jennifer Lin)
"Slob," "Big Fat Pig," "Disgusting Animal," "The Beast," "Disgusting both Inside and Out," "Real Loser," "Dumb," and "My Nice Fat Little Rosie "(Rosie O'Donnell)
"Disgusting" (Elizabeth Beck, after she requested a time-out to pump breast milk for her baby)
"Disgusting" (Hillary Clinton, for taking a "potty break" during a debate)
"Schlonged" (Hillary Clinton, for losing the Democratic presidential election nomination to Barack Obama)
"Dog" and "Unattractive Inside and Out" (Arianna Huffington)
"Face of a Dog" (Gail Collins)
"That Face" (Carly Fiorina, whom Trump said could not be considered for the presidency because of her looks; but what about his, then?)
"Miss Piggy" and "Miss Eating Machine" (Alicia Machado, for gaining weight after winning the Miss Universe contest in 1996; she was a teenager at the time and Trump body-shamed her)
"Miss Housecleaning" (Alicia Machado, presumably because she is Latina and housecleaning is what Latinas are good for, according to The Donald)

If this concerns you, there is more information at Donald Trump's War on Women.

Also rising: Misogynist-in-Chief and Chauvinist-in-Chief, due to Trump's statements such as these made on the Howard Stern show ...

Trump told Howard Stern that it was okay to call his daughter Ivanka a "piece of ass." They discussed the size of her breasts and her "voluptuous" body. 
In a 2002 appearance, Trump called 30 the "perfect age" for a woman. "Until she's 35," a co-host interjected. Trump agreed, calling 35 "check-out time" for wives and girlfriends.
In a 2006 interview, Stern asked Trump if he would "bang" 24-year-olds. "Oh, absolutely," Trump replied, "I'd have no problem."
Stern then asked Trump if he had an age limit. "No, I have no age—I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds."
Trump was later accused in a lawsuit of raping a 13-year-old girl while she begged him to stop.
Trump told co-host Artie Lang that he had had sex with a threesome of women, estimating their collective weight at 375 pounds.
When asked about threesomes, Trump replied: "Haven't we all? Are we babies?" So according to Trump, only "babies" don't participate in orgies.
In a 1993 appearance, Stern said the difference between Trump and other wealthy men is that he satisfies the women he sleeps with. "And I couldn't care less," Trump replied.
In a 2005 episode, Artie Lang asked: "Give us the first letter of the country [in the Miss Universe contest] you had sex with." "How many letters are there?" Trump asked in return.
Co-host Robin Quivers asked if sleeping with contestants was a conflict of interest. Trump agreed: "But, you know ... you tend to think about the conflict a little bit later on." 
Trump then bragged about "inspecting" the beauty contestants in their dressing rooms, where men were not allowed. This was presumably his "privilege" as the contest owner.
Stern complained that some of the contestants were more educated than "hot." Trump replied: "They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors, and I wasn't interested."
Stern approved of Trump's approach, saying: "I'd rather have a retarded hot woman than a slob who's a doctor."

How did Donald Trump come to be such a prick (if you'll pardon the pun)? According to Barbara Res, one of his highest-ranking female employees: “He got too famous. He started believing his own shit. He got way too famous and, you know, people were telling him he was great and he was buying that. He started thinking that he walked on water, he really did ... “Now, I don’t think he respects anybody. I don’t think there’s a person alive that he respects, because he thinks he’s God.” We can see this when the know-nothing Trump claims to know more about ISIS than American generals, and when he says that he likes soldiers who weren't captured, when he himself avoided the Vietnam War with a series of deferments, including the ultimate rich boy ploy: "bone spurs." Trump thinks his shit doesn't stink, but in reality he is a Smelly A$$.

Stephen Colbert's Trump Nickname Tirade

Stephen Colbert showed the White House Resident no mercy, after Trump insulted one of his colleagues: "John Dickerson is a fair-minded journalist and one of the most competent people who will ever walk into your office. And you treat him like that? John Dickerson has way too much dignity to trade insults with the president of the United States to his face. But I, sir, am no John Dickerson!" As promised, a series Trump insults ensued, with props which included a roll of toilet paper and a banana. Colbert's relentless verbal barrage was like Muhammad Ali in his prime pounding an overmatched and staggering Chuck Wepner: "I love your presidency. I call it Disgrace the Nation. You're not the POTUS. You're the BLOATUS. You’re the Glutton with the Button. You’re a regular Gorge Washington. You're the Presi-Dunce, but you’re turning into a real Prick-Tater. Sir, you attract more skinheads than free Rogaine. You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign-language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's C*ck Holster! Your presidential library is going to be a kids' menu and a couple of Juggs magazines. The only thing smaller than your hands is your tax returns, and you can take that any way you want!"

Colbert received a lot of flak over the "holster" bit, which the alt-right claimed to be "homophobic." As if they care! Two nights later Colbert explained: "Now, if you saw my monologue Monday, you know that I was a little upset at Donald Trump for insulting a friend of mine. So at the end of that monologue I had a few choice insults for the president in return. I don't regret that. He, I believe, can take care of himself. I have jokes; he has the launch codes. So it's a fair fight. While I would do it again, I would change a few words that were cruder than they needed to be. I'm not going to repeat the phrase, but I just want to say for the record, life is short, and anyone who expresses their love for another person, in their own way, is to me, an American hero. I think we can all agree on that. I hope even the president and I can agree on that. Nothing else. But, that."

We, however, are not above using that choice phrase whenever it fits! Which leads us to ...

Call him THE LOOSE-LIPPED SHIP SINKER after Trumputinski blabbed away top-secret information to his Russian controllers, threatening not only to sink the American ship of state, but also endangering our allies who will now be far less willing to share critical intelligence with us. And who can blame them? With the Orange-Tufted Russian Mole running the show, the acronym CIA now stands for Central Ignorance Agency. The Boston Globe announced that the ally betrayed was Israel. Perhaps the ancient prophets knew whereof they spoke, when they predicted that a "little horn" would pretend to bring peace, only to betray Israel in the end. A trump is, of course, a "little horn." Is the Trump of Doom now summoning the Apocalypse? Have the very elect been deceived, since 80% of evangelical Christian voters supported Triple-Six Trump, according to exit polls? Israeli intelligence officials are said to be "boiling mad" and to consider this to be their "worst fears confirmed" about Comrade Trumputin. Trump is obsessed with leaks, but he is the Big Leaker. So far his administration's only defense has been to claim that Tyrant Trump is too oblivious to be accused of obstructing justice! He simply doesn't know what justice is, or how government works! But he can still be trusted with the nuclear codes!

Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo has agreed to pay $25 million to settle charges of fraud against his so-called Trump "University." Even the name was a sham and a scam―not to mention illegal due to false advertising. Thus Trump has, for all intents and purposes, admitted that he bilked thousands of students out of their hard-earned money. Many of them charged their credit cards and had to pay extremely high interest rates on top of fraudulent "tuition" charges. But that is how Bizarro Bozo operates, as he unloads his Killer Klown Kar at the three-ring circus show formerly known as the American presidency. We will undoubtedly see more shams and scams under a Trump administration. Taxpayers had better plan on shelling out millions to have padded walls installed at the White House, now that the inmates are running the asylum. It sounds like the plot of a Batman movie: the Joker has been elected president and is gleefully playing with the nuclear codes ...

Dr. Jane Goodall pointed out that Trump acts like a Chimp in Heat: "In many ways the performances of Donald Trump remind me of male chimpanzees and their dominance rituals. In order to impress rivals, males seeking to rise in the dominance hierarchy perform spectacular displays: stamping, slapping the ground, dragging branches, throwing rocks. The more vigorous and imaginative the display, the faster the individual is likely to rise in the hierarchy, and the longer he is likely to maintain that position."

Nicknames Given by Donald Trump to Other People (Continued)

Rapists (Mexican immigrants)
Low Energy Jeb (Jeb Bush)
Lyin' Ted (Ted Cruz)
Little Marco (Marco Rubio) ... later clarified by Trump as "Liddle Marco"
Lightweight Choker and Choke Artist (Marco Rubio)
Psychopath (Ben Carson)
1 for 38 Kasich (John Kasich won 1 of 38 states in the Republican presidential primaries)
Crooked Hillary, Lyin' Hillary and Rotten Hillary (Hillary Clinton)
Crazy Bernie (Bernie Sanders)
Goofy, Goofus and Pocahontas (Elizabeth Warren)
Corrupt Kaine (Tim Kaine)
Neurotic Dope, Wacky and Crazy (Maureen Dowd)
Highly Neurotic (Debbie Wasserman Schultz)
Mentally Abused (John Kerry)
Baby (Barack Obama)
Mr. Tough Guy (Joe Biden, after Trump said that he would "love" to fight the 74-year-old vice president)

The Best Descriptions of Donald Trump (or at Least among the Most Colorful)

The world's greatest troll. — FiveThirtyEight Politics
Peripatetic political showman. — The Fiscal Times
I am the most fabulous whiner. I do whine, because I want to win. — Donald Trump describing himself on CNN's "New Day" to host Chris Cuomo
John Boehner's tanning partner.
Trump is "the GOP's unhinged front-runner." — Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Trump "has moved from rabble-rousing to demagoguery, or something even uglier." — U.S. News & World Report, quoting a John Cassidy article in The New Yorker
Trump is an "immigrant-bashing carnival barker." — TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
Venom-drenched regurgitated slimy orange hairball.
The Great Orange Hairball of Death and Destruction.
Donald Trump is a walking, talking Human Combover sent to earth to seek revenge by Hitler's Moustache.
Donald Trump is the Cowardly Lion's enormous Orange Hairball of Fear brought to life by the Wicked Witch of the West.

The Best Images/Descriptions of Donald Trump

Regurgitated Carrot Cake, Decomposing Pumpkin Pie, Maggoty Orange Offal, Festering Ass Effluence, Soylent Orange, Unrecycled Sewage, Orange Batshit, Human Tapeworm, Henna Hyena, Reanimated Roadkill, The Ugly AmeriKlan, Space KKKadet, "America’s wealthiest hemorrhoid." (John Oliver), "A brain-damaged baboon." (Samantha Bee), "A bewildered, golden-helmeted astronaut who's just landed on this planet from a distant galaxy." (Anna Merlan)

The Best Donald Trump Metaphors and Similes

The Trump administration "leaks like a rusty colander" (Ryan Cooper), Trump is like "an autoimmune disease" (Lucia Graves), "The press is Clarice, and he's Hannibal Lecter ... he's definitely gonna kill someone, but maybe not me" (Seth Myers), Trump is like "a random impulse generator" (Michael Chabon), Trump "sounds like a WWF wrestler plugging his next big match" (Ron Howard), "Like a brisk fall breeze through Amarillo's trees, President Donald Trump's first few weeks have brought forth all the country's loose and flaky elements" (a poetic letter in the Amarillo Gobe-News)

Nicknames of Trump's Nemesis(es)

Robert Mueller nicknames: The Clean Marine (Maureen Dowd), The Patriot (he was awarded a Bronze Star for heroism and a Purple Heart for service in Vietnam), The Straight Shooter (who doesn't miss), The Sharp Shooter, The Investigator, Sherlock Holmes's Smarter Brother, Donald Trump's Worst Nightmare, Trump's Doom (a pun on "the Trump of Doom"), Bobby Three Sticks (his full name is Robert Swan Mueller III), Bobby Cricket, Cricket the Wicket (the III looks like a cricket wicket, and in English slang "cricket" means fair play), The Gold Medalist (he was awarded a gold medal in 1962 for being his school's best athlete), The Martinet

John McCain nicknames: Hogan (George W. Bush), The Maverick (Sarah Palin), Crusty McCain (Donald Trump), The Great American Zero (ditto), Trump's McBane, The Passionate POW, Die Hard with a Vengeance (after he rose from his hospital bed to vote down Obamacare repeal), McNasty (his political opponents), McLame (ditto), Punk (ditto), Grandpa Walnuts, The White Tornado, Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz), The Maniac, The McCainiac (after he broke ranks with Trump and the GOP to shoot down the "skinny repeal" of Obamacare), The Skinny Repealer, McShane (after McCain won the shootout with Trump), Songbird

Hillary Clinton nicknames: Hill, HRC, The Anti-Trump, #NastyWoman, Trump's Worst Nightmare (an intelligent woman who's not afraid of him)

Tim Kaine nicknames: The Human Sweater Vest (because he's so warm and fuzzy)

Ted Cruz nicknames: Felito, Fidelo, Little Fidelo, Castro's Revenge (for the Bay of Pigs), Cohiba (a brand of Cuban cigars), "The Face of God" (Heidi Cruz), "The Second Coming" (Heidi Cruz), Ted Scruz (after allegations that the "devout Christian family man" had affairs with five women, including a prostitute), El Presidente, Terrible Ted Cruz, Wacko Bird (John McCain), Proud Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz himself), Holy Cruzader (Michael R. Burch), The Cruz Controller (Michael R. Burch)

Please click here for all Ted Cruz Nicknames

Trump Coinages

Trump's Razor: Ascertain the stupidest possible scenario that can be reconciled with the available facts and that answer is likely correct. An homage to William of Occam.

Hair Hitler

What color is Donald Trump's hairor whatever that is attached to his scalpand where on earth (or hell) did it originate? We took a scientific poll and here are the results, in order of ascending probability: (10) Trump's chameleon-like hair is the result of a freak mutation and has no permanent color; (9) a mouse underbelly dyed light orange in a lab experiment gone awry has been stitched to Trump's scalp by some modern Dr. Frankenstein; (8) Trump is wearing a yellow-ish-orange sewer rat carcass as a wig, (7) it is not hair, but accumulated orange vulture vomit as they circle above Trump's head waiting for his next kill, (6) bloody buzzard feathers have landed on Trump's head and are taking on odd hues as they putrefy; (5) Trump's alleged "hair" is actually a decaying possum pelt worn Davy-Crockett-style; (4) or it is Fess Parker's recycled raccoon cap dyed piss yellow; (3) Hitler's moustache has been dyed blonde in a botched job and turned into a wig; (2) Trump's hair is the Mark of Cain; (1) and/or it is a hastily-constructed screen designed to obscure the 666 birthmark on Trump's forehead.

Trump Poems

Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Humpty Trumpty had a great fall.
Now all the Grand Wizards and Faux PR men
can never put Trumpty together again.
—Michael R. Burch

Schmoozers line up to kiss the ring
of the clownish Kingpin ...
Christie, Romney, Megyn Kelly ...
they bow down and quake like their insides are jelly.
—Michael R. Burch

Republicans sowed intolerance and in its shadow, Trump sprang up like toxic fungi.―Charles M. Blow

Top Ten Presidential Nicknames

The Great Emancipator, The Liberator, Abe, Honest Abe, Father Abraham, The Rail-Splitter, The Ancient One (Abraham Lincoln)
The Great Communicator, Dutch, The Gipper, The Ripper, The Lifeguard, Ronnie, Saint Ronnie, The Teflon President, Rawhide (Ronald Reagan)
The King of Camelot, Jack, JFK (John F. Kennedy)
The Father of His Country, The American Cincinnatus, The American Fabius (George Washington)
The Sage of Monticello, The Apostle of Democracy, Long Tom (Thomas Jefferson)
Give 'Em Hell Harry (Harry S. Truman)
The Colossus of Independence, Old Sink or Swim (John Adams)
Unconditional Surrender Grant (U. S. Grant)
No Drama Obama, Barry, Bam-Bam (Barack Obama)
The Boss, King Franklin, The Sphinx, The Squire of Hyde Park (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

Less Flattering Presidential Nicknames

Tricky Dick, Richard the Chicken-Hearted, Gloomy Gus (Richard M. Nixon)
Tricky Trump, Agent Orange, Hair Hitler, Der Gropenfuhrer, The Trump of Doom, The Trumpster, The Donald (Donald John Trump)
Slick Willy, Slick Willie, Bubba, The Big Dob, The Comeback Kid, The First Black President (Bill Clinton)
Dubya, Shrub, Bush Baby, Bush League, Bush Junior, Bush 43, "The Decider" (George W. Bush)
His Fraudulency, Rutherfraud, The De Facto President, The Usurper, Granny, Old 8 to7 (Rutherford B. Hayes)
His Accidency (John Tyler)
His Rotundity, The Monarch (John Adams)
His Obstinacy (Grover Cleveland)
Martin Van Ruin, Machiavellian Belshazzar (Martin Van Buren)
His Little Majesty, Dolly's Husband (James Madison)
The Stuffed Prophet, Old Veto, The Beast of Buffalo, The Hangman of Buffalo (Grover Cleveland, who allegedly fathered an illegitimate child when he was mayor of Buffalo)
The Human Iceberg, Kid Gloves Harrison (Benjamin Harrison)
Wobbly Warren, President Hardly (Warren G. Harding)
The Plodder, Polk the Mendacious (James K. Polk)
Ten Cent Jimmy, The Grand Turk, Old Buck, The Do-Nothing President (James Buchanan)
Uncle Cornpone, Rufus Cornpone, Uncle Rufus, Bullshit, Bull (Lyndon Baines Johnson, because of his lying)
Useless Grant (U. S. Grant)
Peanut, The Peanut Farmer, Jimmy, President Malaise (Jimmy Carter)
Sleeping Beauty, Big Lub, Big Chief, Mr. Malaprop, Taft the Blunderer (William Howard Taft)
The Drunkard (Franklin Pierce)
The Accidental President, The American Louis Philippe (Millard Fillmore)
The Accidental President (Gerald R. Ford)
Old Foot in the Mouth, The Jelly Bean President (Ronald Reagan)
Sir Veto (Andrew Johnson)
The Madman of Massachusets (John Quincy Adams)
Old Mutton Head, His Pomposity (George Washington)
Mad Tom (Thomas Jefferson)

Presidential Nicknames: The Strong and/or Silent or Talkative Types

Old Rough and Ready (Zachary Taylor)
The Rough Rider, The Bull Moose, The Lion, The Hero of San Juan Hill, The Trust Buster (Teddy Roosevelt)
Old Hickory, The Hero of New Orleans, King Mob, Caesar (Andrew Jackson)
Young Hickory (James K. Polk, a protégé of "Old Hickory" Andrew Jackson)
Tippecanoe, General Mum (William Henry Harrison)
Boatman Jim (James A. Garfield)
The Kansas Cyclone, Ike, General Ike (Dwight D. Eisenhower, known for his campaign slogan "We like Ike")
Silent Cal, Cool Cal, Cautious Cal, The Sphinx of the Potomac (Calvin Coolidge)
The Houdini of the White House, That Man (Franklin Delano Roosevelt)
The Schoolmaster, The Professor (Woodrow Wilson)
The Great Engineer, The Great Humanitarian, The Grand Old Man, The Chief, Bert (Herbert Hoover)
Old Man Eloquent (John Quincy Adams)
Read My Lips (George H. W. Bush, who vowed never to raise taxes, but did)

Soft and Fluffy Presidential Nicknames

Teddy (Theodore Roosevelt; the "teddy bear" was named after him)
Poppy, Old Pop, Papa Bush, Bush 41 (George H. W. Bush, to differentiate him from his son President George W. Bush)
Uncle Jumbo, Grover Good (Grover Cleveland)
Winnie, Sonny (William B. Harding)
Junie, Junior (Gerald R. Ford Jr.)
Little Jemmy, Short Stack (James Madison, who stood only 5'4")
The Little Magician, The Enchanter, Little Matt, Pet of the Petticoats, The Mistletoe Politician (Martin Van Buren, who stood 5'6")
Little Ben, Grandfather's Hat (Benjamin Harrison, who stood 5'6" and was also the grandson of former President William Henry Harrison)
The Era of Good Feelings President, The Last Cocked Hat (James Monroe)
Mr. Nice Guy, Jerry (Gerald Ford)
Prince Arthur, The Dude President, Gentleman Boss, The Walrus, Chet (Chester A. Arthur)
Elegant Arthur (James A. Garfield)
Handsome Frank (Franklin Pierce)
The Tennessee Tailor (Andrew Johnson)
Light Bulb Lyndon (Lyndon Baines Johnson)

Presidential Nicknames: Short and Sweet Initials Only

JQA (John Quincy Adams)
JFK (John F. Kennedy)
FDR (Franklin D. Roosevelt)
TR (Teddy Roosevelt; he didn't have a middle name)
LBJ (Lyndon Baines Johnson)

Other Political Nicknames

The All-Time Best Political Nicknames: Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, Richard the Lionheart, The Great Emancipator (Abraham Lincoln), The Great Communicator (Ronald Reagan), The Iron Lady (Margaret Thatcher), Slick Willie (Bill Clinton), Richard Nixon (Tricky Dick), Donald Trump (Tricky Trump), Pale Moth (Vladimir Putin, his KGB nickname), The Father of His Country (George Washington), JFK (John F. Kennedy), The British Bulldog (Winston Churchill), Ike (Dwight D. Eisenhower), The Governator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), The Body (Jesse Ventura), The Virgin Queen (Elizabeth I of England), The Sun King (Louis XIV of France), The Winter King (Frederick V of Bohemia), Bloody Mary (Mary I of England), Ivan the Terrible (Ivan IV of Russia), Augustus the Strong (Augustus II of Poland), Farmer George (George III of England), The Merry Monarch (Charles II of England), Bonnie Prince Charlie (Charles III of England although he never ruled), Teflon Tony (Tony Blair), McNasty (John McCain), Snarlin' Arlen (Arlen Specter), Rhambo (Rham Emmanuel), Governor Moonbeam (Jerry Brown)

William Jennings Bryan may require his own special category of political nicknames: The First Celebrity Politician, The Great Commoner, The Silver Knight of the West, The Boy Orator of the Platte, The Fundamentalist Pope (H. L. Menken), Adam-and-Eve Bryan (F. Scott Fitzgerald, because Bryan argued in favor of the Bible during the Scopes Monkey Trial), The Fool (uttered by Clarence Darrow during his examination of Bryan during the famous trial), The Peerless Leader of the Democratic Party, The Cowardly Lion (it has been suggested that the lion in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was based on Bryan)

Related pages: Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Mike Pompeo Nicknames, Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Mitt Romney Nicknames, Matt Whitaker Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Inauguration Poetry Donald Trump Curtsy or Bow?, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Is there a Republican War on Women?, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, 2016 Republican Debate, Ted Cruz Quotes, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes

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