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Rudy Giuliani Nicknames
Rudy Giuliani Quotes
Rudy Giuliani Jokes by Stephen Colbert, Billy Crystal, Stormy Daniels, SNL's Pete Davidson, Jimmy Kimmel, Rob Lowe, Bill Maher, Seth Meyers, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, Trevor Noah, Jeffrey Ross and David Spade

This page contains the best Rudy Giuliani nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself.

Rudy Giuliani looks a lot like Simon Bar Sinister, Mr. Toad, Cheezburger, Uncle Fester, Dracula and Nosferatu, so I have included photographic and cartoon likenesses as well.

Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Donald Trump Russia Quotes

Brooks Kraft for Politico

The reanimated corpse known as Rudy Ghouliani was stitched together without a brain by Igor's dumber brother. — Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

nosferatu politician Rudy Giuliani vampires - 1070761728

Rudy Giuliani is the dead spitting image of Nosferatu, the first and eeriest movie Dracula. With "dead" being the critical word.

Rudy Giuliani and Simon Bar Sinister are identical twins!

Mr. Toad from Mr. Toad's Wild Ride (Stormy Daniels)

Image result for rudy giuliani Mr. Toad

Scientifically, Rudy Giuliani belongs to the genus "Human-Toad Hybrid with Highly Venomous Under-Fangs."

Rudy "The Ghoul" Giuliani has already written the epitaph for his tombstone: "He lied for Trump." No, scratch that. It will say: "He lied badly and baldly for Trump." — Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

After the Ghoul ended up in a COVID ward, Jimmy Kimmel reported that Count Flatula was resting in the hospital and "feasting on the blood of newborns in the maternity ward."

In less than a month, Count Flatula farted in one court case, was seen leaking either hair dye or brain fluid in another, held a lie-filled press conference in the parking lot of a landscaping company sandwiched between a sex shop and a crematorium, had a cameo playing pocket pool in a Borat movie, shut down the Arizona state legislature, and managed to lose around 60 consecutive fraudulent, evidence-less court cases. Is his boss tired of "winning" yet?

"Giuliani" has become a verb meaning "to lie shamelessly, ridiculously and incoherently." For instance: "She will giuliani herself out of that DUI by claiming Martians plied her with liquor while impregnating her. When the tabloids show up, she'll claim to be a virgin and call it an Immaculate Conception." — Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The Top Ten Rudy Giuliani Nicknames ... Oh, hell, make it the Top Twenty-Five, plus a few!

Drooly Giuliani
Broody (think of the horror movie The Brood, if the grotesque hatchlings survived)
Colludy Giuliani (Trevor Noah)
Colludy Rudy

Trump's TV Lawyer (Lawrence O'Donnell)
America's Most Illegal Lawyer (Trevor Noah)
Trump's Detourney
Lawyer-ish (SNL)

Thanks to his lawyers, Trump is "undefeated at losing." — Stephen Colbert

Fart Blossom (he farted while arguing Trump's fraudulent election case)
Count Flatula (Jimmy Kimmel)
America's Sprayer (Jimmy Kimmel)

The Arizona state legislature had to be shut down after the infected Ghoul's visit. Giuliani has morphed from America’s mayor to America’s Sprayer, as Jimmy Kimmel observed.

Pee-Pee le Pooh (Michael R. Burch)
Ruddy Rudy
Cruddy Rudy
Rudy the Red-Nosed Panderer                                                                                                                                                                           
Trump's Human Doormat

Rude Rudy
Dick Rude (a pun on the wrestler Rick Rude)
Rude, Crude, Lewd Rudy Giuliani

Giuliani said former intelligence officials who warned their countrymen about Russian interference in the presidential election were "willing to suck anything they wanted to suck to get ahead." In other words, he called them cocksuckers. (And they were retired, not "trying to get ahead.") Giuliani called Hunter Biden a "traitor" who is "sitting in his closet, contemplating his penis and smoking a crack pipe." If Hunter Biden is a traitor, what does that make Trump? Giuliani called Brad Raffensperger "a real wussy" for not tipping the Georgia election to Trump. And so on.

AmeriKKKa's Scariest Mayor (Bill Maher)
America's Traitor (Bill Maher)
Trump's Trail of Tears Trial Lawyer (Michael R. Burch)
Trump's Confidence Lawyer
Trump's Scampaign Manager

Far-Gone and Woebegone Rudy Giuliani

Giuliani is so far gone, even Fox News stopped having him on.

The First Amigo
The Ukraine Brain Drain
The Confident Mobster (Washington Post)

Rudy Giuliani is the First Amigo and the mastermind of the Ukraine Brain Drain. While Giuliani is theoretically Trump's "personal lawyer," his every word and action scream: "Impeach the Peach!"

The Washington Post called Giuliani a "confident mobster" after he tried to strong-arm Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky into interfering in a US election by lying about Hunter Biden. Giuliani’s tone and actions during his dealings with the Ukrainians were “aggressive and threatening,” according to a Zelensky insider. But the Ukrainians, he said, steadfastly refused to “play ball” because Zelensky knew he would lose respect if he became Trump's stooge. That is something that has obviously never troubled Giuliani.

Trump's Stooge
Rudy Ghouliani
Embalmer's Display Model (Stephen Colbert)
Rigger Mortis (Michael R. Burch)
Mulberry Street Dracula (Seth Meyers)
Count Chocula's Bookie (Seth Meyers)
Anthropomorphic Bat Asshole (Aldous J. Pennyfarthing)
Rudy Pandemic
Hungover Sweet Potato (Stephen Colbert)
Legal Insanity

"Trump’s gonna be the first client who pleads insanity on behalf of his lawyer." — Seth Meyers

The King of Unintentional Comedy
Mr. Meltdown
Mr. Four Seasons (after he held a press conference in the parking lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, sandwiched between a sex shop and crematorium)

After John Bolton opined that Rudy Giuliani is a human
Hand Grenade who's going to blow everyone up, Broody Rudy had his nanny-nanny-boo-boo comeuppance by calling Bolton an Atomic Bomb.

More Rudy Giuliani Nicknames

Rudy Drooliani (please refer to the first picture above)
Stooliani (was an impacted stool the cause of that explosive fart?)

Riot Act Rudy
The Drug Dealer (John Bolton)
73-Year-Old Chipotle Trainee (Seth Meyers)
Trailer Park Trash
Trump's Legal Beagle

No president has ever lost one election so many times. — Jimmy Kimmel

Trump's Bag Man (Ellen Cranley)
Trump's PR Lawyer (Barbara McQuade)

Honestly, I think we're being much too hard on Trump's PR Lawyer in Training! Fact checkers tell us that his client lies, on average, nearly 100 times per day. What's a lawyer to do, except lie like a dog, or resign? Rudy G. has obviously opted for the former over the latter. But who knows, maybe he needs the money to pay his own legal bills. Trump's lawyers need fleets of lawyers to keep them out of the hoosegow. Trump just hired 17 more himself, so he doesn't seem very confident in his TV Smokesmodel. — Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Rudy Ghouliani: "If you believe Cohen, I can get you a great deal on the Brooklyn Bridge!"
A Real Lawyer:  "If you believe Trump, I can get you a great deal on a Trump University diploma, a Trump charity donation, and a wall Mexico will pay for, while people sail around it, fly over it, tunnel under it, and cut out easy access windows with cheap saws!"

Rudiment (Inga Johansson)

Inga Johansson pointed out that Trompi in Esperanto means "to deceive." A deceiver in Esperanto is Trompulo. Inga said, "If you know French then it is clear what the name Putin means. Also in Esperanto - Putino - So the mother of Putin was a Putino. Also, I just heard Michael Cohen say Colludy Rudy Giuliani. In Esperanto his name is more fun: enjoy his anus - ĝui lian anuson - kiel li fartas? Also rudiment - A remnant of a reduced organ, having lost its function during development."

Gaffe-Prone Giuliani
Walking Gaffe Machine (Tyler Durden in Zero Hedge)
Hypothetical Human Being
Endless Barrage of Unforced Errors in Human Form (Michael R. Burch)
Fount of Unfiltered Information
Old Unfaithful
Human Lie Dispenser
Human Smokescreen
Human Skidmark
Human Pinball Machine (former CIA Director Leon Panetta)

According to Rudy Giuliani the Moscow Trump Tower was a fleeting notion, the haziest of castles in the air. Giuliani insisted there were "no plans," "no drafts" and "nothing in the file." But then Buzzfeed News produced the file, which included "hundreds of pages of business documents, emails, text messages, and architectural plans." Oh, and a $50 million bribe for Vladimir Putin in the form of a free penthouse suite!

Mr. Doublespeak
He Who Speaks With Forked Tongue (his Native American name)

Rudy Giuliani's evolution as one of America's greatest legal thinkers:

There was absolutely no collusion! None, in any way, shape or form! End this preposterous witch hunt immediately!
Okay, there was maybe ... probably some collusion, but my client, like Sgt. Schultz, knows nothing!
Okay, maybe my client knows something, but I wasn't there, so it doesn't count!
I wasn't there then ... also, I'm not here now if you catch me lying! Thus I am never anywhere!
Sure, we tried our best to collude, but we were really, really bad at it! Trying to rape and failing is not a crime!
Of course there was YUGE collusion, but collusion is not a crime! In fact, there is no such thing as crime!
Heil Hair Hitler!
Boss, it's not really a jail, it's an .... um ... er .... gated community!

Adolf Giuliani
Batshit Crazy Rudy
Julianne Potato Head
Jelly Jowls Giuliani
Rodeo Clown Rudy
Uncle Fester
Rudy "The Ghoul" Giuliani
Count Orlock
Dr. Evil
Colonel Klink
Trump's Mini-Me
Voldemort's Basilisk in Human Form (Kylee Chatham)
SpongeBob in Human Form
Rotweiler in Human Form (Billy Crystal said Rotweiler DNA would show in a blood test)
Raw Sewage in Human Form
Powerless Warlock being Burned Alive by Fact-Checkers
The Cracked Pot
The Man Formerly Known as America's Mayor
The 9-11 Hero Trump Turned into a Zero
Adolph Giuliani and Adolf Giuliani
The Blight Supremacist
The Snazzy Nazi
My Rudy (Donald Trump)
Corrupt Rudy (Joe Scarborough)
Trump's Fixer
Trump's Consigliere (emphasis on "con")
One particularly pestilential boil on the national hindquarters (The Week)
The guy who admits to crimes on national TV (The Week)

Rudy Giuliani Coronavirus Nicknames

For his multitudinous efforts on its behalf, the coronavirus has granted Rudy Giuliani the following titles and epaulets:

Rudy Pandemic
The Coronavirus's BBF
Coronavirus in Semi-Human Drooling Form
The Human-COVID Hybrid
The COVID Hominid
The Hyper Ventilator
Kid Corona
The Covid Kid
The COVIDiot

Dishonorable Mention: Trump's Clown, Trump's Lapdog, Trump's Poodle, Trump's Surrogate, Judge Rudy, The Front-Runner, Human Tweet, The Deplorable Lawyer, The Hanging Judge Who Hung Himself, New York Pork Dork, The Perjurer, Perjury Incarnate, Extrudy Giuliani, The Crony, Homo Sans Sapiens

Rudy Giuliani Jokes

After Giuliani ended up in a COVID ward, Jimmy Kimmel reported that Count Flatula was resting in the hospital and "feasting on the blood of newborns in the maternity ward."

Rudy Giuliani is the perfect "reality TV lawyer" for America's first "Celebrity Apprentice President." Giuliani has a very unusual legal defense strategy: Confess multiple versions of every potential crime on national TV, then claim both the client and his lawyer are batshit crazy."

Stephen Colbert expounds: “That’s just Rudy Giuliani using a classic legal strategy. Step one: go on every TV show known to man. Step two: learn the facts of your case.”

Trevor Noah on Giuliani’s interview meltdowns: “I feel like I just smoked weed through the TV. It’s almost like he challenged himself to confess to at least one crime per interview.”

Seth Meyers agrees: “Soon he’s gonna start cold-calling TV shows to tell them about illegal stuff Trump did.”

Seth Meyers again: “[Giuliani] is a former mayor and U.S. attorney who’s now the lawyer for the president of the United States, and Trump talks about him like he’s a trainee at Chipotle.”

Seth Meyers completes a comedy trifecta: “Trump’s gonna be the first client who pleads insanity on behalf of his lawyer.”

As for Giuliani’s assertion that $130,000 is “not a lot of money,” and that $1.3 million would be a more appropriate amount for a settlement? “Rudy says $1.3 million is the number you should be paid,” Colbert said. “So now we know how much it will cost to silence Giuliani. And Trump might have to do it, because this weekend, Giuliani screwed him hard.”

Rudy Giuliani is the 73-year-old poster child for Trump Derangement Syndrome.

Giuliani's first marriage lasted 14 years before it was annulled after he discovered he was second cousin to his wife, Regina Peruggi.

Giuliani has appeared in drag as Rudy Rudia. Apparently, Rude Rudy Rudia has a hard-on for The Donald.

Related pages: Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Eric Trump Nicknames, Mark Meadows Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Jeff Sessions Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames, Judge Roy Moore Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Paul Ryan Nicknames, Hope Hicks Nicknames, Joe Arpaio Nicknames, Stephen Miller Nicknames, Sean Spicer Nicknames, Devin Nunes Nicknames, Michael Cohen Nicknames, Sam Nunberg Nicknames, Mike Pompeo Nicknames, Mike Pence Nicknames, Marsha Blackburn Nicknames, Diane Black Nicknames, Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames, Matt Whitaker Nicknames, John Kelly Nicknames, Mick Mulvaney Nicknames, James Mattis Nicknames, Ann Coulter Nicknames, Rush Limbaugh Nicknames, Rudy Giuliani Nicknames, Roger Stone Nicknames, William Barr Nicknames, Kayleigh McEnany Nicknames, Tom Cotton Nicknames, Betsy DeVos Nicknames, Ruth Bader Ginsburg Nicknames, Lindsey Graham Nicknames, Chris Christie Nicknames, Sidney Powell Nicknames, Vivek Ramaswamy Nicknames, Ron DeSantis Nicknames, Nikki Haley Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Trump 45 Nicknames, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Mitt Romney Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Donald Trump Russia Quotes

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