The HyperTexts

Mike Pence Nicknames, Jokes and Quotes

This page contains the best Mike Pence nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself. Mike Pence nicknames have been coined by comedians and other celebrities like Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Rachel Maddow, Omarosa Manigault Newman, Trevor Noah, John Oliver, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, Donald Trump, George F. Will and Michelle Wolff.

Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

Tell Us How Your Pets Behave, and Weâ??ll Tell You Which Toys They Want

VICE President Mike Pence is THE COLD ONE

After Trump's election lies and inflammatory rhetoric incited an assault on the nation's Capitol building which resulted in five deaths and more than 100 injured policemen, Spineless Mike Pence continued to politely straddle the fence, refusing to do his duty by seeking Trump's removal from office via the 25th Amendment. For four years, Tense Pence has been a Human Doormat and Human Rubber Stamp for Trump's lunacies. Mum's always the word for Mr. Mum.

Mike Pence is The Vice Antichrist and a False Profit. On April 24 he predicted to Geraldo Rivera that "by Memorial Day weekend we will have this coronavirus epidemic behind us." That was just after the United States had passed 50,000 deaths. By the end of the Memorial Day weekend, the nation's coronavirus death toll had doubled to 100,000 and would soon double again to 200,000, then again to 400,000 while continuing to climb rapidly and inexorably higher.

Trump and Pence are putting the X back in Xmas by X-ing out refugee children and their mothers. If baby Jesus and Mary showed up needing shelter, Trump wouldn't provide them with even a lowly manger. Instead, he'd order American soldiers to drive them back into the wilderness at gunpoint. Meanwhile, this is what the satanic festivities at the White House looked like last year: Trump Christmas.

Mike Pence is the "stiff-armed, buttoned-down" VICE president of the SNL Christmas skit, who hates "Deck the Halls" because it mentions "gay apparel." Please be sure to check out our section of Homophobic Mike Pence Nicknames such as Mike "Amperes for Queers" Pence and Mike "Ohm My God" Pence. We also have a section of Mike Pence jokes at the bottom of this page.

The Top Ten Mike Pence Nicknames ... oh hell, make it the top twenty-five!

The Clown Prince of the White House
Out of the Loop Dupe (USA Today)
The Stepford Veep (Omarosa Manigault Newman)
The Stolid Hack (GQ)
The Albino RINO
The Albino RHINO
Dense Pence
Tense Pence (after Trump incited a mob that was screaming for his scalp)
Suspense Pence (would the mob hang him from its gallows?)
Senseless Pence
Spineless Pence
Sick Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch)
Trump's Poodle (George F. Will)
Oleaginous Mike Pence (George F. Will)
Oleaginous House Ferret (Aldous J. Pennyfarthing)
Trump's Bootlicking Bobblehead (Tim Alberta)
Mr. Mum (Michael R. Burch)
The Human Rubber Stamp (Michael R. Burch)

Mike Pence became a Human Rubber Stamp for Trump's lunacies.

Mike Pounce (Donald Trump)
The Silver Sycophant, the Sinister Sycophant and the Sicko Sycophant
Bible Thumping Cock Socket (Aldous J. Pennyfarthing)
Fruitcake (Donald Trump)
Religious Nut (Donald Trump)

More Mike Pence Nicknames

Uber-Pious Pence (Daily Kos)
The Holey Crusader (Michael R. Burch)

Pence passes time during Trump's speeches by mentally baptizing senators. — The Onion

The Vice Antichrist
The False Profit

His Satanic Majesty's Sock Puppet
Poster Boy for Homeless Ventriloquist Dummies
Snark of the Beast
Beastie Boy
Fifty Shades of Gay

Mike "Straddle the Fence" Pence

After Trump's election lies and inflammatory rhetoric led to an assault on the nation's Capitol building which resulted in five deaths and 50 injured policemen, Mike Pence continued to politely straddle the fence, refusing to do his duty by seeking Trump's removal from office via the 25th Amendment.

Mike Pence Coronavirus Nicknames

For his multitudinous efforts on its behalf, the coronavirus has granted Mike Pence the following titles and epaulets:

Coronavirus in Pallid Semi-Human Form
Human-COVID Hybrid #666
The COVID Hominid
The Coronavirus's Best Friend
Pence Pro Pandemic
Pink Eye Pence (Pence appeared to have Pink Eye when he debated Kamala Harris)
Red Eye Mike
Lord of the Flies (after a fly landed in Pence's hair during his debate with Kamala Harris)
Fly Boy
The Hyper Ventilator
Kid Corona
The Covid Kid
The COVIDiot
Miami Vice

Senseless Pence and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis met on March 7, 2020 but failed to shut down Florida-bound cruise ships, and Florida's coronavirus cases soon exploded.

Trump's Doormat
Mr. Pseudo Machismo (Michael R. Burch)
Masochistic Mike Pence (only a masochist could put up with the humiliations Pence has endured as Trump's doormat)
The Masked Mouthpiece
The Wuhan Conman
The China Sin-Drone (Michael R. Burch)

Rising and Trending Mike Pence Nicknames

Tuppence
Trumpence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch)
Sing a Song of Sick Pence (Michael R. Burch)
Pence for Hire
Cheap Bribe
The Frugal Mogul (Michael R. Burch)
Bad Penny
Mike "Spend a Penny" Pence

In England to "spend a penny" is to use a pay toilet.

Boring Mike Pence (Donald Trump)
Chairman of the Bored
Borax Salesman
Boring 747

The Koch Addict
The Incredible Mr. Limpet
Barney Fiefdom (Michael R. Burch)
Barney Fief Dumb (Michael R. Burch),

The Black Hole of Sycophants (Daily Kos)
Mr. Anal
Semi-Human Speculum
Human Enema
Mike Suspense

Mike Suspense keeps us in constant suspense: will he ever find his lost spine?

Mike Pensive
Pensive Pence
The Pensive Puritan
The Pensive Prude
The Prude

Mike Pence is such a prude that he won’t drink in a room where there’s mixed company unless his wife is present, or eat a meal alone with any woman he’s not married to.

Snowcone
Snow Flake (emphasis on "Flake")
The Whitest Man in American Politics
Albino RHINO
Albino Termite
Fat Termite
Ashen Weasel (John Oliver)

Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay.—Michelle Wolff

Cuddles
Puddles
Elf on the Shelf (social media)
Dobby the House Elf (John Oliver)

The Silver Faux Fox
Faux Trot
The Foxhole Huddler

Little Deuce Coup (Michael R. Burch, who has predicted that Mike Pence will replace Trump as president)
The Dupe Couper (Roger Stone said a coup was averted when Nick Ayers did not become White House chief of staff)
Mr. Roboto (Rachel Maddow)
Powered Down Robot (Rachel Maddow)
Mike "Shutdown" Pence (Seth Meyers)

I guess when Schumer said "shutdown," Pence took him literally. — Seth Meyers

iRobot Roomba 1959 Prototype (Michael R. Burch)
Bloodless Android Programmed for Armageddon (Michael R. Burch)
Bad Data (Michael R. Burch)

Hoosier (his Secret Service code name)
46 (Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci)
Acting President Pence

The Deep Veep (wading deep in s**t, that is)
The Bleep Veep
The Creep Veep
The Asleep at the Wheel Veep
Veep Creeping in Search of a Spine
VPOTUS
VICEPOTUS
THE VICEROY
The Vice Roi (a Roi is a French king)
Cardinal Rich-Loo (pun on Cardinal Richelieu)
l'Éminence blanc (Cardinal Richelieu was l'Éminence rouge)
The Vice-Boy
The vICE Man Cometh
The Incredible Vanishing Vice President
Invisible Ink
Invisible Stink
Invisible Dink
The Sicko-Phant
The Fence Sitter
The Fence Shitter
Trump's Lie Dispenser
Trump's Co-Lunatic
Trump's Echo
The Trump Enabler
The Trump Whisperer
The Trump Hisser
Kamala Harris's Bull's-Eye

Mika Pince
Magic Mike

Magic Mike Pence has the ability to make Truth, Justice and the American Way vanish.

Unmagical Mike

Unfortunately, Unmagical Mike Pence lacks the ability to reproduce Truth, Justice or even simple human decency, once he has vanished them.

Mike Pence Looks Like

Frollo
Race Bannon
Lucius Malfoy
Voldemort
Odo
Hank Hill's Dad

Antisemitic Mike Pence Nicknames

Mike "The Chosen Few Will Convert the Jew" Pence
Mike "Jews Must Convert or Hellfire Will Spurt" Pence
Mike "Convert the Jews! Torch Them if They Refuse!" Pence
Mike "Heaven's for You, Not the Unsaved Jew" Pence
Mike "The Only Saved Jew Believes Like You" Pence
Mike "To Save the West, Jews Must Divest" Pence

Racist Mike Pence Nicknames

Mike "Electric Fence" Pence
Mike "Banish the Hispanic" Pence
Mike "Electrify the Iraqi" Pence
Mike "Aversion for the Persian" Pence
Mike "Atomic the Islamic" Pence
Mike "Zap the Jap" Pence
Mike "Freeze the Chinese" Pence
Mike "Subtraction for the African" Pence
Mike "Subtractin' the African" Pence
Mike "Put the African in Traction" Pence
Mike "Smitey Whitey" Pence
Mike "Smack the Black" Pence
Mike "Drown the Brown" Pence
Mike "Shred the Red" Pence
Mike "Bellow at the Yellow" Pence
Mike "Give Hell to the Mellow Yellow Fellow" Pence

There is One Nation Favored by Mike Pence

Mike "Cushion the Russian" Pence
Mike "All In with the Kremlin" Pence
Mike "Kremlin Gremlin" Pence
Mike "Rootin' and Tootin' for Vladimir Putin" Pence

Homophobic Mike Pence Nicknames

Queer Apocalypse
The Fag Nag
The Holey Roller

Mike "Pray Away the Gay" Pence
Mike "Flay Away the Gay" Pence
Mike Ponce de Leon (is Mike Pence secretly gay himself?)
Mike "The Closet Electrician" Pence
Enola Gay Lord
Mike "I Dream to Hump Trump's Lady Lumps" Pence

"Why does he look at me like that?" Trump asked about Pence’s beatific gaze, according to Michael Wolff, as quoted in The Guardian.

Mike "Hellzapoppin" Pence (Michael R. Burch)
Mike "Electrocute the Fruit" Pence
Deus Volt
Mike "A Volt a Day Keeps the Gay Away" Pence
Mike "Amperes for Queers" Pence
Mike "Watts Up" Pence
Mike "Ohm My God" Pence
Mike "Ohmosexual" Pence
Mike "Joules for Jewels" Pence
Mike "The Dapper Zapper" Pence
Mike "Crapper Zapper" Pence
Mike "Cock Shocker" Pence
Mike "My Final Solution is Mass Electrocution" Pence
Mike "Gay Medicine from Thomas Edison" Pence
Mike "Your Perversion Requires an Electrical Conversion" Pence
Mike "Follow God's Path or Feel Tesla's Wrath" Pence
Mike "Sodomite Igniter" Pence
Mike "Ignite the Sodomite" Pence
Mike "Since God's a Homophobe, I'll Hook You to an Anode" Pence
Mike "Smite the Sodomite" Pence
Mike "Fear the Queer" Pence
Mike "Sear the Queer" Pence
Mike "Smear the Queer" Pence
Mike "Flay the Gay Away" Pence
Mike "Body Bags for Fags" Pence
Mike "Electrical Spikes for Dykes" Pence (Michael R. Burch)
Mike "Kill a Dyke for the Fourth Reich" Pence
Mike "Lightning Strikes for Kinky Dykes" Pence
Mike "Fire a Mag into every Fag" Pence
Mike "Bi must Die" Pence
Mike "My God is a Homophobe" Pence
Mike "Ass-ault with Battery" Pence
Mike "Pillage Greenwich Village" Pence
Mike "Holy Crusader against the Anal Invader" Pence
Mike "Orlando Commando" Pence
Mike "Away with the Outré" Pence (Michael R. Burch)
Mike "Gamma Rays for Gays" Pence (Michael R. Burch)

The Mad Monk
The Bunghole Mole
Sherlock Homos
Private Dick
Limp Dick
Mike Penis
Mike Penis Envy

The Gay Switchblade (pun on "switch" intended)
The Gay Flayer
The Gay Squash-Buckler
Homo-cidal Pence

The Impure Puritan
Pharisee (Pete Buttigieg)
The American Pharisee
The American Taliban
The White Collar Redneck
The White Supremacist
The Blight Supremacist

Fatal Attraction
Fatal Subtraction

The Worst Member of Trump's Improv Team (social media)
Mike "Past Tense" Pence (by Allan Ishac for his "obsolete haircut, 1950's values, frumpy fashion sense, passé politeness, and quaint religious values.")
The Unhappy Camper (after observing Pence's body language when Trump said he was "proud" to shut down the government and demanded billions of taxpayer dollars for the wall he had previously vowed Mexico would fund)

Mike Pence Poem

They call it "queer" ...
they call it "gay" ...
I just call it a lack
of Michael Faraday!

Electrocution
is their final solution!

Men wearing thongs?
Check out these electrons!

And when they're good and fried,
my God will continue frying them on the Other Side!

Karen Pence Nicknames

Hummingbird (her Secret Service code name)
Mother (Mike Pence actually calls his wife "mother" ... does that make him a mf-er?)
Creepy Karen (Donald Trump)

"She really gives me the creeps." — Donald Trump, as quoted by Michael Wolff in "Siege"

Ms. Pensive
Ms. Vice Antichrist
The Vice Principal
The Handmaid's Tail (she works at a school that demands "moral purity" and discriminates against LGBT children)

Mike Pence Jokes

In a Faustian bargain, Spineless Mike Pence sold his soul to the Trumpian Devil and now merely parrots whatever His Satanic Majesty says.

During Mike Pence's debate with Kamala Harris, his master showed up in his alter ego as the Lord of the Flies. Pence debated with a fly crawling around in his hair. At the same time Pence's left eye was hellishly red, resulting in observations such as:

Stephen Colbert called the fly Pence's "only black friend."
Stephen Colbert: "Oh my god, look at his hair! He's so full of crap, he's attracting flies!"
Stephen Colbert: "All jokes aside, thoughts and prayers to that fly's family. It's got to quarantine for two weeks now. We've got to get that fly to Walter Reed!"
Stephen Colbert: "That fly could have gotten out of a spider web faster. Pence uses so much hairspray, he was glued to the spot!"
Stephen Colbert: "It stayed there for over two minutes! Two minutes. Meaning that fly has a longer attention span than the president of the United States!"
Mika Brzezinski tweeted: "I miss the bug. It was best thing about him."
Mark Cuban tweeted: "Forever more this debate will be known as The Fly Debate."
Stephen King tweeted: "The fly knows."
Julia Louis-Dreyfus observed: "I really wish we had thought of this on @veephbo – who is controlling that fly?"
Josh Gad tweeted: "Look, I don't like Pence either but I don't think it was necessary for Trump to hit him in eye before the debate."
Pence also garnered nicknames like Pink Eye Pence and Red Eye Mike.

Mike Pence will hereafter be known as The Lone Stranger and The Lone Deranger because he refused to wear a mask at the Mayo Clinic, thus endangering the lives of everyone breathed upon by the Human-COVID Hybrid #666. How did Senseless Pence explain his dangerous decision? Dense Pence said he wanted to be able to look people in the eye! Is it possible the Out of the Loop Dupe doesn't know the masks don't cover the freakin' eyeballs? Or did Boss Hogg Trump tell his Stepford Veep in no uncertain terms that he would mocked mercilessly and tweet-fired if he wore a mask in public?

Karen Spence is the Lying Nun for defending her husband's dangerous and potentially deadly actions at the Mayo Clinic.

Even Mr. Pseudo Machismo Mike Pence is now wearing a mask in public. So much for Boss Hogg Trump's claim that the coronavirus is "dying out" and "fading away." Trump is the Fount of Unfathomable Ignorance and Pence is his Masked Mouthpiece.

"What is it about Mike Pence that no one ever tells him anything?" — David Axelrod

"It's not that Pence is out of the loop. He's just idling in powered-down android mode. But when Trump implodes, Little Deuce Coup will spring into action, sweeping up all the money, fame, power and glory like the nifty little iRobot Roomba he prototyped back in 1959. Granted, the later models are more human-like, but Pence can still suck up like nobody's business!" — Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Stephen Colbert says Mike Pence's political strategy is to be "so boring people forget you exist." According to Colbert, the colorless Pence is a "manila envelope taped to a beige wall." Colbert, who has obviously done his research, says that Pence's previous jobs included being an "off-white paint swatch," a "sun-faded department store mannequin," and the "ghost of a plain yogurt."

Mike Pence is Mr. Hear-No-Evil, See-No-Evil, but Sure-As-Hell-Do-Evil.

Related pages: Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Eric Trump Nicknames, Mark Meadows Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Jeff Sessions Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames, Judge Roy Moore Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Paul Ryan Nicknames, Hope Hicks Nicknames, Joe Arpaio Nicknames, Stephen Miller Nicknames, Sean Spicer Nicknames, Devin Nunes Nicknames, Michael Cohen Nicknames, Sam Nunberg Nicknames, Mike Pompeo Nicknames, Mike Pence Nicknames, Marsha Blackburn Nicknames, Diane Black Nicknames, Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames, Matt Whitaker Nicknames, John Kelly Nicknames, Mick Mulvaney Nicknames, James Mattis Nicknames, Ann Coulter Nicknames, Rush Limbaugh Nicknames, Rudy Giuliani Nicknames, Roger Stone Nicknames, William Barr Nicknames, Kayleigh McEnany Nicknames, Tom Cotton Nicknames, Betsy DeVos Nicknames, Ruth Bader Ginsburg Nicknames, Lindsey Graham Nicknames, Marjorie Taylor Greene Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Mitt Romney Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Inauguration Poetry, Donald Trump Curtsy or Bow?, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Is there a Republican War on Women?, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, 2016 Republican Debate, Ted Cruz Quotes, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes

The HyperTexts