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Jared Kushner Nicknames: The Clown Prince, Javanka, Vanilla ISIS, The Good Boy, Nimrod, etc.
Jared Kushner Jokes
Jared Kushner Quotes

This page contains the best Jared Kushner nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, and some I came up with myself. Jared Kushner nicknames have been created by Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Alec Baldwin, Steve Bannon, Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert, Emily Jane Fox, Seth Meyers, Colin Jost, Ana Navarro, Rex Tillerson, Vanity Fair, and the White House staff.

Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops, gropes women's genitals, cheats at golf, throws temper tantrums, shuts down the government, launches coups, and brags about his "accomplishments." Kushner has been described as the Main Artery leading to Trump's clogged heart. Kushner has also been called The Prince of Everything because, as he is happy to explain, "Everything runs through me."

How did the COVID Kid become the Coronavirus Czar? Friends, have no fear because Jared the Unready is here! Together he and his father-in-lawlessness are Bratman and Robbing, a team of DC Comics super zeroes!

We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jarhead Kushner is at the front lines, using his real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops! Trump's youthful Aide de Kampf will never rest until his father-in-lawlessness is made American Dick-Tater-for-Life! There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie). Little Lord Fauntleroy will also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (then Whines about the K-Rations).

The Top Ten Jared Kushner Nicknames

Jarring Jared
Vanilla ISIS
Trump's Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch)
The Good Boy (Donald Trump) and Little Boy Blue (Donald Trump)

Donald Trump's inner bully came through loud and clear as he watched his son-in-law on TV: “Look at Jared, he looks like a little boy, like a child.”

Muscle-less Jethro
The Slim Reaper (Stephanie Grisham)
Rasputin in a Slim-Fitting Suit (Stephanie Grisham)
Little Prince Daisycakes
What a Girl! (Donald Trump)

According to Michael Wolff's book "Siege," Donald Trump calls Kushner a girl, as if that is a terrible thing to be.

Sparkly Princess Jaredella
Her Royal Highness Princess Kush

The Outcast

"Whether they head for the backwater luxury of New Jersey, the towering gilt of Park Avenue, or a $30 million Florida plot, Jared and Ivanka will reenter society as outcasts." — MAGA NON GRATA, Vanity Fair

Jared Kushner Nicknames by Category

The Human Sump Pump (er, better make that The Semi-Human Sump Pump)
Donald Trump's A$$-Kissing Son-in-Law
The Outlaw Son-in-Law
Donald Trump's Junior Partner in Grime

The coronavirus pandemic is a global catastrophe. What makes it worse for Americans is having the mushrooming crisis managed mismanaged by two bankrupt real estate salesmen. Kushner's alleged "impact team" has been nicknamed the "Slim Suit Crowd" for its sartorial elegance. But do any of them know what they're doing? In the meantime, the United States lags far behind nations like Singapore and South Korea in rapid response to the coronavirus.

The Money Launderer (Steve Bannon)

Steve Bannon told Michael Wolff: "This is all about money laundering … It goes through Deutsche Bank and Kushner and all that shit."

The False Profit
Lucifer Incarnate
The Son of Perdition
Channel 666

Jared Kushner and his wife Ivanka Trump purchased 666 Fifth Avenue for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion.

Prince Alarming
Prince Uncharming
The American Dauphin
The Son-in-Law King (pun on Sun King)
Lord Loser (Vanity Fair)
Little Lord Wonky Wanker (Michael R. Burch)
Little Prince Priss
Little Prince Prissy Sissypants
Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos)
Prince of Darkness (Daily Kos)
The Crown Prince of Babble-On
(Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon)
Son of Babylon

The name Jared means "descent" so he is the "Descendent of Kush" or "Son of Kush," the patriarch of Babylon.

The Suck-Up
(Donald Trump)
The Sycophant
Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump)
The Lily-White Supremacist
Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch)

Trump’s proposed border wall deal, with all its white supremacist support and implications, "had Kushner’s imprint," according to The Washington Post. As Greisa Martinez Rosas of United We Dream pointed out, Trump "has repeatedly used negotiations over the pain he has caused to immigrants and federal workers to demand billions more for his wall, more detention camps and mass deportation." The Holocaust began with white supremacists demanding walls, detention camps and mass deportations. Thus the lily-white Kushner is traveling down a very dark path.

Coup D'Tot
(Michael R. Burch)

According to The Washington Times, Kushner had been feeling "ascendant" after getting John Kelly fired. But Daddy Trump was not happy with Kushner's advice after his public defeat and humiliation at the hands of Nancy Pelosi, an adult who actually knows what she's doing.

The Power Toker

The Washington Post described Kushner as "the most powerful White House adviser" during the 35-day Trump Shutdown. But after the failure of the shutdown he helped engineer and prolong, Kushner seemed more like a power toker than a power broker.

The Neophyte
Boy Dressed for a Funeral (Colin Jost of SNL)
Jared the Unready

“Apparently, Jared has become an expert on immigration in the last 48 hours!” Trump raged after his son-in-law pushed him to continue the Trump Shutdown when it was obvious to the entire world that nothing good would come of it.

Done In-Law

Is the president's son-in-law now his done in-law, after the fiasco of the Trump Shutdown?

Babe in the Woods
The Political Non-Entity (Newsweek)

Kushner has allegedly touted his relationship with powerful Democrats he worked with on the bill. But Democratic aides told The Post his prowess among the party is overblown. “He is totally a nonentity,” one aide told the newspaper

Pocket Tool
Pocket Money

Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has boasted about having Kushner "in his pocket."

Dude Collude (Stephen Colbert)
The Turncoat (did Kushner betray both his liberal values and his country?)
Mr. Insecurity
Risky Business
Risqué Business
Security Risk
Security Clearance Sale
Blue Light Special

As CNN reported, the White House calligrapher now has a higher-level security clearance than Jared Kushner.

The Cush (Matt Gaetz)
Cushy Kushner
Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL)
Little Cush Toy (Ivanka Trump)
Ivanka's Boy Toy
The Good Little Son-in-Law (Melania Trump)
The Boy Blunder
The Preppie Neo-Con
Jared "Dumber Than My Daughter" Kushner (Allan Ishac)

Allan Ishac was predicting what Trump will say when he finally fires the Boy Blunder. Together, Trump and Kushner are Bratman and Robbing (Michael R. Burch).

Meathead (since Steve Bannon called Trump "Archie Bunker")
Complete Fucking Idiot (Samantha Bee)
The Weak Link (Sam Nunberg)
The Preppy Schlep

The Red Queen ("Off with their heads!")
The Secretary of Everything (his White House nickname)
The Prince of Everything
The Fresh Prince of Hell Air
The Clown Prince of Queens
Madame Secretary Kushner
Acting President Kushner
Chairman of the Bored
Smoothie Operator
PEN15 (Seth Meyers, pun on "PENIS")

Credit Risk
Jared in the Red (he had a $1.2 billion loan payment coming due for 666 Fifth Avenue)
Blackmailers' Bonanza
Freelancer for Hire

Kushner has been accused of "freelancing" U.S. foreign policy in order to pay his enormous debts.

Graft Spree
New York Pork Dork
The Influence Peddler and The $500 Million Dollar Man
The Starched White Collar Criminal
The Defendant (Steve Bannon)

Steve Bannon said Jared Kushner was "taking meetings with Russians to get additional stuff. This tells you everything about Jared."

Jailbait Jared (Robert Mueller)
Flapjack (because Kushner will "flip like a pancake" when interviewed by the FBI)
The Canary (because soon he'll be singing like a bird in his gilded cage!)
Mueller's Bitch
Domino II

Chris Matthews predicted that Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner will be "the next dominoes to fall."

The Air (Steve Bannon, because Kushner glides in and out like a puff of air)

After Kushner was denied a security clearance, an insider said the White House was "trying to fluff him up again" like a flat pillow!

The Exfoliater

The ultimate yuppie, Kushner discussed "exfoliating" those who are not supportive of his work with the president!

The Upwardly Mobile Nerd
The Ultimate Yuppie
The Real Estate Princeling (Nicki Swift)
The Outré Embracer

Kushner once gave his polar opposite, Corey Lewandowski, a public hug.

Putin's Protégé
Putin's American Viceroy
Putin's American Vice-Boy
Putin's Cush-Toy
Putin's Puppet
Putin's Poppet
Putin's Putty
Putin's Proxy
Comrade Kushner
The White Russian
Russian Rim Job
The Prim & Proper Prussian

The Easebroker
The Piece Broker
The Piss Broker
The Grease Broker
Main Artery (Washington Post)

Jared the Pallid
The Paladin
The Shadow President
The Shadow King
Haunted Ken Doll (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")

The Prim & Proper Fascist
The Nixonian Nerd

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I did not collude with Russia. Like Sgt. Schultz, I know nutthink!"

The Aloof Poof
The Air Kisser
The Optic Nerd
Revenge of the Nerd
Fully Transparent Boy (He claimed to be "fully transparent" on Russia.)
The Eager Beaver ("I am eager to share any disinformation I have with investigating bodies!")

Poor Little Rich Bitch
Little Jared (Ana Navarro)
Baby Boy (Ana Navarro)
Nerd Boy

Jarhead Jared
Jar-Jar Jared
Jared "the Red" Kushner
Jarred Jared
Jarring Kushner
Jar-Jar Brinks
Jar-Jar Hijinks
Jarring Jarhead Jared, aka JJJ and Triple-J

Cuckoo Channel
Channel Kushner
Back Channel Boy
Back Door Boy
The Collusionist
Collusion Fusion
Trump's Lawless Son-in-Law
The Illusionist
The Delusionist
The Arrogance of Ignorance
The Warlock

Mr. Cash-for-Visas
The Chinese Checker
JAG (Junior Apprentice Gerrymanderer)
Cadre Kushner
The Swamp Stocker
The Reacher from the Black Lagoon

Nicknames for Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump:

J-Vanka (Cosmopolitan)
Javanka (Steve Bannon)
The Royal Couple
The Royals and The Royal Family (Rex Tillerson)
Lord and Lady Loser (Vanity Fair)
Definitional Losers (Vanity Fair)
The Globalists (Steve Bannon)
The Railhead of All Bad Decisions (Steve Bannon)
Peace Treaty Barbie and Collusion Ken
The Surrogates
The Children of the Corn
The Swamp Creatures
Creatures from the Orange Lagoon
The Dealmakers
The Developers
The Surrealtors
The Workaholics
The Shirkaholics
Trump's Girlfriends #1 and #2
The Outcasts
(Vanity Fair)
(Vanity Fair)
Definitional Losers
(Vanity Fair)
The Blindly Loyal Royals
The New York Narcissists
The Brooklyn Hillbullies
The Polite Society Pariahs

Ivanka's KKKrush
The "Jar" in Jarvanka (Daily Kos)


Trump's Other Girlfriend (after Ivanka)
Luxury Toothpick (Seth Meyers)

Human-Coronavirus Hybrid #666
The COVID Hominid
Kid Corona

Kid Corona has given Americans a very good reason not to vote for Donald Trump in the next election: "What a lot of the voters are seeing now is that when you elect somebody...think about who will be a competent manager during the time of crisis." In other words, don't vote for an incompetent like Trump!

Ivanka Trump Nicknames

Ivanka Wanker (I Wanna Wank Her)
Ivanka Spanker (I Wanna Spank Her)
Proxy Wife
Nordic Goddess
Norwegian Wood Inducer
The First Lady-Daughter
The Acting First Lady
The Real First Lady
Princess Royal
Royal Flush
Royal Douche
Mrs. Kushner
Kushner's Crush
Kushner's Cush Toy
The Smart One
Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies)

Please click here for all Ivanka Trump Nicknames

Damien Trump
and his Stepford Wives meet Pope Francis, who is obviously uncomfortable in the presence of such Darkness and angles his cross slightly to keep them at bay!

Trump family nicknames: The Stepfordians, The KKKardashians, The Brooklyn Hillbullies (Michael R. Burch), Donald Duck Dynasty, Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse (Michael R. Burch), The Cold Ones, Children of the Corn, Poor Little Bitch Kids, The Bitches of Eastwick

Marco Roboto
hugs the First-Lady-Daughter, Ivanka Trump ... talk about uncomfortable!

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