Jared Kushner Nicknames: The Clown Prince, Javanka, Vanilla ISIS, The Good Boy, Nimrod, etc.
Jared Kushner Jokes
Jared Kushner Quotes
This page contains the best Jared Kushner nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, and some I came up with myself. Jared Kushner nicknames have been created by Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Alec Baldwin, Steve Bannon, Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Ana Navarro, Rex Tillerson, and the White House staff.
Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?
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Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops, gropes women's genitals, cheats at golf, throws temper tantrums, shuts down the government, and brags about his "accomplishments." Kushner has been described as the Main Artery leading to Trump's clogged heart. Kushner has also been called The Prince of Everything because, as he is happy to explain, "Everything runs through me."
We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jarhead Kushner is at the ISIS front, using his real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops! Trump's youthful Aide de Kampf will never rest until WWIII is well underway! There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie). Little Lord Fauntleroy will also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields, PeeWee's Big Sad Venture and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (then Whines about the K-Rations).
But wait, it seems we spoke too soon! Since he played a leading role in the Trump Shutdown, it seems more likely that Jared the Unready will star in The Fall of the House of Kushner!
Jared Kushner is also very Risky Business since Trump gave him a "beyond top-secret" security clearance despite the objections of the CIA, two White House security experts, General John Kelly and White House counsel Don McGhan. Kelly and McGhan were so alarmed by Trump's indifference to national security that they wrote memos to protect themselves. Trump then lied to the American people when he insisted that he didn't have anything to do with his son-in-law obtaining the security clearance. But according to fact checkers, Trump has lied more than 8,000 times since becoming president, so the cover-up is no surprise.
Jared Kushner Nicknames
The Good Boy (Donald Trump)
Little Boy Blue (Donald Trump)
Donald Trump's inner bully came through loud and clear as he watched his son-in-law on TV: “Look at Jared, he looks like a little boy, like a child.”
The Son of Perdition
The False Profit
Jared Kushner and his wife Ivanka Trump purchased 666 Fifth Avenue for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion.
The Crown Prince of Babble-On
Nimrod (Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon)
Son of Babylon
The name Jared means "descent" so he is the "Descendent of Kush" or "Son of Kush," the patriarch of Babylon.
The Suck-Up (Donald Trump)
Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump)
The Lily-White Supremacist
Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch)
Trump’s proposed border wall deal, with all its white supremacist support and implications, "had Kushner’s imprint," according to The Washington Post. As Greisa Martinez Rosas of United We Dream pointed out, Trump "has repeatedly used negotiations over the pain he has caused to immigrants and federal workers to demand billions more for his wall, more detention camps and mass deportation." The Holocaust began with white supremacists demanding walls, detention camps and mass deportations. Thus the lily-white Kushner is traveling down a very dark path.
Coup D'Tot (Michael R. Burch)
According to The Washington Times, Kushner had been feeling "ascendant" after getting John Kelly fired. But Daddy Trump was not happy with Kushner's advice after his public defeat and humiliation at the hands of Nancy Pelosi, an adult who actually knows what she's doing.
Little Prince Prissy Sissypants
Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos)
The Power Toker
The Washington Post described Kushner as "the most powerful White House adviser" during the 35-day Trump Shutdown. But after the failure of the shutdown he helped engineer and prolong, Kushner seemed more like a power toker than a power broker.
Jared the Unready
“Apparently, Jared has become an expert on immigration in the last 48 hours!” Trump raged after his son-in-law pushed him to continue the Trump Shutdown when it was obvious to the entire world that nothing good would come of it.
Is the president's son-in-law now his done in-law, after the fiasco of the Trump Shutdown?
Babe in the Woods
The Political Non-Entity (Newsweek)
Kushner has allegedly touted his relationship with powerful Democrats he worked with on the bill. But Democratic aides told The Post his prowess among the party is overblown. “He is totally a nonentity,” one aide told the newspaper—Newsweek
Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has boasted about having Kushner "in his pocket."
Dude Collude (Stephen Colbert)
The Turncoat (did Kushner betray both his liberal values and his country?)
Security Clearance Sale
Blue Light Special
As CNN reported, the White House calligrapher now has a higher-level security clearance than Jared Kushner.
The Cush (Matt Gaetz)
Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL)
Little Cush Toy (Ivanka Trump)
Ivanka's Boy Toy
The Good Little Son-in-Law (Melania Trump)
Jared "Dumber Than My Daughter" Kushner (Allan Ishac)
Allan Ishac was predicting what Trump will say when he finally fires the Boy Blunder.
Meathead (since Steve Bannon called Trump "Archie Bunker")
Complete Fucking Idiot (Samantha Bee)
The Weak Link (Sam Nunberg)
The Preppy Schlep
The Red Queen ("Off with their heads!")
The Secretary of Everything (his White House nickname)
The Prince of Everything
The Fresh Prince of Hell Air
Madame Secretary Kushner
Acting President Kushner
Chairman of the Bored
PEN15 (Seth Meyers, pun on "PENIS")
Jared in the Red (he has a $1.2 billion loan payment coming due)
Freelancer for Hire
Kushner has been accused of "freelancing" U.S. foreign policy in order to pay his enormous debts.
New York Pork Dork
The Influence Peddler and The $500 Million Dollar Man
The Starched White Collar Criminal
The Defendant (Steve Bannon)
Steve Bannon said Jared Kushner was "taking meetings with Russians to get additional stuff. This tells you everything about Jared."
Jailbait Jared (Robert Mueller)
Flapjack (because Kushner will "flip like a pancake" when interviewed by the FBI)
The Canary (because soon he'll be singing like a bird in his gilded cage!)
Chris Matthews predicted that Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner will be "the next dominoes to fall."
The Air (Steve Bannon, because Kushner glides in and out like a puff of air)
After Kushner was denied a security clearance, an insider said the White House was "trying to fluff him up again" like a flat pillow!
The ultimate yuppie, Kushner discussed "exfoliating" those who are not supportive of his work with the president!
The Upwardly Mobile Nerd
The Ultimate Yuppie
The Real Estate Princeling (Nicki Swift)
The Outré Embracer
Kushner once gave his polar opposite, Corey Lewandowski, a public hug.
The American Dauphin
The Son-in-Law King (pun on Sun King)
Putin's American Viceroy
Putin's American Vice-Boy
The White Russian
Russian Rim Job
The Prim & Proper Prussian
The Piece Broker
The Piss Broker
The Grease Broker
Main Artery (Washington Post)
Jared the Pallid
The Shadow President
The Shadow King
Haunted Ken Doll (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")
The Prim & Proper Fascist
The Nixonian Nerd
"Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I did not collude with Russia. Like Sgt. Schultz, I know nutthink!"
The Aloof Poof
The Air Kisser
The Optic Nerd
Revenge of the Nerd
Fully Transparent Boy (He claimed to be "fully transparent" on Russia.)
The Eager Beaver ("I am eager to share any disinformation I have with investigating bodies!")
Poor Little Rich Bitch
Little Jared (Ana Navarro)
Baby Boy (Ana Navarro)
Jared "the Red" Kushner
Jar-Jar Brinks Truck (Michael R. Burch)
Jarring Jarhead Jared, aka JJJ and Triple-J
The Boy Blunder
The Preppie Neo-Con
Back Channel Boy
Back Door Boy
Trump's Lawless Son-in-Law
The Chinese Checker
JAG (Junior Apprentice Gerrymanderer)
The Swamp Stocker
The Reacher from the Black Lagoon
Peace Treaty Barbie (Ivanka Trump) and Collusion Ken (Jared Kushner)
The Royals and The Royal Family (Rex Tillerson)
Trump's Other Girlfriend (after Ivanka)
Luxury Toothpick (Seth Meyers)
Ivanka Trump Nicknames
Ivanka Wanker (I Wanna Wank Her)
Ivanka Spanker (I Wanna Spank Her)
Norwegian Wood Inducer
The First Lady-Daughter
The Acting First Lady
The Real First Lady
Kushner's Cush Toy
The Smart One
Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies)
Please click here for all Ivanka Trump Nicknames
Damien Trump and his Stepford Wives meet Pope Francis, who is obviously uncomfortable in the presence of such Darkness and angles his cross slightly to keep them at bay!
Trump family nicknames: The Stepfordians, The KKKardashians, The Brooklyn Hillbullies (Michael R. Burch), Donald Duck Dynasty, Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse (Michael R. Burch), The Cold Ones, Children of the Corn, Poor Little Bitch Kids, The Bitches of Eastwick
Marco Roboto hugs the First-Lady-Daughter, Ivanka Trump ... talk about uncomfortable!
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