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Mike Johnson Nicknames, Jokes and Quotes

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This page contains the best Mike Johnson nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself. Mike Johnson nicknames and jokes have been coined by comedians like Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Trevor Noah, John Oliver and writers like Aldous J. Pennyfarthing.

MAGA Mike Johnson
is a Human Rubber Stamp for Trump's lunacies. Since he echoes Trump's lunacies he should be called Speaker of the Louse.

There are Mike Johnson jokes and quotes after the nicknames.

The Top Ten Mike Johnson Nicknames, Plus a Few

The MAGA Mic
Trump's Mouthpiece
Speaker of the Louse (Michael R. Burch)
Mouse Squeaker (Michael R. Burch)
Squeaker of the Mouse (Michael R. Burch)
The MAGA Megaphone
The MAGA Megaphony
The MAGA Maniac
Poster Boy for Homeless Ventriloquist Dummies

The Mad Monk

Mike Johnson will pray away the gay. He will pray away serial killers' assault weapons. He will pray for the Antichrist (Trump) to take over the earth so that he can be raptured away. Mike Johnson will pray for everything except common sense, much less wisdom.

The Homophobe

Mike Johnson has a history of vehement anti-LGBTQ advocacy and is the former leader of an organization deemed a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. MAGA Mike headed the Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF), an extremist organization with an anti-gay agenda that also lobbies for employers to be allowed to deny employees insurance coverage for contraception. MAGA Mike thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant, once again ruled by nature and chance.

Fifty Shades of Gay
Mike "give me your" Johnson
Mike Likes Johnson
Mike "Polisher of Trump's" Johnson
Gaylord Mike

Often when right-wing politicians are virulently anti-gay, they turn out to be gay themselves.

Cave Man Mike
The Crow-MAGAnon (Michael R. Burch)
The Crow-MAGAnonhuman (Michael R. Burch)

Mike Johnson crows about returning women to the Stone Age when they had no choice about becoming pregnant and bearing children.

“Alliance Defending Freedom will stop at nothing to strip Americans of their critical rights and freedoms. Now, one of their own is poised to lead the House.” 
Caroline Ciccone, president of Accountable.US

Fossil Fueled by Big Oil Money
Far Right Mike
Anti-Equality Mike
No Dissent Mike  (Ari Melber)

Mike Johnson made a career spewing dissent, but as Speaker of the House now attempts to squash all dissent.

The Clown Prince of the Trump Monarchy
Trump Lite
Big Lie Mike
Jim Jordan in a Suit

The Albino RINO
The Albino RHINO
Trump's Poodle (George F. Will)
Trump's Bootlicking Bobblehead (Tim Alberta)
The Human Rubber Stamp (Michael R. Burch)

Mike Johnson is a Human Rubber Stamp for Trump's lunacies.

Bible Thumping Cock Socket (Aldous J. Pennyfarthing)
Fruitcake (Donald Trump)

Kelly Johnson Nickames

Little Miss Gay Conversion 2023
The Dark Ages Therapist
The Exorcist

Kelly Johnson runs a Christian counseling service that operates on the presumption of Hippocrates' five personality types: Melancholy, Choleric, Sanguine, Supine and Phlegmatic. In other words, Kelly Johnson rejects modern psychology and psychiatry for ancient magical thinking. The National Christian Counselor's Association, where Kelly Johnson received training, stresses prayer and provides advice on dealing with "demons."

More Mike Johnson Nicknames

The Holey Crusader (Michael R. Burch)
His Satanic Majesty's Sock Puppet
His Satanic Majesty's Suck Puppet
Mike "Faustian Bargain" Johnson
Snark of the Beast
Beastie Boy

Trump's Doormat
Human Doormat
Masochistic Mike Johnson (only a masochist could put up with the humiliations Johnson has endured as Trump's doormat)
Mr. Pseudo Machismo (Michael R. Burch)

Boring Mike Johnson (Donald Trump)
Chairman of the Bored
Borax Salesman
Boring 747

The Koch Addict
The Incredible Mr. Limpet
Barney Fiefdom (Michael R. Burch)
Barney Fief Dumb (Michael R. Burch),

The Black Hole of Sycophants (Daily Kos)
Mr. Anal
Semi-Human Speculum
Human Enema

Snow Flake (emphasis on "Flake")
The Whitest Man in American Politics

Dobby the House Elf (John Oliver)
Faux Trot

Little Deuce Coup (Michael R. Burch)
The Dupe Couper

Bad Data (Michael R. Burch)

The Sicko-Phant
Trump's Lie Dispenser
Trump's Co-Lunatic
Trump's Echo
The Trump Enabler
The Trump Whisperer
The Trump Hisser

Magic Mike

Magic Mike Johnson has the ability to make Truth, Justice and the American Way vanish.

Unmagical Mike

Unfortunately, Unmagical Mike Johnson lacks the ability to reproduce Truth, Justice or even simple human decency, once he has vanished them.

Antisemitic Mike Johnson Nicknames

Mike Johnson is an evangelical Christian who believes Jews must convert to Christianity or burn in hell for all eternity.

Mike "The Chosen Few Will Convert the Jew" Johnson
Mike "Jews Must Convert or Hellfire Will Spurt" Johnson
Mike "Convert the Jews! Torch Them if They Refuse!" Johnson
Mike "Heaven's for You, Not the Unsaved Jew" Johnson
Mike "The Only Saved Jew Believes Like You" Johnson
Mike "To Save the West, Jews Must Divest" Johnson

Racist Mike Johnson Nicknames

Mike "Electric Fence" Johnson
Mike "Banish the Hispanic" Johnson
Mike "Electrify the Iraqi" Johnson
Mike "Aversion for the Persian" Johnson
Mike "Atomic the Islamic" Johnson
Mike "Zap the Jap" Johnson
Mike "Freeze the Chinese" Johnson
Mike "Subtraction for the African" Johnson
Mike "Subtractin' the African" Johnson
Mike "Put the African in Traction" Johnson
Mike "Smitey Whitey" Johnson
Mike "Smack the Black" Johnson
Mike "Drown the Brown" Johnson
Mike "Shred the Red" Johnson
Mike "Bellow at the Yellow" Johnson
Mike "Give Hell to the Mellow Yellow Fellow" Johnson

There is One Nation Favored by Mike Johnson

Mike "Cushion the Russian" Johnson
Mike "All In with the Kremlin" Johnson
Mike "Kremlin Gremlin" Johnson
Mike "Rootin' and Tootin' for Vladimir Putin" Johnson

Homophobic Mike Johnson Nicknames

Queer Apocalypse
The Fag Nag
The Holey Roller

Mike "Pray Away the Gay" Johnson
Mike "Flay Away the Gay" Johnson
Mike "The Closet Electrician" Johnson
Enola Gay Lord
Mike "I Dream to Hump Trump's Lady Lumps" Johnson

Mike "Hellzapoppin" Johnson (Michael R. Burch)
Mike "Electrocute the Fruit" Johnson
Deus Volt
Mike "A Volt a Day Keeps the Gay Away" Johnson
Mike "Amperes for Queers" Johnson
Mike "Watts Up" Johnson
Mike "Ohm My God" Johnson
Mike "Ohmosexual" Johnson
Mike "Joules for Jewels" Johnson
Mike "The Dapper Zapper" Johnson
Mike "Crapper Zapper" Johnson
Mike "Cock Shocker" Johnson
Mike "My Final Solution is Mass Electrocution" Johnson
Mike "Gay Medicine from Thomas Edison" Johnson
Mike "Your Perversion Requires an Electrical Conversion" Johnson
Mike "Follow God's Path or Feel Tesla's Wrath" Johnson
Mike "Sodomite Igniter" Johnson
Mike "Ignite the Sodomite" Johnson
Mike "Since God's a Homophobe, I'll Hook You to an Anode" Johnson
Mike "Smite the Sodomite" Johnson
Mike "Fear the Queer" Johnson
Mike "Sear the Queer" Johnson
Mike "Smear the Queer" Johnson
Mike "Flay the Gay Away" Johnson
Mike "Body Bags for Fags" Johnson
Mike "Electrical Spikes for Dykes" Johnson (Michael R. Burch)
Mike "Kill a Dyke for the Fourth Reich" Johnson
Mike "Lightning Strikes for Kinky Dykes" Johnson
Mike "Fire a Mag into every Fag" Johnson
Mike "Bi must Die" Johnson
Mike "My God is a Homophobe" Johnson
Mike "Ass-ault with Battery" Johnson
Mike "Pillage Greenwich Village" Johnson
Mike "Holy Crusader against the Anal Invader" Johnson
Mike "Orlando Commando" Johnson
Mike "Away with the Outré" Johnson (Michael R. Burch)
Mike "Gamma Rays for Gays" Johnson (Michael R. Burch)

The Mad Monk
The Bunghole Mole
Sherlock Homos
Private Dick
Limp Dick
Mike Penis
Mike Penis Envy

The Gay Switchblade (pun on "switch" intended)
The Gay Flayer
The Gay Squash-Buckler
Homo-cidal Johnson

The Impure Puritan
Pharisee (Pete Buttigieg)
The American Pharisee
The American Taliban
The White Collar Redneck
The White Supremacist
The Blight Supremacist

Fatal Attraction
Fatal Subtraction

Mike Johnson Poem

They call it "queer" ...
they call it "gay" ...
I just call it a lack
of Michael Faraday!

is their final solution!

Men wearing thongs?
Check out these electrons!

And when they're good and fried,
my God will continue frying them on the Other Side!

Mike Johnson Jokes

In a Faustian bargain, MAGA Mike Johnson sold his soul to the Trumpian Devil and now merely parrots whatever His Satanic Majesty says.

Mike Johnson is Mr. Hear-No-Evil, See-No-Evil, but Sure-As-Hell-Do-Evil.

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