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Tucker Carlson Nicknames
Tucker Carlson Quotes
Tucker Carlson Jokes

This page contains the best Tucker Carlson nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself. Tucker Carlson nicknames and jokes have been coined by Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Trevor Noah, Conan O'Brien, John Oliver and other late night comedians and TV hosts.

Putin is serial-murdering Ukrainian children and their mothers, while Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump praise and defend him. — Michael R. Burch aka The Loyal Opposition

The Top Ten Tucker Carlson Nicknames, Expanded to a Baker's Dozen

Gretchen (Jeanine Pirro)
Tucker Charlatan
The White Pride Piper
The Moscow Mouthpiece and The Moscow Megaphone
The Moscow Megaphony (Michael R. Burch)

During a conversation with Richard Goodstein, an indignant Tucker Carlson said: “Why do I care … what is going on in the conflict between Ukraine and Russia? … And I’m serious. Why do I care? Why shouldn’t I root for Russia, which I am?” When Goldstein replied that “preserving democracy is important,” Carlson was unfazed. “I don’t care!” Carlson said. To prove there was no mistake, Carlson later clarified his stance on Putin's bloody invasion of Ukraine: “I don’t think that we should be at war with Russia. And I think we should probably take the side of Russia if we have to choose between Russia and Ukraine. That is my view,” said Carlson.

Comrade Carlson later said that he preferred Moscow to any American city.

Comrade Carlson
Putin's Puppet and Putin's Poppet
Putin's Ass-Rootin' Rasputin (Michael R. Burch)
Putin's Little Bitch
Putin's Snitch
The Russian Roto-Rooter
PRaxis Sally (Michael R. Burch)

Carlson has become so avid in his support of autocratic despots like Putin that Anne Applebaum has compared him to Axis Sally and Tokyo Rose, observing that "his level of credibility is similar."

Carlson has called Putin's serial murders of Ukrainian children and their mothers a “border dispute” with Ukraine. Carlson told his viewers that “it's hard to know what is true” in Ukraine. But it's not hard to see the truth about Putin murdering women and children in his lust for land and domination.

Sickle Cell (D. L. Hughley)
Sickle Cell Anemic (Michael R. Burch)
Sickle Cell Amoeba (Michael R. Burch)
0-0-7 (Stephen Colbert)
Mouth Breather (Stephen Colbert)
Relentlessly Indignant Picket Fence (John Oliver)
Performatively Outraged Wedge Salad (John Oliver)

Dis-Honorable Mention: More Tucker Carlson Nicknames

Cackler Carlson
Cracker Carlson
Huckster Carlson
Huckster Charlatan
Sucker Charlatan
The Trumpsucker
Huckster McTrumpster (Michael R. Burch)
Huckster Extraordinaire (Michael R. Burch)
Whopper Carlson (journalists)
Fibbing Flubber (Michael R. Burch)
Flabby McFlubber (Michael R. Burch)
Flabby McFlubalot (Michael R. Burch)
Flabby McFibber (Michael R. Burch)
Flabby McFibsalot (Michael R. Burch)
Flabby McTummyTuck (Michael R. Burch)
Friar Tuck
Fryer Tuck
Liar Tuck
Fried Friar Tuck
Fired Friar Tuck
Murdoch's Bane
The Firee
Leaning Tower of Pizza (Michael R. Burch)
Tottering Tower of Trumpism (Michael R. Burch)
The most prominent vessel in America for white supremacist talking points (John Oliver)

White Supremacist Goblin
The "Bubba the Love Sponge" Brainiac
The Great White Snark

"Hello snarkness, my old friend / I've come to watch you kiss Trump's ass again ..." — Michael R. Burch with apologies to Paul Simon

Frumpy Grandmother in desperate need of Depends (Michael R. Burch)
The Replacement Theorist
Fucker Carlson
Fucker Charlatan
Fucker Snarlson
Fucker Snarkson
Fucker Sharkson
Moscow Sucker Snarlson (Michael R. Burch)
Tuck Tuck
Swanson Boy
Slacks Suckass (Michael R. Burch)
Pudgy McSuckass (Michael R. Burch)
Portly Fratboy in need of an Inhaler (Michael R. Burch)
Time for a Tummy Tuck Fratboy
Weight Watchers Poster Boy
Chubby Cheeks
Chubby McPortlyCheeks
Boris Badenov
Dudley Dowrong
Gorge of the Jungle (Michael R. Burch)
Tuck the Schmuck (Michael R. Burch)
Tuck McSchmuckle (Michael R. Burch)
Tuck McShuffle (Michael R. Burch)
Sir Flubalot
Night in Declining Armor (Michael R. Burch)
King Tuck the MAGAnificent (Michael R. Burch)

Racist POS (the number one nickname in a Twitter poll)

Tucker Carlson Jokes

Stephen Colbert played audio of Carlson's comments for his audience, including Carlson's statement that now-Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Elena Kagan was "never going to be an attractive woman." "Harsh words from the next 0-0-7 here," Colbert said, pointing to a photo over his shoulder with Carlson's mouth agape. "The name's Breather, Mouth Breather."

Stephen Colbert also brought up Carlson's defense of cult leader and convicted child sex offender Warren Jeffs: "Tucker, when you defend child brides, you don't go on the naughty list. You go on that list where you have to go door-to-door to tell people you just moved into their neighborhood."

John Oliver regretfully informed his viewers: "Our main story tonight concerns, I’m sorry to say, Tucker Carlson, the man who gives Tuckers an ever worse name than they already have."

John Oliver then explained his deep aversion to Tucker Carlson: "Of all the things that Tucker is, a conspiracy theorist, a misogynist, an Islamophobe, a troll, one of the most dangerous is that he is one of the most prominent vessel in America for white supremacist talking points. And I already know what Tucker will say about this because whenever this topic comes up, he has the exact same reaction: ‘What does that even. mean?'"

John Oliver: Tucker Carlson "couldn’t be more ethnically white than if he jizzed mayonnaise."

John Oliver: "Oh f*ck off, Tucker, you relentlessly indignant picket fence!"

John Oliver: "What are you talking about, you performatively outraged wedge salad? He’s packed a lot in there, from transphobia, to weirdly extolling the masculinity of China’s navy, to his completely misplaced outrage at Joe Biden over those flight suits."

Tucker Carlson Quotes

Most of the time you can beat a woman in an argument. But what do you win? Nothing. You get short-term pleasure followed by a lot of pain.

Pregnant women are going to fight our wars. It’s a mockery of the U.S. military.

Joe Walsh replied to the oinker above by tweeting: "Every woman in the military I've ever met could absolutely kick Tucker Carlson’s ass."

Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States, right? Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom, right?

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