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Donald Trump's Inaugural Day Sermon, Delivered in the Royal Third Person, Using His Own Words

restored to Trump's original intended meaning by Michael R. Burch

God bless America for a great national effort to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power to the magnificent President who now controls Our nation's capital, Our government, Our country, Our citizens of America, and the people of the world! January 20th, 2017 will be remembered forever as the day the President and Politicians prospered. We now seek to impose our way and will on everyone. At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the Establishment (our Party). Thank you!

As president, We will determine the course of America and the world for many, many years to come. It is Our glorious destiny, as rulers, for the people to be controlled by Our government. God bless you American people for transferring your power, wealth and all your glorious freedoms to Our administration. Thank you!

And God bless America because today's ceremony has a very special meaning. The Bible tells Us how good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in prejudice against struggling families all across Our land and the world. They are infused with the breath of life by the Almighty Creator, but We will get the job done, by destroying the civilized world as We eradicate life from the face of the Earth. We promise challenges, hardships, ravages, carnage, pain, fear, striving, complaining, closed borders, urban sprawl, mothers and children trapped in poverty in Our inner cities, rusted-out and shuttered factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of Our nation, America's infrastructure fallen into disrepair and decay, an education system flush with cash but which leaves young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge, subsidized armies of other countries, the very sad depletion of our military, the miseries of disease, and the crime and the gangs and the drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed Our country of so much unrealized potential. From this day forward, a new vision and crucial conviction will govern Our land. From this day forward, it's going to be only white America first, wealthy America first. These are the just and reasonable demands of a righteous people and a righteous public. A new national pride will stir us, but not to love, goodness, courage or justice. Americans, you came by the tens of millions to become part of this historic movement, the likes of which the world has never seen before. Fellow Americans, for your gracious aid, We thank you!

This moment is your moment, it belongs to you. It belongs to everyone gathered here today on these steps and everyone watching all across America. This is your day. This is your celebration of your President and Protection Chief. Starting right here and right now, you will be protected by a totally unstoppable God: your President! We will unite radical Islamic terrorism, so that we all bleed the red blood of patriots, together. Now arrives the hour of action: we must think big and even bigger! We are transferring power to a small group in Washington, D.C. that has reaped the rewards of government while the people have borne the cost. At the center of this movement is military strength: Confront! Fight! (They spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas: the wealth of the American middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world. We've defended other nations' schools for their children while refusing to defend Our own.) Look up at the night sky. For too many of our citizens, a different reality exists: black or brown. Their American dream stops right here and stops right now! So to all Americans in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean, hear these words: We assembled here today are issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power. We are one nation. Their dreams are NOT Our dreams. And their success will NOT be Our success. Their victories have NOT been Our victories. Their triumphs have NOT been Our triumphs. We share one heart, one home, and one oath: an oath of allegiance I take today to all rich Americans. You will never be ignored again. Your voice, your hopes, and your dreams will define Our American destiny. Together we will make America great again. Thank you!


"Trump's Inaugural Day Sermon" was published by The Washington Post on its "Style Invitational" page. The "sermon" was created as an entry in a contest that required all words used to have appeared in Trump's inauguration speech, with no word appearing more times than it did in the original speech. Although the "sermon" was deemed too large for the contest, it received a number of compliments―some glowing―and several of the other contestants either suggested or insisted that the "sermon" should be published. Thanks to Pat Myers, the contest director, it was published―and with some rather generous editorial comments, no less. Thanks Pat!

There was a typo in Trump's published inauguration speech: it should have read "make America grate again." This error was confirmed when Trump said "We are grateful." I do hope this error can be corrected in my "translation" of Trump's speech!

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